repressed anger

[Cathal]

man this is really like the raid boss for me. so basically as a 5 year old child i saw my very angry father who projected all his trash onto me and i vowed never to be angry more or less or rather the absolute opposite of him, 

haha yeah... this strategy did not work

i have so much repressed rage that i really cannot tap into, anytime i felt threatened or in danger i immediatly suppressed it and acted like nothing bothered me, i have a really hard time understanding what to do about it, the consequence of avoiding my anger is inaction, adopting nice guy shit and also i believe my hypervigilance. the hypervigilance is because my ego just sees everything as a threat and it's just a really hard thing to unwind, it is really a burden.

being a guy who never got angry i basically became a massive slippery slope, i had also rejected love from my mother because i blamed her for not doing enough as a child. so i was this person who everyone bullied and i was also so desperate to be liked by literally anyone i kind of abandoned myself just for the hope that someone will love me, this was already happening by the age of 10 or some shit

any time i got close with a girl i either completely avoid them or i feel suicidal, any time i felt anger i actually feel a deep fear that i would be like my father. i put myself in a fucking rut to say the least

now i've been working on stuff for a while and i know a building a new healthy relationship with anger is vital but yeah more or less it feels like very futile to try to be angry or to surface it up, i cannot even provoke it.  i guess a part of me logically thinks i can maybe feel powerlessness but not anger and to instead work on feeling powerless and perhaps its a doorway into anger but man i really don't know. l

people say punch a bag, scream etc but it's like im playing an act or acting. nothing happens

if anyone could point me out to anything that would be cool and i can elaborate on anything or give more context if it helps 

[TripleFly]

You can put your head inside water and scream. 

I come from a similar background where I experienced my father's rage and anger, and some physical violence too. I also vowed never to become like that, angry, violent, abusive, alcoholistic. I am 26.

I took a job as selling insurance to people. What I learned is that I am very nice and my tone is almost always pleasant and to the point. But that doesn't sell enough. So I had to learn how to be more assertive. I literally remember one shift, where I took a phone call, and I became so angry because I literally experienced a customer just give me the same old 'Oh I have to discuss this with my wife', really? REALLY?! At this point I could already sense that this sentence is 99% of the times just a lie, because although he was interested, he wasn't sold. And most people aren't direct because they do not understand themselves enough. So this is the automatic response. 'I have to think about it', 'Okay I'll call you back'... Yeah bullshit buddy.

So I told myself that I had enough avoiding these people and I would only take NO for an answer after I had done persuading. And so that's what I did. And I sold a shit ton more.

I became angrier and it was easier for me to tap into this. Because it had brought up this anger to surface. It had made me bitter and more resentful. I have hurt some of my family and closest friends because of stupid out lashes about things that do not matter. I deeply regret dabbling with this emotion but I understand that it was a lesson I had to learn...

Let me tell you the truth, the anger and the avoidance of it. The repression of it. They're the same... It and everything around it is worthless now. The anger is more immediate and tbh it's better than repression but it's not sustainable! In fact, today I understand deeper than ever, that you must heal these things, or they will corrupt you, whether repressed or not- it doesn't matter. And it is worthless garbage when you think of the good. The life. A waste of time. But an important part of me. It holds truth, but only for me. This is not something I should ever let outside of my mouth. And it is my responsibility to allow it to crucify myself.

I hope you take that away, and instead of playing with fire. Get help. Therapy. Bring your life to a good point, if you're like me then you probably have issues in multiple areas of your life outside the anger or issues with minor addictions. Get a grip on your life. Bring yourself to a good place. 

Then again, I do not know you  . I wish you much luck in your journey! May your road light you ahead...

[Flowerfaeiry]

@catcat69123 The book Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh really helped me understand anger from a new standpoint. 

It may be helpful for you to learn how to express yourself more effectively. The book Non-Violent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg is a very good book that teaches how to communicate feelings clearly without unintentionally hurting others.

[TripleFly]

20 minutes ago, Flowerfaeiry said:

@catcat69123 The book Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh really helped me understand anger from a new standpoint. 

It may be helpful for you to learn how to express yourself more effectively. The book Non-Violent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg is a very good book that teaches how to communicate feelings clearly without unintentionally hurting others.

Thanks!

