How to look at girls in night clubs

[StarStruck]

I have trouble with holding eye contact. Yesterday I noticed I quickly switch to the nice guy smile and I felt disgusted. Should I be disgusted about this? I know why I'm disgusted. It causes me to fuck up with girls. 

Girls that I want to be with I know how to look at: just have a penetrative piercing look while being grounded. 

But I don't want to sleep with every girl I look at or every girl that looks at me. I notice a lot of girls who have a bf look at me too. And they just hold eye contact to test me I guess.  

My natural look is mostly the stoic look. Just having a stoic look is creepy though so I quickly switch to the nice guy smile. Yesterday night I was really confused how to carry myself. First contact is always eye contact when going out. 

Currently I'm not even busy with pickup but working on being grounded. There was this girl who started dancing couple of cm in front of me and kept looking at me. She was with her gfs. I didn't even approach because I don't know how to dance with a girl. I'm good with one on one pickup but not good with groups/sets which is a whole other issue that I have to work on. For now I would like some advice on the eye contact thing. 

[something_else]

 

30 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I'm good with one on one pickup but not good with groups/sets which is a whole other issue that I have to work on

Interesting, I'm the opposite. I actually can struggle to hold conversation one on one a lot more

It's really easy to playfully tease groups of girls for a start

In my experience they're far more likely to put effort into the convo too since there's much less tension there than there is one on one. And they're far more likely to get emotionally invested in the convo since they're with friends who they'll be playing off too

If you're a guy talking to a group of girls their attention is all on you by default, you don't need to fight for it. Unless they outright reject you, which can feel really shitty too I suppose

44 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Yesterday I noticed I quickly switch to the nice guy smile and I felt disgusted. Should I be disgusted about this? I know why I'm disgusted. It causes me to fuck up with girls

What's a nice guy smile? I'd bet your smile is just creepy lol. Forced smiles have a tendency to look off for some people, me included. As an example, if I force myself to smile at a girl on the train it usually comes off as creepy. However recently I saw a girl get stuck in the door (internal so she was perfectly safe lol) and it was genuinely funny, so when I smiled at her it came across as genuine and not creepy. She burst out laughing because a genuine smile is contagious

You can kinda work on it. Or you can try other things. I've been experimenting with subtle eyebrow raises and a smirk to break the stoic look if I lock eyes with a girl. It's worked really well during the day so far, though I tend not to do much talking/approaching during the day, just eye contact. I'm addicted to eye contact games on the train where I try and flirt with girls using just eye contact. It's really fucking good fun

I haven't tried that in clubs though, I tend to rely on the dance floor where initial eye contact seems less important than other body language, so not sure I can offer any direct experience there

[Arcangelo]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

how to dance with a girl

Look homie I don't dance all I do is this: It's the same two step with a little twist.

[Leo Gura]

Laser eyes

Eye contact is 50% of game.

[mmKay]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Laser eyes

Eye contact is 50% of game.

Can cofirm this. You can instant makeout with girls in a club without saying a word. Just need those eyes. ( nuance and social awareness required) 

[Leo Gura]

Look in her eyes like you are penetrating her soul.

And there must not be any fear or shiftiness in your eyes. Any fear or doubt in your eyes will transfer onto her.

Keep practicing this for months until you can do it.

[Proserpina]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Look in her eyes like you are penetrating her soul.

And there must not be any fear or shiftiness in your eyes. Any fear or doubt in your eyes will transfer onto her.

Keep practicing this for months until you can do it.

Holy crap. How do you know that.  

I've 'picked up' so many people this way.

You gotta be pure, man, to pull this off.

[somegirl]

If you have trouble with eye contact, try saying inside your mind (as if you're talking to her) something self-comforting ("I am handsome, that's why you're looking at me"). Don't say it out loud, just think it while holding eye contact. Or think of someone you find attractive while holding eye contact. 

I used to think of a crush while my friend was taking photos of me and I always managed to create that attractive/sexy eye contact with camera. It works. 

Edited October 5, 2021 by somegirl

[Javfly33]

do no-fap for +10 days on you will be able to do eye-contact easy peasy  

[Jacob Morres]

Self compassion may help. I find practicing self compassion makes it easier to make decisions from 

[hamedsf]

give an eye contact that she shivers to the bone and back. 

and the pant full of smelly sticky mucus. 

[somegirl]

Tf...

[PurpleTree]

you buy a newspaper or a times magazine

cut out holes for your eyes

pretend to read the magazine in the club but actually you look at girls in the club

that's how you could do it

[Emotionalmosquito]

@PurpleTree Oh my god that’s hilarious!

[AriSujan]

@StarStruck Approach girls wearing shades bruh (along with a white stick aka peacocking)

Problem solved!

Edited October 7, 2021 by AriSujan

[Snader]

[flowboy]

@StarStruck  I find it gets better after I get warmed up with some interactions.

Don't just go out and stare at people, you will never get warmed up. And also that's a creepy way to go about it.

Talk to 10 people in quick succession and try again. I think you'll find it will come naturally when you are in flow.

[AriSujan]

@flowboy Can this state of being in flow be made permanent

Is it possible, is there a way or technique for it?

 

Edited October 8, 2021 by AriSujan

[flowboy]

4 hours ago, AriSujan said:

@flowboy Can this state of being in flow be made permanent

Is it possible, is there a way or technique for it?

 

The way to do that would be to set your life up in a way where you never have to do a job that requires you to think logically and analyze.

In addition to treating any anxiety, depression or other tendencies to ruminate and think about oneself.

Getting in flow in this case is basically the process of turning off the logical analytical mind, and letting go of all filters.

This is in my experience most necessary if you had the analytical mind and filters turned on in the first place, for example because you were at work, or because you were worrying/thinking about yourself in some capacity (something that people who do personal development will inevitably do at times).

So yes, if your life requires you to never have to get serious, and you can be in socializing-party-mode all the time, and you stop all self-reflection and rumination, perhaps also don't read books anymore because it requires too much thinking, it's theoretically possible. Provided you are an extravert. If you are an introvert, you will need to have times of not being 'on', or you'll burn out.

There's probably some jobs that lend themselves to being almost always in 'state', as RSD used to call it. Bartending maybe, club promoters, any job that is based on you being social and organizing parties and stuff. Trip promoters. Being a pick-up coach, also a good example. Rock star, perhaps, I'm not sure.

But if those things are not part of your purpose, I wouldn't worry about it. If you love what you do and how your life is going, you have self-acceptance and self-love and self-esteem and all of that, and your traumas have been properly dealt with, it doesn't take many conversations to get into flow anyway.

Edited October 8, 2021 by flowboy

[PurpleTree]

On 6.10.2021 at 7:32 PM, Cykaaaa said:

do you by any chance have 200 IQ?  

that's entirely possible

 

Edited October 9, 2021 by PurpleTree