38 year old virgin. Suicidal. Depressed incel

[Tudo]

Seriously, look for an escort or something, you don't need to have sex with her. Pay one just to kiss her or something. This will boost your confidence and experience with women. I lost my virginity with a super cute 19 years old escort. Best experience ever.

[Barbara]

Please don't do such a thing. There are many stories of now healthy people who were close to suicide and today they are happy and loved, by themselves and others. Killing yourself would be in fact ruining your life, as there's no way back to that. Your life can change from day to night, you just got to believe that.

There are suicidal hotlines in your country. A quick google research will lead you to them. Call them and get help! 

[Tudo]

I know A LOT of really handsome successful  guys with many options with women, that still love having sex with escorts.

So to pay a escort dosen't mean you a loser or something.

[Nahm]

@Hello world

Thank you my friend. If what I said was to lofty, the watered down version is… you are feeling the way you are due to how you’re looking at things. I know it’s very convincing that it’s because of the things. But, to see if this is accurate, change how you’re looking at things even in the slightest, simplest most subtle ways, and notice how it feels. 

Also, there are suicide prevention experts available who are trained to help. http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international-suicide-hotlines.html    They are not only specifically trained in prevention, by helping bring clarity and relief to where you’re at. 

Much love, wishing you the best. 

[Barbara]

1 hour ago, Hello world said:

Yes it will and I posted to share my story after reading a similar one and to vent and with the hopes of someone who could help save me

@Hello world Let's keep talking about this buddy. Finding a woman can in fact bring you love and happiness, you are right about that. But what I think you are missing is the fact that you already need to have love within you and be happy before encountering a woman.

And for you to find a woman you have to be in a healthy state of mind. All these beliefs you have about yourself tho, are deeply hurting you, keeping you away from that state. 

So I think that you should seek help in order to get better and heal from depression first and after that put the energy into attracting a beautiful woman to date. But you have to want to get better and healthy. 

I'm sure it feels solitary right now, but there are so many people who recover from depression and suicidal crises. I know you can do it too.

[Bob Seeker]

I’m not sure, but maybe you could find some humor or lightness in listening to Louis CK. He makes light about “being a failure”, and maybe humor could help you. 
I don’t know, just something to look into

 don’t take what he says seriously, though, it’s just jokes. Most of his jokes are not based on evidence

[Leo Gura]

@Hello world I understand you feel like you're trapped in a corner but the only solution here is for you to get serious about personal development and self-improvement. It's not too late to begin work on yourself and building a great life. Some folks are late starters. Every aspect of your life situation can be changed and improved, but you can't do it unless you start to believe in yourself and you slay some of those toxic limiting beliefs that you are hopeless, unlovable, unattractive, and doomed to failure. You just need to start taking baby step action every day towards a better life, and as soon as you start doing that you will feel better.

You need to get a job.

You need to get your own apartment.

You need to build some skills.

You need to read some books (see my book list).

You need to develop a positive vision for your life (see my Life Purpose Course).

And you need to start leaving your house on the weekends to socialize with females.

All of this is doable. This is not rocket science. There is no reason why you can't do these things. Start by learning the basic theory behind all the above. Get the books, watch the videos, start building a plan. Folks here can help you with resources for how to do that.

[Jacob Morres]

I think the first step to healing is self acceptance. To allow forgiveness, compassion and acceptance. From there you can make steps 

[Agoy]

honestly mate changing your life is possible, tho I get why you might not be able to see that from where you're at right now. 

overcoming depression is kind of like trying to get over someone you're in love with.

when you're in love with someone, the thought that you can get over the person you're in love with seems impossible because you're literally in love with the person, so when you think about them you're just reminded of how much you're in love with them.

it's only once you get over them that you realise that it was always possible to get over them.

this is the same with depression or suicidal thoughts. it might not seem like you can change your life right now, but you can, but you'll only realise this after you take action and actually change your life.

the possibilities are endless, and people on here will support you throughout it all, but you have to believe in yourself, make a plan and take action, so that these changes can happen.

the very journey of believing in these changes will make a difference in and of itself, and will be what will actually make the changes for you in your life.

it really is possible, you just need to realise that man <3

Edited September 23, 2021 by Regan

[hoodrow trillson]

Look.  This is a secret:

Anyone can change their whole life around in 3 months and see drastic change in 6 months but you have to literally live and breathe and bleed this every day for those 3-6 months for it manifest.  Like you have to be militant about it from day 1.  YOU have to light the fire beneath your ass for the wheels to turn.  Imagine like in a video game—someone at level 100 pretending they’re a level 2 scrub because they believed it themselves.

