Applying Theory To Everyday Life: A Musician's Perspective

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 327 | Keeping The Ball Rolling

Theory: Every time you work the day like a boss, your subconscious mind will be programmed to revert you back to normal.

Applying it: Whenever you feel like you've made extra progress or growth in a day, try and keep the ball rolling for the following few days. Don't slack off.

 

Slacking off is exactly what I did for most of today. Silly me. Yesterday was a ridiculously wonderful day for productivity and it kinda freaked me out a bit. These kinda days weren't normal for me. That's what I've been believing for my whole life. I was rarely this productive through school and university. Although, last year at university was the best year of my life because of the many wonderful things I did in it. And perhaps this year has felt like a step back in some ways. My subconscious mind telling me to revert back to being how I was for the rest of my life before 2016.

That's not to say some awesome things have been happening this year. Hopefully, the previous entries document have given you that impression. But there's still that Upper Limit Problem there that keeps reverting me back to my non-productive ways. Thinking about it, I think I fear leaving this current life behind for what it might become. If I made the radical decision to put my foot on the gas and do the things I want to do without fear of being rejected or rejecting others, then perhaps my growth will start to transform my life in radical ways.

It's crazy to think that these fears are based on the awesomeness that might come my way if I go all in. But that seems to be it right now. I feel like I have the foresight to predict what would happen if I went all in. This life whereby I'm living a purpose that people are invested in and want to contribute to it and learn from it. And yet, I hesitate. There are doubts and fears. It feels kinda gloomy thinking that this is what's going on in my subconscious mind on a daily basis. But being aware of it now is better than being ignorant.

And so tomorrow, I'll keep the ball rolling.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 328 | Approaching Mastery

Yesterday, I was asked to come along to a charity event to provide some background music on the guitar. They wanted me to perform for 1pm til 4pm with breaks in the middle. It was quite a relaxed event so I decided to test myself by improvising the whole set on the fly. And so I started to play at 1pm, improvising whatever came to me, and played for 3 hours straight to get to 4pm. There may have been a 1 minute break where I decided to eat a Nakd bar (the healthiest snack bar I've ever come across) but other than that, the music just kept flowing and flowing until somebody asked me to stop for the raffle.

This post isn't necessarily to brag but to prove to myself that anything is possible. Several months ago, I teased with the idea of improvising a whole set of music for a concert. To be fair, there were quite a few composed songs and tunes that I performed but the essence of the improvisation was the spontaneity of them in the setlist. By reading the vibe and atmosphere of the room, I could intuit what ought to be performed to fill the space appropriately.

This is a huge realisation for me that my skill level has risen up higher than I ever thought possible. When you spend every day labouring to be a better player, you're more numb to the fruits of your labour. But I can see it reflected in the eyes, the voices and the moods of those who listen to it.

After the gig, I met up with my best mate from uni who invited me to join this newly-formed gypsy jazz band. Even after 3 hours of non-stop playing, I was more than able for another 3 (although my fingers were a tad cold). Once again, it felt great to be in an environment whereby I could use my talents to help the growth of the group whilst also learning from it. There used to be a time when I was the shy guy of the band with not much to add. But those days are over. I've grown confident in my abilities and enthusiastic about working with the other members of the band.

Then finally, I got back home to realise that one of my YouTube videos became a hit with members of the acoustic guitar community. That exponential growth curve started to look a little less flat. It was such a wonderful thing to return home to the dozens of comments and shares that it received. But at the same time, I've cultivated an indifference to the compliments and criticisms that my videos have received in general. It would be childish to go about measuring success by social-media popularity. Nevertheless, it feels satisfying to inspire such wonderful reactions from people with my music.

So perhaps I'm about to go on another plateau in terms of musical growth. But for once, I actually feel more than confident in my abilities to create something extraordinary in this life. My skills are the best they have ever been and my intuition is calling strongly to keep the ball rolling. So let's do it!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 329 | No More Buffering

Theory: Any activity that you undertake throughout the day that stops you feeling your emotions is called buffering. When you stop buffering, you start living.

Applying it: Make the commitment to cut out buffering from your day-to-day life. Embrace your emotions and start growing!

 

On Saturday evening, I made this commitment to stop buffering to myself and my future self. For me, buffering takes the form of watching YouTube videos and snacking on food. Now by no means do I think that I was in a bad position here especially with the snacking. I am trying to reach my goal of weighing 70-75kg and the food I have been snacking on is the good stuff. But it got to the point where I had to make this commitment in the first place. I had a lot of goals for this year and while many of them were actualised, I know the potential was much higher than what happened.

