Feeling like I can't leave this really pushy guy

[Yulduz]

I started seeing this guy 2 weeks ago, we've hung out 4 times.

He seems like he's already extremely attached to me, he's always saying some really deep shit about how much he already cares about me and that he wants to be together for years and not just a few months, that he hopes we can get married, that he's been praying to god for someone like me, and he's already told me he loves me.

This shit makes me really uncomfortable and feels weird because I barely even know him, I haven't opened up to him about me whatsoever. 

He makes me feel like I can't say no to him. He said he loved me and asked me if I felt the same way but before I could even answer he just answered for me and was like "you might not feel the same way yet but you will."

He says that now that I'm around he wakes up happy and that before me he was depressed.

This puts so much pressure on me, like I don't wanna fucking deal with it.

I'm afraid to tell him how I really feel and that I don't wanna do this anymore, because Idk how he will react and I'm scared of angry and upset men. 

I wanna just ghost him, but I feel guilty.

What should I do?

[Tudo]

@Yulduz Wow I really like when women expose their point of view about this kind of situation. Helps me understand what has gone through the head of the girls that I used to be extremely needy with when I was a teenager.

 

[WDK]

I would not ghost him. I think personally as a guy or girl, ghosting is not a good policy. It is essentially a dishonest act and it masks the real issue. He will go on doing the same thing to the next girl until he's told. You're helping him by telling him the truth.

I would use this situation as a way to improve your ability to set boundaries. Most women I've met have a hard time saying no, which is a boundaries issue. Most men suck at it too, but it's typically not as severe. But they have their own common issues like resisting emotions etc.

If you don't feel safe with him, simply tell him that and break it off. This guy obviously doesn't have a life purpose and wants to make you his world. That's too much pressure for anyone.

I would begin practicing boundaries, perhaps with this book.

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

In my experience, many relationship issues in work or interpersonally comes down to poor boundaries. It's a transferable skill.

[Tudo]

@Yulduz 

EDIT:

I kind of changed my mind, after spending some time contemplating your situation, I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't give him any chance. I would tell him how I feel and I would immediately block him and move on.

EXTREMELY NEEDY GUY, STAY AWAY.

Edited October 4, 2021 by Tudo

[Yulduz]

@WDK Thanks, yeah I do have issues setting boundaries so I should work on that

[Yulduz]

@Tudo I'm going to soon, I feel sorry for him and guilty though

[Harlen Kelly]

@Yulduz You should break it off as you soon as possible, the longer you stay with him, the more emotional pain it will cause, if you don't this will end terribly. 

Let this be a very clear example for the guys on the forum who have the tendency to get attached quickly to a chick they barely know. This is how a woman perceives guys who act needy and over-invested at the beginning stages of a relationship, like creeps. 

 

 

Edited October 5, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[Shin]

This kind of guys are crazy, no matter how you end it he's gonna be salty about it.

Best hing you can do is just tell him you don't feel the same way and are not interested anymore, don't beat around the bush, and do it quickly, the more you wait the more this guys is gonna get crazy in his neediness.

[somegirl]

@Yulduz I can relate to you in a way that you have a hard time setting boundaries and being afraid not to upset a guy for having your needs. You have to work on that. It's so important to feel comfortable expressing yourself freely. 

This guy is done. He wants to make you his world which is not a trait in a guy you're looking for. Nor is it a healthy one. He isn't grounded by himself and needs someone else to fulfill him. My ex was like that, and I felt also uncomfortable as you do now. It's extremely bad to put that kind of pressure on anyone. Noone is responsible for their happiness, only they are. So don't believe this bs. 

You can just be open and write everything that is on your mind. That should be enough. After that just block him and enjoy your amazing life.

Edited October 5, 2021 by somegirl

[Jacob Morres]

What does your higher self want in this situation? 

 

[Byun Sean]

I would not ghost him because that would make him hurt.

 

I would set your boundaries and make yourself clear how you feel and then if you want to cut communication. Cut communication and put

your foot down but let him know in a nonviolent way why you are doing so.

 

 

If he becomes even more pushy and needy and doesn't give up you should increase the decisiveness of your actions with putting your foot

down and prepare for what he might do in response knowing him personally.

 

Ideally you wanna cut off the relationship that hurts him the least but you always gotta stick up for yourself first and foremost. 

This relationship clearly isn't serving you and it is not serving him either because he can use you as a distraction from actually getting his life

together independently of you.

 

Edited October 6, 2021 by Byun Sean

[Roy]

Have an extremely blunt conversation with him, preferably on the phone. That he is moving way too fast and too attached, and needs to slow down. If his immediate reaction is too volatile, or his behavior doesn't change after a few weeks, then end it.

[Jacob Morres]

https://www.mindful.org/compassionate-boundaries-say-no-heart/#:~:text=What is a Compassionate Boundary%3F&text=A compassionate boundary is the,and the other person involved. 

 

[kamwalker]

He has a lot of growing up to do. He will get there, just not with you. Break it off