Applying Theory To Everyday Life: A Musician's Perspective

[schmitzy]

On 2017-6-12 at 11:53 PM, Liam Johnson said:

Entry 162 | Becoming The Music

Thanks for giving us a peek at your music. It's beautiful! 

[Liam Johnson]

@schmitzy Thank you!

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 177 | Play By Ear

Theory: Although it's good to plan things out rigorously in your life to keep you on track, still give yourself the freedom to "play it by ear" and go where your intuition tells you to go.

Applying it: Open yourself up to the voice of intuition. Notice which direction it tries to pull you in and go along with it.

 

So in terms of what I had set out to do this morning, today has been a bit of a failure. But in terms of general productivity, things have been very fruitful indeed. I managed to cancel my Universal Credit claim (cementing my stance on becoming self-employed), recorded an improvised performance on my acoustic guitar which will be linked below, and I also had a long jam around a simple chord progression using Logic Pro as a sound source for my electric guitar. In fact, I've rekindled some of the fascination that I had as a teenager that caused me to play guitar until the wee hours of the morning (it's nearly 1am).

All of that was off the cuff and "improvised" in a sense. As the kind of musician I am, improvising is definitely one of my strong points. And it's nice to carry that practice out of music and into real life. My intuition is telling me to practice even more on my craft, and even make improvisation a strong part of my music performance. Perhaps it's my gift to the world. Many musicians have graced us with wonderful compositions, but improvisation seems to be a realm of music on its own.

Just as it is with music, improvisation opens you up to spontaneity in your daily life. And while planning is certainly a good thing, there's a lot of joy to be gained from taking the more fun route, driving off-road. There's also a lot to be learned. It reminded me where the majority of my time and effort should be going. The last few weeks, I've been absorbing lots of intellectual knowledge regarding self-help, business, and technology. But I was absorbing so much that I was starting to lose connection with the guitar. And thanks to today, I managed to rekindle that love and perhaps make it even stronger.

Improvisation is a skill in itself. You can't blindly improvise a melody or chords, let alone a full composition, without a staggering amount of theory and practice under your belt. It'll just lead to failure. And much is the same when it comes to "playing by ear" with life. You need to have the knowledge to know the difference between your deepest intuitions and your egoic desires. And that's a knowledge that must come from within yourself as a result of theory and practice.

But once you start to incorporate improvisation into everyday life, my goodness it is such a fun place to be!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 178 | Anomalies

Theory: Not every day of life is going to be perfect. But in the case of the self-actualizer, "bad" days could well be anomalies in comparison to other days.

Applying it: To know if you're self-actualisation work is doing you good, consider which is more anomalous: a good day or a bad day.

 

Yesterday was pretty appalling for my personal growth. Ate pretty badly, didn't plan anything out, didn't embrace the now, and ended up performing at a party that I didn't enjoy. On reflection, I reckon it was my attitude toward the party that caused it all. I had an incline that the music I performed would go unappreciated and unnecessary. And of course, that's exactly the scenario I created for myself. I should have thought about it more carefully and gave an "enlightened no" if I didn't want to perform, but I can be a sucker at saying "yes" too often. But that's another story.

As bad as yesterday had been, though, it was what I'd call an anomaly in terms of how days typically go. That in itself is a pretty awesome milestone that I should take the time to reflect on. Not too far into my past, the story would have been the opposite. I'd kill for a "good" day to come around in my miserable existence as a teenager. But the fact that it's the other way around serves as a testament to the work that I've put in recently. Sure, I ain't perfect, but 95% of days make me feel good to be alive. Pretty good, right?

The fact that I would consider "bad" days to be anomalies can now also function as reconciliation. I have developed enough self-trust and self-reliance to tell myself "Don't worry about it. This is just a rare occurrence. We can pick it up again tomorrow and get back on track." It's wonderful that I can tell myself these words, be convinced by them, and be truthful about it. Damn, does that mean I'm now able to coach myself properly? That's awesome!

As of how things have gone today, I've kept my promises to myself and managed to stop wallowing in resistance like I was yesterday. Back on track!

 

(although, wallowing in suffering can lead to some wonderful artistic moments... Check out this song. I love)

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 179 | Prejudice

Theory: Admit it or not, prejudice towards other people still exists in vast amounts. If it's going to be eliminated altogether, it's got to be done one mind at a time.

Applying it: If someone for your past or present seems to be in a bad or destructive condition, don't condemn them for the choices they've made. Love them just as much as yourself.