Theres no such thing as a “loser” when everyone has the potential to be something great.  Some people don’t ever try and some people die trying.

And the non-“losers” you are talking about have struggles and battles (like everyone else) coming up in their life.  Parents die, families break apart, some people go into extreme debt, some lose their fancy job, some succumb to health problems.  In a funny way, you’re experiencing something worse than some people could ever deal with mentally and physically, and in a sense that makes you resilient like a fucking tank.  

Marriage, picket fence, family — is great on the surface but don’t forget the divorced families, the one where the spouse cheats, the ones that have half their shit and paycheck taken away seemingly forever, the ones in extreme debt to keep up a happy facade.  
 

#1 thing is don’t have any fucking debt.  Do not ever let that dark cloud loom over your life like that.  If you don’t have debt and are just living off the government—be thankful you have a place to start at.  If you have all your limbs and can walk and lift things and move be grateful for that.  
 

You’ve got potential and some don’t realize this until way later in their life and that’s okay.  This isn’t a cope post btw.  I’ve seen some unshakable people get shook by life and all the grimy things in it.  You‘re just starting in hard mode you boss!  Go get it!!!

 

 

 

 

[Hello world]

Thanks so much for caring friends. Grateful for all your support 

@Tudo I can’t afford to buy a car to drive with Uber or go to an escort. I’m not able to afford it.

@mandyjw sorry for forgetting to tag you previously

@Barbara @Knowledge Hoarder I called the suicide hotline today thanks. My life is already ruined so committing suicide would end my pain.

@Nahm Thanks for summarizing friend. You sounded very spiritual before. It is hard to change my beliefs but I am currently trying.

@Barbara Thanks. But getting a woman to love me is impossible for me. I have been rejected and mocked many times by girls I liked. I am at the bottom of the food chain. Everyone else has normal lives and aren’t virgins at my age. I want to be loved by someone

@Bob Seeker I will look into him

@Leo Gura Thanks for the plan Leo and for the advice. We are close to the same age. It feels impossible but you said it’s doable for me. I will follow the baby steps. I want to be loved by someone

Does everyone think I am a loser being at the point I am now?

@Jacob Morres @Husseinisdoingfine @Regan@hoodrow trillson Thanks. Means so much to me.

 

Not all incels are bad

[Barbara]

4 hours ago, Hello world said:

I called the suicide hotline today thanks.

You did a good thing! In a few years, you’ll see this was your best move and be immensely grateful for it!

4 hours ago, Hello world said:

Does everyone think I am a loser being at the point I am now?

There are so many suicidal and depressed people, that hate their lives. Many of them have all the things that you believe you need in order to be happy, like, love, a family, a job, a house.. This shows that it is not about external circumstances. I know you deeply believe this, but depression can happen to all different kinds of people. Not only to people in the same situation as you. 

So recognize that hating one’s life, is not about the life people lead, but instead their idea of it. The same as you thinking you are a loser, not being about your life, but your ideas of you not being enough.

Now, the plan Leo gave you is amazing. Stick to it! Your entire energy needs to be devoted to getting a job, doing baby steps towards it. So figure out what kind of job. If you have access to the internet, you can think about Fiverr for example, and do translations or any other skill you may have. Or you can put on some fresh clothes and walk over your town checking who needs a new employee. Either at a cafe, cleaning dishes, or at a factory or the supermarket, organizing stuff around. I know you can do this! It's very simple and an amazing improvement! 

Edited September 23, 2021 by Barbara

[nistake]

Your situation may look bad, you may have many-many toxic thoughts about yourself and your current situation in life, but hey, you're in the right place. The very fact that you opened this thread is a good sign. It means that you're looking for solutions even if you're not completely aware of it.

