Applying Theory To Everyday Life: A Musician's Perspective

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 269 | Refining My Life Purpose

Theory: Describing life purpose is not as simple as describing a job description. It stems from what you authentically desire as a human being and how you want to do your work.

Applying it: Instead of trying to prove to everybody that you are worthy of some end-goal that you envision for yourself, focus on your desires for what you want out of the present moment. What do you want to accomplish now?

 

So I'm a fair way through the Life Purpose Course now. And although I went in with a solid idea of what my life purpose is about, I feel myself becoming even more conscious of it on a daily basis. It's slowly taking centre-stage in my life. Having said that, I have felt moments of emptiness in my life recently. Lots of self-doubt about whether music truly is my life purpose sprung to mind. And my inaction proves that there was something missing. Some important thing that I needed to be conscious of in my life. After a resistance-filled meditation session today, I discovered what it was.

For me, it was my life purpose: to create music. It's a broad definition which covers performance, composition, songwriting, improvising, and everything under the "professional musician" tick list. The reason why I felt kinda empty now and then was because I could effortlessly remember my vision for the future (which has remained strong for around 9 years) and could see that my life still didn't reflect that after all this time. I was too focused on becoming the professional guitarist of my dreams. The one who could travel around the world and perform shows and write albums without worry of money.

I forgot what drew me into music in the first place. And in some ways, it's hard to describe why I love music so much more than anything else. Maths and Spanish also really hooked me in sixth form, but there was something special about music. For me, the musician's life is such a wonderful metaphor for how I envision "the perfect life." It was also far easier for me to connect with other individuals in a musical way rather than a straight-forward talky way. When I was a broken teenager, music was my first aid.

So I reconnected with my joy for blasting out music on the guitar today. Not with some end-goal in mind. Not to write a piece of music to prove my worthiness. Not to share with anybody and show them how great I am (urgh). But just because I can. Because I want to. It's not everybody that wakes up every morning with the skill of playing guitar. And sure, there are many other skills in life which I suck at. But it doesn't matter in the end. My musical skill is so much better than the rest of my skills that it completes the feeling of lack and emptiness within me.

Without music, my soul would be crushed under the weight of knowing that the rest of me is mediocre.

 

Pick of the day:

 

(the song that planted the seed for my vision to be a pro guitarist)

[jjer94]

@Liam Johnson I love your brutal honesty in these entries. Keep it up! Follow the joy...

[Liam Johnson]

@jjer94 Thanks for the continued support!

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 270 | Reflection

There's no other way I can sum up how the last few weeks have been: inspiring.

My mindset has changed pretty dramatically in recent times. It feels so uplifting to commit to something and burn bridges behind me. I've finally realised that physical death really is the end-result of any mission in life. In a sense, there really is no need to look after the life that I have right now. There's no need to look after this body, this mind, it's associated bank account, it's home, etc. There really is no point! NONE! What's more mind-blowing for me is that this feels liberating.

Seriously, to hell with the materialist way of life. There's only one thing worth living for in this life and it's musical mastery. I discovered that at around 12 or 13 years old. Maybe over the years, that discovery became lost. But not any more. It truly is the only thing worth living for. I'm compelled to find out just how much juice I can pull out of the creative Muse. Just how much can a human being become a master musician?

The vision is really strong for me right now. And for the first time, it's not about me. Instead of envisioning a life where I get to perform gigs across the world and produce lots of CDs and stuff, this vision is far more compelling. It might not even be possible. But I strongly believe that this body and mind was the ultimate magnet for a very particular kind of art form to express itself. My life purpose is to allow this Muse to manifest itself as much as possible into this life. And today, I managed to get a taster of what that would be like.

Last night, I surrendered to my self-expression which lead to me doing artsy doodles on my whiteboard and making up little games to play on my own. Then as I surrendered to the very same thing today as I let my fingertips explore the guitar for around 6 hours, leading to a new composition idea. Then I took these things to my partner and we played around with them even more.

