•o~\O/~o•

[Myioko]

Concerts I've been to

One thing that I'd like to do more in the future is go to more concerts. If I ever live in a city, I really want to take advantage of/use the resources there to find concerts, museums, and activities to go to. I should keep my eye out for more fun things to do in Las Vegas because it's only an hour drive away from me. During Christmas break I think I'll visit Zions National Park, Bryce Canyon and some of the gardens in Vegas/other activities in Vegas. I should go to Zion's more often because it really does have some beautiful spots there, I could paint there, and I could use my Type 1 diabetes as a free access pass to national parks.

 

1. Sting 

I went when I was 14 a few weeks after I was diagnosed with diabetes. It was in Vegas and my mom was originally going to go just by herself, but she brought me along because she didn't want to leave me alone to figure out how to eat things and calculate insulin amounts and give myself shots - I was still trying to figure that out. I think she was also very worried about my blood sugar going low during the middle of the night. I was eating a lot of omelettes, string cheese and meat at the time to limit the carbs I ate. I remember being the only younger teenager there besides one other boy, among many other older adults. The music was alright, I thought, the music was good. I enjoyed it but I didn't fully appreciate it like a fan would. I had never been to a concert before (besides the bands and musicians playing at outdoor festivals for the general public) so it was still a fun experience, even if my attention span became bored by the very end.

 

2. Bastille 

I went to a Bastille concert at UVU when I was 20. It was ok...

I didn't like the music too much but I was still glad I went. 

 

3. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy 

I went to this concert sometime soon afterward, with my mom and sister, in Vegas again. I didn't know the music when I got there but I really enjoyed listening to it and the overall atmosphere! This was my favorite concert I've been to so far. I haven't listened to it since but I might listen to it more today.

I remember seeing a young couple in their 20s/30s swing dancing and all dressed up in the front and it was fun to watch them have fun. 

4. Mika

Mika! I went to see a concert of his a few years ago when I was living an hour away from L.A. It was stressful driving there because I realized halfway that my pump ran out of insulin and I was freaking out a bit. I was already very upset with myself for missing an Andrew Bird concert because of being absolutely overwhelmed with school and midterms, and a couple other things going on that day. So for a bit I thought I would miss the concert, but to my luck I actually found some spare medical supplies in my purse, which I hadn't expected at all. Once I got to the concert it was very fun but still slightly anti climatic. I think this could have been because I had already listened to his music enough so it wasn't new to me, as well as I was in the very back so it was harder to see anything.

I remember re-listening to his music again a few months earlier that summer (and spontaneously buying the concert ticket), while I was traveling and finally alone for a day in a private room after being in hostels/around people for so long. It was also the day that I became sick with a very sore throat, a bit feverish, and tired, which was good timing for being around others at least. So I spend 2 days mostly lying in bed listening to Mika and playing neopets for the first time in several years. It was a very pleasant room to be sick in though, I liked watching the train pass every few hours, the view was pretty and there was plenty of sunlight so it was a cheerful room, and I'd walk once a day to a nearby Thai food shop to get food. Those two days were also the end of a diabetes fiasco, where I was traveling internationally and had ran out of insulin and it was such a pain/anxiety to find a Dr. who would sell me insulin. And once that Dr was found, it was a lot of wandering around the streets while sick and hoping that my phone wouldn't die and that I wouldn't get lost, and awkwardly knocking on a huge wooden locked door, wondering if it was the right place. I was pissed off at myself for not preparing better, but also at the pharmacy and my own Dr. for not renewing my prescription in time, and for not allowing me to have more than 2 bottles of insulin at once.

