I am Leaving this Forum Forever. Final Goodbye to Everyone. My Last Farewell Message.

[FlyingLotus]

     I’m so sorry to hear that Preety.  The forum won’t be the same without you.  For what it’s worth, I’ve seen people bully you and it’s completely unacceptable.  I have no idea why those people’s IPs haven’t been banned.

     I’m not talking about people who just disagree with Preety btw (that’s not bullying).  I’m talking about people starting threads specifically intended to shit talk her, that call her out by name.  Or people using her personal journals to bully her in threads.  You can disagree with someone’s argument without using their personal information to twist the knife.  What the hell does that have to do with spiritual development anyway?

     If you look now, some jerk off with nothing better to do created a profile with the username @Shit colored priti just to bully Preety.  If you look at his location it says, “Shit color face priti nigga mofugga marcel.”  So it’s definitely targeted towards her.  I hope people aren’t sending you pms with such awful stuff, but sadly I suspect that’s not the case.

     I hope you can find ways to heal and find meaningful connections that don’t involve unacceptable trolling.  Maybe after a break you can come back with a new username?  Sending you prayers and virtual hugs.

 

[Moksha]

@Preety_India Wishing you peace and happiness, wherever your journey takes you. If everyone was enlightened, there would be no judgment, but most people are not. All you can do is focus on realizing the Self within you, and don't let the ego of others drag you down.

Ultimately, we are the same Consciousness, pretending to be @Preety_India and @Moksha and every other being. The most beautiful moment within the dream is when your eyes open to the spaciousness that You are.

 

[Jacob Morres]

22 minutes ago, Cykaaaa said:

I don't want to be an asshole as well, but what the hell, all the toxic arguing, projecting, attacking & then playing defense. What kind of bullcrap is this. This is a self-improvement forum - if I wanted to see the stuff listed above, I'd go to twitter. I have decided put Preety and her boyfriend on my ignored list a long time ago, but it's no use, because with her arguing others are engaging in it too, thus bringing a bad vibe to the conversation + derailing threads as a bonus. All of this is really making my experience on this forum tiresome sometimes. Yes, I know that I should be more understanding and work on myself instead of blaming others for my bad experience, but it still is the case that there is some problem here. And I'm sure it's a distraction for many other users too, not only me. Sorry. 

i have to agree with this

some of the comments you make are abrasive

im not going to take full responsibility here because you are at fault in some ways

i have my own responsibilities but, it's very clear by your comments sometimes

i dont see you taking responsibility for your own behavior and demeanor 

but i am very sorry for some comments towards you, i think could have been kindler and gentler in some of my comments, so i apologize. (does not let you off the hook though) 

 

Edited September 29, 2021 by Jacob Morres

[Federico del pueblo]

@JJfromSwitzerland Please realize how childish and immature it is to call someone a "beta mofugga", it's kind of bizarre that this has to be pointed out, lol. I mean this here is a forum for personal development, not a world of Warcraft forum.

And even though the real world is of course tough this doesn't justify insulting people on the internet, it's actually a sign of weakness if anyone has to do that.

But what I'm saying doesn't just go against you but against all forum members, particularly in the dating section. If you read through the posts you get a feeling that the people must be 14 year old chronically triggered teenagers who constantly have to give ego low blows etc., it's kinda sad.

And @Preety_India:

I understand you in some way, but I cannot say that you're inculpable either.

I think I have a somewhat accurate picture of you (though I've never read any of your journal entries) and you seemed to be someone who has already understood quite a bit about these personal development topics and has tried to implement the knowledge.

I saw you post about some of your significant insecurities in one post, where I tried to offer help. 

So far so good, then I saw you respond to some other people in other threads, and you resorted to aggressive language, saying things like "that's just your fragile ego" (projection?!)  etc when they challenged you. I was wondering "did she now copy the style of that Vzdoh girl, to seem tough and superior or what?".

So you don't apply any kind of de-escalating language, but instead fight back aggressively and try to one up the "opponent" (escalation instead of de-escalation), probably because you get triggered too.