But every time "I" do something or act in some way, of course it means that surrender is not 100% just yet. It's a hell of a lot more than before, granted. But there's still a notion clinging onto the "here I am, this is me" paradigm. But with this updated vision (which involves the sacrifice of myself for a divine manifestation of the creative Muse that steers the body and mind), perhaps this idea can be set free.

There's still some programming to be done on the subconscious mind but things are looking pretty darn good right now. Worries about money and success are becoming less and less. All that is at the forefront of the conscious mind is this vision: to surrender this body and mind (this life) to the creative Muse. It wants to be a master musician and performer, not me. Personally, I just want to watch YouTube videos and eat chocolate avocado puddings all day (seriously though, look it up if you haven't already).

Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music.

Oh and er....

MUSIC!

That's the vision. That's the reason worth living for. That's the most noble gift that this life can offer. Except it's not just going to be music. It's going to be the ultimate way to celebrate life. The ultimate form of gratitude possible for this body and this mind. And that's why it doesn't matter how much money I make. It doesn't matter how much music I create, how many concerts I perform, or even how I'm going to survive. Survival can take care of itself because if God (the Divine Source of Life, the Muse, the Nothingness, the Infinite Intelligence) decides that there's something more it needs to create, then it will provide survival for this body and mind in order for it to create what it wants.

The goal is music. The vision is music. The result is going to be music. Here's a spoiler about how this life is going to turn out: it's going to create music.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 271 | The Compelling Vision

Theory: The biggest motivation you can have in your life is a compelling motivation.

Applying it: Even if you think you have your vision, ask yourself "Just how much is this vision motivating my life?" If it's only just motivating you, perhaps you ought to consider redefining it (but maybe not changing it).

 

Back when I was around 12 or 13, I created the ultimate vision for my future. I was gonna become the best guitarist on the planet as far as my life was concerned. Every day, I'd chase this fame by practicing every day for many hours and, sure as hell, my expertise on the instrument became tremendously increased. Once I reached university, no longer was I the outcast kid whose only friends were the other outcast kids. Instead, everybody started to respect me, offer their hand of friendship to me, even create a reputation for me.

It felt so awesome to finally be a "popular" guy. So awesome, in fact, that I decided to enjoy this new life by indulging in all sorts of fun activities. Gigging with friends, supporting their gigs too, going on road trips, having meals out, going to socials, etc. Even though I was no party animal, it was the closest thing to it in my life so far. Yet despite how wonderful it all felt, I noticed that my guitar practice was slipping. I was spending more time rehearsing for concerts than I was legitimately practicing. Or in other words, perfecting the craft of playing the guitar.

I can appreciate now that my reasons for wanting to become a better guitar player were all survival-based and ego-driven. Last year was kinda different because it was the year of my big recital. That gave me loads of time to practice the fuck out of my instrument and it paid off big time in the end. But since that recital, my motivation stopped once again. And it's easy to see why: it's because my motivation came from a vision that was 'end-result' oriented. It always had been. It was never tailored to something outside of that.

Which is why I kinda feel that this is a turning point in life now. I can see that creating a vision for some other end-result is just pointless as far as happiness is concerned. The vision that I need now is something far greater than that. It's far beyond any hopes of accomplishment and achievement. And that vision is only just beginning to emerge. If this vision could be actualised, it will become the most beautiful and divine thing imaginable. It's the vision to be completely manifested by the creative Muse. To become an embodiment of music.

This vision is certainly far more compelling than any materialist vision could come up with and I actually buy that now. As said yesterday, it's all about music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music. Music.

Right now, I feel exactly as I did as that 12 or 13 year old who decided to commit to something far more special than what is in front of him. Love, determination, passion, excitement, and persistence. Now I get it.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 272 | Time Is Just A Number

Theory: Time is just a construct of the mind. Although it can be useful, living your life in rigid synchronisation with the time can create neurosis.

Applying it: Within reason, stop caring so much about getting things done on time. Focus instead on enjoying the process of doing the thing and learn to regard the time of the end-goal as unimportant.

