How best to use the forum?

[WonderSeeker]

Ever since I joined this forum in March 2020, I've had very mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, it's a blessing that this exists. I'm awfully thankful for the golden nuggets that people drop, be it practical-resource posts, or interesting advice/feedback/conversations.

However, there are tons of flipsides to this place. Most of it depends on you, but some of it is pre-given, as forums are open to all players. There's no way I'm going to touch on everything here + some of you may disagree with these points. So please, feel free to add your own thoughts! 

Traps one may fall into on the forum:

• The #1 trap: wasting time, compounding into hours, days, and even weeks of lost time
• Getting triggered and more importantly, not being aware of one's own triggered-ness
• Trolling, debating, or defending pet-theories out of spite/pride
• Wanting to have a high post-count (I'm not saying that people with high post-counts actually want this, just pointing out this as a general, natural tendency)
• Posting just to get self-esteem boosts or to shoot-the-shit, as if this is social media or therapy
• Worrying about whether or not people will respond to your comments/posts; if you have this fear then don't even post (for your own sake), just observe

How to use the forum to get the most out of it:

• Only use this forum because you are choosing to use it, not out of an unconscious, reactionary habit (I used to have this page bookmarked but dropped it so now I have to consciously decide when to hop on)
• Stay away from toxic threads (don't let chimp-ery appeal to your lower self; seek that which you want, not what you don't want)
• Actually learn from those who are wiser than you, do not idol-worship others
• Detach your heart from the 'outcome' of posts
• Delete your expectations
• Dive into new perspectives, even if it's a bit uncomfortable
• When in doubt about somebody's advice, ask "does this feel right?" (even if their advice is 'objectively good', if it doesn't feel right to you, than maybe you're not ready for it, and that's okay)
• Give encouragement to others, so long as they're being genuine and not looking for attention (it really makes a difference to people when they feel seen in this work: self-actualization is challenging!)
• If you feel some connection with another user, PM them! Sometimes you'll make fruitful 1-on-1 conversations and learn even more that way vs. a post
• Don't take the forum too too seriously, have some fun sometimes! But don't overdo it and become a clown  

 

Edited September 24, 2021 by WonderSeeker

[peanutspathtotruth]

Quality post, thanks for sharing this ?? We should all read over this from time to time  

[Loba]

I tend to fall into the time wasting category most of all, especially in relation to journaling.
I'm thinking a daily schedule will help with this.
Quality post, thanks for sharing your observations.

[Gianna]

Wow this is amazing. TY! 

[vizual]

Very nice, maybe this should be a sticky or something

[Emotionalmosquito]

On 9/24/2021 at 9:28 AM, WonderSeeker said:

Worrying about whether or not people will respond to your comments/posts; if you have this fear then don't even post (for your own sake), just observe

Awesome idea for a meta thread!

Good stuff. But on this point I’d say people are better off posting and worrying about the responses they get here than most other sites. Neither is ideal but it’s better to be neurotic about the attention one receives here if the alternative is the dopamine fixated circle jerks found in abundance on places like instagram and tiktok.

Edited September 26, 2021 by Emotionalmosquito

[kag101]

nice

[Danioover9000]

@WonderSeeker

On 24/09/2021 at 3:28 PM, WonderSeeker said:

Ever since I joined this forum in March 2020, I've had very mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, it's a blessing that this exists. I'm awfully thankful for the golden nuggets that people drop, be it practical-resource posts, or interesting advice/feedback/conversations.

However, there are tons of flipsides to this place. Most of it depends on you, but some of it is pre-given, as forums are open to all players. There's no way I'm going to touch on everything here + some of you may disagree with these points. So please, feel free to add your own thoughts! 

Traps one may fall into on the forum:

• The #1 trap: wasting time, compounding into hours, days, and even weeks of lost time
• Getting triggered and more importantly, not being aware of one's own triggered-ness
• Trolling, debating, or defending pet-theories out of spite/pride
• Wanting to have a high post-count (I'm not saying that people with high post-counts actually want this, just pointing out this as a general, natural tendency)
• Posting just to get self-esteem boosts or to shoot-the-shit, as if this is social media or therapy
• Worrying about whether or not people will respond to your comments/posts; if you have this fear then don't even post (for your own sake), just observe

How to use the forum to get the most out of it:

• Only use this forum because you are choosing to use it, not out of an unconscious, reactionary habit (I used to have this page bookmarked but dropped it so now I have to consciously decide when to hop on)
• Stay away from toxic threads (don't let chimp-ery appeal to your lower self; seek that which you want, not what you don't want)
• Actually learn from those who are wiser than you, do not idol-worship others
• Detach your heart from the 'outcome' of posts
• Delete your expectations
• Dive into new perspectives, even if it's a bit uncomfortable
• When in doubt about somebody's advice, ask "does this feel right?" (even if their advice is 'objectively good', if it doesn't feel right to you, than maybe you're not ready for it, and that's okay)
• Give encouragement to others, so long as they're being genuine and not looking for attention (it really makes a difference to people when they feel seen in this work: self-actualization is challenging!)
• If you feel some connection with another user, PM them! Sometimes you'll make fruitful 1-on-1 conversations and learn even more that way vs. a post
• Don't take the forum too too seriously, have some fun sometimes! But don't overdo it and become a clown  

 

   Very nice post. This should be a featured thread.

[Jacob Morres]

i hope the mods sticky this 

[nistake]

Quality content, this deserves a sticky.

[EternalForest]

Awesome advice. Only' thing I'll comment on is this:

Quote

Worrying about whether or not people will respond to your comments/posts; if you have this fear then don't even post (for your own sake), just observe

After making a post, just get away from the computer for a while. Don't avoid posting just because you/re anxious about replies, that'll make you more anxious.

[hyruga]

Just post nonsense so people hate you and then, you won't want to come back as well. The best way to break from an addiction! ?

Edited September 28, 2021 by hyruga

[Proserpina]

Wow I finally understand the point of @Zeroguy's posts.

[Emotionalmosquito]

20 hours ago, hyruga said:

Just post nonsense so people hate you and then, you won't want to come back as well. The best way to break from an addiction! ?

Exactly! Plus you can always just raise hell and get yourself banned. That’ll sure solve your problem of spending too much time here.

[Roy]

On 9/24/2021 at 7:28 AM, WonderSeeker said:

Delete your expectations

Ooo boy. Has this been one I've had to learn, and relearn again 

[WonderSeeker]

Not gonna lie, the positive support for this post has increased my forum use. Check out bullet points #3 and 4:

On 9/24/2021 at 10:28 AM, WonderSeeker said:

"Traps one may fall into on the forum:

• Wanting to have a high post-count (I'm not saying that people with high post-counts actually want this, just pointing out this as a general, natural tendency)
• Posting just to get self-esteem boosts."

Isn't it stunning the lengths the ego will go to bask in empty glory? 

I've come to realize that a ton of us on this forum act like enlightened stoic battle soldiers with philosophy PhDs, but we forget to show our human-ness. We are afraid to let others see that we haven't got it figured out. I'm personally many hail-marys behind some of y'all.

Here's an idea: Let's try to be students in a classroom, collaborating with and encouraging each other. I think that's how we can reap the maximum possible benefits of this forum.