Edited November 1, 2021 by Myioko

[Myioko]

Things I feel happy about today: 

Because it's too easy to focus on the bad things

 

-Happy pet rabbits

-I found this glass bird the other day in the storage room 

-I got my A1C tested today and got a 6.5! I haven't had that good of an average blood sugar number in 6 years

-The trees are almost at peak yellowness 

-I'm going to do homework tonight while listening to an audio book while doing it- no reason to not enjoy it, I'm going to have fun with it and not worry about how fast or slow I am

-I went and got my blood drawn after weeks of procrastinating that. It's not that I'm afraid of getting blood drawn but I still feel reluctant/queasy while there

-Nails are painted a shimmery silver-faintly rainbow color

-My hair color looks nice against the color of shirt I'm wearing 

-I don't have a headache today

-My room is overall clean

-On the animal crossing game a new villager moved in today

-Pretty sky

-I arrived at class late this morning but I'm glad I went, because I had the strong urge not to go and to sleep instead because of being embarrassed walking in 20 min late

-It's November and the weather is perfect and it's still sunny most of the time, but more interesting compared to summer because clouds and rain still comes from time to time

-I bought tasty bread at the store, it has seeds and grains in it so it tastes way more interesting than usual packaged bread and is good picnic bread 

-While walking to the university this morning I got trapped in a horde of middle schoolers walking out of a bus (field trip?) and one boy was waving at me and I pointed at myself confused and was like 'me'...? ' and he nodded and so I waved back and then he waved with both arms and I mimicked him 

-This morning I started to move a carpet and my family's cat was there watching me and she jumped almost 2 feet in the air in surprise and she landed in a Easter basket that happened to be there and it made me laugh (she was ok and unharmed)

-I have a bookshelf full of my favorite books

-I have a car

-In my dream last night I was looking in a mirror and saw that I had many many wrinkles and was 75 years old and so when I woke up I felt relieved and felt young again

-I'm less distracted compared to last week

Edited November 3, 2021 by Myioko
what a mess, though

[Myioko]

[Myioko]

Tomorrow evening I'm going to nap on grass and maybe listen to music. *yawn*

---

edit: DIDN'T HAPPEN

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8R_3mXZBsuU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-TStLN2oMg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_c-p0w8XvA

 

creepy

 

Edited November 5, 2021 by Myioko

[Myioko]

'Now a Terrific Motion Picture' Oh thats nice. How cool is that, I might go check out this new film.

I didn't know he wrote other books! (sorry) A sliver of me doubts they're real - what kind of books are called 'The Thing of It Is' 'Magic' 'Tinsel' etc...if they're real though I'm sorry Goldman for the doubt. 

 

[Myioko]

@modmyth Thanks for your reply, I'll respond back soon  

I'm pretty slammed with work/homework at the moment yikes aahahh hHHH

Edited November 17, 2021 by Myioko

[Myioko]

It's been a while since I've looked at the weekly Spotify recommendations...but wow I listened to them and was really impressed! Overall the mood of it was 'melancholy/nostalgic old music/instrumental' 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This is SO cool - I've never heard of it before?? When I listened to this song a couple of times off my phone, I wondered whether it was a womans opera voice or a violin...it sounds like a mix between the two. ITS ELECTRONIC/YOU DONT TOUCH IT. From what I read, its associated with an eerie sound. In this song I don't think the eeriness shows through much but it can in other songs and it does sound a bit other wordly.

(from wiki)'The theremin is an electronic musical instrument controlled without physical contact by the thereminist (performer). It is named after its inventor, Leon Theremin, who patented the device in 1928.'

 

And this was my other favorite song. There were several instrumental/ambient songs as well, but usually I'm slower to judge how much I like those type of songs and it takes me several times listening to it to solidify if I like it or not.

 

Edited November 17, 2021 by Myioko

[Myioko]

Yesterday I listened to this album for the first time and it was sort of my daily 'therapy music' I also listened to lots of piano music. I was thinking, if piano music was an drawing art medium equivalent, piano note sounds give off an ink feel to me and string instruments have a softer sound so are more like pencils.