 

*Drinking game (if you do such things): take a drink every time the word "time" appears* 

Last night was another wedding band gig. With a job like this, you have to ignore the time for the most part if you want to enjoy it. Inner dialogue that goes "it's so damn late" can completely ruin the experience. But fortunately, the high spirits of a wedding make it easy to disregard these thoughts and encourage you to embrace the moment. Because apart from turning up on time and finishing on time, the rest of the night really ought to be free of worry to enjoy it.

When you focus on enjoying the process of doing the task in hand, you naturally forget about the time. This happens all the time with music practice. Even an art form which requires you to play "in time" can have complete disregard for "the time." For me, the music practice that I do is so inspiring and captivating that it really doesn't matter how long it goes on for or what time of day it occupies.

And it's those moments where you forget about time that you find yourself in a state of flow. Everything just becomes effortless. Even something like watching a movie has this effect. You become so enthralled in the action that the concept of time is left with no place in your mind to make its presence known. The moment becomes timeless.

And that's why it felt so good to be gigging until midnight and driving back home by 3am last night. The moment was far too exciting.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Benjamin Jackson]

This is so interesting, as today during my own meditation I found myself realising some similar things. In fact, in my meditation journal which I wrote up just about 30 seconds before reading this entry, I wrote: 
 

"A moment can be perceived totally outside of time - a moment in itself has no need of time and can be enjoyed for the fact that it is timeless - in fact it's impossible to experience time when fully involved in one particular moment, as it were."

I also wrote about how there is such thing as being aware of a moment's context within time, but that moment doesn't depend on its context to be what it is, if that makes any kind of sense. 

Anyway, it's really interesting to now read about these sorts of principles in relation to music

 

[Liam Johnson]

@Benjamin Jackson Really digging that quote. Keep it up!

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 273 | The Immune System Recovery Plan

By Susan Blum

I've had this book a good old while now and never actually got around to reviewing it. This book is especially thorough in it's attempt to help those who have autoimmune conditions. To tell the truth, I just wanted to buy the book because I wanted to clean up my diet. Around the time I bought it, I was getting fed up with having acne into my 20s. My logic was that cleaning up my diet would do the trick (nothing else worked). And now after all these months of trying out the recipes and strategies in this book, it's time to admit that it has worked.

Even though there is a lot of dull theory to read if you want to, the book is organised nicely so that you can jump straight to the recipes, shopping lists, and general health advice with ease. Given the state of my diet when I bought the book, most of the recipes looked like a radical change to be making. Cutting out gluten, dairy, corn, soya and other things was incredibly hard to get used to in the beginning. But I have to say that each recipe that I've tried in this book tastes divine and nutritious.

It also offers advice for controlling stress, eating mindfully, sleeping effectively, multiple self-assessments and treatment plans. My body seems to be reacting a whole lot better than it used to. Last year, I had lots of acne, gas, bloating, indigestion, and seemed to catch colds easily (although the last one could have also been a result of being around uni students!). Now, all of these symptoms have very nearly gone. And even though I never would have believed myself to have an autoimmune disease, it goes to show that the advice this book provides can transform anybody's health.

Perhaps it's just me but a lot of the more theory-based information was very difficult to read and stay interested in. It might be that it doesn't apply to me as much as it would someone with an autoimmune disease. Nevertheless, this book is packed full of wisdom to guide you towards a healthier lifestyle as well as a cleaner diet.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 274 | Happy Birthday Dear Journal

A whole year of journaling. Or at least minus around 91 days where I didn't post a journal! But some were two-parters to make up for it.

It's pretty cool that I've managed to keep this thing going in my life for so long. Especially since I started this journal on a whim because I wanted to learn how to type using a Dvorak keyboard (now I can reach 70 words per minute). It feels like such a long time ago since starting this journal that I no longer remember doing so. Either that suggests that I've come a long way or my memory is super fucked.

But seriously, the challenges I've overcame this last year have been huge. Cleaning up my diet, exercising, learning some of the most difficult guitar pieces for my recital, and the biggest commitment I've ever made in my life: to follow my deepest passions in life. To become a slave to the creative Muse. To allow myself no such luxury of a comfortable 9-5 job that pays lots of money. To become a professional musician no matter what.

