Lack of masculinity

[Gabith]

 I've realized why I don't have a lot of success with women, it always been hard for me to find a girlfriend and I always put girls I'm attracted to on a pedestal, so I create excuses in my mind to prevent me to approach a girl or even thinking that it would be a possibility to have a relationship with her.
There is a lot of fears in me, fear of being ridiculized, rejected, judged needy or ankward... I do ask a girl out sometimes but it's like once per month, when I feel that she seems into me or when I've talked to her for more than 10 minutes... so I'm not a lost case but I still have a lot of insecurities in me.

It's hard to be vulnerable

I think I lack a lot of masculinity, do you have books to recommand me that can help me to become more masculine ? I like books with practical exercises

[Strangeloop]

"The way of the Superior Man" Practical and informational

[Terell Kirby]

32 minutes ago, Gabith said:

I think I lack a lot of masculinity, do you have books to recommand me that can help me to become more masculine ? I like books with practical exercises

May want to move this to the Dating/Relationships/Sexuality section of the forum for more feedback.

Either way, search for ‘How To Be a 3% Man’ by dating coach, Corey Wayne. He has great material on female attraction and runs a great YT channel on this very topic.

[SamC]

5 hours ago, Gabith said:

 I've realized why I don't have a lot of success with women, it always been hard for me to find a girlfriend and I always put girls I'm attracted to on a pedestal, so I create excuses in my mind to prevent me to approach a girl or even thinking that it would be a possibility to have a relationship with her.
There is a lot of fears in me, fear of being ridiculized, rejected, judged needy or ankward... I do ask a girl out sometimes but it's like once per month, when I feel that she seems into me or when I've talked to her for more than 10 minutes... so I'm not a lost case but I still have a lot of insecurities in me.

It's hard to be vulnerable

I think I lack a lot of masculinity, do you have books to recommand me that can help me to become more masculine ? I like books with practical exercises

@Gabith And here is where the counterintuitive principle comes in...

You're not having problems with your masculine side.. you're having problems with your feminine side. I know this sounds like complete bullshit and I understand exactly how it sounds like but bare with me.

The reason why you repell girls is not because you display feminine qualities... it's because you display toxic feminine qualities. What I mean by that is that you subcomunicate powerlessness, neediness and victimhood which furthermore subcomunicates that your masculine side ( See "Bully" on the picture) is criticizing, pushing and bullying your feminie side ( See "Victim" on the picture)

That's why woman don't like neediness or when you put them on a pedestal. It signals that you right now don't have the capacity to take on and " own"/ provide containment for the girl because you don't even allow your own feminity to be owned. How the fuck are you going create a safe space for a girl to be in if you can't provide that for yourself first?

I understand that you might feel like this is contradictory because of the fact that you see yourself as feminine and that you therefor are in touch with it your feminine side but trust me bro. That's not your femine side. That's your shadow femine side that is unintegretad and disowned... because guess what, I know you hate being feminine, and that's what is the problem.

Don't take my words for what I am saying.  Investigate it for yourself and see what you can come up with.

Here are some good concepts to look up and learn more about.

1: Anima

2: Parts work.

3: Masculine containment

Edited October 7, 2021 by SamC

[Javfly33]

Do this basic steps first:

-1. Increase your meat intake 

-2. Do NoFap at least for +5 Days.

Check in again if you feel anything different.

Ive found this two things do wonders for my anxiety disorder, makes me more serious, more grounded in present moment, I can look at peoples eyes (and girls Lol) for ages , a little bit more aggressive. I love it!

[LastThursday]

I'd say concentrate getting into a flow state around women. A flow state is a kind of calm focused attention with no mental resistance or chit chat. Up until you talk to a woman it's all positive body language and eye contact. This can all be learnt. Any negative intrusive thoughts you have at this stage will signal in your body language and women will spot this immediately. Learn to trust your body, let it flow and be itself, get out of its way.

Once you open your mouth, you can stay in that flow state. You've already mastered speaking, so there's nothing to do but talk. Your bodies will know if attraction is there or not. If so, what you say doesn't matter too much. If not, then smile, say thank you and move on.

[Gabith]

@Terell Kirby Thank you! I've bought the book and saw two of his videos, it resonates with me !!

[Shin]

No matter how much the book is good you need 10 times more practice though.