I fucking hate being called cute and made fun of. I had enough

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNtKWhoK_sA

[flowboy]

On 26/09/2021 at 0:40 AM, Gianna said:

@fopylo when a social group doesn't want to deal with the discomfort of whatever it is that is making them feel uncomfortable (maybe it's a feeling of shame, maybe it's an idea of potential embarrassment, whatever it is) they project those undesired feelings onto ONE person so the group doesn't have to feel it. Because, "hey, it's just 'that person', not anyone else. We don't have to deal with it it's just 'that person'" It gives them clarity and control over whatever they are trying to avoid (negative feeling).

That's what these people are doing to you. They are making you feel everything they don't want to feel themselves. Whether the feeling is "in the air" or something deeply ingrained in them personally, they are afraid to feel it. They are avoiding feeling it by projecting it onto you.

They are afraid of negative feelings and so they project it on to you and make you the 'source'– they are scapegoating you. You are not stupid. You are not the problem. You didn't do anything to deserve this. They simply can't handle negative feelings/sentiment because they are cowards (sorry) and so they are redirecting it onto you as if you are the problem; it makes it easier on them to make you the 'black sheep' of the group instead of them to actually feel the things that are actually going on. It's easier for them to say, "oh you're so 'cute' and 'adorably stupid'" You are not. You are just an easy target. Trust me this same thing happens to me allll of the time and it took me years of suffering, turmoil, self-blame, self-hate, etc. until I finally figured it out. Here's a video on it if you're interested in hearing more.  

 

On 26/09/2021 at 0:54 AM, Gianna said:

Are you either the scapegoat or 'golden child' of your family? If so, the reason why this problem is following you to camp is because of the law of attraction. If you hold the vibration of self-blame (like I do) you will attract people who blame you. You are NOT to blame. You are simply open, authentic, loving, and compassionate and unfortunately people who can't handle those POWERFUL qualities become threatened by it. And then they take out that threat on you. As soon as you stop blaming yourself you will stop attracting other people who blame you. It's the classic "if you are self-critical you are going to attract people who will criticize you. If you 'play small' you are going to attract people who make you feel small" scenario. It's the universe trying to give you what it thinks you want because you are holding that vibration (the universe doesn't know the difference between "positive and negative" because from its perspective [which is really you btw but that's another story] is LOVE). 

@fopylo  This.

 

Obviously what they are saying has found some resonance in you at this point. Or you wouldn't be hurt, just weirded out. Getting back to the place of just being weirded out, is the key to turning this around.

So I would investigate those beliefs in you and deconstruct them until you see the absurdity in it.

If you do that correctly, you can get yourself back to a place of just being utterly surprised and weirded out by any of this namecalling, and you can react authentically with: "What the FUCK are you even saying? Are we just saying shit that doesn't make sense now? Am I going to call you X Y and Z (insert equally ridiculous things). "
You can only pull that off if your inner game is strong, which means that there is no part of you that thinks the other is right to blame you or shame you.

Only if you are not mentally busy with whether the insult is true, because it is just soo ridiculous you won't even entertain it, will you have the mental headspace to question the other person's sanity/validity for what they are saying.

This is basically a frame battle. If you don't believe that the other is making any sense, and react accordingly, then you make the other feel weird about what they just said. And it will stop really quickly.

To put some more force behind it, you can start questioning out loud what is wrong with the other person, that they say something like that.

Make them feel weird for their behavior. Because it is socially undesirable behavior that they are doing, and you should make them feel weird and ashamed for that, instead of the other way around!

In order of level of aggression (never go further than you have to or it will backfire)

• "Why are you so awkward?"
• "Are you jealous of my chess game?"
• "Dude why are you trying to put me down to feel better about yourself? It's okay, we accept you as you are, man. Calm down already"
  • The psychology angle is very effective, basically discrediting someone's mental health while framing it as though you are simply worried about them and trying to help. There are endless variations on this. It's mean because it's true, you are exposing their true mental weakness that causes them to do this, meanwhile it looks like you are being clean and nice, you have the plausible deniability because it doesn't even look like you are bullying him or her back. And they are warned that they have to behave well with you, or they will get a label of mental illness sticking to them. And the rest of the group might adopt that silly label.
• "Do you have something going on at home?"
• "Is your daddy mean to you or something?"
• "Are you secretly afraid that we will know about your small dick, and that's why you keep saying mine is that?"
• "Are you secretly thinking about my dick all the time, and that's why you say that? I'm sorry, I'm straight tho"
• "When are you coming out of the closet for us?"