Last week I listened to these songs by Ane Brun. I saw her 'words' song on my sisters song playlist (and it was a big nostalgia hit for me because I had forgotten about the song,) one of the older playlists that she listened to several years ago when I was in high school (and even though we shared our Spotify account names I still felt kind of stalkerish listening through her public playlists ha -) well as much as I like her music taste and a bit of our interests overlap, I haven't ever gone through all of the songs because of how upbeat most of them are. I can't handle listening to peppy folk music for more than 20 minutes.  

i listened to more songs by her and I liked this one 

 

 

Edited November 17, 2021 by Myioko

[Myioko]

I can't, I can't stand this anymore! I'm going to go on a walk early tomorrow even if it means loosing sleep, I haven't been outside in two days, and even any walks in the past few weeks have been so momentary. I can't do an all nighter either because I have to be out from 9-6 pm and then straight after that go to my sisters play, so I can't be delirious with tiredness. I don't want another autumn to go by and me to not to even see it, that breaks my heart a little.

 

Thinking of this meltdown scene in Roman Holiday 

 

I've never used this angry face before 

 

I finally found some of my old childhood crystals in the storage room. Just some of them. Along with that came this heart stone that my sister gave me many years ago.

And a glass bird, gotten in Scotland

I started a new casual sketchbook-journal-awkward poetry combo a couple of weeks ago. But most of these were drawn or images taped on in one day.

and some of the more recent pinterest photos I printed out, facial expressions.

Edited November 19, 2021 by Myioko
I went on a walk this morning, my brother packed a hikers backpack and camping gear to go see the blood moon...but there's clouds tonight. But, I feel much better being outdoors. I sent him off with a LOTR elven pin and wished him well on his trek :P

[Myioko]

To anyone interested watching there's a partial lunar eclipse going on right now and can be seen in North America, Asia and Australia (where I live it's supposed to hit its peak in 2 hours but also its partially cloudy outside), whats interesting about it is that it's the longest one in 580 years .

Edited November 19, 2021 by Myioko
Also it's November 19th, my favorite date of the year!

[MuadDib]

On 19/11/2021 at 5:13 PM, Myioko said:

To anyone interested watching there's a partial lunar eclipse going on right now and can be seen in North America, Asia and Australia (where I live it's supposed to hit its peak in 2 hours but also its partially cloudy outside), whats interesting about it is that it's the longest one in 580 years .

Thanks for posting this!

When I read it I went outside the other night and took this picture of it from my house in nature by a mountain.

 

I was listening to these narcissistic vibes...
 

 

 

[Myioko]

@MuadDib I'm glad to hear you saw it! That's a really good picture, it's really hard to take a picture of the moon without it looking like a white blob. 

 

When I went outside to see it it was so cool and pretty therapeutic watching the shadow slowly cast itself over the moon, I went outside and slept on a trampoline with a view of the moon right ahead. (last time I tried to see a lunar eclipse, it was cloudy, so this was my first time seeing it), it was a very bronzy red color, darker than I was expecting for some reason. I tried to use my parents telescope but it just wouldn't work properly/something was missing or broken about it. I fell asleep and then woke up a few hours later freezing and so I ran back inside.

[Myioko]

@modmyth

On 11/6/2021 at 3:18 AM, modmyth said:

have tended to have trouble with the idea of finding an idea that is important enough to me where I would want to stick it out and be committed to it fully for the duration of time it would take, however long, which would likely be far longer than being actively inspired. Being actively inspired in a consuming way is a bit like running sprints: you burnt out of that kind of fire pretty quickly and you have to figure out how to pace yourself some how.

Running in sprints is a good way to describe it. I usually think of it as quickly building a framework for a house (with all that creative energy) and then one that energy subsides, it isn't quite as important to think as sharply, focused or creatively because a lot of the groundwork has been done. 

I think it's pretty unrealistic to be actively inspired, which makes working in a creative profession seem like a very hard balancing act to do; how to be inspired on and off without imbalancing or breaking that motivation. When I was younger and just did art (or even reading) just for fun, there wasn't any resistance involved because I stopped once I pushed myself long enough and felt like stopping. But I do remember, even when I first started to learn how to draw, there was always energy and effort involved in creating things, just a 'fun' kind of effort.