And although I'd love to say that I feel super happy reflecting on this stuff, the truth is that I feel emotionally bruised by the process. Especially in the last few months as I've came to terms with life outside of formal education for the first time in my life. It feels harder and harder to grow as I bust through more layers of resistance. "The first year is always the worst" is a teaching that comes to mind. This by far feels like the most difficult challenge in my life so far. And it feels incredibly uncomfortable and painful to think that this might all be for nothing in the end. But it will, of course.

Something inside is clinging to this belief of "me" and "my life" so much so that it is damaging the progress I've made so far. At one time, I was exercising like a boss, eating like a boss, practicing and performing like one too. It feels like some of that work has been undone over the last few weeks and months because I'm still clinging onto this lifestyle. What lifestyle? One that involves constant buffering: TV, YouTube, food, porn, recreation. One that chooses these things over meditation, self-enquiry, journaling, mastery, music practice.

If only it were such an easy thing to just grow effortlessly. But then there would be no reward to the labor. No matter, the fact remains that a lot of cool shit has happened over the last year that I fail to acknowledge. Not necessarily about the things I've done, but about the way the world appears to me now. As much as this process can feel agonising at times, and as much as it feels like I'm back at square one, my outlook feels more determined, persistent, open-minded and aware.

I'm gonna die one day. It's just a matter of whether I will allow myself to accept death before it's time. Death is an ego-related thing after all. The sooner I die, the better life will be.

 

Pick of the day:

 

[Benjamin Jackson]

Keep at it! It's worth remembering the impacts a person can have without realising. In that sense, it's almost impossible that it can all be for nothing, because it's already been for something. When you're working out at the gym, your muscles ache but your body eventually gets stronger. It might be the same here - the mental aches and bruises are a signpost that you are becoming mentally every stronger and more powerful. 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 275 | Becoming Immersed

Theory: When you first try and do something productive, it feels uncomfortable and unlikely that you will become comfortable. But it only takes a little persistence to push through and become immersed in the activity that you're doing.

Applying it: Accept that no matter how uncomfortable or unnatural things may seem at first when you're striving towards change or improvement, you will eventually reach a state of immersion that feels gratifying.

 

Even though I've been playing guitar for over 10 years, there are still some days when I pick up the instrument and it feels kinda alien and uncomfortable to begin with. On the surface level, it feels like you've taken a step backward in terms of improvement. But actually, it only takes that little bit of extra determination to transcend the initial discomforts. It happened for me today. I started playing a piece I've been practicing on and off for a few months and it felt difficult to make it sound good. But with more practice, it quickly returned to my fingertips.

This kinda makes me think of self-actualization work. Yesterday and the day before, it felt like I had taken some steps back in terms of overall improvement. My diet, exercise routine, practice routine, and other good habits seemed to fall out of place here and there. But looking back, it seems like this was just psychological. In fact, things right now are pretty awesome. Sure they're not perfect, but there's no need to beat myself up about it. And even though going back to the gym feels like an uncomfortable thing to do, I know that the initial discomfort will go away with the practice.

Practice is a really great thing. As a musician, it's the one form of work that never gets old. Every day, I practice something different. Even if it's the same piece day after day, there's always something different to look forward to each time and there's always the possibility to practice in different ways. Same with self-actualization. There are many different ways to approach meditation, exercise, healthy eating, studying and contemplation. It's good to have variety within something specific.

But the bottom line is that it's not worth quitting something just because it feels uncomfortable at first. As a beginner, the discomfort is going to last a hell of a lot longer. And as someone who is no stranger to discomfort in my practice, I can confidently say that the endless joy and mind-blowing rewards will follow if you stay on the path long enough no matter what field of mastery you choose.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 276 | Dream in a Dream in a Dream in a Dream in a Dream - Report

Last night, I had an incredibly deep sleep and deep dreams. I could feel this dream coming for several days leading up to it due to the heavy amount of resistance that I felt during the day. It threw all notions of myself out of the window with the force of a thousand freight trains. It partially traumatised me as it happened but it blew open my mind to accept the truth about self.