Never aim this at the group, only aim it at the specific person who hurled the insult at you.

If there are multiple, focus on one, and throw these laser daggers at this one until the rest of the group starts to find it amusing and the target feels shame. Then you won. And then stop, never be meaner than necessary or it backfires.

Basically start questioning out loud why the person would say this, until you find something that makes them look really silly and the rest of the group may love and adopt. You try to label me, I will label you.

If you are reactive to the other while doing this, you lose. You must hold your focus and ignore their counterattacks and attempts to distract you.

If you are coming from a place of hurt and anger, you already lost the game and everything will backfire.

That's why I'm saying: first clear your own negative beliefs about yourself. Because you've gotta be cool and amused to pull this off. Have an inner and outer smile and a chuckle armed and ready. I can't stress this enough. If you try to pull this off whilst overwhelmed with fear, anger or sadness, it will explode in your face.

Good luck!

Edited October 7, 2021 by flowboy

[charlie cho]

Learn martial arts, you'll naturally have a change of body language.

It doesn't mean you willingly be violent, yet it does mean you will kill anybody who is willing to kill you. In fact, you will give him more pain for ever trying to give you some. That isn't a crime. It's just fair. 

 

[Breakingthewall]

Talk about your "flaws" openly. remove the shame from your life. do it every day, don't hide. say what is not easy for you to accept from yourself. On the other hand, if people get very silly, tell them the most offensive thing you can think of, without any barriers, but not inventing, something that is true, but without anger, like a joke. It is as liberating as 5meo, or more. When you start, you can't stop!

Edited October 9, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[Thought Art]

Laugh about it and turn it around on them. Own their insults to show they mean nothing to you and just be a baller

[Ethan1]

Yeah, I just recommend having boundaries. 

It's hard to know unless someone else is there to see the behaviors. It's also hard to know how you are carrying yourself.

When people try to psychologically manipulate or bully. They press buttons bc they know you will react. They want a reaction. No reaction isn't fun. 

Just show them you're not willing to be pushed around.

Reframe the situation. 

Recontextualize the situation. 

Learn how to self-regulate yourself. 

Don't participate in the drama. 

Distance yourself as much as possible.

Request to leave the camp? Surround yourself with better people. 

Who knows its usually just certain people in the environment. 

 

Hurt people, hurt people. 

 

 

Edited October 14, 2021 by Ethan1

[fopylo]

@flowboy

Thank you! I'll try to find a way I can implement it. I need to upgrade my inner game though.

@charlie cho I'm currently at camp so I can't, however I've been taking martial art classes (karate) for a relatively long time and so I don't feel that anxious when it comes to physical violence. In fact, sometimes I played with girls with playful violence sometimes.

[Eren Eeager]

@fopylo The problem is you are weak on the inside and they can sense that so they use it against you. This is bullying 101.  It is like when a wolf sees a limbing or injured animal. Humans are the same. They are designed to sense weakness in others, and then use this weakness to manipulate them. Also, there is absolutely no problem with being overly feminine, weird, or even stupid. You must learn to accept and love your distinctive features and attributes.  it is a matter of self-love. You most likely have low below-average levels of self-love. If you have poor levels of self-love, then you become very sensitive, easily insulted, and very conscious about how you look or act aka care about what others think of you.
Now  understanding that here are some practical steps towards more self-love and embracing your masculinity:

