Dealing with sacrifices when goals clash

[Guest]

Hi everyone. I’m 25 years old, graduated from university 18 months ago and am trying to find my life purpose. Of course, a fulfilling career is a top priority for me, but I have many other equally critical goals (for example, quality friendships and the right romantic relationship). The difficulty is, all of my promising career options seem to require full-on, intense commitment for either the first few years or the whole duration of the career – it almost seems like an inevitable characteristic of ‘fulfilling’ jobs that, inevitably, a lot of people want to do. I’m going round in circles trying to decide which is more important to me: my work, or all the other stuff. I’ve got no problem putting in the hours to get my life fixed – the problem is, it seems I don’t have enough hours! So my question is: how does one deal with sacrifices and resource allocation when components of their life vision don’t seem to be compatible with each other?

[nbolt]

This is a good discussion topic, and something I'm sure many of us are dealing with. Modern society comes with a lot of demands, and it can be easy to fall into the kind of mindset that it drives us towards- one of fantasy and materialism. You need to be extremely honest with yourself in terms of what it is you truly want, and what it is you need to give in order to achieve that. And if there are incompatibilities with different components of your life, you need to accept that some of them may need to go.

For me, it meant recently leaving my cushy full-time job in order to start my own business and find part time work where I can, because it is what's necessary for me to achieve complete autonomy, where I'm free to fully explore my creative and personal development endeavors.

[Leo Gura]

Honestly, it's a real trade-off. I don't think you can do it all simultaneously. When I started my first business, I was working over 60+ hours per week for several years until things finally settled in. When I started Actualized.org, I had to abandon most of my social life and dating life. And that was 3 years ago and still continuing today! Just recently I started to dial back on the quantity of work I do and spend a little more time to myself. It will probably take me another year of work just to be able to get back into dating again.

In the book, The One Thing, the authors speak about the myth of living a balanced life. Life balance doesn't mean you do everything evenly all the time. Balance is a dynamic, not a static state. In reality, what effective living looks like is you're slowly swinging your pendulum strategically between various areas of focus. You might spend 3 years working really hard on your career with single-minded focus, then once that's handled, you spend 2 years dating really hard, then once you get your girlfriend, you might put your focus on lots of meditation and traveling, etc.

It's like spinning plates but you're doing it over the timeframe of months and years, not hours.

It's also very important to be crystal clear about your top values and priorities in life. Most people are so vague and indecisive that they can't focus on any one thing and so they get mediocre results across the board. You have to do very strategic long-term life planning. You should have a 5 year plan for your life at least.

[Guest]

Thanks a lot guys. Feel like I’ve received some very important advice here. Leo, that book sounds like it’ll be a good read for me, I’ll get a copy. Big love.

[Ayla]

Could I risk a feminine perspective on this?

Begin a regular meditation practice. If you're not used to it, just start with 5 minutes a day. What's important is the consistency not the time. What you will see, is that in a small timeframe, you will be guided as to what you need to concentrate on first. Something in you will simply know.

Another point I wanted to make was that you don't need to see the entire venue. Just the first step. And the next step, is INSIDE!

Good luck. We are here for you. 

[Dhana Choko]

I think the answer to your problem is very easy: just do what you are doing Now and recognize that your mind tends to worry and wonder off into the future and thinking about the things that you might be missing right now or in the future. The truth is that the very moment when you start wandering in your mind and thinking about what you might miss or you might have to give up, you have lost already: you have lost the moment you are in right now. This is what the mind does: it distracts us from the very moment where we are in and tricks us into all these worries about us losing something or missing out on something when in fact it is nothing you need to worry right now. So this is nothing more than a program that is very typical in a human mind that is just running your life. Become aware of it and do what needs to be done now. One thing you can be sure of: you are never put into a situation where at the same time you are in the office doing work and at a dinner table talking to your date...You will do one at a time. What matters is if you are there when it happens - if you are Aware when it happens.

