38 year old virgin. Suicidal. Depressed incel

[Hello world]

I read a previous post here about being a 25 year old virgin and could relate and thought I’d share my own story. I am a 38 year old virgin living alone on government handouts with no friends. I have never never kissed a girl or held hands with one. I am suicidal and have been battling an endless battle with depression that I am about to lose. Before you say this is fake know that this is true and I am NOT lying. This is my life. People like me exist. Person who posted about being a 25 year old virgin I am sorry and hope you do not get to this point. Live your live and succeed friend. I am poor with very little savings that I get from the government. I have been unemployed for more than a decade. My apartment is a mess and I eat pasta or microwave or canned meals for food. I have ruined my life and am an incel. Not every incel is bad. I am a loving person but lack love and hate my life. Every one when they reach my age is married has a stable life with some money and friends and has sex with many people multiple times and are happy. I want to be in a relationship. I am not happy.  Nobody loves me. Nobody cares. I want to feel a woman’s touch and her body and be loved by one. I am going to lose this battle and people like me end up killing themselves. I am a loser and a 38 year old virgin who is suicidal.

Edited September 21, 2021 by Hello world

[Spideymon77]

If this isn't the same guy, I'll say this.

You aren't a loser unless you stop trying. You can find someone online, you just gotta look and keep trying. Keep looking for online dates until you finally find someone and remember that it's ok to make mistakes. Learn from these mistakes and build yourself up from them and you'll find what you're looking for.

[Tudo]

Escorts bro.

Well, I lost my virginity to one and I was impressed by how warm and tender they were.

[museumoftrees]

Seems like you have things to work on.

[flowboy]

19 hours ago, Spideymon77 said:

You aren't a loser unless you stop trying. You can find someone online, you just gotta look and keep trying. Keep looking for online dates until you finally find someone and remember that it's ok to make mistakes. Learn from these mistakes and build yourself up from them and you'll find what you're looking for.

@Hello world I don't think dating should be the first priority if your life is in such a state.

1. Taking better care of yourself should be.
2. Then treating the depression. Possibly with a psychedelic ceremony or treatment, for example mushrooms or especially ketamine, can be very effective against depression if done under the right supervision, unless you have schizophrenia in the family.
3. Then developing your interests and passions. Finding new ones.
4. Then working on a vision and life purpose.
5. Once you are on track with that, you'll feel better and women will be more receptive to you.

Because women are wired to be attracted to healthy individuals. It's for your own good.

We all know that you can be a better version of you than what you are now.

And when you decide to toss the bullshit aside and start being that, women reward you.

Try to appreciate the beauty of that. If women didn't have that bias for healthy people, we'd all be microwaving mac'n cheeses every day.

Make a commitment to become a healthy man.

 

It's not like I haven't been there. Microwaving shitty food, not showering for days, only coming outside to smoke cigarettes, never wearing fresh clothes even, constantly being bothered by shitty negative thoughts about myself, and having to drown them out with drugs or entertainment.

I've been there, and I might be there again. You never know.

But you have to discover the path out of there only once. The first time is the hardest.

?

Edited September 22, 2021 by flowboy

[Nahm]

@Hello world

It’s as if you are vacuuming the floor everyday, but not noticing the vacuum isn’t plugged in. You can do that, but you can’t expect there to be change in that floor when you do. 

Experiencing everything you desire to is realistic & possible for you, and is the result of the relationship between you and you so to speak. 

First thing every morning… plug in. The electricity is not as interested in what was, or even what is, but in what can & will be. 

You say what will be so and by God it is. 

[mandyjw]

Love is so tricky. We give it, we get it, we give it, we get it. It turns out that love is so big, so unconditional it doesn't come from anywhere. It has no outside source. It doesn't matter what we direct our love to, as long as we feel it, that's all it is, all it takes. 

You haven't ruined your life. 

Every good story starts with a seemingly lost situation. Out of the Author's Love, it all makes sense. You think that you're Harry Potter, as an orphan living in a cupboard under the stairs. But when you love, you're JK Rowling. 

 

[Hello world]

Thanks guys. Just know that not all incels or people my age are crazy cruel people. I am a good person but I am seriously struggling and to the point of suicide now. Everyone my age has succeeded. I am left behind. Call me bitter or resentful but I am a good person just seriously broken

[NoSelfSelf]

@Hello world Do you know how and willing to turn it around you think its possible?

[Barbara]

17 hours ago, Hello world said:

I have ruined my life

This is the power we have in our hands. To lead our lives. And you experienced this power thoroughly as you believe you ruined yours. 
This belief, in its essence, is amazing, you know. Because you believe you have tremendous power over your life, either to ruin it or to reconstruct it. But now, let's see, to ruin a life is to not have a backpedal anymore, but look at you. Your life is not and will not be over soon. So, like a drying flower, you will revive with some work.

So, there's a way around suffering, know this. Many people here on the forum are living proof of it. It's just a long way and a deep commitment. But you own it to yourself, your time on earth. And you know, it will be the most rewarding thing!

18 hours ago, Hello world said:

(I) hate my life

18 hours ago, Hello world said:

Nobody loves me

18 hours ago, Hello world said:

I want to (...) be loved

Look at this sequence of things you wrote. I'm sure you heard the cliché "No one will love you if you don't love yourself", mainly because you cannot recognize someone's love for you if you don't know it yourself. In your life, you can encounter some woman who loves you, but what for, if you can't recognize it? If we want to be loved, no one can do that job for us.

As said above, finding a woman will be amazing once you cultivate self-love. So that should be the priority. 

Steady like an elephant. One day at a time. Your love for yourself will grow and grow. 

[Hello world]

@Spideymon77 @Tudo @flowboy @Nahm @Barbara

Thanks for caring. I can’t love myself if my external situation is so bad. I hate myself to the highest degree. I am a worthless loser. Everyone thinks it. How tragic my life is

[flowboy]

11 minutes ago, Hello world said:

@Spideymon77 @Tudo @flowboy @Nahm @Barbara

Thanks for caring. I can’t love myself if my external situation is so bad. I hate myself to the highest degree. I am a worthless loser. Everyone thinks it. How tragic my life is

Watch this video.

You already decided subconsciously to not actually commit suicide, so might as well start fixing your life now.

I gave you a step by step progression that you can use as a plan.

If you commit to taking action to change, people on this forum can help you over obstacles every step of the way.

You are not alone.

Edited September 22, 2021 by flowboy

[Nahm]

12 minutes ago, Hello world said:

Thanks for caring. I can’t love myself if my external situation is so bad. I hate myself to the highest degree. I am a worthless loser. Everyone thinks it. How tragic my life is

Nobody really knows what’s good and bad. Some refrain from judging anything as bad simply because it doesn’t feel good to them when they do it. Some are soon to notice this and join in that joy.

Hating somebody else, while obviously not ideal as it feels terrible, at least has some plausibility to it. Hating yourself is a state of confusion which is remedied by the simple recognition there are not two of you, you are already yourself. You are the very self with which these thoughts of judgment and hating are not resonating with. That suffering is the evidence of your goodness. Thoughts like that do not feel good to you, precisely because the truth is you are good. Those thoughts don’t feel good, because good is literally all there is. When we judge it doesn’t create actual bad, it just creates suffering for the one judging.

Maybe you have went about life in a resistant way. Maybe it’s time to discover the magic of letting discordant thoughts go.

Also, nobody really knows what anybody else thinks. One only knows what One thinks and believes, other people think. Even to say don’t care what other people think would be going to far, as there is never any actual experience of what other people think.

Life is free-flowing and abundant and can change at any time. Life does not seem spontaneous when we claim it as mine, and believe thoughts as if we know what it is. It is humbling and most relieving to not know.

If I was in your shoes I would employ every resource available. Trying things, experiencing things, and not just thinking we know what they are before actually trying and experiencing them is very key. Take this video for example. The title seems like you would think you know what it’s about, but watch it. Spend that four minutes and 55 seconds and your well-being.

There is so much love for you here. Don’t let go of what’s possible, let go of limiting, separative thoughts that don’t feel good to you. It is because you are so you deeply and dearly loved that those thoughts don’t feel true. 

[Barbara]

40 minutes ago, Hello world said:

@Spideymon77 @Tudo @flowboy @Nahm @Barbara

Thanks for caring. I can’t love myself if my external situation is so bad. I hate myself to the highest degree. I am a worthless loser. Everyone thinks it. How tragic my life is

There is no such thing as being worthy of love. Whatever you believe that needs to happen in your life so you are worthy of love may even already happen or may never happen, and that's ok. Love isn't conditional, nor can be dependent on some external situation.

Watch the video above!

And stay here on the forum! Engage with people and ask for help. Can't wait to hear your overcoming adversity story in the near future ?

[Hello world]

@flowboy @Nahm @Barbara

Thanks a lot friends. I will watch the videos for sure and try to follow the plan. @Nahm you sound very spiritual I want to be like you one day. I don’t understand much about what you said it’s too advanced for me but thanks for the the advice. @flowboy I haven’t committed suicide yet but I am dangerously close now and without any hope. I am alone in my apartment with no social contact yet alone from any women. I am dragging myself through each day suffering. But I will try. @Barbara love is dependent on external conditions at least for an incel like me who’s a kissless virgin at the age I have reached. Everyone my age is happy and loved in relationships and not an outcast and with stable lives. Look at @Leo Gura he’s so rich and successful at 36 and loved by everyone. I wish I was like him or alone with normal happy lives. I am unloved and an alone incel living in poverty. I haven’t even held a woman’s hand before

[Hello world]

I don’t know if you guys can imagine the pain of being in my situation at the age I have reached

[Barbara]

Ok buddy, so as I understand you reached out to get help finding a woman, as you believe that will bring you love and happiness. Is that right? 

[Hello world]

Yes it will and I posted to share my story after reading a similar one and to vent and with the hopes of someone who could help save me

[Hello world]

I am close to killing myself

[Tudo]

Bro, you said you are unemployed. Try working as an Uber driver or something.

Edited September 22, 2021 by Tudo