I fucking hate being called cute and made fun of. I had enough

[fopylo]

It's a common theme (was a common theme back in highschool) to act stupid, silly (to make people laugh) and people just make fun of me and I don't attack back and they call me cute and I don't know how to respond, and keep calling me like that.

I thought coming to this camp will bring to a fresh start. I was wrong.

I am playing cards with 3 others and they are laughing with me (at me, I felt attacked) saying I am hollow in my skull, stupid, cute (from being "naive"), white boy, my accent, small dick, weak. I am just taking all of that in kinda laughing but deep down I am repressing aggressively my sadness and that I am breaking down. I am starting to hate this girl (the main one who is talking trash like that on me). It is humiliating and it fucks up with my focus on those thoughts.

Please help. I am at camp and I am living with those people. How should I respond?

[Michael569]

Find better friends. Cut ties with those people to a minimum and focus on your own development. 

If you are not blessed with masculine genetics (from what you write I assume you may have some predominant feminine features that are a source of mockery?) you will have to compensate for it in your life with sharp mind, intellect, humour, self-confidence served from other areas of your life, strong sense of purpose and intuitive wisdom. The earlier you start working on those things, the earlier you'll outgrow those peacocks. 

I would also consider doing some physical fitness. Gaining some muscle will increase your self confidence and even if you are shorter (I am making assumption, maybe not) you can gain peer respect by developing some musculature. 

Find what you are passionate about and start investing energy and money into it and fuck everyone who disagrees. You cannot please those people so don't even try. Don't worry about that girl either, you will meet other, better quality women once you develop yourself enough they will start getting attracted to you 

Hope that helps 

[Aiden grannen]

You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. 

 

Edited September 24, 2021 by Aiden grannen

[Waken]

I can relate to a degree and probably a lot of people here can. Well, you might feel bad, but the ones making fun of you aren't feeling quite fulfilled as well.

Perhaps you yourself have thoughts about yourself of being weak and such. What you see in another is often to a degree the image they have of themselves. Others often don't think too much but just relate to you as the images you put out. Perhaps use it as an opportunity to respect yourself more and not rely so much on what others think of you. Just choosing better friends and surroundings when you can. Perhaps you're just a little more sensitive than the average there or such and in the right environment that could be a gift. As you're in camp now, probably not too much to do about the situation itself. You could if you wish just (politely) say that they aren't being very nice or such. You might be the better judge of that

[Waken]

18 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

If you are not blessed with masculine genetics (from what you write I assume you may have some predominant feminine features that are a source of mockery?) you will have to compensate for it in your life with sharp mind, intellect, humour, self-confidence served from other areas of your life, strong sense of purpose and intuitive wisdom. The earlier you start working on those things, the earlier you'll outgrow those peacocks. 

I would also consider doing some physical fitness. Gaining some muscle will increase your self confidence and even if you are shorter (I am making assumption, maybe not) you can gain peer respect by developing some musculature. 

Don't agree. Most people (and the world at large) are overly and unhealthy balanced towards the masculine. People that are more balanced are often called weak, and not 'real man' (and I know from experience) because they are more sensitive. Being a more balanced male doesn't mean you're being an incompetent male who needs to compensate for that, but rather just have to allow yourself to get to a better environment. A greater sensitivity is a blessing if your environment is a bit aligned with you. Of course, I don't know if being better balanced between the male and female is the case here, but maybe it is

Edited September 24, 2021 by Waken

[fopylo]

You guys are telling me about cutting ties and surrounding myself with better people. You have to understand that I'm in camp - talked about it many times on this forum already. I'm living my day to day with them, having activities and break times. The goal is to learn about the cultures of the country and also connect more as a group. I can't cut those ties. I just want more respect and that people will like to be around me and rely on me and not think of me as some beta

[hamedsf]

show some aggression in a nice and relaxed manner.

[roopepa]

Look them in the eye and say "what the fuck, are you really this childish? Grow up." And keep doing whatever you were doing as if you didn't care what you just said or what they might think about it.

They might go quiet for a second. If somebody responds to it, and is anything less than apologizing, literally just don't acknowledge their words or presence at all. Don't even look at them, don't start arguing. Just keep playing the cards. Act like nothing happened.

[Average Investor]

@fopylo

This has some really good examples on how you can respond to this kind of behavior you described. You can also talk directly to the person and say that you don't like it. To be fair even just saying that in front of other people would probably shy them off doing it again. 

