Raising Children - Being An Awakened Parent

[Debil]

As a parent in the journey of self actualization, I am facing many challenges and questions when raising my 2.5 years old child.

Especially knowing that the beliefs embedding window is so short (age 1 to ~5),  finding the right thing to do without infecting my child with my own flawed beliefs is not an easy task.

So in case you haven't heard about her, I wanted to let you know about Shefali Tsabary, her world perception matches the one we're trying to obtain and she has great insights about parenting.

Here's one video, you can see more on YouTube and on her website.

http://www.oprah.com/video_embed.html?article_id=63313

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Debil Great topic! I find Teal Swan also has some good perspectives, likely because her childhood was so extreme. Many of her videos discuss raising children inadvertently to show how our subconscious has become so fucked up....but you can also use that knowledge as a parenting guide...

Personally, I am pretty disappointed in my inability to evolve myself enough to be a more awakened parent. I am going through a toxic separation, and I want to be better equipped to rise above the effects of my situation. My daughter is 3, pretty similar age...yes, this is the formative time. I will check out, Shefali Tsabary...I need all the help I can get...lol....thanks so much for sharing!

 

[AlwaysBeNice]

This is actually really interesting to think about. How do you raise a child to have it stay and be as enlightened as possible.

Of course, be as pure, positive and conscious as you can possibly be, since he is taking you as an example most of the time.

But also teaching them about self-inquiry and the Self works wonderfully probably; creating the most spontaneous conscious smart sharp confident ecstatic peaceful children and allowing it to carrying and expanding that all the way into adult hood.

[Leo Gura]

I'm planning to release a video on this topic in the future.

Been gathering my notes for over a year now on this topic. There's a lot to say from all the psychology and nonduality research.

In the meantime, to avoid making your kids closedminded ideologues, guide them towards openmindedness and investigation of direct experience. Teach them not to accept ready-made answers, but derive understanding from direct observation. Teach them the difference between beliefs and awareness. Teach them the difference between hearsay and direct experience. Teach them that not-knowing is better than knowing. And demonstrate all this yourself.

[Toby]

@Leo Gura do you have kids?

[Leo Gura]

@Toby No, but I can show you principles of raising openminded kids that few others can, because I've spent a lot of time exploring the mechanics of epistemology.

It has less to do with kids, and more to do with how the mind works in general.

Conventional parenting advice you can read elsewhere. I don't profess to be experienced in that domain.

[Toby]

Ok. Well, I don't have kids myself either, but a little bit of experience working with them (age 3-10) and it is almost not possible to meet them with any prepared concepts and agendas. They mirror you everything that's not aligned within oneself. It's almost like adults can learn more from kids than the other way round. For me they pick up a lot of things that are not spoken, so it's basically the job of the parent to be as much in peace with themselves / world as they can be, rather than impose ideas or non-ideas on the kids. It's an interesting and challenging topic for sure. Looking forward to the video.

[Leo Gura]

@Toby Yes, it has to be embodied by the parent. That's very important. You can't just lecture nondual theory at them.

If, as the parent, all you did was meditate yourself for 60 minutes every day in the living room for the entire 18 years of your kids growing up -- without explaining anything to the kid -- you'd have a HUGE impact on them without even saying a word.

[Debil]

Indeed, self example in many cases proves as the only way to "teach".

True, toddlers are very present, which is a result of clean mind, no beliefs and a very small ego. But they're little chimps, very reactive and mostly motivated by the low self.

But that presence is good enough to make an impact on me as a parent, inspiring me to be more present as well and less worried about time, which is probably the main challenge every parent is facing -- the conflict between being present and the parent's will (it's not really a need) to get to work on time, have some rest or to avoid making a mess, because toddlers like to play with their food.

So at least at this age it's not yet possible to explain complex things, but as she's learning to communicate, we talk with our daughter about emotions -- transcribing her feelings, letting her know what we felt and basically helping her understand herself and giving her tools to manage her emotions, probably the first step towards self awareness and emotion management.

It's also the easiest thing to start with, because they deal with many conflicts between their will and reality, which causes them to be agitated many times during the day. So each time is an opportunity to let her experience these feeling and to guide her through it.

Reading Marshall Rosenberg's book Nonviolent Communication really helped us to communicate more effectively (with everyone, but especially) with our daughter. 

Edited December 18, 2016 by Debil

[pluto]

Children IMO are born Awake(If you will), its the conditioning and structuring of society, culture, education ect.. along the way that de-sensitizes them and disconnects them from source. Let them be free with your guidance, you can learn more from them then they can of you since they are still pure.

Never let them touch any artificial foods, drinks or substances. Raise them to eat Real Whole Food and watch them change the world

Edited December 20, 2016 by pluto

[Debil]

@pluto that may be true on the first few months, but I think a baby quickly learns the distinction between "him" (his body) and what's not, just by looking at his hands, seeing he's controlling them and learning what things he can't control.

It's only reasonable since we were designed by evolution to have an ego, just like animals have an ego, helping them survive and not get eaten or jump off a cliff. 

But still, a newly born baby may not have a perception of self, but does he has an awareness? It seems that he is reacting to input from his body (cold, hot, hungry, tired), not choosing consciously to cry, for instance.

[Annie]

I absolutely agree with @pluto In my opinion children are filled with all the potential in the world. They are human beings in its purest form. There are certain things (already in utero) you can do to help maintain as much of this "purity" as possible.

@Debil You say your child is 2.5 years old. My smallest one is the same age. My eldest is 5 and he's quite "aware" for his age and extremely eager to know, well, everything. Of course parenting is hard work, trying to teach your children how the world works (and I'm not talking about easily explainable things like why it rains).
At that age they basically just observe what you do, soon they will begin acting like you so the best thing is to lead by example. But don't forget that not only the child can learn from you but you can learn from the child as well. What I find most fascinating about parenting is the wonderful gift of hands-on seeing the world through the eyes of a child. Adults tend to complicate life too much, try to rationalize, reason, over-explain. Children see the simplicity, the beauty of the world. That, to me, is like enlightenment.

Of course it is important you talk to her, put her feelings into words, teach her to express herself so she doesn't feel misunderstood and let her feel anything she says is important. But don't only focus on the spoken things, focus on the non-verbal communication at least just as much. Everything else will follow.

@Leo Gura Have you ever heard of Jean Liedloff's "Continuum concept"? (Highly recommended read, not only to parents) I am a firm believer of forming an inseparable bond with your children from the moment of conception and avoiding as much trauma as possible is the basis of everything else.