Blurry lines with therapist.

[Seed]

I have been seeing my lovely therapist Annie, for around a year a bit.

We do some good work together, however, after almost every session I feel I have to forgive her or 'let something go'

For example, she sometimes takes over and she somtimes talks too much. She has called me a control freak, in a jokey way. And over directed the sessions. Refused to acknowledge her areas of fault and generally can be quite stubborn, Because our relationship is strong, I can let go of these little mishaps. However, most recently, she shared at the end of the session that her daughter is in a really bad way and is drinking again, had recently had a seizure and that this was bringing up memories of when she lost her son who has died from alchoholism. Both our eyes welled up. 

She admitted afterwards that she shouldn't have shared with me, but it was done now and then brushed it off and abrubtly ended the session.

I can appreciate the mistake and dont hold it against her at all.

I am just feeling that this and the other things, may just be a sign that we are at the end of the road?

I am incredibly attached to her which makes the decision incredibly hard, but maybe I am too attached and the clean break would do me good?

I have not been able to stop worrying and thinking about her daughter, particularlly as my grandmother was also a lost soul that couldn't be saved and we have a lot of mental illness is our family.

Am I overreacting?

She is very old, in her seventies. I just feel she could do without me as an extra burden. And that the fact I am worrying so much.... and feel so close to her, means we are too entangled to do effective therapy anyway?

Thanks in advance. 

 

[flowboy]

What is she helping you with, and are you making progress there?

That's the main question in my opinion.

That, and also whether you feel good with her.

 

She may be being a bit unprofessional, or she may not be. It depends who you ask. Some would say that a therapist is not supposed to share anything about her own life, and be an unpenetrable surface, that everything bounces off and comes back to the client.

Others would say that therapists should humanize themselves and build an authentic relationship with the client, because a real relationship is more conducive to transformation than a one-sided one.

It depends on what you prefer, really. You don't have to accept anything that you think is not okay.

 

Here's an example of what I would consider unprofessional behavior: if a therapist would get emotionally triggered about what a client is sharing, and starting to project their own unresolved stuff onto them, resulting in a very clouded judgment. This would be a clear case of a lack of professionalism and boundaries.

 

I don't know. What I can say is:

35 minutes ago, Seed said:

She has called me a control freak

She might have a point

What you have written contains many instances of you trying to control how a therapy session should be done.

But she is the therapist, you are the client.

Either you trust how she does her job, which means that all your observations of how she should do it, should be treated as merely projections, and it's your job to observe these thoughts and question them, instead of taking them at face value.

Or you decide that you don't trust how she does her job, and find another therapist.

Both equally good options But choose one.

 

 

Edit: now I apologize in advance for taking a wild shot in the dark here, but let's entertain it. I'm probably wrong.
But if you in fact would be a control freak, then you would on some level have chosen this therapist on purpose: she has weaknesses, so you can control her.

Judging by how she handles the control freak observation, mentioning it casually but not really digging deeper, it seems she's not strong enough to really penetrate into your core. And that's more comfortable for you. Even though you also resent it on some level.

Again, shot in the dark. If it doesn't resonate, please forget what I said.

Edited September 24, 2021 by flowboy

[Jacob Morres]

Hm do you feel you're getting whatever you need resolved , resolved? 

 

[vizual]

You have to approach this in a business minded way. She is getting paid to do her job, not to just chitchat. And her job is to make you progress and increase your well being. If she is not doing that she's probably not the right fit for you and you should move on to another therapist. 

 

[Leo Gura]

Sounds like a lack of professionalism. She shouldn't be wasting your time talking about her problems with you.

If she needs therapy herself then she should hire a therapist.

[Thought Art]

@Seed 

My opinion is that it's worth while to shop around. You don't know how amazing a session can be until you have had it.

You are paying for a service right? You are not paying to pick up someone elses issues.

I am sure she is a lovely person, but her issues are her own and she needs to speak to a therapist herself about these issues not drop them on her patient imo. Sure, sharing your own life experience as therapist can be worth while in the right context.

I also don't know you. But, I would shop around. 

If I am going to pay you, a licensed therapist like 70-150 dollars an hour you WILL NOT leave me with YOUR shit. 

You deserve the best.

Edited September 26, 2021 by Thought Art

[Flowerfaeiry]

My personal #1 thing I avoid in therapists is if they talk about themselves so that would be a no for me. 

[hyruga]

Be a big man. 

Even a therapist is just a human and has problems. When you help her to heal/open up, you are also helping yourself to heal.

[mandyjw]

Isn't it funny, how we can cause ourselves concern about the very thing we thought would be the means of dropping our concerns?  Letting go of and feeling the love for something aren't separate and they aren't at odds. The entanglement is the suffering, you worry, and you worry she worries about you. Let go of the worry, it's always your own. 

[Late Boomer]

Those are red flags for me. I had a therapist who crossed lines like that and it got worse, with more lines crossed - to the point that I found out she shared some of my personal information with someone I knew. It sucks but you can't really be friends with your therapist. 

[Monkey_in_suit]

You should consider changing your therapist. I'm now going 3 years with mine therapist and not a single moment was confused like that. The thing that you came here and post it about is the biggest indication that you should consider other options .

And she is old as fuck. Her health will go bad soon and you will need to look for an other therapist anyway, better to do sooner than later.

Edited October 1, 2021 by Monkey_in_suit