A Question Along The Pathless Path

[John]

The world becomes so tumultuous when I am not on my meditation cushion! I work in a very fast paced service industry, deal with a lot of depression and anxiety, and my question is this:

When I got back from my first meditation retreat, two weeks ago, there was this equanimity to my day to day life. I was worried that upon returning from the retreat, every time I went on Facebook or listened to rap music I would punish myself.

Instead though, there was this peace to my actions. "You're not enlightened, you're enjoying this song. And so it is!"

However, that peace began to fade over the last week. And now I find myself, with my phone in my hand, saying "You're going onto Facebook, look how unconscious you are, this is not an enlightened thing to be doing"

Or, I'll have fifteen minutes to eat my lunch, and I'll be scoffing down some food while thinking, "Look how fast you are eating, no mindfulness here"

It feels like I am so deep in my unconsciousness that I am paralyzed and don't know where to turn.

How can I find some equanimity here?

Sorry this post is so mumbled and jumbled, but that is the state of my consciousness right now!

Cheers,

John

[cetus]

@John Hea John. Just my 2 cents worth but I see it all like a wagon wheel. At the hub is where we are infinite/stillness. As you move away from the hub to where the outer wheel hits the road is where the most movement (action) is taking place as life. Remain centered at the hub of what you are and just observe the movement taking place at the outer part of the wheel.

[John]

And we feel the friction of the wheel crunching the concrete. 

This is a beautiful analogy mate, thanks for sharing. 

@cetus56

Edited December 12, 2016 by John

[kurt]

@John Youre just a victim of Buddhist philosophy - chiiti vritti nerodaha.  Buddhism is based on ashtanga yoga where they believe in the material universe, and enlightenment is a condition where the person gets rid of all their "chitti vrittis".

Keep at it until you understand for yourself that it does not make sense.  You will go through years of this, or if youre smart you will question the validity of the system.  Buddhism is nothing more than a human philosophy.