Implementing this commitment was easy yesterday as I had literally no time to buffer during the day. First it was the gig, then it was a meal with my best friend from uni, then it was band rehearsal and then bedtime. I went to bed with not only a sense of accomplishment but also joy for having lived up to my full potential in the day. This feeling found its way into my meditation session this morning and manifested itself in laughter. Instead of trying to buffer out this feeling, my mind converted it into fuel for the day and needless today it's been a banger of a day.

By forcing myself to stop buffering, I'm ultimately putting myself in the heart of my work. There hasn't been much time to have a break (to have a buffer) and I've reached the end of the day feeling just as energised as I did after the gym. Today, I've been able to come up with a new artist logo to use for gigs as well as a voucher design for a charity event coming up in late April. On top of that, I bought a shit load of food for the week, practiced some songs and chipped away at some Life Purpose Course. Sure it's not a lot of things to have accomplished. But I enjoyed every second of it.

The main lesson learned here is that by cutting out the addictive buffering behaviours, I can begin to live the life of my dreams. And I must be very sure as not to forget it. Ever.

 

Pic of the day:

My logo: simple, free to make, and self-expressive!

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 330 | Reflection

This is a great time to have a reflection. Earlier this year, I tried to implement a routine for myself that would put all the things that I wanted to do into a concrete structure for me to follow every day. The first week of it went great but then it went a little downhill. It felt harder and harder to commit to the routine for many reasons but one of which was that it was just too rigid. Seeing that I was feeling very down about this, my boyfriend sat me down and worked up a new system to follow that still provides structure but in a looser way.

I've been working to this structure for just over a week now and it feels so much better already. The best part of it is that although you can decide to put tasks off for the next day, you can never use that as an excuse to never do the task because it will always be in writing. If I don't have time to complete a task for today, then I move the task to the next available slot tomorrow. This way, it will always get done. Also, the tasks are not time specific. I could spend anything from 10 minutes to several hours on a task if I choose. The important thing is that I spend some time on it.

My life suddenly feels like it's got more trajectory. I'm finally learning about how to manage myself and my emotions. Not to mention that productivity has gone through the roof as a result. In the last 10 days, I recorded 3 performance videos, created a logo, created some teaching vouchers, performed for a charity event for 3 hours of complete improvisation, came out about my sexuality, and connected and rehearsed with a bunch of new musicians. That's all on top of a solid meditation habit, going to the gym every day, and eating plenty of healthy foods without being tempted to eat junk food.

The ball is rolling like a mother-hugger! For the first time in quite a while, I feel like I'm becoming more self-expressive as I build momentum. In fact, I just now discovered that self-expression is my top-most value according to the Life Purpose Course exercises that I've been doing. I define it as just showing up in the world as my true self. No worries, no insecurities, no lies. Just being honest, playful and musical without caring what others are thinking of me.

It's so exciting to think that this could be my life from now on. This is going to be my life. Striving for something worthwhile instead of waiting for it to happen. These truly are wonderful times to be in right now!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 331 | Letting Go Of The Fear Of Rejection

Theory: If you never reject someone, then they will never reject you.

Applying it: Think of any time that you have been rejected by somebody. Then try and think about the ways in which you rejected that person before they rejected you. You'll find that you create the rejection first yourself.

 

I've just completed a visualisation exercise as part of the Life Purpose Course in regards to a recurring theme that came up for my negatively motivated values: fear of rejection. In one of my earliest journal entries, I described what happened to me during secondary school in which I ended up being rejected by my friends. For a while, it seemed like this event was the cause of my fear for rejection because it certainly hit home the hardest. But as I did the visualisation exercise, my subconscious mind pulled me even further back to my primary school days where it believed the fear truly started.

This seemed strange at first but I trusted its decision. As I began to explore what happened, I started to recall an event that also dealt with rejection. My own rejection. There were a bunch of friends in primary school that I used to hang out with and at this particular time, I had abandoned them to start hanging around with other friends on the playground. My first friend group were really upset at my actions and began to reject me as a result. This event, which has long been forgotten, actually caused a lot of pain because of the dilemma that it presented: these friends or those friends?

It's hardly the most traumatic event that anybody has ever documented but this is where I can recall my first feelings of rejection. The interesting thing was that this situation was brought about by my own actions of rejection. I had engineered the event myself with rejection at the forefront of what was happening. The truth was that I wanted to be friends with everybody in the playground at that point. But because people and children seem to hang around in friend groups, that would involve accepting one group and rejecting another.

