My day of approaches

[Illusory Self]

I used the line "I don't usually do this but I thought you looked cute and wanted to say hi" 

You will get a lot more rejections but you will polarize some woman, it gets you used to the feeling of rejection. 

I approached 10 today, used that line and 9 rejected me. 

I used the line "Hey, can I meet you real quick" and got a phone number from the one.

Going to try & make it a habit to approach 10 a day in the day time. 

Edited September 22, 2021 by Illusory Self

[flowboy]

It's not about the lines though.

Strong eye contact + calm, determined, positive energy + deep loud voice always gets the open, even when I just say 'Hey'.

 

Regardless, good work! please keep posting how your 10 approaches went every day on this thread

Edited September 22, 2021 by flowboy

[Illusory Self]

2 minutes ago, flowboy said:

It's not about the lines though.

Strong eye contact + calm, determined, positive energy + deep loud voice always gets the open.

I will try and test this tomorrow

[flowboy]

Anyways, awesome work man, ten approaches a day is a lot! Especially if you want to make it a consistent habit.

[Bando]

2 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

It's not about the lines though.

Strong eye contact + calm, determined, positive energy + deep loud voice always gets the open.

This, another bit of advice it's going to sound woo woo but go into the interaction by "giving off positive energy" imagine your a source of good vibes and you want to share it without any expectations.

Mindset is really an important factor to dial in when cold approaching and will often auto-correct your behaviors so you can have a more natural flow

[flowboy]

21 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

I used the line "I don't usually do this but I thought you looked cute and wanted to say hi" 

This line is perfectly alright though, because you communicate intent.

If you left the 'you looked cute' part out, you wouldn't get as many rejections, but those others would have been friendzone conversations anyway.

Depending on how strong and grounded you feel, you can communicate intent with your energy and eye contect alone.

But what you're currently doing accomplishes that goal too just fine.

[Illusory Self]

1 hour ago, flowboy said:

This line is perfectly alright though, because you communicate intent.

If you left the 'you looked cute' part out, you wouldn't get as many rejections, but those others would have been friendzone conversations anyway.

Depending on how strong and grounded you feel, you can communicate intent with your energy and eye contect alone.

But what you're currently doing accomplishes that goal too just fine.

What I am doing right now is opening, then vibing for a bit, then go for the close (drinks or something at another date). How should I go about the interaction? I am honestly very bad with women.

Edited September 22, 2021 by Illusory Self

[Federico del pueblo]

@Illusory Self

Quote

I used the line "I don't usually do this but I thought you looked cute and wanted to say hi" 

Why do you say "I don't usually do this..." before you say you thought she was cute?

What's the additional benefit of saying that? To me it sounds a bit like "I actually feel creepy about what I'm doing, which is why I usually don't do it, but because you're so special I just had to talk to you."

I would just drop that and say "Excuse me, Hi! I think you look cute, so I wanted to meet you, Hi I'm [insert name]" or respond to whatever she gives you after you said the she's cute thing.

I respect it very much that you did 10 approaches, I just don't think that you should in any way communicate that you think it's weird to approach a girl, only if there are many people around (which could put pressure on her) you should tone it down on the compliment (go indirect or say "you looked interesting").

[PurpleTree]

22 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

@Illusory Self

Why do you say "I don't usually do this..." before you say you thought she was cute?

What's the additional benefit of saying that?

probably to not come off as a player who does this all the time.

[Illusory Self]

24 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Why do you say "I don't usually do this..." before you say you thought she was cute?

Mark Manson speaks about it in his book Models, if you say "you look cute" or anything along those terms she will think that you must go up to every girl and say that.

It is a very polarizing way of opening a girl, you are going to get a lot more rejections but the girls that do not reject you are going to love you for saying that. 

Edited September 22, 2021 by Illusory Self

[flowboy]

51 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

What I am doing right now is opening, then vibing for a bit, then go for the close (drinks or something at another date). How should I go about the interaction? I am honestly very bad with women.

Sounds fine, just keep doing that for a while. Don't overthink it.

The ones who say yes, meet them

When you're inexperienced, you're vulnerable to overtheorizing, because everyone tries to sell you their own method and theories, because that makes them feel smart, and for the inexperienced one, it's tempting to overtheorize, because it is a low resistance activity compared to action taking.

Don't fall into that trap. You're taking action, you're on a roll, keep it up.

When you hit a serious sticking point, ask for more ideas

But maybe you won't. Maybe you can just approach a bunch of people and get laid like that, with a bit of trial and error. In that case, you're better off without all that theory in your head.

You are already good with women. You're just learning to let go and let it come out naturally, through practice.

Edited September 22, 2021 by flowboy

[Federico del pueblo]

45 minutes ago, Illusory Self said:

Mark Manson speaks about it in his book Models, if you say "you look cute" or anything along those terms she will think that you must go up to every girl and say that.

It is a very polarizing way of opening a girl, you are going to get a lot more rejections but the girls that do not reject you are going to love you for saying that. 

