Homeostasis Or Need For Growth?

[AlexB]

Hey there, I have a big question for my journey. When I started personal development about 2 years ago I did because of deep emotional pain. I was having a breakthrough that gave me the energy to push hard with personal development. I had alot of positive energy and had some pretty cool results. Now in the last 2 weeks approximately I start feeling that I'm loosing track on being mindful, positive, and becoming start being neurotic and having monkey thoughts again. Did this experience happened to somebody else? Am I experiencing another breakthrough? Am I not working enough or better yet not working good enough? Or is it just homeostasis and I need to wait till it will pass? 

[AlexB]

The choice is between taking more action risking it to backfire or to continue and accept things for what they are until I'll grow over it

[AlexB]

Because if I take more action and don't see the results id delude myself, my mind is back in monkey mode and I don't try to control it because I'd block myself in limiting the feel of my emotions,  but if I do try to control it I realise that I can't control it and I'm creating an illusion of control

 

Edited February 11, 2016 by AlexB

[AlexB]

When I got into meditation I had many limits not knowing how far this thing goes, so I had a paradigm from witch I started, witch is basic personal development. Now that the old paradigm is breaking down I find it difficult to embrace the new one, it's pretty cool because it's mindfucking me but at the same time I find it difficult to have peace of mind again 

[AlexB]

That's one of my fears at the moment 

[AlexB]

Infact that's another doubt, if it's good or bad what's your opinion of the good news Pinocchio? 

[AlexB]

On one hand yes, on the other hand it takes me back in chaos tho because my beliefs are getting crushed, it was one thing to understand them logically when I first heard them, but to actually start feeling them brings up a bit of a war inside my head 

[AlexB]

I think its a ego problem, doesent understand where to fit to give a good explanation 

 

[AlexB]

Ah I don't know that, I know it only in theory, that nobody is in control and it actually feels like nobody is in control 

[Brady]

1 hour ago, AlexB said:

Hey there, I have a big question for my journey. When I started personal development about 2 years ago I did because of deep emotional pain. I was having a breakthrough that gave me the energy to push hard with personal development. I had alot of positive energy and had some pretty cool results. Now in the last 2 weeks approximately I start feeling that I'm loosing track on being mindful, positive, and becoming start being neurotic and having monkey thoughts again. Did this experience happened to somebody else? Am I experiencing another breakthrough? Am I not working enough or better yet not working good enough? Or is it just homeostasis and I need to wait till it will pass? 

Your way over thinking this. Just let whatever is happening happen and run its course, don't judge it as good or bad or come up with idea of what might happen in the future. Everyone has monkey thoughts from time to time, but what I would do is be simply aware of them just like Eckhart Tolle teaches.

[AlexB]

I read the article, very deep insight thank you very much! 

[AlexB]

Really fascinating, today after I read your posts plus the link you gave was really eye opening, infact it relieved alot of stress that was built these weeks because I got an explanation that gave me that "aha!" moment and which now drives me to pursue something higher, most of my beliefs are getting crushed and now I'm building new ones even bigger and deeper that the ones before, actualizing is pretty much an evolution from one belief to another till you get to the very core of what truth is.

The monkey mind is still playing and the ego still hurts a bit I'm not denying that, but now it starts getting silenced by these new existencial concept. On every level of growth I had, there was emotional suffering, and this is just another step towards my growth. 

Thank you very much pinocchio I appreciated your insides.

[Leo Gura]

It's normal to experience setbacks and backsliding. Just keeping slowly plodding ahead, especially what you've been doing has worked in the past.

[Binary Encoded Sunset]

Crushing your model of reality once you have a pretty solid grasp on it is going to be emotionally unpleasant. Your memory of the original model isn't so much "crushed" more than it is simply sculpted & rearranged but all of the emotional attachments you have to anything "outside" of that routine will be surfacing as you go against it. By trying to move beyond your current homeostasis - that straight & narrow cycle that your current model has kept you on - you will probably be uprooting alot of "negative" emotions. By going against the grain of what you have learned or believe is "right" in an effort to expand, you're venturing into the conceptual territory you may believe is "wrong", counterproductive - and/ or simply have uncomfortable emotions attached to thoughts that you previously deemed unacceptable. Thoughts that oppose your current state of homeostasis. These kinds of emotional attachments or judgements seem to be created & reinforced when we absorb contrary information & choose to accept one thing over another.

For example, I might have a belief that I must love everyone & everything - that the concept of hate is unacceptable. I might have alot of resistance & "unpleasant" emotions attached to the concept of hate. I could end up in a situation where I'm trapped around someone so abnoxious & aggressive that it becomes very difficult not to think resentful thoughts about that person. As that person hurts you & people around you, you are emotionally triggered so you decide to use this as an opportunity to learn, grow & reconcile with that concept. You start understanding & releasing your resistance to the concept of hatred etc. In doing this, you allow yourself to think "negative" thoughts & encounter all of the "negative" emotions you have attached to them. It stings like hell & the more you seem to do it, the more you resist the pain & the worse it gets. You feel like trying to expand your paradigm of positive thinking was a mistake - that you should never have started thinking these thoughts in the first place to try making them "less negative". By then trying to return to thinking only positive thoughts, you resist the negative emotions & thoughts you have been observing on that subject & therefore make them worse. At the very least, you'll feel that same sting when you encounter similar experiences (or decide to try to revisit those concepts or memories).

Resisting those thoughts only encourages them to metastasise within you. Once you're already feeling those emotions, try sinking into them. Accepting them all the way down. Try locating the source of that pain & feeling it out. Find out where it comes from & let it surface so you don't have to keep running from that concept, emotion or scenario. Doing this can be really unpleasant. Like opening pandora's box & feeling a flood of emotional pain - but if you feel it out, locate the route of that pain, what it's attached to, why you were responsible & reframe it once the emotions have been fully felt & released - then, you won't have to keep running from it. You will no longer negate that concept & thus it will no longer be a negative thought. Now you can return to your ideal routine - your optimal state of homeostasis with that "old wound" healed. That concept will no longer affect you negatively. It's like when you're feeling sad - in my experience, the worst thing you can do when you're feeling sad is resist the way you feel. I like to think of joy & despair like the north & south poles of a globe. (North meets south > south meets north) & thus if you sink into your sorrow instead of resisting it, you will fall out of the bottom of despair & find yourself at the top of joy! Disclaimer - this works for me! I'm not encouraging you to try making yourself depressed or to work against your positive outlook. Just that if you do find yourself in a sorrowful state - like overcoming a fear of the dark - accepting the inevitability of night & learning to observe the beauty of it's contrast helps the time pass until the sun rises.

EDIT: Sorry, I missed the second page of comments when I wrote this reply & I realise it may be a bit much in this case but I hope I've provided something useful nonetheless!

Edited February 13, 2016 by Binary Encoded Sunset
Missed a page!

[AlexB]

Somebody give this man a medal! Straight on point, no filters.