Going Club solo, I feel horrible af

[Striving for more]

I am going to the club solo again, and I feel like shit. 

This is the last thing I want to do right now, but I know no growth without pain. 

Been reading random forums about how "girls just go out to have fun and they'll dance with you but won't go home with you, they'll get you to by drinks, they'll be with their friends" 

or about how "the competition is so high, they'll just compare you to a more handsome or cooler guy" 

or how "these guys are just creeps man women don't want to approached" .. ahh. 

Then I picture how ruthless and bitchy girls are and that thought lingers. 

Then I have mental image being "that guy", of going there, the desperate loner, no social status. Going there and getting rejected, security gaurds laughing at me for being that guy, all the crowds. 

I guess I'll go anyway, but I feel like total shit, maybe I should just not go because my mindset is so bad right now, I dont think being brave will save this mindset, I feel like being "that loner" is too much of a deal breaker too.

I hope saying "I'm new here is enough, it's just its hard to talk in clubs & girls tend to judge you off first sight (context ect..) before u even have chance to explain why youre here solo

ANd I hope even the authentic admittance, even through sub communicaiton "That yes im here alone because I want to pull girls and whtas the problem with that" Could be considered actually strong and attractive to girls rather than "Oh hes that creep" i dunno

Maybe I should turn up late to avoid being "that loner" but I also want to sleep well tonight. 

Ah if only I could quickly find wimen, or wing chics, it's just so hard too build because I change city so often & finding people that want to go with you at the exact same schedule is hard to find too. 

I hope going out alone is ok, and I hope approaching girls at clubs is an effective thing to do because theres all these doubts, Ill do it anyway but fuck it's so hard being a guy socially, girls are so brutal. They give you weird looks for going alone. I guess I have to not care what people think

Edited September 27, 2021 by Striving for more

[Roy]

If you feel absolutely awful and doing it going there, why fight going uphill on ice? You aren't going to perform your best and get results feeling like that.

Brainstorm different places you can get the same results you want, they exist. Women are everywhere, not just clubs.

There is more than one way to skin a cat.

[JonasVE12]

Nights when you feel very heavy emotionally turn out to be the best nights for me. So much growth can happen on these nights. 

Go to the club, sit somewhere and let all your stories and beliefs come up and surrender to them. Accept how they feel in the body and ground your energy out into the earth. Then take action from this grounded place. No matter if you got rejected, celebrate that you transformed fear into courage. This is a neccessary building block for becoming better with women. It's training yourself to step into tension. You're training your nervous system to have a different relationship with fear. When you do this often, you become more embodied with those higher emotions and your self-esteem and self-worth naturally rises as you approach more. You'll let go of more and more stories the longer you do it. 

Take control over your will and take conscious action. Even if you didn't approach anyone and felt bad the whole night, you still went out which forced you to get triggered. That gives you emotions to release on for the next time to go better. 

Have patience as well. Shit doesn't come overnight.

[Bando]

just go to the club grab a drink sit down listen to music and watch a few people then get up and leave. Exposure therapy is very importat in a situation like this take very small steps.

If you approach any girl with that mentality she will sense your energy and it will 100% kill the interaction

[museumoftrees]

Bro, you are going to kill it. Don't let self-doubt run you down. Once you hit the clubs and approach these girls it's a success no matter the outcome.

[Blackhawk]

Whatever happens, it will be just another passing experience on the screen of consciousness.

[Ilan]

Bro, you are overthinking it. Apparently, you´ve chosen a very brutal way to go about it. Don’t expect to succeed. But you’ll sure get a lot of experience and improvement if you dare doing this. 

[Blackhawk]

But yes girls are brutal. Beyond brutal.

They have made me cry more than anything else in life.

I've done that clubbing alone thing a billion times with zero success. But you might have better luck.

Edited September 27, 2021 by Blackhawk

[something_else]

Here's a very relevant story of mine from a few weeks back, have a read. I felt exactly like you felt and ended up having a blast of a night. If you go out alone I think you're always going to need to deal with your mind coming up with emotional shit like that

Drinking some alcohol can help relax the shitty thoughts. It also helps if the place is really busy because no one knows you're alone by sight, and if you feel stressed you can just blend into the crowd. If someone asks who you're there with just say you're new to the town and you just wanna have a fun night.

Ideally you won't even need that because you're right, non-verbal communication is key on the dance floor, it's a good skill to work on

In my experience, if you go alone, the mindset you want is "let's fucking do it and see what the fuck happens". Clubs are chaotic, literally anything can happen. Try to get your mind to tap into the adrenaline and excitement of that prospect

Tell yourself that anything else that your mind generates other than "fuck it let's see what happens" is an expectation and should be ignored as much as reasonably possible

[Javfly33]

Lol your narrative IS completely different than mine, huh, funny.

Find yourself a Group to go out approaching. That Will make you feel less of a loner and weirdo and more of an empowered man.

 

Anyways being the Guy sober having the balls to approach Girls vs guys Drunk talking to their Group of Friends...i mean me personally makes me feel empowered and more valuable, not less 

But hey, each of us have definetely a crazy story inside our heads ?

[museumoftrees]

3 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

But yes girls are brutal. Beyond brutal.

They have made me cry more than anything else in life.

I've done that clubbing alone thing a billion times with zero success. But you might have better luck.

You went clubbing a billion times and had zero success?

Edited September 28, 2021 by museumoftrees

[Blackhawk]

4 minutes ago, museumoftrees said:

You went clubbing a billion times and had zero success?

Yes. Maybe try to understand that not everyone are succesful with women.

[Yeah Yeah]

*Deleted*

Edited September 28, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[Leo Gura]

5 hours ago, Striving for more said:

Been reading random forums about how "girls just go out to have fun and they'll dance with you but won't go home with you, they'll get you to by drinks, they'll be with their friends" 

or about how "the competition is so high, they'll just compare you to a more handsome or cooler guy" 

or how "these guys are just creeps man women don't want to approached" .. ahh. 

Then I picture how ruthless and bitchy girls are and that thought lingers. 

Dude, stop reading such negative shit.

If you actually start talking to girls you'll see that you mostly get positive reactions.

You need to bask only in positivity when you're doing this. You need to practice delusional levels of positivity here. Do not allow a single negative thought into your mind no matter what happens.

Clubbing solo is one of the hardest things a guy can do. But damn does it grow you if you can pull it off.

Get some wingmen to bolster you. Going out solo as a newbie is not usually sustainable. You need some emotional support structure from wings when starting off.

[PurpleTree]

you have my respect for trying to better yourself though 

 

i've clubbed a few times solo but i was pretty drunk

[Yeah Yeah]

3 minutes ago, AMTO said:

@Leo Gura

“You need to bask only in positivity when you're doing this. You need to practice delusional levels of positivity here. Do not allow a single negative thought into your mind no matter what happens”. 

This sounds like Law of Attraction. Is that what you’re describing? Or do you just consider this healthy advice? 
 

 

I presume any doubts one has it can spiral into gloomy mind space, and without a buddy to hype up your greater qualities, might be challenging to move onward, hence a positive mindset and moving forward no matter what lol

But I think if you're going out determined its better to wait when you're on top of your game, like doing drugs without a proper setting and then perhaps having a hellish trip,

Edited September 28, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[Hello from Russia]

Dude, how come the competition is high?

Competition is almost non-existent. These dudes are usually very lame and have 0 game. If you do meditation and other spiritual work you should have a phenomenal edge and run circles over them

At the end of the day, the chick will always choose someone with the deepest presence and highest integrity no matter what setting you're in

Edited September 28, 2021 by Hello from Russia

[Yeah Yeah]

@Hello from Russia Are you saying someone who meditates has a greater edge over those who don't practise? I mean maybe most men are naturally loving and this man meditates to overcome childhood traumas,

Edited September 28, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[Hello from Russia]

5 minutes ago, Yeah Yeah said:

@Hello from Russia Are you saying someone who meditates has a greater edge over thos who don't practise? I mean maybe most men are naturally loving and this man meditates to overcome childhood traumas,

Most men are naturally traumatized as fuck, insecure and have tons of issues in our society (which is sad).

Someone who does practices seriously naturally purifies himself off of bullshit and has overall much higher state of consciousness, which chicks pick up very easily

What Leo basically says - just have a high state of consciousness and chicks will stick to you like a glue. I found it to be true in my experience

Edited September 28, 2021 by Hello from Russia

[Striving for more]

I actually went out and eventually I made out with a pretty girl. I just called a taxi & jumped in the que. 

I waa shitfaces nervous but onxe i fot in the club I startes to relax, seeing all these nervous faces on such pretty girls actually calmeds me down some reason, also seing so many shitdaced guya i realized competition isnt thaaat bad even if they were look cool physically.

She wasnf completely sober and I had several drinks (but wasnf exactlg drunk either) so I cant act like it was that much of an accomplishment

She actually suggested leaving somewhere but i stupidly went bathroom and then she found her (overweight & demanding) friends, who told her "were going home in a rude demanding voice"

Admittedly she wasnt completely sober but we made out quite a lot and I touched her nice ass and it felt so good.

All the stuff I read and worries about has no relevance when I get there,all the hypergamy and peoples opinions on reditt flys out the window, I was wrong, girls do like to be sexual at clubs, you just have to not react & be stoic to the ones thaf dont like it, there will always be a mix.

Crazy how many key lessons u can learn in one nigjt out too, u dont even need a coach.

I feel like thw the more negative emotions u feel to doinf somethinf the more that thing is probablt going to lead to do something good, "life is counterintuitive".