Yep, it's polarizing for sure, which is good because if you don't polarize it often won't go anywhere.

I just don't believe that saying "I usually don't do this..." will make her believe that you actually don't ever do this.

Apart from that you basically have to flat out lie to her once you are doing it regularly.

But if it helps you because you have a few more words to say then just do it like that.

[PurpleTree]

2 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Apart from that you basically have to flat out lie to her once you are doing it regularly.

Yea i also wondered about that. Will you still say it once it's not true anymore?

[Christopher03]

6 hours ago, flowboy said:

When you're inexperienced, you're vulnerable to overtheorizing, because everyone tries to sell you their own method and theories, because that makes them feel smart, and for the inexperienced one, it's tempting to overtheorize, because it is a low resistance activity compared to action taking.

@flowboy  How do you get out of this trap? I can't seem to just take the plunge and commit myself to taking a shit ton of action. Especially in my socialization. It frustrates me because I know I could be doing and accomplishing so much more, but at the same time let myself get stopped by fear of judgement and humiliation 

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

Mark Manson speaks about it in his book Models, if you say "you look cute" or anything along those terms she will think that you must go up to every girl and say that.

You can flip this on its head by saying, "Don't worry, I've only said this to 100 girls today."

If you're gonna be a player, you gotta own it. This will actually create attraction. Hot girls don't care if you're a player, they get attracted even more.

It's all about your vibe though. You have to fully own it and be comfortable with it.

What the girl is actually getting attracted to is not your words but your congruence and strength. The less of a pussy you are, the more attracted she will get.

[flowboy]

8 hours ago, Christopher03 said:

@flowboy  How do you get out of this trap? I can't seem to just take the plunge and commit myself to taking a shit ton of action. Especially in my socialization. It frustrates me because I know I could be doing and accomplishing so much more, but at the same time let myself get stopped by fear of judgement and humiliation 

You've already fallen into it a little bit, judging by your words: "shit ton of action". Pickup gurus are always shouting about taking "massive action", and while that is generally a good thing, it's not helpful when you start from 0 and you expect yourself to suddenly take massive action.

Look at how much pressure that creates in your mind. Expecting yourself to take "a shit ton of action", means that if one day you say hi to one stranger, it's still not going to be enough in your mind, so why bother?

There is no reward to start, if you are programmed to believe that only "massive action" has any value. That means that all the incentive is taken away from taking the first step. It's like watching too much of a fitness channel, where some gym bro tells you that if you don't lift for 4 hours a day 5 days a week, you won't get anywhere. It's totally demotivating. And they didn't start that way either.

You need to find your edge. A little outside your comfort zone of normal behavior, but not so far that it's so steep of a hill to climb, that you'll either never do it, or do it one day and then experience so much reality shock from that that you don't look forward to doing it again.

Lift the 4 kg weight until it becomes easy, then you'll want to keep doing it and move up to the 6kg.

What's the 4 kg weight for you?

Is it just saying hi to one person? Is it even just asking for the time? Is it complimenting one stranger and then saying goodbye?

Then you do that until it becomes easy, and you'll naturally want more.

 

8 hours ago, Christopher03 said:

It frustrates me because I know I could be doing and accomplishing so much more

This frustrating feeling and this idea that you could be doing so much more, is from watching too much advanced pickup content. I know, because I've done that, and oh boy did it become hard to take action after that. I would cut it out completely, and start doing your 4kg weight, and maybe if you get lost on some obstacle you can seek out a bit more information. Really pace it.

[Christopher03]

Powerful advice bro. thank you  

[Illusory Self]

17 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Leo Gura You can flip this on its head by saying, "Don't worry, I've only said this to 100 girls today."

If you're gonna be a player, you gotta own it. This will actually create attraction. Hot girls don't care if you're a player, they get attracted even more.

It's all about your vibe though. You have to fully own it and be comfortable with it.

What the girl is actually getting attracted to is not your words but your congruence and strength. The less of a pussy you are, the more attracted she will get.

I guess my problem comes from a complete lack of social skills with women & these dating "gurus" trying to overwhelm you with to much information. The best way is to just approach right? I hope my social skills will just improve with approaching more. It sucks being starved from sex, Especially when you are good looking. I'm only 25 so I have time. 

Edited September 23, 2021 by Illusory Self

[something_else]

For what it's worth, the amount of action I'm able to take at the moment is going to a club every Saturday with the aid of alcohol, occasionally a Friday as well.

I'm experimenting with going out to bars weekdays too, but that's incredibly hard for me. Starting with small steps like going in, buying a drink, then leaving.

Like @flowboy said, taking action is hard. Reward yourself for small steps in the right direction. As long as you're doing something, anything, that's emotionally challenging, then you're moving in the right direction. Even if it's a tiny step.

My own personal opinion is that viewing things through the lense of pickup is a bad idea. This is unverified and take from it what you will.

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

It sucks being starved from sex, Especially when you are good looking.

It sucks even more when you aren't good looking.