On the other hand, too many people settle for the normality of not being inspired for the majority of the time...but this could also depend on the type of thing someone is working on I guess...

On 11/6/2021 at 3:18 AM, modmyth said:

I guess I'm prone to a kind of creative mania (or alternatively: a learning mania) and it can be a kind of mess to regulate it productively. With the latter thing, I have a sort of structure and the endorsement and support to learn how to regulate it (academics), the create stuff, less so. I'm still in the process of learning/ teaching myself still. It's very important to me that it doesn't feel forced and like I'm moving against the grain (/"FLOW"), but also not that I'm waiting around for "inspiration" to slap me into action.

Ah ok. I think I've been more prone to creative mania/intense focus/obsession in the past few-several years, but only at times, and not so much before a few years ago. (not so much a learning mania though! does that feel like intense curiosity to you to learn?), I guess that could be because I had a sort of learning/creativity shift around then but I didn't (and still dont) have the patterns, flow and structure to express much of it, so it can be frustrating balancing all that stuff and not going down 15 paths at once. 

On 11/6/2021 at 3:18 AM, modmyth said:

I've realized that for the past 5-6 years part of my problem (as well as growth) with formulating ideas, style, life choices, how I think and everything, is I've become addicted to map-planning. So when I come up with an idea for a project that I love and resonates with me, my plan-making mind will grow dissatisfied with the framework of that plan and I'll tear that plan down in search for perfection. And this goes against the importance of

SAME

I remember writing something along these lines (addicted to mapmaking) in the earlier response or somewhere in the journals but yeah, wouldn't it be nice if the mind would lean a little more towards contentment and going along with what is being creative, as it's being created, and playing off of that as it's happening in the moment...instead of missing a new and better idea or thing out there and fantasizing about it and being non committed.

On 11/6/2021 at 3:18 AM, modmyth said:

Do you feel like you're supposed to for branding reasons? (Like a future/ possibly present career) Or do you just feel like this is what you're supposed to do?

Yes it's a little bit of both and everything: wanting to stick to a style or actually make something for a little in order to actually have tangible results, while at the same time not caring about making more well put together or professional art. I care, I don't care. I'm conflicted!

On 11/6/2021 at 3:18 AM, modmyth said:

I think it's interesting that there's more space for musicians to be all-over-the-place and to experiment with genre/ style, IMO... while doesn't it feel like visual artists have to be more "complete" in our style, as opposed to being more experimental (which tends to be messy and some stuff works and some stuff doesn't especially in a predictable way) and also perpetual work-in-progress? To some degree, being growth orientated is doing just that, isn't it? What do you think?

That is interesting, I wonder if it's because music speaks more directly to peoples emotions. I don't view music as being too much different than visual art really, but I feel like music is much more interdisciplinary and connective, creativity-wise, or it has the potential to be. At least, I get the sense that it is a more direct experience for the listener. (And thats why I love experimental movies that have great art as well as music, and story that all comes together to create an experience so that it all fits perfectly together, but anyways) And visual art has a much wider range of use, often going towards more money oriented, commercial things.

A part of me just tells me to stress and care less: as long as I'm working, honing my eye for what looks good and in my taste, and just keep going, things should fall into place

On 11/6/2021 at 3:18 AM, modmyth said:

Things are way, way better than I was in my 20s, emotionally and mentally speaking.

I'm glad to hear for you. Also this is reassuring to me at least when I hear things like this, because the day I turned 21 a couple people told me 'Congrats, now everything will go downhill from here!' I thought: Um excuse me?! Downhill in which ways? Mentally or physically? Mentally I'm already at a low, I hope to not continue to go lower. Sure eventually I'll become less physically strong but I can handle that,, and looks-wise I really don't care.

