•o~\O/~o•

[Myioko]

Current mood: ??? Weeeee! Yawn. Cry in frustration at the difficulties of navigating the physical world and time

I'm not that busy, or, I shouldn't be, but it feels like it

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Pinterest - misc

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Spring has sprung

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I checked youtube today and saw the correlation of these videos next to each other

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Songs I was listening to today as I was cleaning and sneezing from hay and fur:

(Do my ears love or hate this song? It's hard to tell)

Sometimes I will like/save a song on spotify just because I like the album picture

y  a  y !

Edited March 7, 2022 by Myioko

[Myioko]

At minute 1:49 I couldn't stop laughing at that sunlight clip:

Let there be light!!

Suddenly! :

- Understanding the appeal towards 'boring clean desk' and not having random gouache and ink stains and stacks of books and shit on each side 

How nice a super boring, regularly made clean bed is, and the feeling of plopping down on clean-bed at the end of the day (instead of having a computer, 5 stuffed animals, 7 pillows, 4 pencils, a phone charger, a sock, the crinkled up wrapper of a low blood sugar snack eaten at 3 a.m the previous night, the occasional hair tie, and a clock all sitting on my bed. Plus more pillows fallen down into the depths of underneath the bed)

Feeling bad for Mrs. Bennet despite me liking Mr. Bennet much more as a kid when I watched the movie, because I can imagine myself becoming reminiscent of her in 20 years if my life continues to trickle into the direction of a chaotic mess

Misc: Finding non-fiction things just as interesting to learn about as fictional things, liking weekly food prep (side note: I made a huge batch of soup last week and a day later it got all thrown away by someone...he thought it was old/was making room in the fridge, for 5 minutes I nearly cried over spilt beans and kale), finding listing to outdoor natural sounds (birds, wind, nothing, etc) more interesting than music

I do feel this gathering up sense of annoyance towards...never feeling like I have time to draw in my sketchbook, and going days without drawing. Or not finding the time to write, or read. And having an eternity of laundry and little overlooked things always are overlooked and delayed. I just want to figure out all of that stuff so I can clear my head.

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A picture that feels pretty accurate of my 'living alone in apartment' days

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I had brought the dog with me on this hiking trail, thinking that it would be safe and clear from bikers because there were no cars in the parking lot. I was wrong, I had never seen more bikers in my life, I had to apologize many times for her chasing after bikes. The leash that I brought wasn't easy to tie up to her (It was the kind that loops around the neck, without hooking up to a collar), and I ended up loosing it on the trail. I think I'll go back and search for it.

It's nice being able to walk alone because then I feel free to wander around looking at scenery, little rocks on the ground, sit and draw, turn around whenever I like. 

This trail was closed for over 6 months, so I'm glad it's opened again. It's right nearby and I feel like a hobbit walking in a LOTRs movie during cloudier days.

A lone cloud

Dried cactus insides

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I listened to this album (Sufjan Stevens, Seven Swans  (many S's!)) And I was reminded of this really random video and it made me laugh a little when listening to some of the songs, because he DOES mention sister, brothers, relatives a lot

Anyway here are the songs I listened to yesterday

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 9, 2022 by Myioko
I feel pretty out of tune with the real world out there. International womens day and all of the facebook posts on it? In general I feel ambivalent about reading about peoples thoughts on holidays and things. War stuff? I haven't read into it at all...

[Myioko]

Yesterday was music-listening day and today was audio book day.

My repeat songs were these  (In the past I would have deemed these songs as boring or weird, but now I like the sort of static ambiance sounds, as well as the words, altogether it creates this atmospheric feel to me)

 

I like how in the middle of the song below I felt like/imagined I was standing down below in a large, dark echoey cave/cavern underneath the ocean with some water seeping through the cracks and pooled at the ground, and then when I heard the words said after that I thought they connected with that visual (something about a part of me that can't be held/is beyond touch) and that fits into the feeling and etherial quality of not being able to grasp yourself in solid boundaries yet still being there, as well as some part of yourself is hidden behind sight of light (dark cave, water finding its way through)

 

Spotify can do a good job at recommending songs once the album ends, it recommended me this one 

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I listened to one of my sisters song playlists, here are the few that I liked. The rest of the songs were too energetic/cheerful for me

I recognized this one

SO PEPPY 

And this was nice to listen to the first two times!...after that I wanted to tear my ears out 

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I re-listened to these three songs

(Her voice is so calming)

 

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My favorite song listening to this once through is 'Is it cold in the water?', I had heard the 'It's okay to cry' song last year but not the rest of the songs. I recognized the 'Faceshopping' song though from Contrapoints youtube video on 'beauty'

I listened to half of this but quickly become tired of it. I did like the first 5 minutes of it though

Edited March 14, 2022 by Myioko

[Myioko]

Todays new songs 

This one is rememberable

 

 

 

I then looked up her other music video

I love this!