A good bulk of the dream came at the start and lasted nearly to the end. It was a pretty standard kinda dream. But the amazing thing about it was that it felt so vivid and highly detailed that it genuinely felt like reality. I went through the dream believing myself to be the body and mind wandering through that reality. Then I woke up. It was dark and I could hear my mum talking and laughing away in the conservatory with another woman (no idea who she was). I looked at my phone and learned that it was past 4am.

This felt kinda strange. Why would mum be talking to some strange woman at this time of night? Then a few moments later, I noticed a furry creature at the bottom of my bed. I thought it was our dog, Isa. But it turned out to be a ginger cat (kinda like Puss In Boots from the Shrek movies without the clothing). This cat was angry and ready to kill me. As it leaped on the bed and started to attack me, I quickly got the upper hand by grabbing its throat and preventing it from doing any damage.

At this point, I was well aware that this was still part of the dream. So I slapped myself in the face to wake up, which I did. Once again, the room was dark and it was past 4am on my phone. I felt such relief as I realised that the previous reality was fake and that it wasn't the real "me." But something didn't feel right once again. I looked at my phone and discovered that the time was being displayed above the screen instead of on it. This isn't the real me either?

So I went and slapped myself in the face again as the fear and terror grew within me. This time I woke up, still feeling the exact same emotions as before. Still feeling just as strange as before, I was convinced that this was not the real "me" either without needing to look at my phone. It was terrifying to think that no matter how real each dream state felt, it wasn't the real "me" because I wasn't fully awake.

Then after one final slap to the face, I managed to wake myself legitimately. This felt more real than before, and there was a slither of daylight peeking from behind the curtains. My phone screen read 7:12am and I could see, hear, and feel things with more sensitivity. But even though it felt more realistic, I still felt strange. It terrified me that this was a dream state as well. This wasn't the real me. I even slapped myself in the face to see if I'd wake up again. And just like every other slap to the face I received in the dream, I didn't suffer from it. It was as if the pain of the slap and the observer of the slap was separate.

Then the dialogue ran through my mind: What if this isn't the real "me?" What grounds do I have to say that this reality is real? I can't trust my senses because they deceived me in the dream states. Those realities felt just as real as this one. Likewise, I can't trust my inner senses (thoughts, feelings, imagination) because those were in tact during the alternate realities and deceived me as well. But this feels more real. But how does it feel more real? Just because the senses feel more precise and accurate? They seem more lifelike? But they are still the same senses, no matter what degree of accuracy they hold, that fooled you into thinking that the real "me" was in the dreamed realities.

So much insight has come from this dream. The fact that this mind and body certainly is not the real "me." There is no real "me." Because the thing that observes the senses in this reality is the same thing that observes every sense in every other reality. There's no separation between these realities. They are all part of one reality. The walls of this universe are no more solid than the walls of any other universe. This body can get slapped around all it wants but the root of its being is untouchable.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 277 | Drudgery

Theory: No matter how much you love your art and how excited you are by it, you will always have to do boring, frustrating work to make it happen.

Applying it: Whenever you come into contact with this kind of work, be accepting of the monotony and surrender to your practice.

 

I'm slowly chipping away at the Life Purpose Course even though I'm pretty confident in what it is right now. The cool thing about this course so far is that it has shed some light on some really important concepts to remember in times of doubt, frustration and especially in times of drudgery. That was today's topic (I'm going through one section per day because it's important not to rush). Drudgery is the heavy lifting work that has to be done in order to reach a state of mastery.

Speaking of mastery, George Leonard describes the concept of the plateau in his book called Mastery. The plateau is a long period of time where it feels like you're doing loads of work and gaining nothing in return. As a musician, this is something I've had to live with for a long time. Perhaps it's something I've become numb to for learning music, but I certainly feel it in other places in my life. It's so easy to talk yourself into quitting when all hope looks lost. When in actual fact, you can learn an awful lot when you commit to staying on the plateau indefinitely.

There were lots of years in the beginning stages where I had to put up with the fact that I couldn't play my favourite songs. My skills weren't as good as my guitar idols. It could've been so easy to quit, but one belief kept me going through the drudgery: "if they can do it, so can I." Staying on the plateau long enough means that you will inevitably reach a growth spurt in learning and success. And staying on it for decades can lead you to mastery of an instrument, for example.

