Not being needy = distraction?

[Sib zibler]

Hi folks,

I've been lurking for some time here and doing self development, and have a question. Might sound dumb so get ready lol

To deal with the issue with being needy regarding a hot girl or a particular friend is to be busy/do other stuff. For example I want that hot girl and I'm thinking about her all the time, but I don't see many other girls so she's the only one on my mind. She can smell i'm needy clear as day and I send out that vibes obviously, no matter how much I try to fake it/act confident etc. If I do successfully fake it, it's still weird...you get it. So, I go out more, meet other girls and she's not on my mind as much anymore, so next time we meet I'm much more spontaneous and everything goes so much smoother and better overall. 

My question would be - isn't doing all of that other stuff a distraction? In a sense, why would I need to have my mind occupied with other stuff just to feel/act different towards a situation or a person. I feel as if it's not taking care of the root problem and just masking it with other stuff. Or am I just overthinking..

[hamedsf]

deep down women know this that men are not robots and they need women, the problem is acting not being needy will make you look needy and focusing on NOT being needy will make you needy.

If you asked my opinion, I'd say: be okay by being needy 100%. this is my strategy for myself. 

being needy is not bad by essence, being weak needy and forgetting your value is the problem.

 

[Nahm]

@Sib zibler

Welcome. 

Take someone else out of the picture altogether. Not in your life per se, in your thinking, in how you’re sizing this up. Imagine there is no one which is going to make you feel good, happy, whole or complete. Look within for this, by feeling any tiggers or discordant thoughts, and letting them go via recognizing them as beliefs. Those triggers & discordant thoughts don’t resonate, don’t feel good. As they are let go, inherently - that is, without having to do anything or be with anyone - only good feeling remains. Feeling good, the thoughts of need no longer arise, and now you can share in the joy of our infinite being with someone, and they with you, without all that “drama” so to speak. 

It can be helpful to literally point to where feeling is coming from. 

[Federico del pueblo]

11 hours ago, Sib zibler said:

Hi folks,

I've been lurking for some time here and doing self development, and have a question. Might sound dumb so get ready lol

To deal with the issue with being needy regarding a hot girl or a particular friend is to be busy/do other stuff. For example I want that hot girl and I'm thinking about her all the time, but I don't see many other girls so she's the only one on my mind. She can smell i'm needy clear as day and I send out that vibes obviously, no matter how much I try to fake it/act confident etc. If I do successfully fake it, it's still weird...you get it. So, I go out more, meet other girls and she's not on my mind as much anymore, so next time we meet I'm much more spontaneous and everything goes so much smoother and better overall. 

My question would be - isn't doing all of that other stuff a distraction? In a sense, why would I need to have my mind occupied with other stuff just to feel/act different towards a situation or a person. I feel as if it's not taking care of the root problem and just masking it with other stuff. Or am I just overthinking..

Yeah I would say that you're somewhat overthinking it.

If you truly had options with women ("abundance") and a life that fulfills you then you wouldn't have gotten in this situation to begin with.

Now that you have gotten in this situation of being fixated on one girl you're just dealing with the inevitable consequences of the way you lived your life before (both, in terms of girls and independently of girls).

So in your mind you now got it backwards. 

It's not that you being busy is a distraction, it's what should be your default state as a man on his purpose. Your purpose can include taking action in regards to women, because it adds to your growth, but within reason and moderation. So actually it's the girl that is a distraction from your purpose, not the other way around.

If you design the life that you want and are also active with women it's inevitable that over time you will be more abundant with women and be able to choose the one(s) that suit you well.

But it'll be as though you're giving women a invitation to join your life, and if they want to they can, if they don't want to it doesn't bother you either because you just keep investing in the right processes and enjoy your life this way or another.

From what you wrote it sounded like the girl had become your life (at least in your mind) instead of just having received a invitation, and that is unhealthy for you as a man.