 

And otherwise good song, besides the part after 2:35 where I jumped at the sudden LOUD sound

 

 

Thanks to spotify for hand feeding me obscure recommendations 

Edited March 17, 2022 by Myioko
I'd write more if I had the time. -- I also semi take back what I was thinking/said (about being judgemental about womens international day), its a good thing...I can get just get judgemental of fb and mormons at times

[Myioko]

I found out last night that my brother died  I edited out the details. He had just turned 21 last month

 

 

Edited March 18, 2022 by Myioko

[Myioko]

 

[Myioko]

It's been ridiculously nice weather out, I've been taking more pictures than usual

I haven't been able to get myself to anything more than stare at scenery (usually the sky and trees) or anything random, take care of the animals, sometimes talk to people or watch a movie, cry or stare into space, do dishes. I was able to sleep last night but I don't have much of an appetite for food. (edit: I feel better in those areas) I'm starting to feel grouchy that I have to start doing things again, I reallly don't feel like studying, drawing/painting, writing.

Every evening/night I gravitate towards this spot outdoors, its one of the only places around the house that I don't have memories associated with him so it feels temporarily 'safe' in a way, especially at night. Plus the moon is in the perfect spot to watch and it was full last night. I was going to watch it take full course over the sky but my blood sugar dropped low and I suddenly became very tired.

the shadow is the cats ear

Early morning light!

 

Edited March 21, 2022 by Myioko

[Myioko]

I love feeding the rabbits these!

 

[Myioko]

*boop*

whoooosh, magic  (goes my imagination at least)

 

Edited March 21, 2022 by Myioko

[Myioko]

I don’t know if I’m heartbroken (in what form is the brokenness..??) but (screw that, I do feel heartbroken) I do feel my heart torn open

I don’t know if I believe in inherent selfishness anymore. Only pain, self preservation, distraction, disillusionment, and protective barriers disguising itself. A couple of remnants of my old resentments have completely dissolved away

I feel multiple currents of living, with thinking and thought swirls getting caught on top of the surface of crossing currents; feeling and living springing out in its own spontaneous physical forms. Layers on top of layers, nothing to grasp or to hold. 

People are a part of each other, they effect and bump into each other, to say otherwise is to go against nature. To listen to someone speak, to read a book or hear a song, is learning about yourself just as much as being in your own head is. Songs are like pure fragments of someones journal page suspended in time, that's one reason why they can be so interesting!

You only hear what you already know or are curious or open to know. If someone tells you 'Your wrong, thats wrong!', trust yourself in all of your illusions and not-knowing, and be curious what they are saying, what you are saying. We all have mini character dynamics battling inside ourselves just as outside ourselves, and shunning any of those leads to violence.  

(Those are my current thoughts right now at least, lol)

((I feel almost half conflicted writing. If it were any more than half I wouldn't be writing on here! ~~TMI Hangover, it happens~~ I use those words as a logo on the back of my shirt, written in invisible bold letters. I've also been selling those shirts online in my imaginary dreams for 20 invisible dollars each. One person requested a refund because they claimed that one of the letters was peeling, I had to just trust them on it because I couldn't see, so I so kindly gave them back double their money))

-Serious, joking

-Open, closed

-Life flow, stagnation

-Feeling, not feeling

-Love, fear

-Beginning, end

-Clarity, chaos 

-Selfishness, selflessness 

-Directness, non directness (note to self: communication styles and habits: Passive aggressive to assertive to aggressive range) 

-Grounded, in the air

-Boundaries, lack of boundaries

-Vulnerable and strong, weak and...???

 

Listened to today:

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Edited March 21, 2022 by Myioko

[Myioko]

I'm feeling frustrated right now amongst many other things. I hadn't thought out yesterday at all until tonight, and I saw that I actually did have homework I was supposed to do/to catch up on over spring break which I had no idea about. I have other things to do too.

I'll see how I feel tomorrow Resolved, some time has been cleared up

 

Edited March 21, 2022 by Myioko
I just can't deal with 'time' right now

[Myioko]

These pictures are pretty cute, altogether it makes it feel like a children's storybook 

 

[Myioko]

Emerald green (not that it has any particular meaning, I just happen to be seeing a lot of it today) (Now that I think of it, I do suddenly remember a dream last night where the ground was all made of different colors of foam 'silly putty' and everybody had their own color, and I traded my green sand for someone else's lavender colored sand. And I thought 'HmMm, the colors green and purple are easy to get mixed up in my head, even though they are opposites. Why is that?)