Drudgery is the unexciting part of being a musician. It's the thousands of hours of practice that goes into every performance of a piece of music. The hundreds of thousands of repetitions of scales, chords and bars of music. It's all of that "boring" work that people don't see and don't appreciate. And yet after years of doing it, the same "boring" work in fact can bring more joy than an actual performance.

Thrills are the spice of life. Drudgery is the food for the spice to rest on.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 278 | Prejudice

Theory: Prejudice comes from your inability to be present and accepting of what you are.

Applying it: Whenever you feel as though you ought to be a certain way, stop and be present of what you are. Be accepting of what you authentically want to become so that you can be accepting of what others authentically want to become too.

 

During a dyad session today with my partner, one of the instructions I gave to him was "tell me what prejudice is." Before asking the question, thoughts started triggering like "I already know what prejudice is." But I went ahead and did it anyway. The response he gave was interesting because he said that you are prejudice against yourself first and foremost, and then you develop prejudice against others. This intrigued me so I probed at it even more.

He started talking about how you can develop certain prejudices regarding your emotions. So if a male were to think that he ought not to be weak because of his gender, he would then try to suppress it and deny its presence. He could then end up treating himself badly for feeling the way he feels. Then that could mean that if he comes into contact with another man who shows signs of weakness, he would then be very quick to ridicule them and mistreat them for being that way.

What's interesting is that with the definition that my partner gave, he never once attributed prejudice to appearance. While this could look like he forgot about the whole deal with racism, religion and other such prejudices that seem to be appearance-based, perhaps it was deliberate. Maybe even those kinds of prejudices stem from something deeper than the appearances themselves. If a white person feels that a human being cannot be black, then that person will have an incredibly hard time trying to change his belief systems. On the other hand, they could just be prejudice instead.

Ultimately, the message was that the source of all prejudice comes from the inability to be loving of your existence. Loving, in this sense, means unconditional acceptance for what is. The source of all evil is, after all, never the thing you are prejudice against but the thing causing the prejudice: yourself.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 279 | Long-term Passion ≠ Short-term Passion

Theory: Being passionate over the course of the long term doesn't always guarantee that every day will be filled with passion.

Applying it: Reassure yourself during difficult times that just because you don't feel passionate or excited in the short term doesn't mean that you aren't being passionate in the long term.

 

This little nugget of information came as a side note in one of the Life Purpose Course videos. I had never made this distinction before. Feels like I've been missing out! There have been loads of times in the past where thoughts of quitting entered my mind. There have also been so many times (even recently) where the thought of playing guitar just felt like the most dull and boring thing to do in the world. It happens. And it's fine. Because it goes to show that passion in the short term can be very low sometimes.

Maybe I've already talked about how few guitar compositions I wrote during the recent time when I started this journal. University felt like it was getting in the way. My passions were being expressed through the music work they had me doing rather than through work of my own choosing. Now I've made the big commitment to double down on the guitar as my life purpose, it's been easier to come up with compositions over the last few months and far more enjoyable. The guitar has never felt so comfortable to play as it does now. My long-term passion for playing the guitar has prevailed.

This distinction can bring lots of perspective whenever you feel you have a shitty period of time where it feels like you've made no progress (or perhaps even undone progress). They happen. And it's natural that they happen. So especially in the beginning phases of implementing massive change, it's a good thing to remember in difficult times. My diet and exercise routine have kinda gone to shit over the last few weeks. But I genuinely desire to get back on track and I know that I will do that. After 20 years of not giving a shit about these things, it's going to take a lot more than 1 year to turn it all around for good.

When you feel passion in the long term, you don't get tricked into believing that you're lack of short-term passion is a bad thing. It's part of the process.