1. On daily basis, start standing in front of the mirror and start expressing your love towards yourself verbally for at least 10 minutes. practice Giving yourself all the love it deserves on a daily basis.
2. Start appreciating masculinity as a good and essential attribute in life and how important it is in many situations in life. You cannot achieve much in life without a good integration of masculinity. Being a strong person is not the same as being an asshole. Assholes are selfish and uncaring, you are not that.
3. Start practicing masculinity in your daily life! This means setting boundaries with others, ending your relations with toxic people, start being chill and uncaring when people express hate and criticism for you. Also, it includes stopping being fake and nice in front of people. It will be hard at the beginning and you may even end up being overly aggressive or insulting to others but this is okay, it will balance out with time and practice. 
4. Start seeing videos and interviews with very charismatic celebrities. Notice how they are very relaxed and joyful. They are very expressive, funny, and sometimes even weird. Let this be your vision for yourself. 
5. Start appreciating TV and cinema characters who have high and healthy levels of masculinity.  Start noticing who sexy and charismatic they are. Start appreciating how good it feels to have a  healthy and stable level of masculinity.
6. Differentiate between  Healthy and toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity is selfish and aggressive. Healthy masculinity is quite the opposite actually.
7. Start cracking jokes and telling stories. Start expressing your emotions more in your conversations with others. You are most likely the quiet or the nice guy in the group. Stop being that! Start active participation in conversations that really interests you. 
8. Eliminate the idea that you are weird or awkward from your head. Instead, start viewing yourself as this confident alpha male. Your mind will keep telling you that this is not me. Ignore it and keep a positive self image. How you view yourself is very important. If you keep a negative self-image in your head, you will never change anything. Start telling yourself, "I am strong, I am confident, I am relaxed, I am funny, I am charismatic". 
9. All of this needs time, practice, and patience. You will not change overnight. You will not become a chad in a day. Instead, start enjoying your slow daily progression. Day by day you will notice that you are becoming stronger and more self-loving.
10. Surround yourself with new people. Being with the same group of people that have the idea that you are weak can give you a lot of negativity and can put you down. Start meeting new people who will not have such negative ideas about you.
11. keep the momentum alive. Your ego will resist any kind of change, even a positive one. you will fail many times. and you will get ego backlashes frequently. But what is important is to stay loyal and devoted to changing yourself. Embracing masculinity can be a very difficult thing but it is worth it

 

Edited October 16, 2021 by Eren Eeager

[Nahm]

On 9/24/2021 at 10:42 AM, fopylo said:

It's a common theme (was a common theme back in highschool) to act stupid, silly (to make people laugh) and people just make fun of me and I don't attack back and they call me cute and I don't know how to respond, and keep calling me like that.

Before you get to what people say or think, how does acting stupid and silly feel for you? Maybe the discord is there, and not as related to what other people say or think. 

Quote

I thought coming to this camp will bring to a fresh start. I was wrong.

‘Fresh start’ is not a property of a place or situation, but of letting limiting beliefs go. 

Hence the insight of the old saying, ‘wherever you go, there you are’. 

We can bring our beliefs anywhere. 

Quote

I am playing cards with 3 others and they are laughing with me (at me, I felt attacked) saying I am hollow in my skull, stupid, cute (from being "naive"), white boy, my accent, small dick, weak. I am just taking all of that in kinda laughing but deep down I am repressing aggressively my sadness and that I am breaking down. I am starting to hate this girl (the main one who is talking trash like that on me). It is humiliating and it fucks up with my focus on those thoughts.

Please help. I am at camp and I am living with those people. How should I respond?

Don’t ‘take it in’. See that it is theirs. Also an old insightful saying, ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me’. 

[fopylo]

7 hours ago, Nahm said:

how does acting stupid and silly feel for you?

@Nahm
Honestly, not that bad all the time. I do some silly things by mistake, and sometimes I just decide to act silly. It feels like I'm on a 'high' but then sometime later there is a little discord.

7 hours ago, Nahm said:

but of letting limiting beliefs go. 

How do I do this? (it is quite different from mere thoughts).

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, fopylo said:

How do I do this? (it is quite different from mere thoughts).

Yes. That difference is the repetition. A belief is a thought, repeatedly focused upon. 