Being alone and in the middle of two or more groups felt really uncomfortable as a kid and therefore made me want to avoid such feelings again in future. And how ironic that 2 or so years later, I would engineer the same result again. Pretty much anybody that I used to be close friends with at school are complete strangers to me now. In fact, most of my life has involved rejection in some form or another. And it's always been my rejection first and then the other person's rejection to follow. Then, I would be so unconscious to my own actions that it would appear to be their fault.

But not any more. This lesson that I've learned today has changed my outlook on those who matter to me. It's almost akin to the motto that was written in big letters in the hall of my Catholic primary school: "love one another as I have loved you." And also, the Golden Rule: "Do to others what you want them to do to you." The Golden Rule is powerful because it understands a powerful mechanism of the human mind...

What you do to others will ALWAYS influence them to do the same to you.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 332 | Feeling The Struggle

Theory: It's part of life's deal that you're going to have your fair share of dues to pay. There's no avoiding it.

Applying it: Have he foresight to see that ultimately you will get what you want. But only when you have endured the hardships of the journey for long enough to merit those things to be presented to you.

 

Today hasn't felt like the best day at all. Just like I felt in January, I have a sore throat and sore leg muscles. It's making me start to really wonder about my gym routine and healthy eating routine. If I end up vomiting tonight just like last time, then I'll know that something is majorly wrong with how I'm doing things. But as far as today is concerned, I've let it be a hinderance to some of the work I had planned. The energy required to record a performance wasn't with me today, which is a darn shame.

Part of me is wondering if there is a deeply-rooted psychological reason why I've developed the same symptoms again after a period of absolutely bossing it. It seems too much of a coincidence to dismiss as being nonsense. Every time I've felt like I could genuinely keep the ball rolling in the last two months, something has prevented it. And on two occasions, it has been my health. I must admit that this is not the kind of drudgery that I thought was going to happen. It seems like a struggle against my own subconscious mind in a lot of ways.

But I'm determined to look at things with an optimistic approach. This is drudgery along my journey of personal growth. It's part of the deal. To really live the kind of lifestyle that calls to me, I must honour the path and honour the obstacles along the way. I remember starting this journal with the intent of learning something positive every single day. And right before I started writing this entry, I had no idea how to see things with an optimistic perspective. The truth is that I can't argue with the facts of the present moment. This is my life right here and right now. It deserves my attention.

There's still a part of me that doesn't want to die. But there's a deeper part of me that really wants to live. To live to my full potential. I'm pretty certain what that is but with the extra clarification provided by the Life Purpose Course, I can hone in on what my life is going to be about until death. And it's going to be nothing short of spectacular!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

Edited March 9, 2018 by Liam Johnson

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 333 | Enjoyment Isn't Fulfilment

Theory: Just because you are not enjoying something at the time doesn't mean that you'll come away from it feeling unfulfilled.

Applying it: Instead of focusing on doing the things that provide you the most enjoyment, do the ones that will provide you the most fulfilment.

 

Seems real simple. Sacrifice short-term pleasure for long-term satisfaction, etc. But sometimes it can be disheartening to stop enjoying the thing you love doing most. Today, I recorded another performance video of a very new piece. Because it's new, it took several takes for me to feel happy enough to stop recording videos. By the end of the shoot, I felt pretty unenthusiastic about how well I performed the piece. But then once I watched back the footage, I realised that it completely fulfilled my expectations and then some.

This is definitely a music-related problem but focusing on getting the notes right means that you can't focus on enjoying the moment. And if you remember not being able to enjoy the times that you are trying to create something, it becomes even more difficult to do it the next time. It was easy to enjoy to begin with but it got less and less over time until the point where I felt unenthusiastic about doing any more. During the later takes of the shoot, I managed to perform the notes correctly and make it sound good but the expressions on my face and body language show that I'm not allowing myself the option to enjoy the moment.

The take that I was most happy with turned out to be one of the earlier takes which had a few more mistakes but it contained a vital ingredient: energy. It had energy. I was feeling the groove, not the grind. I was less concerned about playing it right than I was about having fun with it. And it might sound like I introduced the topic of enjoyment as the opposite of fulfilment but the truth is far from it. By enjoying the moment, I ended up being more fulfilled by the product. But as I started to enjoy things less and less, my fulfilment afterwards remains the same. That's what's interesting.

Basically, it's unlikely that you're going to enjoy every minute of every task indefinitely. But if it's a task worth doing, you're going to be fulfilled in the end.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 334 | Rich Food Poor Food

By Jayson and Mira Calton

 

It's been a while since I've completely read a book from start to finish and to be honest, it still has. Rich Food Poor Food is a book that is structured to allow the reader to dip in and out of at their own leisure. With only a few must-read opening chapters, the book is a detailed guide to help you navigate through every aisle of the supermarket to search for the highest-quality and most micronutrient-dense foods available.