 

 

[Myioko]

 

 

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I've been listening to a lot of moody music the last two days, and checking my phone too often for that!

I listened to childhood nostalgia songs yesterday, here are the two more upbeat songs:

99 red balloons

I remember listening to this song in gymnastics class when I was 7 years old

Funkytown

(bonus: pretty song!)

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tragedy

Comment from the guy himself: 

"Yeah.... emotions were never my strong suit lol ... "

Other YT comments:

"Very, very interesting to see such an accurate representation of what true grief looks like. At 0:03 As He looks down at the ground, he feels shame & guilt towards the tragic event. Although it may not have been his fault, he still feels an incredible amount of sorrow & guilt. What happened happened. He has finally came to a conclusion that what happened can’t be changed. 0:03 - 0:04 he feels a sense of regret. He wiped the tears away from his forehead instead of wiping away from under the eyes. This is an intense feeling of remorse. How could he have saved his dog? What could he have done differently? 0:05 Acceptance. This is the final stage of grief. Pay attention to the intense gaze into the camera. He knows the fate of the tragedy; he knows that the only time he has is now. Though he can’t change the past, he CAN, in fact change his future."

"“Kevin, your dog just died.” Kevin goes through every single stage of grief in one second. The sigma inside overcame the beta urge to be sad. He skipped straight to acceptance without hesitation. Just the most manly and dominant alpha move possible."

"As a human, I can feel his pain just from the look of his abdomen. Truly heartbreaking"

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"

misc:

Umpteenth

 

 

 

Edited March 28, 2022 by Myioko

[Myioko]

 

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[Myioko]

Picture flashbacks!

I spent too long on this

 

[Myioko]

#2

Misc

 

 

[Myioko]

Broken storm

New leaves

New flowers

 

 

I feel like I can breathe again

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Nightmares many nights

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Willing to mess up

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I listened to this song several times today, I hadn't heard this one before. Once I had listened to Muse on repeat for a couple of days right before my dog died, it was a full load of classes as well as some work during finals week and I was a busy mess, scrambling to get homemade Christmas gifts together. Sometimes at night at the very end of the day I would go out on walks or go on a quick run at the gym because I needed to get some 'sitting down all day' jitters out

Muse - Exogenesis Symphony

The beginning of that song reminded me of this music Interstellar

 

James Blake - Are you even real

 

I was listening to Sondre Lerche this week because I saw that he had new music out - he just likes singing about night doesn't he?

Sondre Lerche - Alone in the night

Sondre Lerche- Dead of the night

 

Across the universe

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva, om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
They call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letterbox they
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe

Jai guru deva, om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

Jai guru deva, om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva

The Beatles

Aurora

Fiona Apple

 

I remember this song happened to be playing when I had a 'spiritual awakening' type of moment when I was 19 (so when I hear it the memory is tied with it) 

Young the giant - cough syrup

As well as this song I associate with similar feelings, ((I was hit with the sudden decision to go vegetarian that moment while listening to it! I feel weird saying that though)) (Which came first, the song or the thought??) (Why can't I always make life decisions that quickly and easily lol?)

While my guitar gently weeps

Regina Spektor - While my guitar gently weeps

" It was written by George Harrison, the band's lead guitarist. Harrison wrote "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" as an exercise in randomness inspired by the Chinese I Ching. The song conveys his dismay at the world's unrealised potential for universal love, which he refers to as "the love there that's sleeping". " 

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don't know why nobody told you
How to unfold your love
I don't know how someone controlled you
They bought and sold you

I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps

Well...

I don't know how you were diverted
You were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted
No one alerted you

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
Look at you all
Still my guitar gently weeps

- (cue the oh oh, yeah yeahs!) -

 

Blondie - heart of glass

My favorite version of this Totoro song that I used to listen to several years ago in my instrumental music playlist

And I saw that this song had the word 'Kaze' in the song name as well, which I looked up and it means 'wind' in Japanese

just another video of Moses Sumney singing

 

Misc - CLEAN THE HOUSE

 

Misc - Jack Stauber :

Dead Weight

Birthday

My therapist told me last week that I had ADHD and this video popped into my head

 

 

 

Edited April 14, 2022 by Myioko
late dinner - miso soup + green noodles = not good? I couldn't get over the smell and opted out on trying it!

[Myioko]

Multiply! 

 

Edited April 14, 2022 by Myioko

[Myioko]

Who knew insides could look so flowery and decorative