 

[hyruga]

Be unreactive. Be non-chalant. Be cool. You have forgotten what you learnt in self-help.

[mandyjw]

When we find ourselves suffering in reaction to a word used about us, whether by us or someone else, it's helps to take a step back and look at what we are identifying with or agreeing with them about. Usually there are connotations that are getting to us. The word "cute" is a positive word but loaded with negative connotations. One trick that almost always slices through connotations trick is to look up the etymology of a word. Try it if you have any sort of suffering around it. Take this for example. 

cute (adj.)

1731, "clever, sharp, smart," shortening of acute; informal sense of "pretty" is by 1834, American English colloquial and student slang. Related: Cutely; cuteness. https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=cute

From the posts I've read from you, the original meaning of clever, sharp and smart are right on. There are a lot of people throwing around words, not knowing what they really mean. And by they, I mean both the people and the words. Maybe just be THAT, (the original meaning) and stop acting dumb out of your own intelligence? Why do you do that? What do you seek from that?

I used to do it, too when I was younger. I saw my intelligent friends playing this game they seemed to think was very serious and I didn't want to compete and identify that way, so I decided to act dumb. It was a way of opting out, of already becoming what I feared they'd think I was so I'd have the control that way. If I demoted myself to rock bottom, no one else could. Is that what you're doing? 

You're really smart. Can you own that? What's so scary about owning that? 

[fopylo]

@mandyjw

21 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Maybe just be THAT, (the original meaning) and stop acting dumb out of your own intelligence? Why do you do that? What do you seek from that?

You mean just to be smart and clever? It doesn't sound exactly like 'cute'... Not the exact thing to define it in my opinion. I don't think I quite understood what you said here, what do you mean?

21 hours ago, mandyjw said:

If I demoted myself to rock bottom, no one else could. Is that what you're doing? 

Hmm.. interesting. I am acting dumb like that because it makes people laugh, and I feel loved that way.. don't really know. I feel the attention I get when I act stupid. Thing is that there's another kid who is acting also dumb and weird humor and sometimes it feels as though we (probably mostly me) are secretly "competing" for being more silly. I want to have my unique place. He has his weird humor and people laugh and I have those dumb moments.

21 hours ago, mandyjw said:

You're really smart. Can you own that? What's so scary about owning that? 

I don't think so. Honestly I am not as sharp as I thought I am in social situations. It's hard for me to 'act smart'. It is not funny and I fear that they will see me as above them in some ways. I brought my chess board with me and almost every game I'm winning, and I am starting to get scared of winning. Sometimes people here say I'm a genius and I don't know how to respond so I shy away.

 

[mandyjw]

1 hour ago, fopylo said:

It's hard for me to 'act smart'. It is not funny and I fear that they will see me as above them in some ways.

Do not act smart, do not act at all unless you want to. Be yourself, whatever that is in the moment, no strings attached, no premeditated tactics. Your tactics for being liked aren't working, you're getting the absolute opposite of what you hope they would result in. What you actually want is the liberation of being yourself. That's what they really want from you too. 

Basically right now you're putting out this message... "I know I'm smart, but I'd rather be loved than have you think of me as smart, and I know that people don't like smart people because they challenge them to be better. So you say to yourself "I choose love over intelligence", and then you act dumb and try to make them laugh. HOWEVER, you have tricked yourself, you are still actually trying to outsmart them, and you have ACTUALLY chosen intelligence over love. Rather than actually loving yourself, and loving them and trusting them to have their own opinions about you, chips fall where they may, you are trying to outsmart them and control the result. You're using your mind to try to secure love. They sense that you are trying to outsmart them, that you are playing a game. Do you realize that you are withholding the gift your intelligence IS to challenge them? You've got people wrong, they WANT to be challenged! You assume that they do not. They do, even if they don't know it yet. Do we get negative reactions when we challenge people? Certainly! However in the end, we LOVE them for it. We are here to challenge each other. "As steel sharpens steel, so does one friend sharpen another." You are withholding from them, and they see through it. Most importantly you are withholding from yourself. 

Edited September 25, 2021 by mandyjw

[Gianna]

@fopylo They are scapegoating you. 

[Gianna]

@fopylo when a social group doesn't want to deal with the discomfort of whatever it is that is making them feel uncomfortable (maybe it's a feeling of shame, maybe it's an idea of potential embarrassment, whatever it is) they project those undesired feelings onto ONE person so the group doesn't have to feel it. Because, "hey, it's just 'that person', not anyone else. We don't have to deal with it it's just 'that person'" It gives them clarity and control over whatever they are trying to avoid (negative feeling).

That's what these people are doing to you. They are making you feel everything they don't want to feel themselves. Whether the feeling is "in the air" or something deeply ingrained in them personally, they are afraid to feel it. They are avoiding feeling it by projecting it onto you.

They are afraid of negative feelings and so they project it on to you and make you the 'source'– they are scapegoating you. You are not stupid. You are not the problem. You didn't do anything to deserve this. They simply can't handle negative feelings/sentiment because they are cowards (sorry) and so they are redirecting it onto you as if you are the problem; it makes it easier on them to make you the 'black sheep' of the group instead of them to actually feel the things that are actually going on. It's easier for them to say, "oh you're so 'cute' and 'adorably stupid'" You are not. You are just an easy target. Trust me this same thing happens to me allll of the time and it took me years of suffering, turmoil, self-blame, self-hate, etc. until I finally figured it out. Here's a video on it if you're interested in hearing more.  

Edited September 25, 2021 by Gianna

[Gianna]

Are you either the scapegoat or 'golden child' of your family? If so, the reason why this problem is following you to camp is because of the law of attraction. If you hold the vibration of self-blame (like I do) you will attract people who blame you. You are NOT to blame. You are simply open, authentic, loving, and compassionate and unfortunately people who can't handle those POWERFUL qualities become threatened by it. And then they take out that threat on you. As soon as you stop blaming yourself you will stop attracting other people who blame you. It's the classic "if you are self-critical you are going to attract people who will criticize you. If you 'play small' you are going to attract people who make you feel small" scenario. It's the universe trying to give you what it thinks you want because you are holding that vibration (the universe doesn't know the difference between "positive and negative" because from its perspective [which is really you btw but that's another story] is LOVE). 

Edited September 25, 2021 by Gianna

[Yeah Yeah]

@fopylo Maybe you don't require respect, maybe respect yourself ... and don't get too involved with others so that they can make anything too personal, kind of like leaning back with a good hand in poker, and when they say something, look them in the eyes and say exactly what needs to be said, no matter what it might be, ask them why they think its funny to say words you don't like, and continue this habit, practise getting right to the core of how its making you feel and communicate it with solid boundaries, begin developing those boundaries, even if you need to cry either in front of them or in the background, or you need to laugh with them or laugh them off, I don't know how you'll react, although developing emotional boundaries may help and communicate these boundaries so its obvious with continual practise,

Just a suggestion, correct me if I may be wrong, my other suggestion would be to hang out alone until you make new friends, but I'd do this and then with a stern attitude believe it or not the bullies would recognize they're projecting their own ugliness onto me and I'd communicate it verbally until they gave up or felt embarrased to a degree around others, and if they don't care, still, maintain your boundaries, respect yourself, stand up for yourself how you'd like someone to stand up for you, 

Some examples, don't give the power into someone else's hands so that you're powerless, your survival doesn't depend on them either way, so if they dislike you in the end of the day then you'll still be safe to see another day most likely,

Edited September 25, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[Arcangelo]

On 9/24/2021 at 8:42 AM, fopylo said:

saying I am hollow in my skull, stupid, cute (from being "naive"), white boy, my accent, small dick, weak.

Camp

is

over

Take

a

Bus

and go home. Where's your effing self esteem? Life is too short brah

[Yarco]

If this is a common theme that keeps popping up in all areas of your life, then it's a problem with you, some weakness that everyone around you is sensing. Go listen to interviews with people like Jocko Willink and David Goggins and emulate them. You can be a tough guy without becoming a dick about it.

[Nahm]

Universe helps you let go of beliefs. Does not have to be difficult. Resistance is futile really, as it only perpetuates & procrastinates the letting go. Doesn’t matter if you think it, or someone else says it to you - doesn’t feel good cause it’s not true about you. The universe is learning things aren’t personal / remembering itself. It’s good. Two things you will never change in this place no matter what you do: everybody gets to say whatever the fuck they want, and nobody has to listen.