You have to believe that you can turn your life around. It may feel just like a nice belief for you at the moment, but know that this is 100% truth. That's the first and most important step. Then practical baby steps is what you're looking for. No matter how small that step is, do it everyday and allow yourself to feel proud. Even if it's just a few minutes/day. Do that for a while and you'll see results in your life, I'm 100% sure.

And also know that you're welcomed and you can always find support here.

[BlackMaze]

Hey man. You already took the first step from stepping out from the situation you are in. That is putting it into words and asking for help. I can't imagine the pain you are in. 

Take the next small step and the next. If you feel you reached the bottom the only way is upwards. The fact that you are here made an account and asked for help means that you also have the potential to completely transform your life step by step in a year from now. Get excited about that instead. 

Focus on health, start a journal, do some shamanic breathing, start taking cold showers. Man there are so many things you can do to feel 100 times better and at some point even feel great. I know it's hard to see this from the position you are in right now but it's the truth. All these people here are constantly growing myself included. We learn stuff all the time. Do the same. Just believe that what we are saying is true. Read whatever book from the booklist interests you. To give up is foolish. Everyone has an infinite growth potential and it's never too late. Forget about women for now.  Like mentioned getting an escort might be a good first step to heal. Get physically and mentally healthy first and then you will be able to create anything you want including a relationship. 

[Hello world]

@Barbara @nistake I am working too recognize the idea is bad but I can’t do it. I can’t do it. I am not in the right place or welcomed by anyone in society. I would be happy if I weren’t a virgin and loved by someone. I would. I hate my life guys. I hate my life. I want to kill myself to end my pain. Society and the entire world rejected me. I am depressed. I’m in pain. I wish I was dead. 

[Hello world]

I am in pain @BlackMaze thanks for caring. Everyone my age is loved by someone 

[flowboy]

7 minutes ago, Hello world said:

I am in pain @BlackMaze thanks for caring. Everyone my age is loved by someone 

@Hello world Do you have 1 hour and 14 minutes to listen to something that might help your pain?

I invite you to take that time right now. Why not.

 

 

 

Being loved by someone else is made possible by loving yourself first.

The other people your age are able to receive love, because they love themselves first.

And that's easy to do, believe it or not.

Love is not conditional upon your circumstances, your accomplishments, even your track record.

Tell yourself in the mirror: "I love you".

Do it despite all your mistakes and flaws.

A little spec of unconditional love every day.

One simple action step. Do it right now.

 

[Barbara]

Text this line https://www.crisistextline.org/

You will talk to a counselor trained for this type of crisis. You are having a crisis just like a heart attack. You need to get help as fast as you can. Text or call the line and they will help you. 

https://www.crisistextline.org/topics/suicide/#suicidal-behavior-what-people-contemplating-suicide-might-do-4

You are enough and you matter immensely buddy! Don't believe your mind telling you otherwise. 

[TripleFly]

It's still doable.

You need a job, get a job at McDonalds, get any job, you need to earn a living so you can buy certain essential things. Good clothes, good perfume, good food. You can't expect a women to get close to you without these things.

Get books that you're passionate about, it could be self help, it could be about virgins like you. Start digging your head into reading material, it's good for you. enjoy it.

Find a career path. Pay a professional counselor(see why you need money?) to help you figure what kind of a career you can make yourself.

You need to get your head straight. Pay for therapy. Find a gym so you can get those feel good hormones, so you can get testosterone, this will boost your performance and drive for life. It will make you also want to get better food to get higher and better nutrition.

Good luck.

If all else fails, go to a monestary instead of suicide. Monks have been recorded to be able to instantly create bliss, to off record levels of bliss, such rapture and love on command is not something science understand. So if it comes down to it, just go and do that, what've you got to lose. Better than suicide imo.

[Seed]

@helloWorld

Just to say I think you're incredibly brave to speak your truth on here. I know and believe with all my heart that by already showing such bravery, you also have the strength to take those baby steps towards a better life. You will. It is your birth right.  This is your calling.