Kinda upset that most guys I find attractive are taken

[somegirl]

... or unavailable in some other way.

 

What's wrong with me? Does it have anything to do with my childhood and upbrining, do you think? That I subconsciously think that I don't deserve a guy I ACTUALLY like? Maybe I only say that I want fullfilling relationship with a guy I absolutely love but in reality I don't because of some kind of past trauma. 

But maybe the most important question I would like help with, is - How do I actually attract high quality guy I like and have a fullfulling relationship with him? I don't think I ask for too much, to be honest. I think I deserve it. I offer a lot too, besides my looks. I think I am pretty funny (friends tell me that too), non-attached/non needy, talented and have my own thing going on in my life and I know what I want career-wise, and very open-minded to all kinds of ideas related to spirituality and deep topics.

Edited October 7, 2021 by somegirl

[Jacob Morres]

what are the men that you like generally looking for? 

[somegirl]

@Jacob Morres I have to find him physically attractive, max 5 years older than me, has to be a student or if he is not then he has to be doing something in his life that brings him joy or is at least ambitious, eloquent, good communicator, understanding and considerate, funny but knows when to be serious, open-minded to deep spiritual topics. 

Because only when he's open minded, can we do self-development together. 

[Leo Gura]

Simple: meet more guys.

It's a numbers game.

Your numbers are too low for luck to roll your way. Luck is a huge factor in dating so you need to stack the deck in your favor.

[somegirl]

@Leo Gura Makes sense, lately all the friends I made were girls.

Though honestly, I don't see people in my life that met a lot of guys and then found the one. It usually kind od happens on a first/second try for them. 

Besides that, where do you think high quality people are hiding? 

I hoped university would be the best place to meet such people but Corona had other plans.

Might join some social organisations for young people if anything. 

[Leo Gura]

21 minutes ago, somegirl said:

@Leo Gura

Though honestly, I don't see people in my life that met a lot of guys and then found the one. It usually kind od happens on a first/second try for them.

That's just fairytales. You're not going to find "the one" on your first or second try.

The more you roll the dice the more chances of finding your one.

Quote

Besides that, where do you think high quality people are hiding? 

Spiritual retreats, yoga, meditation groups, personal dev seminars, etc.

Quote

I hoped university would be the best place to meet such people but Corona had other plans.

Universities are full of a lot of young dumb immature people. Depends on your age I guess. But you can't rely on Uni for long.

Quote

Might join some social organisations for young people if anything. 

In some sense it doesn't matter where or how, you just need to socialize a lot more. Could be bars, clubs, parties, events, whatever. You can bump into great people almost anywhere, you just gotta rank up the numbers for luck to be in your favor.

There's also online dating. But this requires large numbers too.

[Jacob Morres]

52 minutes ago, somegirl said:

have to find him physically attractive, max 5 years older than me, has to be a student or if he is not then he has to be doing something in his life that brings him joy or is at least ambitious, eloquent, good communicator, understanding and considerate, funny but knows when to be serious, open-minded to deep spiritual topics

have you tried Hinge? something i found nice was that you can list out your interests in a prompt and Hinge will find you matches with the same keywords. I find a ton of girls like this, it must be similar for men. i also live next to NYC so maybe my sample size is skewed but im sure any city should have it 

one demographic suggestion i can think of is people in tech - they are pretty orange/green, like people you see in silicon valley. ik a few people in that scene and those guys are orange but also have a lot of green in them. you can find ppl there that care about self improvement, are heart centered, ambitious and impact driven, some are very social, they like events like burning man 

Edited October 7, 2021 by Jacob Morres

[Raphael]

Here's the guy: > @Raphael <

[The Blind Sage]

4 minutes ago, Raphael said:

Here's the guy: > @Raphael <

top kek  

[somegirl]

@Raphael Omg the guy I've been waiting for, DM me!

[somegirl]

@Leo Gura Got it. Thanks. It's true that you can pretty much meet amazing people anywhere. Just gotta somehow attract them. Lots of things have to match up.

1 hour ago, Jacob Morres said:

have you tried Hinge?

I tried online dating before and I absolutely hated it. I don't know how much I am open for it again. Even though it's more convinient and easy, guys online are something different lol. Most of them were not the ones I find attractive at all, and some of them were just simply behaving creepy when I was open enough to go out with them and meet them face-to-face. This is through instagram.

I even once installed Tinder out of curiosity and went out with two guys from there and yeah, they were not serious. 