Now before I go any further, it needs to be made clear that this book was primarily aimed at American readers. There are loads of brand suggestions and coupons available that simply don't apply to anyone outside of the continent. Based in the UK, I can be sure that practically none of the brands detailed in the book will be found in the stores in the country. This part is pretty disappointing, given that a fair portion of the book contains this advice. But that remains to be the only negative about reading this book.

Focusing on the many positives, there is a ton of detail about pretty much every food that you could possibly think to buy. Dairy, meat, fish, grains, pasta, rice, quinoa, milk substitutes, fruit & veg, snacks, you name it. There are also several "do it yourself" recipes for things like mayonnaise, guacamole, puddings, snacks, and even some preparation techniques to get the most out of things like rice and nuts & seeds. It teaches you about the misleading advertising that you'll find on food containers and exactly how you ought to be reading the label and (most important) the ingredients list.

American friends, get a load of this book. It was simply made for you! As for the rest of the world, don't underestimate the amount of wisdom that you can learn about your diet from this fun, tightly-written book. Especially if you're just getting started with cleaning up your diet, this will provide a solid foundation for you to get started. (And what's more, healthy eating is presented here to be far from overwhelming)

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 335 | Life Is But A Dream

Theory: Anything that you use to define your existence here in the "real world" can be dismissed as being part of the dream's logic.

Applying it: Contemplate the ramifications of this life being nothing but a dream. What does it mean for you dreams at night? What does it mean for life after death?

 

"Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream."

For an over-the-top and in-depth analysis of this nursery rhyme, you can use this as a metaphor for understanding how to be happy with your life. Rowing your boat represents the need for laborsome activity and in relation to going down the stream, it implies going down the master's journey. You do it for so long that you end up traveling a long way. The repeated "merrily" symbolises the joy and happiness that comes from doing this over and over again and the "life is but a dream" affirms that the fulfilment comes from the journey and not the glory of reaching a final destination.

But the last line "life is but a dream" could be argued as being true as Leo has proven in one of his recent videos. This is a subject I've been careful to not believe but contemplate for myself. And in doing so, it seems to be building a stronger connection to God and absolute infinity. It's becoming easier to realise that all beings are one, time and space are illusory and all dreams are happening at once.

It might all sound like wishy-washy work to be doing in contemplating this kinda thing. But it's easy to see the benefits. Compassion for other people and other beings is going to feel more natural, the ability to be open-minded is going to be improved, I'm going to feel even more connected with the existence that is right now in the present moment. Resistance will slowly dissipate, worries and problems will start to dissolve. And I also believe that the music that I write will come from a far more sincere, unconditionally-loving place.

This feels like a serious enquiry. Or at least as serious as it could get. Let's see where it leads.

 

Pick of the day:

 

[Ayilton]

12 hours ago, Liam Johnson said:

Entry 335 | Life Is But A Dream

Theory: Anything that you use to define your existence here in the "real world" can be dismissed as being part of the dream's logic.

Applying it: Contemplate the ramifications of this life being nothing but a dream. What does it mean for you dreams at night? What does it mean for life after death?

 

"Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream."

For an over-the-top and in-depth analysis of this nursery rhyme, you can use this as a metaphor for understanding how to be happy with your life. Rowing your boat represents the need for laborsome activity and in relation to going down the stream, it implies going down the master's journey. You do it for so long that you end up traveling a long way. The repeated "merrily" symbolises the joy and happiness that comes from doing this over and over again and the "life is but a dream" affirms that the fulfilment comes from the journey and not the glory of reaching a final destination.

But the last line "life is but a dream" could be argued as being true as Leo has proven in one of his recent videos. This is a subject I've been careful to not believe but contemplate for myself. And in doing so, it seems to be building a stronger connection to God and absolute infinity. It's becoming easier to realise that all beings are one, time and space are illusory and all dreams are happening at once.

It might all sound like wishy-washy work to be doing in contemplating this kinda thing. But it's easy to see the benefits. Compassion for other people and other beings is going to feel more natural, the ability to be open-minded is going to be improved, I'm going to feel even more connected with the existence that is right now in the present moment. Resistance will slowly dissipate, worries and problems will start to dissolve. And I also believe that the music that I write will come from a far more sincere, unconditionally-loving place.

This feels like a serious enquiry. Or at least as serious as it could get. Let's see where it leads.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

So we are Inside of a dream , building another dream.  

Such a paradox 

[Liam Johnson]

@Ayilton Could be! We have sleep dreams running alongside the main dream of life, right?

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 336 | Hearing Beyond Sound

Theory: Just as with imagination, thoughts and emotions, it's possible to experience sound on an internal level.

Applying it: When composing a piece of music, turn inward and discover what sounds within you want to be expressed in the physical world. It's not necessarily a gift for everyone. But it's useful if you have it.

 

This is going to be very exclusively music-related in terms of how to apply this to everyday life. Today, my instincts guided me to compose an arrangement of one of my guitar pieces: Hope Valley. I've been running on this instinct for several hours now and it's lit up a fire within me. My head is teaming with creative ideas for the music and the main source of these ideas are from what I call "internal hearing." Perhaps I'm lucky to be able to utilise it consciously but it's a gift I believe we all might have to some extent. How many times have you felt so certain that you heard something when others around you didn't?

Internal hearing is a craft I've been developing (unknowingly at the beginning) since my secondary school days. My mum never used to let me have an MP3-player on the school bus so to block out the bullies and make the journey seem less huge, I would just sit and imagine my favourite songs playing in my head. This is where I became so musically grounded that I was able to develop perfect pitch and it's also given me an amazing compositional tool. Whenever I'm looking for inspiration when writing music, I always turn inward to see what I "hear" on a spiritual level first and foremost. That way, it will always come from an organic place.

In the case of today where I've got the finished guitar part and it's now about adding more instruments, I can just hear what each instrument is calling out to do. It's probably a facet of the imagination because now I'm imagining what a cellist or pianist would want to perform and what would feel most fulfilling for them. I imagine myself sat behind a cello and feeling the bow on the strings or sat at a piano with my hands on the keys in the recording studio. So it's not only about hearing the idea but also getting into character.

I'm so damn excited to do this with my pieces, especially with the possibility of recording them in full for an album release. It feels so good to be doing this work.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 337 | The Best Way To Teach

Theory: If you want to be the best teacher you can be no matter the subject, show your students how to practice.

Applying it: Guide your student slowly through every tiny detail of the practice. Allow them to find comfort in the slow place before picking up the pace and making it more challenging.

 

I've been teaching guitar students now for around 6 months now. Hang on a minute, that's pretty darn awesome! And it's safe to say that even though my life purpose may not necessarily be in the teaching field, I feel confident in my abilities as a good teacher. Especially on top of all the self-actualization work, it's been a wonderful avenue for applying concepts and theories to the improvement of somebody else. Early into my teaching, I remember asking the question "how can I be the best teacher I can be?" The answer was to do the hard work for them. And that also meant showing them how to practice.

Even though I've had several guitar teachers in the past, I can't remember one of them dedicating a lesson to learning how to practice. Seems crazy but most teachers will take you through something new and then tell you to go practice it for next week and leave it at that. This is no knock against any of my past teachers but it made it clear to me that this is really what I ought to be teaching to be the best I can be.

One student that I taught today seemed to have some limiting beliefs regarding his playing ability (which happens to every beginner). So without telling him, I took him through the very process I would go through to practice something difficult. As far as learning an instrument goes, this is the bottom line: memorise the music, repeatedly play it so slow that it feels easy, then gradually speed it up without being too hasty. I took him through this process with a difficult picking pattern and by the end, we were competing to see who could play faster.

Every lesson that I teach involves showing the student exactly how to practice. And every time they return, I can see a significant improvement in their playing ability and a smile on their face. It doesn't matter how much they practice at home. What matters is that they know how to practice.

Playing the guitar is the one part of life where I have no limiting beliefs about my abilities. And I suppose in part, that philosophy is also an integral part of my teaching. But that only comes through having spent many years learning how to practice and deeply understanding the mechanics behind it by reading up on success mechanisms. Great books for teachers of any subject include Mastery by George Leonard and Psycho Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

Edited March 13, 2018 by Liam Johnson

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 338 | Change It Up

Theory: If you've been practicing something in the same way for a long period of time, it's going to either become boring or ineffective over time.

Applying it: Whenever your practice starts to become stale and feels even more challenging to commit to, try using a different method of practice.

 

Posting this morning on behalf of yesterday! My meditation practice has largely remained unchanged for over a year now: 1 solid hour every morning of doing nothing. This method of practice really works for me but yesterday was the day I decided to change things up a bit. Instead of 1 solid hour, I managed to do three 40min sessions across the day. It felt easy to begin with but by the last one, it was challenging to remain focused and present. Nevertheless, I managed to retain a huge degree of presence throughout the day as a result of using this technique.

Because I structured it to last the whole day, it meant that all of the time spent in-between (aka. the rest of my life) was made the most of. Because of the added degree of presence, I managed to exceed my expectations for what was possible in the day by going to the gym, preparing two big salads, recording a new song, teaching a guitar lesson and doing an exercise of the Life Purpose Course. I was also more willing to eat each one of my meals with full awareness and no distractions, almost like a meditation practice in itself.

