Is abstaining from Gossiping a good strategy?

[Strangeloop]

I created this rule where it said "No gossiping" And I see other people doing it, but I try as hard as I can to abstain from talking about people, but maybe I'm in the wrong here. Maybe that is not a good strategy, And maybe that's why I'm so antisocial because I only think about my own problems and not other people. But I still would rather abstain from speaking about people, even if it hurts me. Maybe not so good strategy. 

What are your thoughts? Should a person gossip or shall he not?

[Loba]

I try very hard not to gossip.  Sometimes I have caught myself doing it, and will change the convo when I do and try to keep a personal rule of not doing it, because I HATE being gossiped about and so I feel like most other people do, too.  If someone's name comes up, I try to keep it positive.  I usually don't get caught in this pattern because I find it a boring mode of communication. 

My opinion is that gossiping is two-faced and is not the best strategy unless the person being gossiped about is dangerous and you are just looking out for someone's well-being or something.

Edited September 29, 2021 by Loba

[LastThursday]

I try and steer well away from gossiping. The biggest problem with gossiping is groupthink, which can lead to bullying behaviour against individuals. I would class gossiping as making negative judgements based on little information, or even worse actively putting someone in a bad light. My rule is to talk about what people have actually done and to keep down speculation, or try and keep my judgments down to a minimum. I outright don't gossip about people I don't know well. If intervention is necessary, then I talk to the person directly.

[vizual]

Try to be around quality people, they tend to gossip less than low quality unconscious people. 
 

And when you do find yourself around people  that like to gossip take the high road and stick to your integrity. Don’t lower your standards just for the sake of accommodating that person.

Btw i don’t think talking about other people is necessarily gossipping if you talk about that person in a constructive and positive way. I see gossiping as something you talk about just for the sake of sensationalism and tearing them down. Especially regarding personal matters.

 Most people that gossip just do it to make themselves feel better and superior to that person. You should never do that, because that mindset will hurt you more in the long run than the person you speak about

[Jacob Morres]

yeah sometimes i gossip because i have nothing to say but ideally i never gossip. ive been on the other end of it and it definietely sucks to be on the opposite end of it

[Terell Kirby]

Gossiping is definitely a low consciousness behavior. Sometimes it's unavoidable depending on who you are socializing with.

The fact that you are skeptical of gossip is already a good thing, continue to follow your intuition.

[mandyjw]

It's easier to focus on what you want to do instead of trying to ban ourselves from some old pattern. Berating ourselves for not being good enough is the same dynamic out of which the desire to gossip about others is born. We criticize ourselves and hold ourselves to standards so others must be held to them too. And when they don't! Oh no!  Truly appreciating people and the curiosity of understanding yourself in and as them starts taking over the old patterns. People are really beautiful. Even when they aren't. If this was a novel and you were the author, not just another character, how would you see them? Actually change how you think about people, including yourself. Gossip is a weed best gotten by the roots. 

[Thought Art]

Focus on your growth and purpose 

[Flowerfaeiry]

Nope. Don't do it.

Watch you thoughts too because even if you're not talking, you might be silently talking shit which isn't really a change of heart. 

[TheAlchemist]

I have found the best thing to do when people start gossiping about someone is to say something you like about that person, mention something cool they did. People will have to consciously be assholes from that point forward if they don't go along with it and also say at least something nice.

And it's not about being "nice" just for the sake of it really, it's about integrity. We should be capable of saying anything we say about someone behind their backs right to their face next time we see them. If we're willing to take that responsibility, then it can be ok to talk some shit at times. But most people won't take that responsibility. 

Another practical reason to not talk shit about anyone behind their back is that you can be sure as hell that the people you are gossiping with are taking note, and realizing that you are not a trustworthy person, since you likely gossip about them too when they're not around. 

[Strangeloop]

Very insightful. Thank you all.