On 11/6/2021 at 3:18 AM, modmyth said:

From my perspective:  everyday there is a possibility to focus on that spirit in a positive way. And you take steps whenever you can. Maybe a small step here and there, maybe a bigger step, whatever it is that you can manage. And you can get better, much better, at supporting yourself and also developing sort of executive skills, the sort of skills that you don't really pick up in the education system. But to relax if and when you're overwhelming yourself, feeling overwhelmed by life, or just generally are feeling terrible for whatever reason. There's like a patience factor. And to figure out what is pushing hard enough to challenge yourself, that you enjoy it and you get a sense of satisfaction/ achievement/ meaning from it, but not so much that you burn yourself out.

**thumbs up - yes **

edit:

but yeah this is something that I've been trying to remind myself on a weekly basis, in a more of a vague unknown way/not in those words exactly

On 11/6/2021 at 3:18 AM, modmyth said:

Do you have a specific style/ idea/ inspiration in mind?

Style-wise very experimental and multimedia (and still incredibly vague..), like, ink and pen and flat colored watercolor and gouache and a lot of warmer toned colors. Writing and drawing in goldenish and brown hues and dark bronzy red ink. And some of the ideas is seeing a world with fresh and curious eyes, like seeing something for the very first time, and watching the evolution and change and mystery in images. I haven't really started on it much yet because of how awful my time management has been and how busy I've been, but if I do ever start it I'll write about the process and reference/idea gathering here:

 

On 11/6/2021 at 3:18 AM, modmyth said:

Right now I'm focusing on this with gaming related stuff. By definition, there is a lot of world building in game design. My partner programs. We have the opportunity to do indie type stuff together. Inevitably I'm bumping up against a lot of I DON'T KNOWs! which is both the awesome part and "downside" of being able to do WHATEVER I WANT!! Haha.

Ooh cool...that sounds like a challenge. I'm unfamiliar with most games, but from what I've seen or guess, the world building + the structure and rules of the game are very complex together. (And those are just the ideas, I know nothing about the actual programming and making of games.) The 'I don't knows' don't really seem cease to bombarded when it comes to stuff like that. (I'll...stop pestering you with questions about that project!)

Edited November 27, 2021 by Myioko

[Myioko]

[Myioko]

Somehow my life has gotten busier than it had been before finals week. Oh boy. This is because I've been picking up things that have been getting neglected for a few months, as well as I'm going somewhere for a week and won't have much internet access so I've been preparing today. 

Yesterday was my last class and the emotion I felt was an unexpected one, instead of relief or happiness or satisfaction I felt sad and blank and tired. But I think it was the good kind of blankness that I needed to feel. Also it was the first rainy day in weeks/months, leaves falling and gusting in the wind, perfect dreary walking weather!

Some strange interactions at the post office earlier today: The lady in front of me was sending off a gigantic box of lollipops, apparently someone had stolen the first box and so all the kids who had gotten vaccines were left lolli-popless with only a bandaid as a present. (who would do such a thing lmao. Why steal cheap lollipops?) 

And then my whole interaction with the worker there was awkward as hell, and I think this was because I was already feeling nervous about the day ahead and I had promised to meet up with friends 2 hours earlier but things kept getting delayed. And I was having some medical problems/issues with getting prescriptions ready and found, as usual. ((Bad omen - is my pump is going to fail me while I'm away? It's happened before at the very worst time)) I was frantically trying to tape up my boxes, I 'borrowed' the tape that was for sale there so that the others behind me wouldn't wait, so I was already jittery. And then the cashier/worker told me 'oh it's okay...you don't need to buy the tape' and I said no I will buy it--I will--I was just using it early--' and then the conversation went into how I was so tall and how was dating for me?? Is it hard dating men because of how tall I am?? And I ended up saying that I don't date anyone under 3 inches shorter than me even though that was a complete lie, it was something I just said off the top of my head, and then she was like 'oh, 3 inches? Surely no more than 1 inch!' And the conversation just got awkwarder from there.

