What Are The Best Ways To Increase Your Social Skills ?

[Shin]

Hi everyone,

I was a very introverted and shy guy when I started middle school, and I've been humiliated a lot, by pretty much everyone, even girls (mostly pscychological bullying), and that pretty much destroyed all self-esteem in me for the rest of my life (untill now).

Today I'm turning 27, I'm ok with all that happened to me, I'm at peace, but I have litterally 0 social skills.

It's hard to discuss for me, even though I can technically have a conversation, I rarely have any passion in it.

It's not a shyness or a social anxiety problem, I litterally don't care about what people think of me (in a genuine way, there is no wounded ego), and I can start a conversation with pretty much anyone, or ask something to someone without any problem.

 

I'm currently searching what I like in life, because before this year I was addicted to video games (my escape of reality) and never had any other hobbies.

I think this could be a big component of why I can't really enjoy a conversation, because there is nothing I can talk with passion right now, and since I cut off all the news/pop culture spectrum, I don't even know what most people talk about.

My current interest are walking and spirituality, there is nothing to talk about walking (I guess) and talking spirituality to people is a big problem, because most people either reject it totally, thinks I'm a weirdo (thus closing the discussion on it) or they are too dogmatic about it, and the discussion becomes boring and one-sided.

 

I'm seeking help about this, because at some point, whatever my life purpose will be, being someone who's good at socializing and making people laugh will be necessary.

It will be necessary because making laugh people is what makes them likes you, and if they likes you, they'll rarely say no to hear of what you have to say/ask.

I also think that friendship is something that is important in life, I can't really know since I never have any friends (I mean real friends here, with deep bonding).

I know that I shouldn't rush it, actually I'm not needy about it, I know it will come naturally whenever I choose my field

 

Maybe I'm not introverted at all, maybe it is still some of my past wounds that are unconsciously open, I don't know,

But what I'm sure is that It is something I can't overlook if I want to realize myself !

 

So, what are your techniques or hobbies that could help with that ?

I was thinking about theater, but that's pretty much all I can think of right now ^^

 

EDIT:

My only long-lasting relationship ended after 5 months, and I had the realization that a relationship can't fulfill you. I still am a bit shy around girls, but only around smart and hot girls (and even there I'm not really that shy).

 

 

Edited December 16, 2016 by Shin

[Taavi]

Take a direct sales job.

[Christian]

Study social dynamics, learn the social norms and learn about body language. Also, listen to people's vocal energy when they speak to you. Realize there are many different layers. The surface is the words that are being spoken and the deeper layer is the way the words are delivered. In other words, the vibe behind the words. You want to listen more to that because the vibe tells you more about a person and what to do than words ever can by themselves. Also, it makes it easier to know their needs when you know how they feel. So do that and calibrate throughout your social interactions. 

It is a skill so of course you need to practice to get better. You really can't analyze your way to social skills.. 

 

[Bronsoval]

To gain fishing skills, go fishing.   To gain social skills, go socializing

[ajasatya]

@Shin nice. more important than knowing Truth is living it.

the secret lies on being sincerely curious and paying attention. be completely present.

while listening to someone, that's your satsang.

[Jhonny]

10 hours ago, Shin said:

I've been humiliated a lot, by pretty much everyone, even girls

I am looking forward for the answer of this question too.I have also been humiliated a lot by my teachers for not being intelligent also by girls for being short. What i have learned is that I will never ever in my life say these things to someone else. I have developed compassion but also insecurities. 

[Leo Gura]

@Shin Here are some ideas:

• Improv class
• Toastmasters
• Pickup
• Go to mall on weekends, chat up all the department store clerks
• Meetup.com
• Online dating
• Sports
• Join a commune or ashram
• Music festivals, Burning Man, etc.

I suggest Improv class. It's fun!

[Shin]

45 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Shin

I suggest Improv class. It's fun!

Found the class near my city, thanks you very much

EDIT: I can already feel the resistance and the fear by now, oh boys it means it's exactly what I need ^^

Edited December 17, 2016 by Shin

[Mercy]

You could try to join a YMCA near you if you want

[Shin]

On 17/12/2016 at 2:14 PM, Leo Gura said:

@Shin Here are some ideas:

• Improv class
• Toastmasters
• Pickup
• Go to mall on weekends, chat up all the department store clerks
• Meetup.com
• Online dating
• Sports
• Join a commune or ashram
• Music festivals, Burning Man, etc.

I suggest Improv class. It's fun!

 

A commune is something like a pet shelters where you help for free ?

Why online dating ? I don't search for a relationship right now, but maybe you had something else in mind ?

Edited December 21, 2016 by Shin

[DJ]

1 hour ago, Shin said:

Why online dating ? I don't search for a relationship right now

Practice!

I think its good to know how to interact with and to be able to seduce a woman if you so choose. 

[sgn]

http://www.succeedsocially.com/ This site may be useful.

[Shin]

Thanks you.

For now, I'll visit the Zen center (Buddhism) of my city and practice there 2 or 3 time a month.

The only improv class I found (for now) is full for this year, but they proposed me a seminar in January.

I will enlist at a pet shelters (Dogs are life).

 

I'll see if there is a 1v1 sport that interest me (Team sport is not my thing).

There is almost nothing on Meetup near my city, there is no toastmasters in my region.