How Do You Actually Get Over Someone/ Stop Loving Them So Hard?

[Venus]

I broke up with this girl about two years ago (lets call her Abby), who I found amazing, and also looked up to, and ever since then, of course I've found girls attractive and been able to have flings or just have fun with them, but when it comes to committing to a relationship, I'm scared of committing to someone, someone other than Abby (which took a while to figure out was the reason for my fear of commitment). I've realised it's because, subconsciously, I always want to be ready if Abby ever wanted a relationship, although, consciously, I know it's not good for me if I just run back to her.

But I want to get on with my life, and the thought of her getting with someone else feels like the most horrifying thing in the world (she hasn't yet got with anyone since me), and of course I want to stop worrying about that. I want to be able to not care about who she's with/will eventually get with. I want to stop being crazy about her because it makes me crazy.

But I don't know how to do that; how do I stop being crazy about her; stop loving her; stop being needy for her?

….or at least why do I feel so strongly about her?

[aurum]

You've got to focus on you right now.

Double down on your life purpose (or find one) and play the field. Consider some meditation and / or energy work. I've never done Reiki but I've heard good things.

Finally, I'd do some research into evolutionary psychology about how attraction works for women.

[Venus]

@aurum Will that strong desire for her fade through that though?

[aurum]

2 hours ago, Venus said:

@aurum Will that strong desire for her fade through that though?

Could. If it does, that means your desire was based more on unhealthy neediness than actual caring.

[Aware]

@Venus You are confusion love with lust.

 

First get rid of your lust. That is what is firing up everything. Everything is on fire by lust. It makes people bewildered.

That which is left when lust is gone, surely that is another story. Then you love her, but all others as well. You then can start build upon the good thoughts due to clarity of mind. In fact can no one actually truly love, when one has no view that we all are in essence one, and there for not indifferent from one another.

All things in nature exist for a while, consist, and eventually cease to exist. Only suffering exists, persist for a while and ceases to exist, apart from suffering, nothing exists or seizes to exist.

But in your mind its probably: Only she exists.

The cause is lust.

The solution is refraining from that which let lust sprout and sustain itself by the sense impressions you get everywhere.

If you truly truly want to get rid of this lust, which is hard of course, then you must refrain from to much food and drinking. Bring it back to once a day eating, in the morning, and drink mostly distilled water. Also get rid of to much sleep (first sleep as the body finds rest finally), then work in letting that go.

Bring your attention on yourself, memories etc all happen within your mind, but remain concentrated on the fact we all are in essence Awareness. She isn't really there as much as you think she is. Another person walks by, and sees her and walks on. So it basically is attachment to desire that is the problem everything gets fired up.

To be clear: You don't need her specifically, to love. Make yourself whole again, your mind is wounded. Refrain from worldly activities if can, work lust out of your system, and surely you will see my point. (Lust makes people forget we are in essence 1, so may you attain back your memory.)

[Elisabeth]

I wonder. Two years is a long time. And she's got no one else yet?

Did she break up with you? Was the breakup dramatic somehow? Would talking to her and finding out what is left help clear something up for you? 

If there's no hope for the relationship, generally, I think the technique is breaking the habit of thinking about her. Distracting yourself anytime you catch yourself daydreaming about her, stop comparing your current gf with her (for example by appreciating what you have) etc. 

Also, "loving her from distance" might help a little. Just acnowledge that it's ok to have warm feelings for her, and you don't need her to be close just because you feel something for her. Maybe the feelings will never go away, but you will be at peace with not acting on them. 

[Tibor]

This might help.........

[Alexandru]

I think that is really important to know what you exactly want. The way you describing you kinda fifty-fifty. Probably your desire is to let it go, but deep down you still want her in your life. Put everything in balance, see which one is more important for you and try to focus in that direction. Be careful with your ego, don`t fell into ego`s traps. 

If you really want to get her out of your mind, go to the root of the problem which is why you feel so needy in the first place. 

This video will hopefully help you and will make you understand the cause of that problem. I`ve been in the same kind of situation recently and I can say that I understand you.

Edited January 1, 2017 by Alexandru