[Walter B]

On 2/5/2016 at 11:36 AM, Stretch said:

Hi everyone. I’m 25 years old, graduated from university 18 months ago and am trying to find my life purpose. Of course, a fulfilling career is a top priority for me, but I have many other equally critical goals (for example, quality friendships and the right romantic relationship). The difficulty is, all of my promising career options seem to require full-on, intense commitment for either the first few years or the whole duration of the career – it almost seems like an inevitable characteristic of ‘fulfilling’ jobs that, inevitably, a lot of people want to do. I’m going round in circles trying to decide which is more important to me: my work, or all the other stuff. I’ve got no problem putting in the hours to get my life fixed – the problem is, it seems I don’t have enough hours! So my question is: how does one deal with sacrifices and resource allocation when components of their life vision don’t seem to be compatible with each other?

I chose the path with the most options that allowed me to do the most things important to me long term.

It was a series of decisions while nudging the "flow" in a direction. But I wasn't fully conscious of that decision or lack of one as the "right one" until it became the only one. Just remember that money is your friend and your enemy.  But all great passions are that way.

[Sara]

Hi, 

Thank you for sharing the questions you are facing. I suggest reframing your question. Is it necessary to sacrifice anything in your life? No I think we can have it all but we consciously need to choose our priorities. Is your priority now to have a good career? Are you ready now to be in a romantic relationship? It is not about sacrificing anything - it is about balancing and prioritizing your goals presently and in the future. As Leo suggested, identify your values, your priorities, and your life goals - create a life time plan with short term goals and long term goals. See how they all can play a role. It is about the big picture. No worries you will have it all but at different times! It just takes concentration, patience, and discipline. 

I am also facing the same struggle. I want it all now but I remind myself that presently my priority is myself and establishing care for myself so that I can give back love to the people in my life. Therefore, I am focusing on my career and my growth. This priority will feed back into romantic relationships and growth of friendships - love inwardly will feed back love to others. Hope this helps! Good luck to you!

[Guest]

Thanks guys.

Ayla: good advice for sure, but I’m actually already a meditator It’s certainly been helping!

Dhana: strategizing is, I suppose, a distraction from the present moment, but do you think perhaps deviating from presence is occasionally necessary to build a vision for the future?

Elemental: keeping options open and remaining open to change are certainly good ideas. The ‘right career’ for me is less about money, more about helping others, autonomy, opportunity to use my creative skills, etc.

Sara: useful supplement to Leo’s thoughts. I guess I’m being greedy with wanting to get everything in my life sorted at once, patience is not something I was born with! (although I am working on it). I couldn’t agree with you more about self-love - that’s something that should be a priority for everyone, all the time!

I’m thinking now that maybe I need a few years to establish a meaningful career, returning to my other goals at a later time (this might necessitate things like delaying my move to a new city). This is a long way from where I was a few days ago so thanks again guys for coming in at my crossroads and potentially stimulating quite a profound change in life trajectory!

 

 

Edited February 7, 2016 by Stretch

[Sara]

Not greedy. Just human

[Namo Narayanaya]

On 6 February 2016 at 6:11 AM, Dhana Choko said:

I think the answer to your problem is very easy: just do what you are doing Now and recognize that your mind tends to worry and wonder off into the future and thinking about the things that you might be missing right now or in the future. The truth is that the very moment when you start wandering in your mind and thinking about what you might miss or you might have to give up, you have lost already: you have lost the moment you are in right now. This is what the mind does: it distracts us from the very moment where we are in and tricks us into all these worries about us losing something or missing out on something when in fact it is nothing you need to worry right now. So this is nothing more than a program that is very typical in a human mind that is just running your life. Become aware of it and do what needs to be done now. One thing you can be sure of: you are never put into a situation where at the same time you are in the office doing work and at a dinner table talking to your date...You will do one at a time. What matters is if you are there when it happens - if you are Aware when it happens.

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