My cat is attacking my keyboard now so I'm signing off

I don't think I'm going to/can use this forum or the internet for the next 6 days, which is good I think, I could use just reading books as a change.

[MuadDib]

I'm 192cm in the morning. Everybody is taller when they get out of bed because the disks in the spine aren't compressed when you lay down and they all expand a little.

Who the fuck do you think you are? Olympe Maxime?

*aggressively tears window out of its frame and puts the kettle on*

[Myioko]

I listened to this this morning and found it helpful - I liked the story about how when he was a kid he had set up this huge play-battle with his toys and then he had this moment of being too afraid of playing or doing anything. I didn't feel that way as a kid and I didn't hoard things, but my hoarder-like tendencies came out in physical objects since 2020 because I was stuck at home so much, and before that, with having such a tiny room, instead of objects my hoarder-like tendencies were in thoughts instead

.

.

.

Earlier this year I had bought a few books off of thriftbooks and one of them was not an intentional buy. I was super confused when I saw it and at first I thought that they had misplaced my order, but after some thinking about and looking into my order, I realized that I had bought it thinking that it was called 'The Book of Norse' instead, (woops, how did I not even see the horses?) I think I had been clicking on books about old norse, and then when this book popped up as a recommendation I quickly clicked on it, thinking it was only the hardback cover version of another books. Because I was reading a bit into ancient languages at the time. I didn't return the book either because it's very heavy and 600 pages, and it was very cheap to buy in the first place.

 

I didn't read the entire thing but I read a lot of it, and because of the mess-up buy I wasn't AFRAID to start reading it because I had no known choice in getting it, after getting over my initial buyers regret. And I liked reading it and didn't feel stuck, a whole 600 goddamn paged book about the 1800s art of horse riding. (The most interesting sections to me was reading about how women were to ride horses) This shows how afraid I am in using or enjoying what I have that I think of as important, with held expectations in things, and wanting to use and do things right. 

Still though, lesson learned with spontaneous buying, the future things I buy I'll be a lot more careful reading into it and selective, rather than having the urge to collect cheap books when I see something that is cheap.

Note to future self: Write about materialism, fast fashion, the urge to collect stuff. As well as greed and guilt within myself and the negative connotation as well as the reality those words and feelings have.

 

Edited December 11, 2021 by Myioko

[Myioko]

6 minutes ago, MuadDib said:

I'm 192cm in the morning. Everybody is taller when they get out of bed because the disks in the spine aren't compressed when you lay down and they all expand a little.

This makes me thing of the Percy Jackson book scene where they wander into a shop and get trapped in these spine-expansion devices that murderously makes the victims taller.

I didn't know that though! Cool stuff.

Edited December 11, 2021 by Myioko
and I hope your not pulling my leg with that fact, pun semi intended

[MuadDib]

I'm dead serious. I remember Walter Lewin talking about it in one of his physics lectures for MIT.

I can't remember which one, but it's in there. Tall Dutch guy, like me ... tallest people in the world on average. 

When I go there I am pretty much of average height. It's quite the experience to see everyone at eye level, women included!
 

 

Edited December 12, 2021 by MuadDib
Actually I just checked, it's closer to 190-191, hard to tell. My GP told me I was 6'3'', if it's not enough I can put on my high heels for you.

[Myioko]

On 12/11/2021 at 6:22 AM, MuadDib said:

I can't remember which one, but it's in there. Tall Dutch guy, like me ... tallest people in the world on average. 

@MuadDib

My brother lived in the Netherlands for 2 years. Seems like that was the best place for him to go to fit in then, since he’s very tall. A lot of my relatives make me feel short when I’m around them! 

On 12/11/2021 at 6:22 AM, MuadDib said:

My GP told me I was 6'3'', if it's not enough I can put on my high heels for you.

??

I’m 5’11”. So no heels needed, unfortunately!