Feeling Fatalistic & Having Difficulty Facing Reality

[SQAAD]

The last couple of weeks have been hell for me. A lot of my old demons have come out. A lot of sh*t that i haven't resolved yet.  Many fears and tons of uncertainty about the future. 

I am having trouble trusting myself or even Reality. I see myself as someone who is trapped into a machine (body) and i have to live through sh*t that i don't wanna live through. The more things i learn about the brain, society etc the more depressed i become. Everything seems deterministic and fatalistic. For example if someone is born into poverty, his prefontal cortex will be less thick than the average. This is all very scary stuff.. And basically you have to endure whatever cards you were dealt with. Some people have to suffer through the trauma of poverty. (I don't struggle with poverty, i mention this as an example).

I can't control my brain, nor my genetics, nor a million other stuff. I am having fears around the brain especially. I fear that as time goes by i won't be able to constrain myself as good as i can now. And that is a good assumption to make if you take neuroscience into account. Because as we age we lose neurons around the prefontal cortex and other areas. And we lose the ability to inhibit ourselves.

So i may be doing dumb sh*t that i don't wanna be doing just because i am a slave to this machinery. All this fear comes up because i have no control over reality. I don't know if i will fk up my life because of inability to control urges in the future. This seems like a horror movie to me now. Maybe God enjoys horror movies.

I can't trust reality and i can't even trust my own body. This is all very depressing. I've watched these two videos below. And i feel even worse. I feel like a robot. Victim to mechanistic laws.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcMKLwVlpJk&t=3266s

 

Edited September 29, 2021 by SQAAD

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

Can totally relate. All this justifies my need for adderall addiction cause my machine is just shit otherwise no matter how long I’m sober

[SQAAD]

@EntheogenTruthSeeker

2 hours ago, EntheogenTruthSeeker said:

Can totally relate. All this justifies my need for adderall addiction cause my machine is just shit otherwise no matter how long I’m sober

It's really sad that if i were to remove your prefrontal cortex you would no longer be able to control your impulses. This is really scary (Phineas Gage example). The disturbing thing is that you can know that X is a poor decision, yet you don't have the machinery to control yourself from doing X.

 

Edited September 29, 2021 by SQAAD

[EntheogenTruthSeeker]

1 hour ago, SQAAD said:

@EntheogenTruthSeeker

It's really sad that if i were to remove your prefrontal cortex you would no longer be able to control your impulses. This is really scary (Phineas Gage example). The disturbing thing is that you can know that X is a poor decision, yet you don't have the machinery to control yourself from doing X.

 

Preach it. Like I am not in control of my life because no matter how much inspiration or pep talk I have, information, etc. my brain or habits are just so ingrained it seems my executive functioning is just extremely low, so I guess it’s just time to accept it. 

[SQAAD]

@EntheogenTruthSeeker

12 hours ago, EntheogenTruthSeeker said:

Preach it. Like I am not in control of my life because no matter how much inspiration or pep talk I have, information, etc. my brain or habits are just so ingrained it seems my executive functioning is just extremely low, so I guess it’s just time to accept it. 

Yes i think acceptance is the final stage we reach after lots of suffering. My mindset is that i will be trying to do the best i can , even though i don't have any control. Lol. 

Nobody can tell you how to live when you have no free will. It's a tricky issue. You can pretend you have control and that may be very useful. Or you can have another attitude towards life. The truth of no freel will does not tell you how you should live your life. We have to figure ourselves.

Generally i do my best to stay optimistic and not feeling like a victim of determistic mechanistic laws. But it's difficult at times.

Edited September 30, 2021 by SQAAD

[Mason Riggle]

@SQAAD there is liberation in being 'unfree', as paradoxical as this sounds. 

Why?

If there's nothing you can control.. what the hell are you worried about? All the worrying in the world won't change anything, it will just be more of what is happening.  

Count your blessings.. you are this amazing, seeing, feeling, thinking 'being'... happening exactly how you are.. and that's fucking incredible!

[Mason Riggle]

Of course the future will turn out exactly as it will turn out, and this moment is an absolutely necessary 'step' along that path, as determined by all of the past.

Any attempt to 'change' the future, is actually just 'causing the future', and changing nothing.  

In this sense, you might recognize that you are already always being exactly how you want to be, otherwise you'd be some other way. You don't even have to try.   It's safe to 'let go'. 

[Mu_]

On 9/28/2021 at 8:28 PM, SQAAD said:

The last couple of weeks have been hell for me. A lot of my old demons have come out. A lot of sh*t that i haven't resolved yet.  Many fears and tons of uncertainty about the future. 

I am having trouble trusting myself or even Reality. I see myself as someone who is trapped into a machine (body) and i have to live through sh*t that i don't wanna live through. The more things i learn about the brain, society etc the more depressed i become. Everything seems deterministic and fatalistic. For example if someone is born into poverty, his prefontal cortex will be less thick than the average. This is all very scary stuff.. And basically you have to endure whatever cards you were dealt with. Some people have to suffer through the trauma of poverty. (I don't struggle with poverty, i mention this as an example).

I can't control my brain, nor my genetics, nor a million other stuff. I am having fears around the brain especially. I fear that as time goes by i won't be able to constrain myself as good as i can now. And that is a good assumption to make if you take neuroscience into account. Because as we age we lose neurons around the prefontal cortex and other areas. And we lose the ability to inhibit ourselves.

So i may be doing dumb sh*t that i don't wanna be doing just because i am a slave to this machinery. All this fear comes up because i have no control over reality. I don't know if i will fk up my life because of inability to control urges in the future. This seems like a horror movie to me now. Maybe God enjoys horror movies.

I can't trust reality and i can't even trust my own body. This is all very depressing. I've watched these two videos below. And i feel even worse. I feel like a robot. Victim to mechanistic laws.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcMKLwVlpJk&t=3266s

 

Was it fatalisticly determined that such a body/mind/machine would learn about this so called proof and information that the body/mind/neurons are fixed and cant change and as a result would then become depressed about the information?  Not all body/mind/neuron machines that learn about this information get depressed about it, some can feel more relaxed and at ease that there is no control so to say.

Is it possible in this moment now, that you can possibly see that your reacting to this information in your own unique way, and that possibly you can also see that if there is no control, then its equally possible everything could become amazing in any second and all idea's of the problems that are thought of as problems and issues that are thought of as stressful, and experiences that are not felt as good or enjoyable all could become something positive and new?

 

[SQAAD]

@Mason Riggle

9 hours ago, Mason Riggle said:

If there's nothing you can control.. what the hell are you worried about? All the worrying in the world won't change anything, it will just be more of what is happening.  
 

I like that. There is just tons of fear. A lot of stuff that i don't wanna experience. That is the challenge of life i guess. All the bad sh*t we don't wanna experience, we can experience...

[SQAAD]

@Mu_

3 hours ago, Mu_ said:

 

Is it possible in this moment now, that you can possibly see that your reacting to this information in your own unique way, and that possibly you can also see that if there is no control, then its equally possible everything could become amazing in any second and all idea's of the problems that are thought of as problems and issues that are thought of as stressful, and experiences that are not felt as good or enjoyable all could become something positive and new?

 

Thats a good point. It's super difficult to surrender. Ego always wants to control and manipulate its way out.

Edited September 30, 2021 by SQAAD