[Cathal]

@TripleFly hmm i have thought it would be good to experience the fire for once, just to understand it you know? i don't want to play with fire because i already understand the futility of it but i would at least like the experience of being to feel angry. because the thing is the gateways i've created for myself just to feel it are the source of many of my problems if that makes sense, i want to feel anger and experience it so i can learn about it and understand it and let it go.

it feels like i'm out of touch with my masculinity in many ways, although i kind of fell victim to instead of dealing with coming into touch with my shadows i instead became extremely independant thinking that would solve it but of coures nah.

at my core i am really sensitive to life and i always felt very feminine and loving or something but i've come to see without the full yin and yang i'll never be able to really express the loving part of me until i've become apart of my darker parts 

[Cathal]

@Flowerfaeiry thankz

[PurpleTree]

22 hours ago, TripleFly said:

You can put your head inside water and scream. 

 

Yelling under water, that's a cool idea never thought of it.

[Virgo]

Going to share you this story. Like 1 year ago....it was like 2am and I had no sleep so I was like let's do some laundry because I had some clothes in the basket. Went outside my appointment downstairs to the laundry room. While entering there I saw a lady on the corner shivering ?, I told her fuckk! You scared me ? I thought she was doing laundry but no, and I asked her what you doing here? She said her husband is working and she's afraid to go home because she thinks someone inside. I saw her shaking and I had a black hoodie gave it to her. She was so skinny. Then I was like you wanna come with me to eat something? I brought her in my car, put some hot ac and went to taco bell ? The moment she entered my car though she got lil bit uncomfortable and said I don't know if I did the right thing, I was all calm. Because even if your intention is helping someone (I realized she was on a flight or fight response, because even later when a car was approaching she was scared, and she told me she had ptsd later) or making them comfortable the moment you show agitation they perceive it as judgment this threat. I did something stupid and funny at the same time, I had a knife in my pocket a cheap one and said hey if you feel any threat from me or something around use this knife ? lol she was very comfortable though and she kept the knife. (Hope my fingerprints where not there ?)  than after we driving and ate(she didn't eat at all) her boyfriend called and she emitted so much anger nvr seen someone emitt so much anger before!!! I felt bad for her and her emotional situation but at the same time I was like it's so interesting so much energy behind. After she hang up she turned at me all calm and said You ok? I said nvr felt better, are you? She said that's what's upp ? and at that moment when she expressed that anger and saw me treating the situation as normal she felt so much relief. Then we talked for 5h and she told everything from PTSD to being an alcoholic and how she's learning about plants to keep herself engaged with something. Hope she's doing fine. Anyway why am I sharing this story. 1 thing you could do to help yourself is find a intimate person and expressed how you feel in an articulate way, and if there emotions that you can't translate into words it's fine. I know your suffering but make an attempt to see it as a game to understand yourself. Don't judge yourself to what happened in the past, build yourself for the future. Read a book called Radical Honesty. Also go back to your father, I know it's hard and I don't know how he abused you but make an attempt to understand that he was weak or maybe his father was the same way, it's time for forgiveness my friend. And when you forgive someone you end up in tears trust me. Your mother too, that stage of your life it's over. My sister it's the same.she blames my parents for her success and everything, I was wise enough to understand that my parents did everything they could. One day you might be a father too or maybe you gonna be a monk who knows but hey man compassion. Cry. Not because something was done wrong to you, just cry of overwhelmess. Suffering is part of life and healing yourself it's in your hand. Hope this helps. I'm 100% sure that soon your fell more in tune with yourself..peace and love brother ?

[Emotionalmosquito]

On 9/22/2021 at 7:28 AM, catcat69123 said:

@TripleFly hmm i have thought it would be good to experience the fire for once, just to understand it you know? i don't want to play with fire because i already understand the futility of it but i would at least like the experience of being to feel angry. because the thing is the gateways i've created for myself just to feel it are the source of many of my problems if that makes sense, i want to feel anger and experience it so i can learn about it and understand it and let it go.

I relate to this. Anger is as natural and valid as any other emotion. Many will say you shouldn’t express it because it just feeds the fire. This may be true in some sense but it’s far worse if you suppress and deny the feeling as you now clearly understand. Sounds like you just need to discover healthier gateways to allow yourself to feel it. 

Ive found this music to be incredible for bringing that stage red aggression to the surface. Just don’t go overboard with it. 

 

[The0Self]

Repressed anger comes out of the position that not-anger is actually better than anger. There's no basis for that position. Preference for not-anger is fine! But perhaps just notice it as a mere preference, if it is indeed an actual preference (you might actually have a preference for anger, at least some of the time, lol). Expressing the anger in a safe way perhaps could be relieving.