The change was really beneficial for me as well as intimidating. Once upon a time, 1 solid hour of meditation seemed like a massive ask. Now that I've become comfortable with doing it, the time comes to pick up the pace and make it more challenging. Collectively, it adds up to 2 hours per day which is double that of my previous habit. I'm aiming to keep up this habit for the next few days to see how it feels. But the important thing is changing it up when it becomes comfortable. That's the only way growth is ever going to happen.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 339 | Back From An Amazing Holiday

Ahh, hello Attelamp! (abbreviation of this journal) It's been a while, my friend. I've missed you.

It's been a long old while since I went on holiday. The summer of 2016 to be exact. While it could be said that my time spent in-between and shortly after university was a holiday, it didn't exactly feel that way. It seems pretty crazy to think that it was almost 2 years ago. So this holiday was well earned and well overdue for sure.

Me and my partner took a romantic trip away to a cottage in Boynton, near Bridlington, for around 4 days. This is the first time I've ever been on holiday with a partner. Honestly, it felt like stepping into a dream. The cottage was beautiful, the village was picturesque and our relationship felt so deep and strong. Relationships is something I've largely left out of this journal but I've had enough partners in the past to recognise when they really work. And this one is the most special of them all.

Among many things we got up to include cooking and preparing a 3-course candle-lit dinner, watching a bird of prey show, walking along the seafront, walking around the rustic neighbourhood, making friends with horses, meditating, doing dyads, creating Easter egg hunts and writing new compositions. It was one of the most profound holidays of my life so far because not only did we share so much with each other, but we also made an even deeper connection with each other as we continued to let our self-expression flow through us. It was genuinely sad to leave.

Also, I managed to keep up my Life Purpose Course work whilst on holiday. Looking through my list of values, it's clear to see just how much this experience has filled my soul with positive energy. Even though it was about bloody time I gave myself a break, I've come away from the holiday feeling energised and optimistic about the future. Since returning home, I've started transferring all my recipes to OneNote, working out a budget, researching the cost of all the ingredients I need to buy and deducing the cost of each serving that I yield when cooking from scratch.

Yep. Money, money, money. Right now, that is my goal. How shallow and unoriginal. But to be honest, it's a reasonable goal for someone who's currently earning around £200 per month. And there's a definite reason I would like the money, as opposed to just having money. My goal for the summer is to be able to earn enough to afford a relatively cheap place to live with my partner. It's a pretty easy goal and it feels relieving to know that this is where I'm at in terms of money beliefs. I've done the math. I know it's physically possible. All that needs doing is the steps laid out for me.

It's going to be an exciting few months for sure, though. I have 2 more holidays planned along with the guitar camp in Scotland. At first, it seems like overkill for holidays but it's a way of making up for the many years without one, in retrospect.

And further along the path I walk...

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 340 | Reflection

Just finished doing some life purpose exercises. It's becoming so painfully obvious what my life purpose is now that it feels like I'm just waiting for the final climax of this course to come together. It's writing music. It has to be. For a while, I figured that my YouTube channel was basically a dumping ground for all the compositions that I've wrote so far without much direction to it. But if I pretend not to think of the practicalities of taking that to the next level and turn it into a career, it feels like I've been subconsciously drifting in the right direction.

I've felt so alive the last few days. My ability to self-express reached a peak on holiday and I feel so optimistic about my life from hereon out. I'm finally starting to understand how money works, how myself works, how everything works. Even though I have no intention of getting any old job, I'm willing to invest in myself as a guitar teacher for the time being. It's really fulfilling work because it provides an opportunity to channel my wisdom into the growth of somebody else. But it's not my life purpose. It's perhaps my Zone of Excellence but not my Zone of Genius.

Even if taking this life purpose course has been one big procrastination in itself, at least I can come away from it far wiser than when I went in. And with great wisdom comes great responsibility. Any procrastination that follows will be unjustifiable. I've travelled the musician's path for so long that there's no chance of turning back. The potential on the horizon is looking huge. It's just a case of taking the steps to walk there. And I can do that through practice.

There isn't much else to reflect on that hasn't been mentioned in yesterday's post. I'm still facing resistance at this point. It still wants to veer me away from meditation, gym, music and other things important. But I've just got to get good at surrendering to it. I spent ages searching for the correct word to use in conjunction with resistance. You can't beat it, you can't endure it, embracing it doesn't completely cover it and you certainly can't try to overcome it, even though you can overcome it. To keep moving forward, the only thing that you can do is surrender to it.