[something_else]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

This is through instagram.

I even once installed Tinder

If you want to do online dating for serious relationships Tinder is not your best bet. I haven't tried instagram, I'd imagine that's slightly better. But like @Jacob Morres said Hinge is better for more serious relationships, Bumble is also a much better bet. 

Having said that you're right, you're probably much healthier avoiding online dating to begin with lol

[NoSelfSelf]

What do you have to offer to a guy? What you said actually doesnt bring anything to a guy,thats the things that girls look for...

[Raptorsin7]

6 hours ago, somegirl said:

... or unavailable in some other way.

 

What's wrong with me? Does it have anything to do with my childhood and upbrining, do you think? That I subconsciously think that I don't deserve a guy I ACTUALLY like? Maybe I only say that I want fullfilling relationship with a guy I absolutely love but in reality I don't because of some kind of past trauma. 

But maybe the most important question I would like help with, is - How do I actually attract high quality guy I like and have a fullfulling relationship with him? I don't think I ask for too much, to be honest. I think I deserve it. I offer a lot too, besides my looks. I think I am pretty funny (friends tell me that too), non-attached/non needy, talented and have my own thing going on in my life and I know what I want career-wise, and very open-minded to all kinds of ideas related to spirituality and deep topics.

How far have you gone into changing your beliefs and conditioning from childhood? 

I think men can tell pretty quickly if they are interested in you, so its your job to make yourself available for the kinds of men you like to approach you.

I think an issue is there are less men like what you described than there are woman with what you described. Theres an asymmetry to what you're offering and what you expect out of the guy 

[somegirl]

3 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Theres an asymmetry to what you're offering and what you expect out of the guy 

How is there asymmetry?

3 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

How far have you gone into changing your beliefs and conditioning from childhood?

Not all of them. I have started this process a while ago. Though even when I uncover hidden core limiting beliefs of mine, what do I do with it? How do I change it?

[somegirl]

@NoSelfSelf What do you mean? Doesn't being funny bring joyful, lighthearted atmosphere in our relationship? Doesn't knowing what I want out of life career-wise indicate what type of person I am? Doesn't being open-minded bring some kind of non-judgmental attitude I offer?

What should a girl offer to a guy, in your opinion, besides looks? If looks is all girls should offer, I strongly disagree with it. 

 

Edited October 7, 2021 by somegirl

[Leo Gura]

@somegirl Don't worry about it. You're fine. Just meet more guys. Volume.

[Harlen Kelly]

34 minutes ago, somegirl said:

What should a girl offer to a guy, in your opinion, besides looks? If looks is all girls should offer, I strongly disagree with it. 

Whether you like it or not, it will be the biggest determining factor that will influence if a guy wants to be with you or not. 

You can be incredibly charismatic and funny, that's not the main element that creates attraction in guys. That obviously does not mean that looks is the only element that attracts heterosexual men, but it's definitely the main element, therefore, going to the gym and looking attractive can be of great help to attract the guy you are looking for. 

Edited October 7, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Jacob Morres]

@somegirl gotchu. Sorry for that experience. Hinge from my understanding is a bit diff I think in its seriousness. Ik a lot of guys that take hinge way more seriously than tinder. It's like the new wave (at least in my circles)

You can meet a ton of great guys there!! Don't give up. I know it 

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@somegirl Don't worry about it. You're fine. Just meet more guys. Volume.

I think this advice has to be given to men as well

Bcuz when I hear a lot of advice for men it sucks because it reinforces a "not enough" complex. Be more confident, more charismatic, lead better, stay grounded etc. Signifying that you aren't enough as you are 

[Raze]

13 hours ago, somegirl said:

... or unavailable in some other way.

 

What's wrong with me? Does it have anything to do with my childhood and upbrining, do you think? That I subconsciously think that I don't deserve a guy I ACTUALLY like? Maybe I only say that I want fullfilling relationship with a guy I absolutely love but in reality I don't because of some kind of past trauma. 

But maybe the most important question I would like help with, is - How do I actually attract high quality guy I like and have a fullfulling relationship with him? I don't think I ask for too much, to be honest. I think I deserve it. I offer a lot too, besides my looks. I think I am pretty funny (friends tell me that too), non-attached/non needy, talented and have my own thing going on in my life and I know what I want career-wise, and very open-minded to all kinds of ideas related to spirituality and deep topics.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22WJuU2-fCk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMib2ZDJKHw