Anyway, I don't want to demonize anyone here, those were just my observations, see if the feedback helps you or not.

I wish you the best, no matter which route you choose to walk.

[Bojan V]

@JJfromSwitzerland You've made other inappropriate comments as well, not just the racial ones. People know when you're using your right wing propaganda. So please don't make any excuses.

[Opo]

30 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Please realize how childish and immature it is to call someone a "beta mofugga",

Maybe he posted it because he realized how childish it was and he assumed everyone else would as well. 

30 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

it's kind of bizarre that this has to be pointed out, lol. I mean this here is a forum for personal development,

Why do you associate personal development with being serious? 

[Thought Art]

1 hour ago, FlyingLotus said:

     I’m so sorry to hear that Preety.  The forum won’t be the same without you.  For what it’s worth, I’ve seen people bully you and it’s completely unacceptable.  I have no idea why those people’s IPs haven’t been banned.

     I’m not talking about people who just disagree with Preety btw (that’s not bullying).  I’m talking about people starting threads specifically intended to shit talk her, that call her out by name.  Or people using her personal journals to bully her in threads.  You can disagree with someone’s argument without using their personal information to twist the knife.  What the hell does that have to do with spiritual development anyway?

     If you look now, some jerk off with nothing better to do created a profile with the username @Shit colored priti just to bully Preety.  If you look at his location it says, “Shit color face priti nigga mofugga marcel.”  So it’s definitely targeted towards her.  I hope people aren’t sending you pms with such awful stuff, but sadly I suspect that’s not the case.

     I hope you can find ways to heal and find meaningful connections that don’t involve unacceptable trolling.  Maybe after a break you can come back with a new username?  Sending you prayers and virtual hugs.

 

I didn't know this was taking place. 

Let's turn this place, each day bit by bit into the most loving respectful place on the internet. 

[Max8]

i don't like gossip

i don't pay attention to people that much so I don't know whats going on here lol

[Federico del pueblo]

49 minutes ago, Opo said:

Why do you associate personal development with being serious? 

I don't. 

I associate personal development with becoming more mature, which includes refraining from toxic language, insults etc.

Quote

Maybe he posted it because he realized how childish it was and he assumed everyone else would as well. 

Ok, if that's the case then we can be so generous to spare him the death penalty.

[Opo]

2 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

I don't. 

I associate personal development with becoming more mature, which includes refraining from toxic language, insults etc.

Why do you percieve it as toxic or insulting but some people don't? 

[Danioover9000]

@Loba

6 hours ago, Loba said:

   That's a really nice photo, a real piece of design.

[Hello from Russia]

Noooo, I actually enjoyed reading your posts in relationships forum

[Danioover9000]

5 hours ago, Cykaaaa said:

Unfortunately, I agree.

I don't want to be an asshole as well, but what the hell, all the toxic arguing, projecting, attacking & then playing defense. What kind of bullcrap is this. This is a self-improvement forum - if I wanted to see the stuff listed above, I'd go to twitter. I have decided put Preety and her boyfriend on my ignored list a long time ago, but it's no use, because with her arguing others are engaging in it too, thus bringing a bad vibe to the conversation + derailing threads as a bonus. All of this is really making my experience on this forum tiresome sometimes. Yes, I know that I should be more understanding and work on myself instead of blaming others for my bad experience, but it still is the case that there is some problem here. And I'm sure it's a distraction for many other users too, not only me. Sorry. 

 

5 hours ago, Jacob Morres said:

i have to agree with this

some of the comments you make are abrasive

im not going to take full responsibility here because you are at fault in some ways

i have my own responsibilities but, it's very clear by your comments sometimes

i dont see you taking responsibility for your own behavior and demeanor 

but i am very sorry for some comments towards you, i think could have been kindler and gentler in some of my comments, so i apologize. (does not let you off the hook though) 

 

   I have to also agree with these users here. You do have some tendencies to derail some threads, and be defensive to all criticisms about you, including the constructive and gentler ones that are not probing aggressively at you, and deflect them away when a few of them are valid, and misinterpret their meanings. Other than that, there's no other problems other than projections.

   I also am considering a break from the forum, and an alternative use to the forum as well, for different reasons. So, good  luck with your decision.

[Leo Gura]

I take trolling and bullying on this forum seriously. It is a valid concern and the Mods and I are working to reduce it.

With that said, it's important to distinguish between proper trolling & bullying vs disagreements and differences in perspective. Difference of perspective exists here, especially in the Dating sub-forum. It's important not to get triggered or caught up in personal sniping or taking disagreement of perspective too seriously. This is the internet and people say dumb or careless things all the time, so the best solution for that is to not take this forum too seriously.

With that said, proper trolling and bullying is never be acceptable here and we will stamp it out vigorously.

Members who keep doing personal sniping at other members will receive warnings.

If you feel that someone specifically is sniping at or bullying you, please report them to me. But before you do that, consider for a moment whether it might not simply be a matter of difference in perspective, in which case, just let it go.

[eggopm3]

One thing I've noticed about social media and online forums is that unless they have a really specific reason for it the people who post the most frequently tend to have less healthy relationships with the medium. that ocd-like urge to maintain a cycle of posting and checking your responses and posting some more can become extremely addictive. And then because you spend so much time there you become really attached and take it more seriously than the rest of the users while simultaneously coming across to new users like you know what you're talking about because you're such a regular. I've struggled with this in online communities in the past and have largely completely altered how I interact online because of it. It's a tough balance to strike for some people.

[Jodistrict]

Posters should be aware that this forum has an "ignore user" feature which can help you preserve your peace of mind and avoid the temptation to waste time in pointless arguments .   

Edited September 30, 2021 by Jodistrict

[Carl-Richard]

47 minutes ago, eggopm3 said:

One thing I've noticed about social media and online forums is that unless they have a really specific reason for it the people who post the most frequently tend to have less healthy relationships with the medium. that ocd-like urge to maintain a cycle of posting and checking your responses and posting some more can become extremely addictive. And then because you spend so much time there you become really attached and take it more seriously than the rest of the users while simultaneously coming across to new users like you know what you're talking about because you're such a regular. I've struggled with this in online communities in the past and have largely completely altered how I interact online because of it. It's a tough balance to strike for some people.

And if we go a step further and take what has been said earlier into consideration: what if that medium is all you have? That should elicit an even deeper sense of understanding and empathy. When given the true context behind a person's actions, the first response should be "I understand you". Likewise, when you feel like you don't understand someone, the first instinct should be that you're lacking context. That saves you a lot of energy spent on confusion and resentment.

[Preety_India]

@Leo Gura  I'm not a person of many words. this will never work as much as you try to think it would. The mechanism of the forum itself is inherently flawed and does not create an understanding environment. You can't force people to like each other if they don't want to. People go way way beyond  just disagreement of perspectives. They almost start targeting that person's every post and also engage others into doing it. Almost like gang bullying and it feels like being attacked by a large group of people with one supporting the other during the attack. Perfect recipe for a mental breakdown. 

Those who are taking this lightly or think that I'm some drama queen haven't been at the receiving end of it to know how it affects the psyche. Disagreements are fine but people don't stop with personal attacks. And mods only take action when someone tells them to. Reporting doesn't even work anymore. Most mods do not want to give warning points which won't stop the behavior. Sadly even giving warning points doesn't cut it. They still do the same thing. How many times is a person going to report a post and approach a mod? 

This will never work. Today I'm the victim of bullying and trolling here, tomorrow someone else will feel the same way. Most people simply leave after receiving a couple of mean comments. Nobody likes being treated this way, it's not about victimhood. It's about mental health and dignity. It's pretty frustrating that this happening on a forum like this. Those who are blaming me don't understand that the very fact that I have to complain about something like this is already a very bad sign. 

I understand that some members have a personal vendetta against me but they are taking this way too far. Not liking me should not give them the license to constantly criticize and attack. At some point, it's too much to be so robotic about it. 

I had mega tons of patience dealing with constantly being picked on. I don't even think a person like me will ever exist on this forum again (not trying to boast but stating this in a sad way). Most people just give up after a couple of comments. 

I'm pretty brave to have survived the barrage of insults thrown at me almost over a year now. I used to like this forum a lot because it gave me a huge territory to explore different ideas and I'm an exploratory person. 

The forum has its good side but it's bad side massively outweighs the good. 

Those who think the forum is a good experience probably just cannot relate to my experience at all because they just can't be in my shoes so their comments are simply flippant and lacking in subjective experience, like apples talking about oranges. 

I had to ask myself - how much longer can I take this before my mind finally gives up? 

The final straw is someone calling my boyfriend the M word. I have never even used that word in my entire life and will never. I find it hard to even write it in full. 

Later he complained of high heart rate and headache. He was even anxious to login. He immediately felt very targeted and harassed. He is just a newbie with little experience.And this forum almost butchered his self esteem. He has joined barely a month ago and he is already feeling the hostility here. 

I take this very seriously. I've myself sacrificed a lot mentally to be here. So I can sympathize with him, nobody deserves to be treated this way. 

He is too young and just started out with life to be told that he is weak. This shit affects even if one pretends that it does not. 

If I were in his place I would have been completely traumatized so I can understand where he is coming from. 

The average crowd here is pretty aggressive. This aggression is dangerous to health. To a young mind, this will feel like trauma. Denial of this is simply lack of deeper understanding. 

You can't really decide if something can be taken too seriously or not. You can't keep going on with fake strength. If the body is reacting negatively, it's wiser to listen to it. 

I'm pretty sure nobody would be able to endure the amount of trolling and bullying I did, so it's way easier for them to say things without experience. 

This forum is a very toxic environment in general and nothing much is being done. I don't even think much can be done either. 

I may have average intelligence but my intelligence is dictating me that this is a gone case and it won't happen. Nothing will change 

 

I thought this was supposed to be a safe place and the quality here would be much better but I'm very disappointed and I don't think I should go on tolerating this. It's just not okay for personal dignity. 

You take this way too lightly. 

You say difference of perspectives. But calling someone a motheefucker publicly on a forum does not count as difference of perspectives in my mind. 

There has to be some basic civility here. How is this a civil place if the average crowd around me would not even utter such a word? 

And this is supposed to be a spiritual place when the average crowd out there is more civil than this? 

This is simply not acceptable. There needs to be higher standards on what kind of words to be used, despite disagreements. 

Respectful people will eventually walk away and the forum will devolve. 

The very fact that such words are being normalized by the crowds here shows the standard and quality. 

I get abrasive I agree. I have had disagreements and said controversial and abrasive things that might trigger people . But I have never used such words even in a fit of anger during a debate 

Calling someone idiot or stupid is still bearable. 

But using words like motherf**** is way out of line. 

This won't even make it to a professional debate forum 

Giving emotional reactions is one thing but using name calling to this level is completely out of line and what is said cannot be unsaid and warning points only make the users more defensive and aggressive. It doesn't make them reflect on it or change. 

So what purpose does it serve if people are forever going to argue about what counts as offense and what does not instead of actually putting some effort to create a more understanding high conscious compassionate environment. The argument itself defeats the purpose 

 

If the forum cannot maintain even a bare minimum basic level of decency, I'm no good here then.

I'm not going to normalize offensive words that shouldn't be normalized and take a dump on my self esteem just to survive here, it's not practical and not worth it. 

I'm seriously done. And don't say that I didn't complain. I complained an awful lot about this on multiple occasions and I'm fed up. 

If you can't have decency in a place, it's wrong to assume it would get better and the best option is to leave. 

 

By the way the troll is back. That is another crap I have to deal with. 

Finally people who are too happy that I'm out can go celebrate. 

I wish everyone good luck.  I am out forever. 

 

 

 

 

 

[AriSujan]

@Preety_India Takecare...Bye

[Epikur]

Excellent decision