Surrendering to resistance means that it will loosen it's grip. You will then be free to move forward.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 341 | Entering Phase 3 Of My Musical Journey

Phase 1 for me was learning how to play the electric guitar. More specifically, it was about learning how to play shred metal solos. My heroes included Michael Angelo Batio, Yngwie Malmsteen, Andy Timmons, Joe Satriani and Steve Vai. Phase 2 was learning how to play the acoustic guitar. It was about learning how to perform percussive acoustic guitar solos requiring no accompaniment. My heroes included Michael Hedges, Preston Reed, Tommy Emmanuel, Joe Bonamassa and Doyle Dykes.

Phase 3 promises to be something exciting and brand new. The fact that I have reinvented myself musically in the past means that I don't feel hesitant to do it again. Everybody in school and college knew me for being a badass shred metal electric guitarist. Fast-forward a few years and everybody from university remembers me for being an acoustic guitar wizard. At least, that's the best things they all think! But Phase 3 for me involves a brand new avenue of exploration with the guitar that I've never come across before. Phase 3 is going to be the ultimate fusion of past and present.

Phase 3 is about learning how to play electroacoustic guitar music. It's an intuition that's been burning away for a while now. The reason why I put it off several months ago was because I had to be sure that this was the right course of action. It's usually best to tell, over long periods of time, the difference between a fleeting and a burning desire. But this one has remained persistent.

A few days ago, I started work right away on making this dream become a reality. So far, I've managed to complete the difficult task of converting the guitar into a MIDI instrument. In other words, I can plug the guitar into the laptop and convert the sounds of the guitar to MIDI notes, which can then be played using the software instruments found in Logic and MainStage. This goal left me stumped several months ago because I couldn't make it work back then. But I've got it going now.

Not much on self-actualization, I know. But by following this desire, I've become reignited with a sense of purpose and striving. That's something worth talking about.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 342 | Writing Songs

Theory: The best source material for your song lyrics lies within your internal universe.

Applying it: Use your emotions, imagination and intuition as fuel for your creativity. If you are naturally pulled in some direction, follow it through until the end.

 

Today was another one of those days where I veered off-course. It wasn't a completely wasted day, but what I planned to do versus what actually happened turned out to be two different things. Among the things I managed to do today was procrastination. It was taking its toll on my psyche through the dissatisfaction that it provided me with. But I surprisingly managed to recover the situation in the last hour by catching a new composition idea. The word "catching" is deliberate because there was a process that led me to the location of the idea.

The feeling of dissatisfaction led me to a particular place inside myself. In that place lurked the song idea. Knowing that this could be a spontaneous moment of creativity, I followed through until the song idea became fully formed. It's by no means a complete song but the fundamental idea and feel of the song is there. When it comes to writing the rest of the song, all that needs to happen is for me to return to that place that I found within myself and explore it more deeply.

I don't profess to be a master songwriter because it's relatively new to me. But the way I tend to write lyrics is through the method above. The lyrics are found within the spiritual place that the song idea can lead me towards. Through plenty of exploration and curiosity, the lyrics and notes that feel the most true make their way to the surface and become a part of the concrete song. On a physical level, there really is no method to the madness. On a spiritual plane, it's a deliberate exploration of my internal universe of emotion, imagination and instinct. 

It may sound crap to others. But as an artist, it has to resonate with me on a spiritual level. Because if it doesn't, there's no journey to go on. There's no music to guide you to a deeper spiritual place. There's no connection with others. Very few people actually love the music that I produce because of various reasons. But the ones who do resonate with it as much as I do. Maybe their interpretation of it is completely different to mine. That's totally understandable. But they "get it" just like I do.

If ever you wonder why we are "moved" by music, it is because of the spiritual journey that it takes us on. And the job of the artist is to become an explorer on the spiritual plane. You must discover the uncharted spiritual territory within yourself first. Once you make yourself at home, you can invite others into it to share the experience.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 343 | Time For An Update

Did I mention the ridiculous amount of holiday time I've been having recently?

It's been an interesting few weeks to say the least. It's felt like an emotional purgatory for the most part with my days either being incredibly awesome or incredibly full of resistance. All the while, I've been applying the work in the Life Purpose Course. Part of me is wondering if it feels like there's more resistance because I've been feeding my subconscious mind something new and constructive.

But no matter how much it may feel like things are going wrong in my head, there is evidence to support the fact that the growth that has happened this year has been pretty huge. For instance, the holiday that I just came back from (a weekend cottage break) was with my university flatmates. As much as I love them, it was obvious that they were struggling with their diet unlike myself. And although diet might not feel like the most important thing to get right, it's foundational work for any self-actualiser. And by comparison, my diet has dramatically improved since this time last year. I can look after my basic bodily needs first and foremost, which is an achievement that makes me feel good inside.

Also, I'm getting used to being recognised for my sexuality. One of my flatmates cracked a joke about it yesterday and I distinctly remember thinking "hang on a minute, I don't need to feel insecure about this anymore." And what an amazing feeling that is! For the first time in my life, I actually feel like I can embrace my sexuality rather than hide it. Part of that comes down to finding a partner that actually makes me feel honoured to be with. But the other component is self-acceptance. I can at last feel happy about expressing what wants to be expressed, not what I think needs expressing.

Anyway, let's talk some music! This album that I'm working on has got me super excited to get it out there. There's now two discs worth of original music in my library and I've created a design for an album cover using a sketch of my initials that I found from several years ago. Seeing it in it's working form on my iTunes library makes me realise that this shit is actually possible. And for once, I'm willing to wager that people will actually want to go out of their way to purchase this album. Maybe not immediately. But I'm imagining that after several decades of producing value for the world, there will always be people who want to look back at my life's work from as early as possible.

I realise now that this album is about far more than what it looks like on the surface. Instead of trying to grab everybody's attention by showing them how good I am, it's more about taking a moment to appreciate the music that spoke to me. My life is becoming less and less about the former and more about the latter. I've had enough compliments about my skill level to heal the wounds of my school years which felt like the only cure for them was public recognition and respect. My psyche holds no desire for these things now. It only cares for making music.

My self-actualization work and meditation have suffered over the last few weeks however as the irregularity of journal entries may have indicated. But let me set the record straight with myself right now. My top strength is zest, enthusiasm, energy. Whenever I put my heart into doing something, I boss it. Guitar playing, diet, exercising, meditating, self-actualising... I have the ability to become better at any of these things whenever I feel like it and when I make it my primary mission, I go all in.

Just because I slip up here and there doesn't mean that something wrong has occurred. The more I slate myself for doing something "bad," the more I focus on the "bad" and continue to produce the "bad." But fortunately, my enthusiasm helps me to replace that word with "good" whenever I choose. Just because I haven't chosen yet doesn't mean I will never choose to. It just means that it perhaps isn't a priority at the moment. I'm working upwards from Maslow's hierarchy of needs. My diet is great. My love life is awesome. I have shelter, clothing, social interactions, self-esteem and general wellbeing. But right now, the money/career category is deficient in that I haven't reached a sustainable income. Once I boss this area of my life, I can continue to pursue higher-consciousness values.

Okay this life is pretty fucking awesome! Thanks to the pain I felt as a teenager, I've been able to grow into a guitar wizard! And during this period of my life, that pain must return. Only then will the next level of growth be reached.

 

Pick of the day:

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 344 | The Other Kind Of Resistance

Theory: Knowledge is synonymous to action. He who has superior knowledge takes responsibility for making superior actions.

Applying it: Treat education as a tool to overcome resistance. Learn about the ways your mind works and the ways that you can transform your life. The actions will spontaneously follow only when you are educated enough to take them.

 

I found myself rereading some of my notes from my first read-through of Toward A Psychology Of Being by Abraham Maslow. One of the points he made was that of knowledge being synonymous to action. Here are some of the main points:

Quote

"Where we know fully and completely, suitable action follows automatically and reflexly. Choices are then made without conflict and with full spontaneity. [...] In any case, this close relation between knowing and doing can help us to interpret one cause of the fear of knowing as deeply a fear of doing, a fear of the consequences that flow from knowing, a fear of its dangerous responsibilities. Often it is better not to know, because if you did know, then you would have to act and stick your neck out."

This has definitely been true in my own life recently. There is a particular exercise in the Life Purpose Course that I have been resisting for some reason. It was a kind of resistance that I'd never experienced before. It wasn't just resistance to action. It was a resistance to knowledge. To knowledge of myself. It explains a lot because as I go through each one of the exercises in the course, I'm becoming more knowledgable about my future. And the more I know, the more I will need to act in conjunction with it. The reason for my resistance now is because it would feel more comfortable to not know myself so deeply that I needed to act on it.

Thanks to reading something like this which caught me completely off-guard, I feel more compelled to keep pushing forward with everything. It's an important discovery process that is happening for me right now. Having been threw out of the university bubble, it's important to know my place in this new world. Not only that, but where I fit in for the new world that occurs every single day.

So this is the vague resistance I have been feeling recently: the resistance of knowledge. Hence the lack of reading, coursing, journalling and self-actualising. Now I understand myself, perhaps it's time to swallow the pill and just keep going for it.

 

Pick of the day: