How long do you wait to have sex?

[Waken]

Devaluing a girl because she has sex with you on the 1st, 2nd, whatever date is very silly to me. Some silly societal thoughts there imo. If there is chemistry and you feel like it, then it seems to me great to go with that. I resonate more with the idea that neither of the parties has to fake anything or play any games. If a girl thinks or likes the idea that I have to work for something like that, I'd be very much put off. I don't want to persuade her, to 'win' her, I want it only if we both want it and that we treat each other like equals there. But who knows, maybe the guy you're dating thinks different.

Edited September 25, 2021 by Waken

[zazen]

1 hour ago, Waken said:

Devaluing a girl because she has sex with you on the 1st, 2nd, whatever date is very silly to me. Some silly societal thoughts there imo. If there is chemistry and you feel like it, then it seems to me great to go with that. I resonate more with the idea that neither of the parties has to fake anything or play any games. If a girl thinks or likes the idea that I have to work for something like that, I'd be very much put off. I don't want to persuade her, to 'win' her, I want it only if we both want it and that we treat each other like equals there. But who knows, maybe the guy you're dating thinks different.

Thats the thing, we on this forum may not view it in a negative light, but the average guy out there views things differently. It's tough at times as us being on forum of self development / spirituality gotta be careful not to project more evolved perspectives onto society when discussing society and the average guy/girl. 

 

A lot of the guys who will give a carefree non judgmental attitude towards it when pursuing a girl as to not make her feel 'slutty' / put up defence and so for her to relax and open up sexually. Whether that attitude is genuine or just a facade for the man to get what he wants short term is what women have to be careful and discern themselves with their intuition. 

Edited September 25, 2021 by zazen

[Leo Gura]

When a girl withholds sex she's not doing for the guy's sake, she's doing it for her sake, while rationalizing it in her mind that it's for the guy.

Withhold if you like, but from the guy's POV it's annoying and it's clear you're playing games. So don't be surprised when the guy games you back.

[Gianna]

I have a problem withholding sex tbh but I want to get better at this! 

[Gianna]

If I'm attracted to someone I just want to have sex with them. But I think building up intimacy makes sex 10x better so waiting is good but it's hard but it's good  

[Gianna]

Actually you know what it would be really nice if the guy withheld for the girl. That would be amazinggg. 

[Roy]

33 minutes ago, Gianna said:

Actually you know what it would be really nice if the guy withheld for the girl. That would be amazinggg. 

I withheld sex from my first long-term girlfriend. It was a really good decision, built a really good foundation for the relationship.

Don't view me as a hero though, it was only like 2 or 3 weeks . Enough though.

[Gianna]

10 minutes ago, Roy said:

Don't view me as a hero though, it was only like 2 or 3 weeks . Enough though.

Haha. that's good! depending on how often you hung out during that time.

[max duewel]

Actually, I am losing respect for a girl if there is clear chemistry and she withholds for no reasons

[Flowerfaeiry]

15 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

do not underestimate sex. It's not: oh, we like each other and we like Disneyland and wine. Let's make boyfriends and then let's have sex. no. is, if a kiss flows, if the contact takes your breath away, if, in short, sex works as it should ... that person and you are essentially compatible. your body knows more than your mind. mind for business, for relationships 100% energy. Letting yourself be carried away by the mind when it comes to a relationship is a guarantee of eternal boredom, gray life and being a coward. if the heart flows, the mind must adapt, even if the chosen person is the opposite of "the person in your dreams"(ufff)

Wow this is really spot on

[Flowerfaeiry]

13 hours ago, Nahm said:

It almost sounds like all you care about (are focused on) is the sex. (Not to imply that is the case). No regard for the enjoyment of getting to know him, discovering more about yourself in the process, developing a relationship, etc. What about literally not thinking about sex… taking it out of the equation altogether… if what you really want is to fall in love and to have a happy healthy long term relationship?

Yes I am hahaha (not the only thing but in a way you're right lmao). I used to be very adamant about not having sex too early and thought it made a relationship "skip steps"... like getting to know them first. I sort of feel like I'm shedding that. 

[kag101]

On 24/09/2021 at 4:49 PM, Flowerfaeiry said:

Men, does a girl gain your respect for putting off sex until she feels she's more ready? 

Yes, as long as it is something authentic. That is, not something she's doing because she wants to play hard to get, but because she genuinely wants to wait. 

I think this is also a good test to see if the guy is worth it or not. If he gets too irritated or frustrated, then i consider that a red flag. the guy probably just want to have sex.

[Gesundheit2]

18 years, or less.

[Waken]

@zazen Yes, my thoughts also. Frankly, I've so very little contact since quite some years with people that have a more average worldview, that I have at times really wondered how people in my country think and live

[zazen]

You can go with the flow of your feelings and what feels right in the moment, but that stream can also lead to dirty water. The minute we'r open to pleasurable feelings, the other coin of that is the pain of that pleasure not lasting or being taken away from you, which you become dependent on for your well being. Sometimes it's best not to make long term decisions on short term feelings. 

 

Loving yourself ie doing what you love in the moment is one thing, but to also love your future self you must act the right way in this moment, so your future self is happy, unless your strong enough to bear what comes your way which is what self development is all about. If you fortify yourself spiritually, then you can go with your heart, and any heart break that may come won't be a emotional scar that can't heal but a wound that does. 

 

Trust isn't just trusting that life will treat you well, but that whatever comes your way you trust yourself to handle it well and come out the other side intact and strong. 

4 hours ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

Wow this is really spot on

 

[Thought Art]

If you put out right away... If it's going to be a monogamous relationship I am not likely to think of it as long term tbh. You put out easily ahah. 

[sleep]

It heavily depends on the individual, you can clearly see this just on this thread. Personally, I'm not a fan of these kinds of little games, I think they're annoying. 

[Loba]

I prefer to wait two months or four or five dates to make sure I like them.  I used to be more lax about it in my early 20s, I don't have a high count, but I realized early on that it is better to wait.  For both parties. You want to be sure you like the person you sleep with.

Sex is emotional for me so there needs to be some kind of connection.

[Striving for more]

If a girl withholds sex, as a guy you should delete her number and go find someone less annoying.

(Darius M talks about this concretely, listen to him guys not me). 

This is why I need an abundance of options, because then you don't have to wait for 1 annoying girl whereby the leftover dissatisfaction is a distraction to business and other more important aspects of life that get affected. 

[Striving for more]

28 minutes ago, Loba said:

 You want to be sure you like the person you sleep with.

With good social skills and intuition you can work that out in 10 minutes. 

Sometimes I know if I like someone in about 10 seconds. ALmost never fails if I'm in the flow state.