 

'Pick' of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 280 | Reflection

Argh it's nearly Christmas. Yaaaaaaay 

I don't feel all that great right now because I'm real tired after a great weekend visiting my partner and we ate a glutenous toastie each, much to our regret. My mind is a little foggy as a result. One thing I realised during that weekend is just how much I'd been neglecting my diet and fitness levels. I haven't been to the gym in over 2 weeks and junk food has crept its way back into my daily diet. But I'm completely okay with that being the case. The mind would have me beat myself up enough to make it a permanent change but it isn't going to become one. Tomorrow, things will be back on track.

It's all part of the Upper Limit Problem. I've had some incredibly wonderful things happening in my life recently and there are some limiting beliefs deeply programmed into my subconscious mind that are telling me that things are way too full of happiness right now. This was the programming that I no doubt taught myself during a period of heavy bullying at school. "I won't be myself unless woe is me." At least I'm able to recognise this now for what it truly is: a well-practiced belief. I know the tools to go about changing those things and I feel persistent enough to stop at nothing along the way.

As far as guitar-playing is going, everything feels really promising. The concepts discussed in the Life Purpose Course are providing the ultimate incentive to keep doing what I'm doing. I've had some wonderful responses for my recent videos from online guitar communities and friends. But what I'm most pleased about is that somebody went out of the way to click dislike for my latest video. That's secretly what I would like to happen. It proves to me that what I'm doing is not a flavour of the vanilla variety. It has a quirky kick about it that some people may dislike but others will really love.

One fan in particular expressed their amazement at this very piece. She's been messaging me through my Facebook page for a little while now, which is real cool. She doesn't hesitate to speak her opinion about whether she likes something or dislikes it. And it just so happened that she really enjoyed the one today because of it's similarities with North Indian classical music. But I feel mature enough to understand that it really doesn't matter about whether a person likes or dislikes your work. It's the knowing that my work moves people to action, no matter good or bad. They engage with it.

I'm certainly in no position to say that my fame is rising, not that it matters anymore. But my main motivation for putting these videos out to YouTube every week is to give my gift to the world. My gift is the music I play. And without trying to be arrogant, I know that I kick ass at it because of the many years of practice and suffering that I've had to endure to get to where I am today. Also, my aim as a musician is no longer to prove to the world that I can play the guitar really well. But my aim is to move them and inspire them with what is possible.

The very motto that I used to get me to this level of mastery is now the message of my work: "If someone else can do it, then so can I."

Sure I'm a little beaten up and tired on the inside right now but I've come along way in the last few months. Adjusting to life outside of formal education (and without an external body providing me with motivation) has been challenging. I felt very lost with my life purpose around September. It felt like even with the sheer amount of music experience that I had, nobody would ever take interest in what I have to offer. But now that I've started this YouTube channel and have started making videos without becoming attached to their "success," I've found something worth striving for.

It's been an emotional rollercoaster of a journey recently. But I've come to terms with the fact that I can't leave the rollercoaster now. The restraints are down and the train is slowly going up the lift cable. It feels like that first drop and that first shot of success is going to take forever to reach. But I've just got to get comfortable on the slope on the way up. Forget about the anxious thoughts because you can't jump off now or you'll fall and die. Things are slowly developing. I'm seeing a slither of the long-term potential to be had with this journey. Patience and persistence will become my faithful friends.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 281 | Commitment To Mastery

Theory: The only way to walk the path of mastery is to be willing to go through the pain and discomfort that will come along the way.

Applying it: Accept that the only way you'll go far on the master's journey is by never giving up on your deep desires. Go all in on your commitment as if your life depended on it.

 

I managed to chat with a friend from university today. He's an ace musician but perhaps can't see that for himself. He's working in a restaurant in Sheffield for a pretty hefty pay check, which is all well and good. But there is a part of me that feels like he could be doing so much better. We both did 3 years of studying music together and he was always really passionate about the work that he was doing. But now that we're out of the system, it's like his biggest priority has become about earning money and developing a materialistic lifestyle.

It really isn't any of my business what he's doing with his life to be honest. But observing his behaviours and thought processes has highlighted to me that I've been moving away from that mindset over the last few months. It's been challenging but it's happening for sure. Getting comfortable with having next to no income and no home to call my own has been incredibly difficult. But by accepting these facts in my life, I've been able to do start building the foundations for change. And if my vision becomes true, then it'll be extraordinary change.

Thinking back to my metal band during college, I can appreciate that no good will ever come from quitting (even though I quit!) Basically, I left this band after a year because it seemed to be getting nowhere. It wasn't just my impatience for success, but it felt like the last few months of my time were spent doing less and less to reach a successful place. Dedication was low in the band and I could sense it. Plus, I wanted to focus on university, so I quit. But as soon as I did, the band went downhill. They proved exactly what my suspicions were: they were only in it for the success, not the joy of playing music.

They abandoned the journey of mastery to pursue the journey of success. And ironically, that led to their downfall.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 282 | The Easy Thing To Do

Theory: The easy thing to do is to take the first excuse that presents itself to you to stop improving yourself.

Applying it: Be willing to put up with the pain and discomfort of self-improvement indefinitely. Once you can accept it into your life, only then can you truly master yourself.

 

To sum up a theme for my day today, this probably has to be it. In order to truly improve yourself, you must be willing to endure the hardships that come through the process. Today was the first time in my life where I meditated before allowing myself breakfast. There was an awful lot of physical discomfort as my hungry body persistently told my mind that it needs food to operate efficiently. But I sat through the entire hour without giving in. Not even a drop of water.

What I realised was that the physical discomfort was worth enduring for the sake of the greater good. In this case, it allowed me to remain very present for the majority of the day. This produced fulfilment as I went about doing simple tasks like going to the gym, getting my eyes checked at the optician and did some grocery shopping. Although after my tea, I indulged a little too much on some dark chocolate that was left over from some chocolate chip oatmeal cookies that were made from The Immune System Recovery Plan recipe. Here, I failed to do the difficult thing. But only here.

Today, I went to teach a kid who has an ear infection at the moment, which aren't too nice. We managed to get through nearly half the lesson pretty good. But as soon as I mentioned that we were going to work on some chords that he should have memorised after 2 months of teaching, his ear infection began to bother him and we had to call the lesson off. Sceptical me can't help but wonder that it was easier for him to use it as an excuse to avoid doing the nitty-gritty work that needs to be done in order to improve on the guitar. Then again, it could be coincidence.

But it goes to show that it's difficult to accept all the pain and discomfort along the path of mastery. It's much easier to make excuses to avoid improvement altogether. That's just how the mind works. But it's the master who is able to transcend the mind and come out the victor in the end.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 283 | Being Social

Theory: Musicians really aren't that social at all. When they're out on another compulsory social visit, they're really desiring to be back at home perfecting their craft.

Applying it: Understand that it's okay to seclude yourself from the world in order to develop your craft. It's better to lose touch with people and use your time to focus on making music.

 

Before I started university, this was actually where a lot of my suffering came from during first and second year. I was so sick of being a loner in school and college that I wanted to be more social. Turns out that a social life (partying, visiting for the sake of visiting, etc) was in fact the very thing that threw me off course with music mastery. In second year, it was surface-level amazing to be considered one of the popular kids even though I basically avoided every social I could. I ended up doing loads of gigs which was truly awesome. But it hit hard when university work came around like a ton of bricks.

That's when I realised that a musician really shouldn't be having that extravagant a social life. This is something I got right in third year. I turned down musical offers and gig opportunities in order to focus all my efforts on the final-year recital (which was the module that was most in line with my life purpose). And the rewards from making those choices blew me away. It was totally worth it. All of those weeks and months locked away in a practice room having to say "no" continuously to everybody who wanted to hang out with me or hire me for a show.

Now that my schedule is a little freer, I'm able to spend most of my time doing what I love and mastering my craft. Although my parents are dead-set on finding me all sorts of things to do to "fill up my free time." It's hard to get through to them that just because I'm making every single hour of my day count with music and personal development work, it doesn't mean that it's all happening in my free time. This is my work. It's self-mastery as well as mastery of music. It's the most important way I could be spending this life. And they always try to fill it up.

Which of course makes me feel guilty for saying "no" to them when they present a lecture on how I'm not doing anything else with my life and what they decide for my time is more important than an authentic decision from within. But that's another rant.

 

Pick of the day: