Awakening is fucking terrifying.

[ivankiss]

The deeper I go the scarier and crazier it gets.

And I'm not even going, really. It's pulling me in. I am unfolding with it. Want it or not.

Sometimes I cannot blink without it being a conscious choice. I cannot breathe unless it is done deliberately, on purpose.

Some of you might know what I'm talking about.

All that stuff that once was happening unconsciously, for you, all of the sudden, is now happening at will. Or it ain't happening at all. And that, is fucking scary.

Your stomach digesting the food you ate? You're doing that, too. The same way you prepared that meal.

The wind blowing against your back? You're doing that as well.

The Sun shining? Yup. It's you.

And the scariest thing of it all, is: you cannot look away. No matter how hard you try. You're here. It's here. And there is nothing behind you. Nowhere to go.

Yes, realizing Oneness and God is all nice and cool. But being God is something totally else. And it's freakin' terrifying.

Anyone who says it's not, is not actually waking up. Just fantasizing.

Not to mention the fact that there's a huge chance you'll lose everything and your life will fall apart, right before your eyes, if you go all the way. It's not all meditation and chill on your couch. This shit is real. It will come for everything you got.

At least that's what happened to me. And many more high masters that I deeply respect and trust.

Be careful. Take care of yourself. And take a lot of breaks. Don't flirt with insanity or death too much, too often. Be gentle with yourself.

If you think awakening is all flowers and butterflies, you are very, very wrong. In fact; most of the time, it's the complete opposite. That's what's real.

Being is absolutely beautiful and lovely. Ineffable. But you are not actually being. Not fully. Not even nearly. Getting there is not a walk in a park.

Being 100% conscious of your infinitude is no joke. Some would rather die a horrible death, than to 'experience' infinite consciousness, trust me.

Be grateful you can feel the sting. Be grateful you're not quite there yet and that it's taking a lot of time. You could not handle it all at once.

No one can.

[impulse9]

I once heard there's three types of realizations. One that makes you laugh with joy. One that shocks you to the core of your being. And finally one where you remain neutral. This last one is supposed to be the "highest".

[Moksha]

Enlightenment is painful. As you spiral up the mountain, the air gets thinner. The demons of your conditioning become increasingly fierce. They recognize their impending demise. It is not an easy epiphany. Be prepared to fight through the dark night of the soul.

When you finally let go of the conditioned mind, seeing it for the chattering monkey that it is, there is spaciousness, which is who you actually are.

[ivankiss]

That's nice guys. But what I'm pointing to is way beyond any realization or enlightenment.

Not to sound like a jerk, but all that stuff is kindergarten level in comparison to actually being God.

And btw, 'God' is not a good enough word. Such an understatement.

[Adamq8]

100% agree.

It is always talked about the "nice side" of Infinity but it is not just nice sides ?

The implications of it all is to mind blowing and fuc*ed up , but ultimately one has to accept and surrender even that but it aint easy?, we are on the event horizon of an infinite black hole which simultanously is a white hole.

The vastness of the "unconcious " is staggering and frightening..

It is like this beast that has been asleep for a really long time and it is waking up more, there is no end or limit to it.. and that says it all ??

Infinity of horror haha..??

4 real.

[jake473]

Why would God be scared of itself?

[ivankiss]

Just now, jake473 said:

Why would God be scared of itself?

Very good question!

Because it has forgotten its God.

One can find peace and freedom from thought, sensation, experience, perception, the self, even. One can be completely untouched by all those. But that does not mean one is actually being God.

[kamwalker]

I agree about taking breaks during the process. I feel myself still putting up resistance because I have attachments I’m not ready to give up yet. I knowingly try to stick my head in the sand, but it’s fucking scary because even when I tell myself to do this it feels as though I’m caught in a river and now it’s too late to get out even if I want to. 

[bensenbiz]

Thanks Ivan, this is a reminder for me to take my time.. do the work as gentle as I can do.. with a lot of love and patience. I have a huge respect and wish you ease

[Yeah Yeah]

57 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Being 100% conscious of your infinitude is no joke. Some would rather die a horrible death, than to 'experience' infinite consciousness, trust me.

Could you please clarify? I'm not buying it, who the Fuck would want to experience an aggonizing, slow, miserable, painful dying all alone without a soul to touch compassion alongside their final moments experiencing tormenting pain, as they're instead dying for hours alone in the hopes they'll survive to avoid finally dying into infinity? Grow up

Edited October 2, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[Vincent S]

Thank you for sharing ??
Its like you are saying what I have been feeling lately.

But you know, even God has a final resting place. Hope of that is what drives you, me, us.

Together we are one. And One is forever together. 

 

[ivankiss]

18 minutes ago, Yeah Yeah said:

who the Fuck 

I'm guessing: You.

[ivankiss]

What I wrote down is touching various souls that are at different stages of awakening. Way different. That's nice, and I'm very glad, but just be open to the fact, that there is so much more to what I'm saying than you're hearing. And that maybe, where you are at right now, you cannot possibly hear it.

Much love.

[SQAAD]

Yes i agree. God is so terrifying that it probably takes you decades to come to terms with what it means to be God. This work is very serious. And is very difficult. 

[ivankiss]

@Yeah Yeah Anytime.

I'm angry and scared too, brother.

Hang in there.

[Yeah Yeah]

11 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

@Yeah Yeah Anytime.

I'm angry and scared too, brother.

Hang in there.

I'm angry sure, scared idk, 

Maybe not be a bitch, I dare you to become god this moment, right now, wait, you can't and you won't, so there's not quite anything to be afraid of, it's the primitive un-yet-evolved monkey brain chattering on about concepts that aren't of this moment, 

I could probably understand some of the stuff about being the breeze, but you can't control people to behave how you want, or make the Sun stay up for an entire week, or float off into space, there's an element of nature you can't control in order for it to surprise you as being a human, which is likely why you're here, to be human and forget about being 'god' for a while, so perhaps your idea of 'God' is wrong where you imagine you can somehow manipulate and control the 'dream' one exists in ,,, dream and god are both concepts, you don't know what any of that is, become a baby again, you have no clue what anything means, not death, not nothingness, not god, not evil, not good, not pain, absolutly no clue, no notion of fear, that too is a concept only you play around with, you have no clue, 

I'm afraid of not being able to survive, that's my fear, SURVIVING, I WANT FOOD, PLEASURE, AND NOT TO GO HUNGRY OR DIE, I don't know anything about god, about the self, about love, about pain, I know not of these concepts

Don't piss me off with silly responses when I'm the only one responding to your post that's not going to kiss your ass and hand you a lollypop about nonesense you have no clue about, 

Edited October 2, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[ivankiss]

@Yeah Yeah You all the elements. Every single fucking thing is happening out of your sheer will. Even the part where you are thinking and experiencing as if it's not.

Am I in full-blown God-mode right now? Of course fucking not. If I was - being on this forum would be the last thing on my mind.

I'm about to jerk off and sleep. That's where I'm at right now. 

[Yeah Yeah]

12 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

@Yeah Yeah Every single fucking thing is happening out of your sheer will. Even the part where you are thinking and experiencing as if it's not.

That too is a concept, it'll disapear as you're watching porn, and then you'll return to this forum making up more words which point to who knows what, and lets say this were MY sheer will, are you non-existent as I go to make tea? Of course you exist, but your sheer will can't force me to respond to anything else you have to say, so don't bother sharing silly words that have 0 validity about anything, not going to respond although I'm sure in your monkey brain you have something important to share because you feed off the argument between us, your 'ego' whatever that means, loves it,

I said don't be a bitch, and become God right now, you won't and you can't, because you're making this up as if you have any clue what 'God' means, God is just a word you walk around with, the word changes meaning, perhaps first its a bearded man in the sky, and then you do too many drugs and now your concept of 'god' has changed, but there's primitive tribes which exist still and they have no clue what death is or god, they don't think about it because they're only interested in surviving and finding meat, I'll find the video and show you, its all make believe, be a baby and nag lovingly when you're hungry or horny and in need of another person who you can't control to provide the tender attention we all crave desperately, not from 'god,' but from one another,

No need to respond I have an internet addiction and will leave it here, unless you do respond I'll be interested hearing it, but if it triggers me you bet I'll resist responding to it, because 'your godly sheer will can't control me'

Edited October 2, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[ivankiss]

@Yeah Yeah I'd go full God-mode right now, just to prove to myself that I can... but then I'd have to kill you... and everyone else.

Jk.

Goodnight.

[Eternity]

I did warn, and I know it sounds petty to say "I told you so",  but I have  brought up trying to force an awakening by using egoic means.  Maybe drugs work for some, but not for everyone.  I admit I have not reached the experience of taking responsibility for all things.  For humans, we cannot even process the vibrational energy needed to reach this level.  So it would be reasonable to not over tax your mind and body with pushing towards something that is premature at this level.  To me, having admitted I have not walked in your shoes, it sounds more like the ego has managed to come up with a new power play to scare you out of moving forward. 

I'm afraid, as much as I respect Leo's intelligence and dedication, that Leo has set up a false narrative by talking about how we are all God.  Yes, I believe that, but we are still in the evolutionary phase of putting the flesh aside.  Being God takes some of us eons of lives to develop naturally and comfortably into that, aside from the most ascendant masters.  They have traveled through thousands of lifetimes to reach the vibrational level needed.  And during those lifetimes their vibrartional energy has been gradually stepped up.  Forcing an awakening is going beyond our limitations by using ego means.  It is like taking a pregnant woman and trying to get her to give birth way before the 9 months it takes for the baby to develop.

Our subconsciousness can project into our experience anything we want to imagine.  Our conscious mind says nooo, but the subconscious is programmed to do what you are focused on.  However that experience will feel as real as your hand even though it stems from a subconscious conception. 

I believe you have erred into nightmare territory and should drop all thought of being God and all practices or drugs that you think will get you there.  You should just leave it all alone and reset the entire scenario by giving up even the desire to awaken. If you can't do that, then it might be best you seek mental health to help you out of this fictional scenario.

See this:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UlrWwli9Q0