Beliefs tend to repeat until seen as a thought, rather than something that is actually true about you.  

Like watching a movie, there seems to be content.  Yet one is really seeing a screen, which is appearing as the movie / content. 
 

So when, how, who, what, where in your movie / life experience, did this belief begin?

’Look’ for an event, or a theme in childhood, which you experienced, which did not feel good - and led to believing ‘then I must be like this’. 
 

Like how Elf (Will Ferrell) would be like ‘man, I’m super tall’.  

[fopylo]

@mandyjw (sorry I have a bug on my phone. Don't even know why it tags you. You can ignore if you want).

So I still get laughed at a bit and it still annoys me. Lately I'm pretty quite and more closed, less open than the other guys, not showing signs of a real man. The only thing I "have" is that girls are telling me I look handsome and like how I look and sometimes say that they love me (in a joking friendly manner, only like 2) and I don't know how to react and it feels weird. It may have to do with the story of me being seen as cute and everything that they feel comfortable talking with me like that. Another guy was telling me to come to party some time, which felt slightly like in a joking manner, but probably not, but many people see me as cute and funny so I don't know.

As I'm trying to be more assertive on my place, and stop being "bullied" (in a "friendly" manner) I feel like I am not really resonating with the guys here. I am not getting the juicy friendships here that others are getting. And those others are so chill, don't care too much, flow, acting natural. I have some issues with things bring clean and tidy, order, and it feels like it's separating me a bit.

I haven't yet felt what's it like when people want to see me and are excited for my attendance.

@Nahm all those conditions... It was what you were talking about, right?

[Nahm]

@fopylo ?? 

Conditions are movie stuff. When conditions are let go there is contentment with now as is. Without thinking of yourself, without comparing, etc. 

[fopylo]

@Nahm But I do want to have great friendships and I want to be loved here. Those are expectations which are harder for me to let go, and when I get frustrated then I try to isolate myself and it feels like shit

@mandyjw

(My phone is stupid, don't know why it is tagging you for fuck sake)

[Nahm]

@fopylo

What perspective doesn’t feel that way?

What perspective feels good? 

[mandyjw]

I have been summoned? Accidently? 

https://youtu.be/kNVXsIs22ls

"Master, I don't think you quite realize what you got here!
So, why don't you just ruminate,
While I illuminate the possibilities!

Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves
Scheherezade had a thousand tales
But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves
You got a brand of magic never fails
You got some power in your corner now
Some heavy ammunition in your camp
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how
See all you gotta do is rub that lamp
And I'll say
Mister Aladdin, sir
What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order
Jot it down
You ain't never had a friend like me
Ha ha ha
Life is your restaurant
And I'm your maitre d'
C'mon whisper what it is you want
You ain't never had a friend like me"

[fopylo]

@Nahm @Nahm I don't think I quite understood. I want good friendships and that people will want to be with me. @mandyjw I didn't understand... (Tagged by mistake, bug, but now it makes sense)

[Nahm]

@fopylo

It’s never hard to let go, it is decontraction. What’s hard, is the holding on. 

@mandyjw

That’s. Fucking. Awesome. 

[fopylo]

@Nahm I resist letting go. Why the fuck do I keep holding on? Am I fucking disabled? You Toledo me many times that it is all about letting go, yet I'm still struggling with this shit. And even when I did manage sometimes (especially some time after the sessions), I still find myself forgetting about letting go, and decide to still hold on.

Now I'm at camp and I feel really shitty. Everybody seems to be doing socially fine and acting naturally, and I'm isolating myself and somewhat of a scapegoat. Parents also got divorced recently so it isn't the easiest.

 

I am living within my limitations

Not really here and not really at home

Where am I

What am I really trying to get

Is it the love within me that I'm lacking?

Perhaps

I decide to isolate myself, thinking it will get me somewhere, or take something off of me

Where are those lost dreams? Where are they?

I want to be like him, like him, and like him. I see hidden traits in myself, in them

I love ruminating, because it feels goody good.

I love being the victim, because it feels comfortable, but very limiting.

I live in fear.

Fuck, I just don't know how to flow, how to let myself flow.

How much longer can I take it, this camp, or myself...

Because wherever I am, I am there

Where is this happiness within me

 

Ok, I'll stop here. Just tried to create a poem without editing

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, fopylo said:

@Nahm I resist letting go. Why the fuck do I keep holding on? Am I fucking disabled?

No, perfectly able. It is unseen, how ‘you are holding on’, do to misunderstanding feeling. But it is felt. A thought about you which doesn’t feel good, doesn’t feel good because it isn’t true. It doesn’t matter if that is your thought, or someone else’s which they verbally express to you. Doesn’t feel good. Ain’t true. It is this simple. 

Quote

You Toledo me many times that it is all about letting go, yet I'm still struggling with this shit. And even when I did manage sometimes (especially some time after the sessions), I still find myself forgetting about letting go, and decide to still hold on.

The regard for this experience as ‘this shit’ is judgement. Looking down on it as if you’re above it. When a thought arises about you judging yourself, it (that thought) doesn’t feel good because it’s (the thought) not true. Why would one hold on to a thought, which isn’t true, and does not feel good?  Sort of a trick question. One wouldn’t, one is believing the thought, and then saying “how do I let go and feel great again!?”. 

Quote

Now I'm at camp and I feel really shitty. Everybody seems to be doing socially fine and acting naturally, and I'm isolating myself and somewhat of a scapegoat. Parents also got divorced recently so it isn't the easiest.

“Really shitty” is not an emotion on the scale. That is a thought which seems to be about you. What is said to feel shitty - you are saying - is you!  That you feel really shitty. Well no wonder that thought doesn’t feel good, you’re awesome! How’s that thought feel talking about yourself, not good. Is it true, no. ‘Do I have to do something to have an experience, carefree, like these people I see?’ No. You let beliefs go. This is not ‘a doing’. It’s doing’s twin brother you are just now meeting, non-doing. You’ve been doing your whole life Neo. This is non-doing. Doing is the matrix of the mind, the illusion of the separate self, the believing of self referential thoughts. 

This “matrix of the mind”, is the belief in a thinker of thoughts. Thoughts arise… me, my, mine, I. These thoughts are for communication. In the movie The Matrix, there are Agents. Agents are deplorable, ambitious, greedy, self centered, arrogant, prideful, and unthinkably manipulative control freaks of nature which very literally do not feel. The scum of the earth, to such an extent, they have pulled the wool over everyone’s eye in regard to that there even is an earth.  These agents pose as doctors, mayors, leaders, teachers, parents, friends, significant others - could be anyone -and Agents convince you, that you need to know what they know about The Self, in one or a millions ways, but a product is always involved. “What” is a self referential thought. Is this a problem? Well, manipulation IS “I know something you don’t and you need what I know, or, I have something you don’t and you need it”. If you are believing it, you’re being manipulated, via being convinced to believing in need, and thus experiencing that there is a problem, and that there is something or someone you need, so you can feel better. 

What you’re experiencing is not your fault, yet it is to you to let beliefs, conditioning, go. You are experiencing precisely the damage done by those who manipulate. 

Quote

I am living within my limitations

Not really here and not really at home

Where am I

What am I really trying to get

Is it the love within me that I'm lacking?

Perhaps

I decide to isolate myself, thinking it will get me somewhere, or take something off of me

Where are those lost dreams? Where are they?

I want to be like him, like him, and like him. I see hidden traits in myself, in them

I love ruminating, because it feels goody good.

I love being the victim, because it feels comfortable, but very limiting.

I live in fear.

Fuck, I just don't know how to flow, how to let myself flow.

How much longer can I take it, this camp, or myself...

Because wherever I am, I am there

Where is this happiness within me

Ok, I'll stop here. Just tried to create a poem without editing

More poems! More expression! Everyday!!!

Not believing thoughts is dispelling beliefs, and it feels good and is naturally clearing of clarity. Burst your bubbles! 

Keep expressing, that is the way!