Accepting myself as a transgender woman

[BeHereNow]

I guess a part of my ego doesn't like the fact that I want to be a woman. It's something I've always struggled with. My mind will throw anything at my attention to dissuade me from transitioning, fears of rejection, discrimination and violence don't come from nowhere. It'll even try and convince me that I'm deluded and mentally ill, or that my supportive family are secretly ashamed of me. It doesn't help either that transgenderism is one of those hot button topics people love to have an opinion about, I'd be lying if I said the constant media sensationalism doesn't tire me.

I guess all it got the better of me. I couldn't handle the stress of it all and I briefly went back to living as a male. Relatively speaking life is a lot easier and less stressful, no weird looks or being laughed at by strangers. Life then on would have been a lot easier, but it would have been a miserable one too.

People like to say that the route cause of transgenderism lies deeper than just wanting to be the other gender and I assumed something traumatic or something in the brain that must have happened that pushed me to transition but honestly, I think the actual route cause of it is that I just want to be a woman. That's it. I don't want to be ashamed of myself anymore or wanting to be happy. No matter what anyone thinks, I know what's true. I forseen the rest of my life as a male and it would have been self-inflicted misery for no other reason than conformity. I deserve better than that.

I'd rather be judged for being happy then accepted for being miserable.

[Sempiternity]

There is only one opinion that matters, and that's your own. Do what makes you feel at peace. If people don't agree, then fuck em and cut them out of your life.

There are many places where people are fully accepted. Where I live, this is not even a thing, people just are accepted and loved as they are. I have many many friends that are trans and don't have a worry in the world.

Follow your intuition, and let it guide you. Wishing you the best on your path. 

[Etherial Cat]

@BeHereNow

Being ourself and dropping the mask challenges the status quo and our previous relationships. And as we are social animals it is normal to be afraid to go against the flow. We are all interdependent when it comes to having our important needs met. In that way, we are like children who are depending on their parents for survival but our parents have been replaced by a larger pool of humans.

Yes, our authenticity should always prevail. The question is, do we have the courage of stating our truth and how? 

I'm not a transgender woman but I understand some of the issue you are facing because I've been struggling with individuation and authenticity for a while now. 

What I have found out is that it's easier to do if you surround yourself with very tolerant individuals (stage green+) willing to accept you without judgment and with plenty of support. And if you don't live in a progressive city, you might want to move in one of them.

And of course, you've got also to manage to inner aspect of it, which is you accepting, loving, embracing who you are. 

Edited October 6, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[Etherial Cat]

One of my favorite intellectual and source of inspiration is Natalie Wynn, a transgender woman.

Perhaps watching her video could foster some insights.

https://www.youtube.com/c/ContraPoints

Good luck!