 

Today, I met up with one of my oldest childhood friends. We haven't seen each other in a year or two. And on the surface level, we look like misfits for each other. Whilst I've been through a life-changing process at university, she's not had such a lucky life (defining 'lucky' in the material, shallow sense). She's had a reputation for causing trouble, drinking and smoking underage, getting arrested, being referred to mental hospitals, etc. Many would label her as a "scumbag" or something similar, and I've heard people speak of her with that tone of voice. But she's still my friend after all these years. And I love her.

It's such a shame that she's had the upbringing that she's had. It contrasts so much to my own that it makes me want to count my blessings. But underneath the surface-level roughness of her persona, she's still a caring, well-intentioned person. I was perhaps one of the few people in school to see the flowering personality underneath it all, which is why we still talk to each other as if school happened yesterday. We had lots of fun together as youngsters because despite how drastically different our live situations look, we still have much in common with each other.

And it's such a shame that so many people feel such hatred towards her. There were so many people in cars glaring at us as they drove past that it was obvious that they were judging the fuck out of us. And all we were doing was chatting on a bench. That's one thing I've remained from my childhood that I'm so proud of: the ability to hang around with and make friends with anyone and everybody regardless of their background or appearance. That mentality led to lots of pain during secondary school as I became prone to bullying. But ultimately, it's left me in the best place I could imagine. I can love everyone regardless of what they "are."

Sure, I may be guilty of passing judgment on others as it's just another unconscious brain process that can't be helped. But the important thing is to dive deeper. Always deeper. Because then the shallow judgments lose their weight every time.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 180 | Reflection

Half a year later, I'm still journalling! At least now I know what half a year of serious consciousness work feels like: simultaneously long and short.

Last year, I received one of the biggest revelations I could remember. It was an enlightenment experience that would be impossible to forget. It was the first time that I ever toyed with the idea that sense perceptions could be illusory and unreal. Well now, I'm only just returning to those same realisations. Mainly because it scared the shit out of me when it first came into being! But those same questions have been driving me deeper once again.

The whole question is: "what would life look like if I embraced the paradigm that all sense perceptions were false?" If sight, sound, sensation, imagination, thought, and emotion were all completely illusory. What would that leave? The true self? The very "being" that existed before my birth, that will exist after my death, and exists with every day that passes in the form of sleep. There exists no time, no space, no light, no sound, no pain, no consciousness.

So how could such an entity (if it could be called that) create the illusion of a human life? Why would it do that? Perhaps in order to realise and appreciate its own beauty. Perhaps it's all just clay to be played with. More practically speaking, what must I do with it? If the real "I" lurks behind everything, what purpose does this human body and mind now have? There's nothing to obtain because the Self is complete already. What can I create? What should I do?

So many questions from such a wonderful state of being!

As far as my practical human life is going at the minute, I seem to have been incredibly productive today. Maybe as a result of what I've described above. But also, I've cut out YouTube videos for today and already, I find myself having completed everything on my to-do list (that was possible, at least) in record time. I've got 4-5 hours left of the day to do as I please. That's a new feeling. Perhaps it's time to stop looking for how to entertain myself and start looking even deeper at what else can I create.

I don't know what it is, but today has been a great day. My worries, anxieties and depression levels are non-existent. Life feels good. I'm getting shit done and realising my creative potential slowly. Let's keep it up!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 181a | The Master List

Theory: To keep track of all your long-term goals, consider creating a master list alongside your daily to-do list.

Applying it: Write down all of your important long-term goals in one place where you will see it every day. This way, you can never lose track of the bigger picture when it comes to your smaller goals.

 

My online university account (which is soon to run out) grants me free access to Lynda.com, a website featuring multiple lectures covering a range of modern topics including business, technology, marketing, and so on. I started looking at some of the content regarding time management and learned some very useful tools and techniques to manage time properly. One of these tricks was to use a "master list." This was ideal for me because recently, I've been losing sight of the bigger picture in the pursuit of the shorter-term goals.

The master list is an overview of all your long-term goals in one place where you can constantly see them on a daily basis. That's it! Sounds simple enough. But the most powerful benefits come from it when you use it alongside a daily to-do lists, which feature all the short-term accomplishments that can be completed today.

This was the missing link for me. I've developed a very good habit of creating daily to-do lists and I can't communicate enough how much stability and control it has given my life, not to mention the fulfilment that comes from completing everything on the list. But despite the daily lists being helpful, I'd sometimes forget what my long-term goals were. In fact, these long-term goals ought to be defining the shorter-term goals. So doesn't it make sense to have them side-by-side on a daily basis?

The master list therefore provides you with the inspiration for your daily to-do lists. By planning lists alongside the master list, it guarantees that no day will pass by as being meaningless because everything in the daily to-do list will be written to serve the long-term goals.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 181b | Feedback Loops

Theory: Feedback loops might not just be a system for providing business growth, but also personal growth.

Applying it: Use the concept of the feedback loop on yourself. Review everything that you do on a daily basis and let it inform your decisions for the future.

 

I first came across the concept of the feedback loop whilst watching an iTunes U lecture under the program "How To Start A Startup." Although presented to me differently, my understanding of it is in these three parts:

1. Take action/get results
2. Receive feedback
3. Evaluate and strategise

So in a business context, the gist would be to make a product, receive feedback on the product, and refine or improve the product based on the feedback. And this process would loop back around constantly. Theory says that the shorter you can make the feedback loop occur, the faster your business will be able to grow. But I've been thinking recently. My personal growth has been seemingly moving very fast the last six months I've been taking it deadly seriously. Have I been feedback looping?

Yes!

How? By journalling of course!

In my current position, I'm taking daily action to complete a set of daily goals I write out for myself. In the day, I aim to take the action and achieve the results from it. That's the first part of the feedback loop. For the next part, I give myself non-biased feedback based on my results (i.e., whether or not I completed my goals, how it feels to have completed a goal, what caused me to make mistakes). Then for the final part of the loop, I evaluate this information and use it to inform my decision-making process when I write tomorrow's to-do list.

Not only is that secondary journal of mine an unbiased account of my daily routines and actions, it's also been designed (unconsciously) to be a feedback loop! That's so cool!

No wonder I've been feeling so empowered after having developed this routine. What's more, it was conceived from my own mind, not through some other external educational source. That's not to sound smug or arrogant, but it just amazes me that my brain had unconsciously started a powerfully constructive routine based on little nuggets like the feedback loop that I had picked up on elsewhere.

Now to actually go and implement this for tonight!

 

(Literal feedback loops can actually produce harmonic growth too. Check out this piece below. By continuously playing back a recording of his voice back into a new recording, feedback occurs in the most beautiful way until there is no trace of the original voice left. What is left are a series of harmonic frequencies created by the room he describes.)

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

Edited July 3, 2017 by Liam Johnson

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 182 | Schedule Simply

Theory: When you have a schedule that is easy to manage, you'll feel compelled to complete everything on it even when you're in a half-arsed mood.

Applying it: Aim to keep 25-50% of your calendar free on a daily basis and produce a to-do list of no more than 10 tasks per day.

 

So today hasn't been the best in terms of how much I could be arsed to do things. There was a lot of procrastination. However, I've still managed to produce some great results in the short time that I did put in the effort. I managed to finalise a new guitar tune, jam through 5 wedding band tunes, watch two tech lectures (each around 45-60mins), write more words to my website blog, and connect my Wii remote to Pure Data for music programming. By the way, I'm buzzing at the possibility of using the Wiimote to create electronic music!

My theory is that because I've given myself less of a to-do list in terms of tasks to complete, I've psyched myself up to believe that there isn't much work that I need to do. Perhaps that's why people fail in the long run. It's not that work has to be stressfully put in for over 8hrs a day, and it's not that dozens of tasks needed to be completed every day. Rather, it's perhaps better to do fewer tasks every day. That way, you can spend more time with each task which will inevitably lead to a higher-quality result.

So the "small number of high-quality tasks" approach would trump the "as many tasks as possible in the day" approach. Quality not quantity. Also by reducing the amount of tasks to be done in the day, you set yourself up for success. Whereas if you give yourself 15+ tasks to do every day, then you set yourself up for failure. Obviously, too few tasks would produce real slow results. So maybe there's a sweet spot. But it seems to have worked for me today because I've suddenly found myself simultaneously lazy and full of willpower!

My success rate today was pretty high despite the less energetic vibe that I've been carrying today. Clearly, I must have found my sweet spot.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 183 | Comfort

Theory: Spending too long in a comfortable position will eventually lead to discomfort, which results from inaction.

Applying it: Just think that if you're going to feel discomfort anyway, you might as well just feel it whilst doing the dirty work you know you should be doing.

 

Since leaving university, I've ironically gone into a last-minute learning period. My online account runs out in two weeks and I'm trying to use it to look through the Logic Pro and Final Cut Pro lectures available on Lynda.com while they're technically free. But for a while now, I know what I've wanted to be creating: get myself out there. I've now bought (not yet received) all the gear necessary to do this: a powerful laptop, camera, microphones, even a busking amp. But I've not yet took any action doing what I need to be doing.

Now that's probably the sound of me being too harsh on myself. In fact, I've been learning about the recording and video technology available on the MacBook Pro, as mentioned above. I've also been composing new music, programming electronic music, writing blog posts, and preparing myself for what's to come. And whilst this is all good stuff, I've been doing it from the comfort of my own home. It's not been necessary to leave the house apart from to go food shopping.

What I really need to be doing is getting out of the house and doing something. I'd get a monthly gym membership if it weren't for the fact that I'm away on tour next month and the fitness centre aren't able to freeze the payments for that month alone. Plus, I'm living in a place which is pretty dead in terms of things to do. Where Sheffield is buzzing with excitement, my home town is very dead. But I digress. I just need to be doing something beneficial with my time other than just preparing myself.

Also given the fact that I've been at home for a few weeks now (it feels like longer), it's probably natural that I feel like I want to become comfortable with my surroundings. After 3 years living away from home, it's gonna happen. But given my plans for the future and given how I feel right now, becoming comfortable at home is something I don't want to be doing. As lovely as it sounds, my purpose feels way too big and dutiful to be left behind closed doors. That's why the idea of getting a comfortable job through a comfortable benefits system seemed like death to me.

Perhaps it's my desires for the future getting the better of me. I go too hard on myself sometimes. Just remember, Liam, that no matter how imperfectly you may be as a human being, there isn't a day that goes by nowadays where you aren't striving for that vision of yours. It doesn't matter if you make mistakes or hiccups along the way. What matters is that the drive is always there. And it's not a drive for personal satisfaction. It's the drive to let the creative muses within you to come into being and it's the drive to show people what is possible in their own life.

Ultimately, you want to be a creator, not a consumer. So go ahead and do that with your life. Don't consume it. Create it!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 184 | Walking Meditation

Theory: You don't need to be sat motionless in an unpopulated room in order to meditate. You can do it whilst walking in solitude too.

Applying it: Go on a long walk (1hr+) and use the same principles of standard meditation as you go on your way.

As reaction to yesterday, I decided to try this out for the first time. It crossed my mind that I should probably look online to see how it should be done properly, but I settled on finding my own way of doing things. Ten minutes away from home, there's a pretty big forest area where we take the dog for walks.  I set off on my own to just walk through the forest and absorb the beauty of it. And of course, it wasn't difficult to do that.

Walking through the trees, I found myself becoming very present and peaceful. It was as if I had left behind my whole life and all that mattered was the forest. There were some wonderful sights to be seen, all of them incredibly simple and typically unremarkable. The arched formation of the tree branches along the long path down to the bottom of the forest, the different shades of green leaves providing a roof above my head, the sunlight peering through the gaps in the leaves.

It wasn't long before I was completely immersed in this beautiful place. My childhood spirit came back to me as I tried climbing some trees, throwing sticks as far as I could, pretending to wave them around like swords! I walked beyond the forest to a place that I remembered as a kid. It was like a rocky vantage point which had a little den underneath that we used to climb into (pictured above). Sadly, that bit was overgrown and inaccessible due to the river. But the nostalgia of returning there after perhaps 10 years felt incredible.

I later moved on towards another part of the river where I stood motionless and speechless for around 15-20 minutes just soaking it all in. No pun intended! Memories of walking through the river trying to catch the tiny fish with fishing nets came back. All that had changed was the grass being a little more overgrown and the fish in the river were now massive. It was such a special moment that only I could understand. And I'm so pleased with myself for actually going through with the walk.

The walk not only brought back some wonderful memories that I'd long since forgotten, but it brought about an inner state of peace and love with myself. I was loving the shit out of my own company. No fucks were given to those who saw me pretending to sword fight with sticks. I mean, it's not a recommended meditation technique but it sure as hell felt spontaneous and full of spirit. And that's exactly what I welcome into my life. It doesn't have to be correct or right, it just has to feel spiritual. And it did!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 185 | Negative Consequences of Listening to Self-Help Speakers

Theory: The difficult thing about absorbing lots of self-actualization content is that you unconsciously turn it into a set of beliefs. They're not necessarily home truths.

Applying it: Be prepared to admit that what you have been told by others, no matter how convincing they sound, they are not true. They're in fact beliefs still waiting to be proved true.

 

Not too long ago, I found a pretty big flaw in my web of beliefs that stemmed from self-actualisation material. This includes Leo's videos, various books, podcasts and speeches from other self-help speakers. And it's not my intention to slate what they are doing because my life has become drastically more fruitful since welcoming that material into my daily existence. Rather, I've become aware of one of the biggest flaws in this kind of medium which Leo has in fact tried to make it clear before.

The danger comes from accepting their views on faith. And it's taken me a long time to become aware of this myself. Earlier today, I noticed that I was scared of not being a success (not living my dreams). So I went on a questioning spree. Why did I fear failure? Because I'd end up feeling depressed? Why? Because I hadn't lived up to my full potential. Why should I live up to my full potential? Because that will make me fulfilled. And how do you know that? Because that's what [insert motivational speaker's name] told me would happen.

Bingo. I'd found the route cause of my fear of not being successful. It came from blindly assuming that what these self-help speakers were telling me was true. It's not a truth that I had directly experienced. It was a belief after all. From my own personal experience, I knew that even the most simple human life possible could be filled with so much beauty and splendour that it would be infinitely times more fulfilling than a "successful" one. Some of the most profound and beautiful moments of my life have resulted from just sitting in a room with nobody nearby and nothing to do.

This expectation that I must live a successful life in order to be happy was one created by my own mind. It also used the very content that has been responsible for so much of my growth thus far to justify itself. Well, it ain't fooling me anymore.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 186 | Making The Leap Of Faith

Yesterday, my mum showed me a real cool job to apply for at a school. They're looking for graduates who want to become a "musician in residence." This would probably include doing some music lessons with kids and providing them with opportunities to perform in front of audiences, all in the hope to promote music as being a worthy subject of study for them in the future. It's a part-time job, only lasting 12 months, and it pays around £17k per year.

It sounds like a pretty good job. And guess what? I'm going to decline.

In fact, the decision is made. I'm not taking the job on. And it is with great terror (but also great enthusiasm) that I must admit to myself that I have took the ultimate leap of faith to pursue my life purpose: to become a master musician.

How selfish of me to abandon a job dedicated to providing education and inspiration to younger generations? How selfish of me to pursue the equivalent of becoming a flat-out rockstar? No.

As one of the lucky few who seems to have an engrained sense of purpose in life, I feel it my duty to provide the world with the music that "speaks" to me. It's not like it's in my control. No matter how much I try to question it, there's a burning urge inside me to unleash the work of the creative muses. And I strongly believe that this is what I should be pursuing in life. It's beyond simply getting the perks of living that kind of lifestyle because it's not without its drawbacks (long periods away from home, LOTS of traveling, unable to just have a comfortable easy-going life).

Also, what's the better course: to educate and inspire a select number of school kids about the importance of music, or to educate and inspire everyone in my daily life of the importance of pursuing your dreams and living the self-actualised life? For me, it has to be the latter. What's more, if I dedicated even 12 months of my time to this job, by the end of that 12 months I will most certainly not be any better off when it comes to pursuing my ultimate dreams, and perhaps my guitar and performance skills will have deteriorated a little.

This question should sum up everything I feel at the moment: should I chase my dreams in 12 months, or should I do it right fucking now?

And the decision is made. There's no going back now. It's life or death and I'm going for it. What I find remarkable is that I feel willing to die for this. I'd never have thought these desires were of such staggering importance for me. Basically, I would rather die trying to make an impact in the world instead of settling for a comfortable, easy-paying job.

I'm terrified of the thought of failure in the future. But my actions today favour my deep excitement of the chance of bewildering success. Finally, a significant step towards success. Backing out is not an option now. If my life is going to be spent anyway, it's going to be about delivering music to the masses. I don't yet know how. But I do know that I will die happy having given it a go.

Music to the masses. Just you wait!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 187 | Daily Lists

Theory: By setting daily lists for yourself, you can learn to become productive and fulfilled on a daily basis.

Applying it: Make daily lists, alongside a master list, of 10 things to accomplish during the day and aim to complete them all by the end of the day.

 

I'm very aware of the theory here. This is what I've discovered myself from doing them every day for the last few weeks or so. What I'm currently failing to do is develop the habit of getting a 100% success rate every single day. Sometimes, it really can be inevitable that some things don't get completed in a day's work due to complications. But most of the time, I genuinely have no excuse. And this must be my priority for the coming weeks and months. Because if I can't turn in 10 completed tasks every day (each of which will be designed to fulfil the long-term goals in my master list), then things are going to take forever.

What's more, it feels pretty damn good to power through a single day like that, let alone day after day. Perhaps some underlying habitual process in my psyche is like "well I had a pretty good day yesterday, so I can afford to slack off a little today." It must be the case because most of my days recently have been really fulfilling. It seems counterintuitive to knuckle down even harder the next day but it also feels necessary at this point.

If The Big Leap is anything to go on at this point in time, perhaps the deeper reason for my self-sabotage recently (albeit mild so far) is because I don't feel worthy of accomplishing the goals I've laid out for myself. That's a deeply entrenched belief that I have which is going to withstand lots of energy to defeat altogether. The fact of the matter is that I've been waiting almost my whole life for this moment. And after everything that I've done, it seems like the very least I deserve. All that remains is to form this habit of dishing out 100% success rates every day while my brain is still developing.

I don't know why it had never occurred to me to start these lists ages ago. Perhaps I couldn't see the value in doing it before. Now though, I don't feel that I could live without it. Through daily lists, my life is completely mapped out for me. All I have to do is just do it! There's more difficult things to be doing to be honest.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 188 | Being Self-Taught

Theory: A teacher can be incredibly useful to lay out the foundational material for you to develop a new skill or habit. But the truly rewarding stuff comes when you become your own teacher.

Applying it: Use a teacher to get you past the initial hurdles but from that point on, stop relying on them to get you to greatness. That can only be brought upon by yourself.

 

In the first 7 (or so) years of playing guitar, I received lessons from a great rock guitarist in the local area. He taught me the essentials of how to play the electric guitar in a rock/pop style. He also got me through my graded exams including grade 3, 5, and 8. After that though, I felt like there wasn't much more that he could teach me in terms of how to play the guitar.

It was at this point that I decided to take on the learning part myself and become my own teacher. This led me to teach myself how to play the acoustic guitar which is, in fact, drastically different from the electric guitar (in the same sort of way that a piano is different to a synthesiser). I learned a whole new way of playing the guitar that was beyond anything I'd heard anyone else play in my local area. In fact, I've yet to meet a guitarist face-to-face who plays the same sort of music that I do.

Ever since I took charge of my own learning, results have been super fulfilling in ways that I could've never imagined. There's the surface-level stuff which includes prestige, reputation, awards from the university, and other nice things. But the deeper stuff involves my interaction with the instrument. I've been able to connect with my guitar on such an emotional and spiritual level that it no longer feels like there's a 'me' performing the music. From my perspective, it genuinely feels like the music and the self merge into one being. As a result, I've developed a love for the music and the guitar specifically that is beyond an easy description.

The feel of the wound guitar strings under my fingertips, the warm tones they produce, the godly feeling that comes over me whenever I shut my eyes and perform... It's an embrace that never gets tiring.

It seems like the same is happening with self-actualisation work. Although I still often listen to new content from Leo and others that I follow, rarely do I feel the need to search for that material. It always gets played when it feels right or when I have nothing better to do. We'll have to see how that goes in the coming months.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 189 | Talking To Yourself

Theory: By talking to yourself as if you were somebody else, you can become even more conscious of the wisdom that you possess whilst also develop more love towards yourself and your own company.

Applying it: Instead of housing your thoughts in your mind, allow yourself the space and freedom to speak your thoughts to yourself and hold conversations and monologues with yourself.

 

This could just be one of my quirks to be honest! But I love talking to myself. It's a habit that I've had since I was a teenager just getting to grips with my life purpose. Some of the results that I've gained from talking to myself have been phenomenal. I've had paradigm shifts occur, unlocked wisdom within myself that I never knew was there, ended up in fits of laughter, motivated myself, and even embodied my future self as if it were who I was right now in the present moment.

If I went into detail about some of the weird things I end up doing in my own company, many people would probably try to pass me off as a psycho. During early 2016, I tried to do serious self-actualisation work before starting the journal months later. And one of the things I looked forward to the most was "self-enquiry." In this space, I'd just hide away in my room for 1hr and talk to myself. The results that came from it always left me inspired and motivated.

A night or two ago, I talked to myself late at night during a final meditation session before bed. And as I was talking, a realisation blew my mind: I became conscious of the illusion of ownership of words. Language is a man-made imaginary construct and, as a result, it is not a physical part of reality. Even the funny shapes you see now called "words" aren't associated with any language on a physical level. Instead, we are born and raised to interpret them to create the words. It's not that they are words themselves. We use them to represent words, which represent sentences which represent meaning and communication.

That kind of direct experience could not have been induced in any other way for me. It had to be realised through the very nature of talking. And who else is there to talk to when you're talking to yourself? In fact, there's probably no other being on this planet that you can have a deeper interaction with.

That's how I experience it anyway.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 190 | Reflection

Today felt kinda peculiar. Despite the amount of work that I've been doing in pursuit of accomplishing my goals, I found myself not feeling too great. And I think I have the answer to why that is: I'm consuming, not creating.

Not all of this has been bad. For the last few weeks, I've been watching lectures on Final Cut Pro, Logic Pro X and Motion on the MacBook Pro. Although they are very long and kinda tedious, they have presented me with plenty of knowledge about the software which will be vital when I actually start creating content. The majority of my tasks recently have involved lots of consuming with these lectures. And it's necessary because my access to these resources is going to be cut off very soon as my university account gets deleted. So I'll just have to knuckle down and deal with the discomfort.

Despite the slightly negative vibes though, I welcome them as just another part of the journey to accomplishing my goals. My emotions have sometimes been getting the better of me but it's nothing that a bit of presence can't handle. Like I said, there's a part of me that just wants to create content all of the time. Whether that be through performance videos, educational and instructional videos, blog posts, etc. I'm giving myself the next year to try and build something special with all that I've got.

And here's the thing: I'm deeply terrified about what the future brings. But it's in such a sadistic way that I can't help but feel excited. My whole life, I've been dreaming of reaching this position. Now it's become a reality, I'll have to get used this new way of life. With no boss watching over my shoulder, surely there should be no pressure right? Well, it's not how I feel at the moment. Death is one large step closer and I'm currently not earning a living. Now more than ever, I feel it necessary to use my passions to create something both meaningful and rewarding to myself and others.

Also, I think I've become a bit of a sucker to the anticipation of it all. From my anxiety days, I remember clearly that the anticipation is far worse than the thing itself. Perhaps that's another thing I need to remind myself of. For a good few days, I've been wrestling with the limiting beliefs regarding making YouTube videos. "What makes you so special? What have you got to offer that isn't what someone else has to offer? What if it never kicks off? What if it just flops?" Thank goodness for this journal to make me realise that these thoughts really aren't that cooperative.

But as soon as I whipped out the camera today and shot a spontaneous tester video, I just got on with it without giving a shit. It helped that I knew it was never going to be posted online but the act of doing the activity really put the wind in my sails. It felt quite fun actually! What's more, I know how to set up the camera and stuff to make a decent video within the shit facilitation of my own bedroom.

It's clear that something in me just wants to create, create, create. But it comes from a different kind of pressure that seems to transcend social acceptance, financial situations, and mundane life itself. It comes from the ideas of my imagination. There are so many sounds, pieces of music, videos and lessons that want to pop into existence. It's an uncontrollable urge inside of me that seems to have intensified with age. Honestly, it comes from a desire to have fun!

My head is exploding with the urge to just make music. But those limiting beliefs are holding me back. They are the source of my turmoil. They will facilitate my failure. Just remember to keep acting on the side of success, and create something awesome!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 191 | Food Meditation

Theory: Too often, we take for granted the very substance in life that keeps us alive. Food meditation can be a great way of becoming more conscious of the foods we eat and how much we enjoy them.

Applying it: Once you've prepared a meal, eat it as slowly and mindfully as you can. Shut your eyes and concentrate on how the food tastes and feels, noticing any positive/negative thoughts that occur as you eat it.

 

Since moving back home, one activity that I've rekindled my love for is cooking good and tasty food. I've been working with Susan Blum's book The Immune System Recovery Plan to create healthy recipes that nourish the body. I'm currently trying out the treatment plan described in the first section of the book, even though I don't suffer with autoimmune disease or any other medical conditions. One of the techniques that she talks about is food meditation.

This had never really occurred to me before as a proper exercise. Obviously, it's important to be as mindful about food as possible and savour every morsel of it. But to take that philosophy on as a meditation practise slipped my mind. Today, I tried it out with simple scrambled egg and a fruit smoothie. Although it wasn't exactly by the book, I just shut my eyes and did the technique described above. Whilst there was nothing remarkable about the food, it provided me with deep peace as I finished the meal.

Especially by closing my eyes, I was able to feel the sensitivity of my own bodily senses as the food entered my mouth and passed into my stomach. Since it was a healthy meal too, it felt rewarding on a psychological level knowing that this food would provide great nutrition for my body. Good food is such an important aspect of self-actualisation. It's very self-assuring to know that you can prepare healthy and tasty meals for yourself without having to rely on ready meals, takeaways, and pub grub to keep you going.

Food meditation just takes the satisfaction of a healthy diet and boosts it to the next level of enjoyment. But also, it could be a great way of listening to your body's reactions to bad foods or excessive amounts of foods. In that sense, it could also serve as the first port of call to cleaning up an unhealthy diet.

By the way, all of the recipes I've tried from this book so far have been amazing!

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 192 | Miracle Of Life

Theory: It's too easy to remember the fact that life is somewhat miraculous given the circumstances necessary to maintain it.

Applying it: Consider reality beyond the Earth and count how many stars in the sky are unable to sustain life.

 

Bit of a different topic today. Last night at the wedding gig, I was able to wander into a bit of a field to be with myself and the night sky. It was a clear night and there were hundreds of stars lighting the sky. Not only did it occur to me that it's been a long time since I've seen the sky so full of stars, it also hit me that every single one of those stars were millions of miles away and unable to sustain life as we know it. Although I'm no expert and don't know this to be factual, I'm pretty sure the scientists at the head of this field of study would have been able to figure out if the opposite was true by now.

Supposing that it's true, it holds the whole planet as a miraculous coincidence. The trees, birds, animals, insects, and of course our very own existence seems to be so incredibly unlikely. And yet, look how easily our species has been able to flourish. Some might say too easily! We have such easy lives that the most we ever have to worry about is paying the bills, buying food that others have collected and harvested for us, finding the dream spouse, finding true happiness, being loved by others, etc.

Considering that we came from a species whose biggest priority not too long ago in history was just to survive, we've got it made. But somehow, we always happen to be miserable! Isn't it silly? Human life has become more comfortable now than it ever has in its entire history. All the other animals on this earth are still very much fending for themselves like we once did. How ignorant must we be to forget the miracle of our comfortable existence inside such a harsh reality?

Fortunately, there is always one place we can look to remind ourselves of this miracle: the sky itself.

 

Pick of the day:

 

 

[Liam Johnson]

Entry 193 | Permanently Installing Habits

Theory: When you have reached the point where you no longer need to remind yourself to work on a habit, you know that it has been permanently installed into your psyche.

Applying it: Set aside one day every 2-3 weeks where you don't tell yourself what to do. Whatever you find yourself instinctively doing will give you the information you need to know which habits are currently installed.

 

It feels like I'm about to talk about our minds as computers! But the process does have some resemblance to the learning abilities of a computer. The last few days, I've took it easy with my daily lists because of things in my calendar. One of the days, I let myself have a completely lazy day (perhaps yesterday) whereby I would have the freedom to consume as much TV, video games, and other things as I wanted. It was a treat to myself for feeling sleep deprived on that day.

What came as a big surprise was that I didn't want to engage in these activities half as much as I wanted to before. Instead, I wanted to meditate more, watch some more Lynda lectures, take in more self-actualisation theory, and the like. This all came so instinctively to me that I didn't feel it an effort or an obligation. I actually wanted to do these things despite allowing myself the opportunity to bum around all day.

This has given me some hope that the work I've been doing up until this point is actually paying off. My bad habits are slowly converting into good habits. It no longer feels like a struggle or an effort. It simply gets done with no two ways about it. Whatever is happening subconsciously, it's turning out to be pretty good. My overall sense of presence since then has deepened and the feeling of effort is starting to dissolve away, just like it did with my guitar playing.

What's fascinating is that despite laying out for myself a disciplined routine for myself on a daily basis, it has actually opened up a window of freedom in my life. I feel more in control, decisive, and self-assured that the path I choose is more in line with my personal growth. It no longer feels like I'm forcing myself to grow because I can see it already happening. It's now a feeling of letting myself grow. That marks the shift from having little freedom to suddenly having much more of it.

So this is perhaps another habit that will become useful if I remember to apply it. Just allow yourself to have a day every 2-3 weeks to bum around and do whatever the fuck you want with no criticism. Then observe what you desire to do on those days. If you're working every other day on developing new habits, theoretically your desires will tend to start incorporating those habits naturally, thus allowing you to stop forcing the new habit into your daily life.

I'm sure it won't be too difficult to remember to have an entire day to bum around though!

 

Pick of the day: