25 and a virgin, much needed advice,

[Yeah Yeah]

Hello, 

This will be a quick post, but it catches up with me often, if not daily, its that I'm almost mid 20s now and an utter virgin, 

I've questioned about my own sexuality but overcome it, and even shamed for it in the past which were never accurate accusations, although I was somewhat confused, unfortunately - I helped friends lose their v card, and I once had money and resources to meet women, but unlike my old friends who got laid multiple times and women would even seek them out, and never myself, I get extremely frustrated - I once had my own home, a nice car, and a lot of money due to hard work between school hours, to which it is all gone after my parents divorce, father's death, mother spending 30 k of my savings on divorce fees and finally my best friend ending up in a mental ward due to his heavy drug addiction (I became friends with him to start an innocent YouTube channel but he got hooked on weed, acid and then the harder stuff) and this all happened within maybe 2-3 years, and during my real lows this best friend would play serious mind games during my grieving and tried to tempt me into cocaine and I was alone and said no, and I was suicidal, and extrememly lonely and no girl really was compatible - and after getting kicked out of the house because my brother and his gf owned a dog which the owners didn't like and I now live on my Mum's sofa, I failed University in order to prioritize moving out (some months ago) before I was blacklisted for 3 years to not move into another house, but that Uni degree I now need to start a career I can no longer pursue, and I am virgin, and sometimes it gets on my back and I need solid advice for the love of God,

Guys overall its been dog shit and I haven't yet killed myself, okay, and I'm a virgin, 

My question is, for those chads out there, is sex worth it? Am I missing out? Do I simply focus on myself and look at this more in the future around 30? For the love of god, its been frustrating me like an overgrown sort of American Pie, I don't know, thank you

Edited September 21, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[Yeah Yeah]

Idk how to delete this response ...

Edited September 21, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[FlyingLotus]

You can "delete" posts by going to options (at the bottom of the post), then hide.

Sorry, I can't help you with your other problem because I don't know what it's like to be a Chad.

Edited September 21, 2021 by FlyingLotus

[Preety_India]

For the love of God, fix your life and get it back on track before you begin to worry about your virginity. You are going through a cycle of messes that might start compounding if you do not take care of this asap.

 

No drugs. No addiction. No laziness. No toxic friends or relationships. No wasting money. Put a direct full stop to all the chaos. 

 

Once you settle into a healthy place and routine, then start approaching women and work on relationship area. 

Right now you need to get your life together before you can think of Chads and Stacys.

Edited September 21, 2021 by Preety_India

[Yeah Yeah]

@Preety_India That's a harsh judgement, I'm actually doing the best I can each day, getting up at 4 am each morning, not touching any form of substance except coffee, having quite weed and cigerettes, I eat extrememly healthy and I repair my car to get around to libraries where I spend each day now striving to hand out resumes and start a business I am extrememly passionate about but also extrememly lonely, 

I don't necessarily want to slave my life away without ever connecting with someone, my only friend tried to tempt me into cocaine during my father's passing and parent divorce, but I tried my best to support him but his mind games and inability to reconnect with reality would really mess me up all the more, and I had no one to talk to and disliked my mother after she spend my savings on her divorce bills and hated my brothers who abandoned me during housing inspection which I took care of alone when I could have continue studies right near the end of the semester which I was doing well at but messed up and tripped over into failure towards the final weeks when forced to move out in less than 2 months instead of accomplishing full time study, 

No love, no one to talk to and my bitter horny self while literally my parents after their divorce immediately found new relationships right away and accused me of homosexuality which wasn't accurate, 

[Yeah Yeah]

@Preety_India You can clearly see a lack of boundaries from a single post? Well shows I'm wasting my time expecting any advice from yourself - I literally work all throughout the day, I'd work on a business with my father, I worked multiple full time jobs and studied full time, 0 women and now its collapsed and I'm just coming out of the hardest period of my life, still a virgin and readying myself to rebuild from the ashes having tackled numerous addictions and betrayals all on my own without anyone I could trust at all,

[Yeah Yeah]

@FlyingLotus Thanks, I didn't mean literally chads and staceys, I'm just unsure with sex in music or t.v. and literally everyone around me in relationships and I'm a workaholic book addict studying freak who's infatuated with my hobbies, and literally 0 women, none, nuddah, so I was seeking advice from men who might suggest sex is overated and my feelings are valid but nothing to stress over, I've been somewhat suicidal in the past, but Actualized.Org has added the cherry to all my research that such depressive episodes are quite miniscule I think to a grander design, I don't know, unless I were to kill myself haha but like Alan Watts asks, Is life worth the candle? If so, then proceed the gamble,

[Preety_India]

@Yeah Yeah give me some time to process all your incoming info. 

I understand that you are feeling very emotional but I'm more worried how this is all going to pan out. 

Your first post seemed like you were into drug addiction if I'm not reading it wrong. 

I felt a bit alarmed and that's why my hasty response. I am sorry about that.

 

Edited September 21, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

@Yeah Yeah give me some time because I'm constantly re-reading your post and it seems there's a lot compacted into one post. 

It will take me a bit of time to re-read and make sense of everything, it seems a bit chaotic to me when I'm reading. 

I'll get back with a better response. 

I'm sorry for my earlier response. 

 

[Yeah Yeah]

@Preety_India Look, I've literally only had YouTube videos to cope with grievences on many levels - I am literally a workaholic, I don't play video games, yes I did smoke weed daily to cope with father's passing, or the divorce which made my father suicidal, or to cope with full time study as well as working part time at two seperate stores, and to cope with my mother who was more interested in selling Dad's belongings after he'd passed ... and my best friend all while this occured was in a mental ward because he got into the heavier drugs to which I SAID NO, I SAID NO, alone multiple times, I said no not just to cocaine but numerous other substances he'd experiment with, and he never payed me back and he'd steal money, 

I quit weed and cigerettes alone, eventually, and for some reason women wanted my best friend who met multiple women and I was the virgin going through challenging times and working extrememly hard, and he'd call me names like I'm a loser, and no girl is ever going to like me, my dad accused me of being gay, women accused me of being gay, 

I'm frustrated bro, extremely frustrated inside, I WORK BRO

[Yeah Yeah]

@Preety_India DO I KEEP WORKING??? WHY THE FUCK AM I THE VIRGIN IN MID FUCKING 20s IS THAT FUCKING NORMAL IS MY FUCKING QUESTION, literally in a video I just watched, Leo said he met many women at a younger age than what I am, and hence my frustration and this post, I was extrememly suicidal dude, like almost every nights for many months earlier this year I'd sleep with a rope around my neck

I'll delete these replies after I accumulate enough responses from various folks, if not I'll eventually delete the post entirely and go meditate for an hour and sit with the inner emotions, 

Dude I literally paused working on my projects to respond to you, calling me lazy, working for the past hour and a half, and before that I ate dinner, and I've been up since 4 a.m. looking for employment and working

Edited September 21, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[Spideymon77]

I am a 20 year old virgin and I don't plan on losing my virginity any time soon. Mostly it's just because I'm not interested.

[Yeah Yeah]

@Spideymon77 I can relate, thank you, I was judged by the other response but to this I can actually relate to, I stick alone because I work all the time and likewise I'm not completely interested as I have projects that fasinate me far more ... but sex crops up all over the place and it aggitates me for reasons I yet not comprehend,

Not so alienated or far off, take care! Infinite love,

Edited September 21, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[Preety_India]

@Yeah Yeah

@Yeah Yeah OK. I read everything. It was a bit faster than I could process. 

It seems you're suffering from some form of trauma as a result of your father's death and your mother's behavior in the aftermath. This is perfectly understandable.. 

Yet you have to look back at your history and see how you could have handled the same situation better so these scenarios don't become repetitive patterns in your life henceforth. 

It seems that you're very tensed right now and I get that you're frustrated however you need to collect yourself together before you can take hardcore decisions in life. 

Your situation seems to be a bit overwhelming to say the least and I'm proud that you pulled yourself out of it, yet the coping mechanisms that you used like cigarettes and weed were pretty unhealthy and I hope that you aren't doing that anymore. 

I'll be a bit softer with you if you want me to. But sometimes a soft approach causes a person to remain stuck in a rut. So I felt like telling you things the harder way, it's ok, it's completely fine, I understand that you're sensitive and the hard approach won't apply. 

Ignore the advice I gave you earlier. You need to be able to fully cope with the recent events in your life. You still have a lot of time so there's no hurry. A relationship can easily and drastically change your life so take things slowly. 

Do not be in a hurry to be in a relationship. It's counter productive. 

You have to first work on your trauma and the overwhelming stress of your situation 

I can see that your mother is not supportive and neither are your siblings. This is the reason why you are feeling lonely. 

There's nothing inherently wrong with you and it seems your family has shamed you severely and it will take a lot of effort on your part just to feel better everyday 

I'm adding more to this post. Please give me time to type. 

[Leo Gura]

It's okay. You are still very young, your whole life is ahead of you. All you need to do is make some effort to go out and socialize with girls.

You do not need houses, cars, or money to socialize with girls and have sex.

If I were you I would seriously consider relocating to a city with a great, busy nightlife, so you can go out every weekend to bars and clubs where the hot girls are. That's all you're missing. You don't need anything special to attract girls.

But stop procrastinating and making excuses. Actually decide to take some serious action.

When I started socializing with girls I was older than you. So age is not the problem here.

[Preety_India]

16 minutes ago, Yeah Yeah said:

@Preety_India DO I KEEP WORKING??? WHY THE FUCK AM I THE VIRGIN IN MID FUCKING 20s IS THAT FUCKING NORMAL IS MY FUCKING QUESTION, literally in a video I just watched, Leo said he met many women at a younger age than what I am, and hence my frustration and this post, I was extrememly suicidal dude, like almost every nights for many months earlier this year I'd sleep with a rope around my neck

I'll delete these replies after I accumulate enough responses from various folks, if not I'll eventually delete the post entirely and go meditate for an hour and sit with the inner emotions, 

Dude I literally paused working on my projects to respond to you, calling me lazy, working for the past hour and a half, and before that I ate dinner, and I've been up since 4 a.m. looking for employment and working

I'm extremely sorry that I Completely misread your post earlier and I thought that you needed hard advice 

I wasn't trying to judge you, I simply happened to misread it completely and took it the other way. 

I feel that you should slow down because I can literally sense your frustration. It seems you're in hyper survival mode and in such a mode it's quite easy to take wrong decisions especially when it comes to relationships, there's always a possibility of getting into a toxic relationship especially when you have unmet needs, I had a similar situation as yours where my father died and I was left to my own devices and I had a string of abusive boyfriends because I was looking so hard for love. It doesn't work. 

I really want the best for you. And as much as you feel good about working hard, also notice that your mental and physical health is equally important. Too often when we are stressed out, we forget self awareness and stop caring for ourselves, there's a tendency to give into self destructive behavior and this is because we're looking for some sort of coping mechanism due to trauma. 

From your posts it sounds like you're overwhelmed, stressed and deeply unhappy which gives me a signal in my mind that these are indicators of depression. 

You need lots of emotional healing and please don't mind other's judgement, meaning your parents and mine as well. I'm sorry I was a bit harsh earlier. 

 

You might feel very tempted to get into a relationship right now but my suggestion would be that it can be a bad decision sometimes. Try to be more secure and confident about yourself. If you have root issues, a relationship might help you but it won't fix it. And the probability of attracting a toxic relationship is pretty high when we're overwhelmed with loneliness. 

 

 

[Michael569]

It's ok, don't base too much on sex. All good things will come to you in time. 

Focus on advancing yourself, work on your health, finances, emotional mastery and your life purpose. In time women will get attracted to those qualities and sex will become part of your life. 

 

[Peo]

@Leo Gura I'm just wondering, how old were you when you lost your virginity?

[Yeah Yeah]

@Preety_India

I just now made a girl laugh behind a closed door, that felt amazing, 

See this conversation, if I could find something like this when going through those 2-3 years, I'm sure this would have been great, someone to talk to outside the family perhaps, not so much a therapist, instead I've watched endless youtube content from Teal Swan, David R Hawkins, Ekhart, Alan Watts, Ram Dass and many more, as well as books, and it feels hollow after some years, unlike a real person, perhaps, though I enjoy alone time, 

Anyways, the core of this post was really to shift past traumas as I did discuss but crossed out, which I'm aware mine aren't the only ones, and to ask if being a virgin at 25 was anything unatural as a man, and why people assumed I'm gay or if I can any longer afford a relationship or wait until 30 and sex was overrated,

I used to be extremely peaceful (maybe a little passive aggressive? Because women didn't express interest in myself even though I had a nice car, fresh clothes and lots of money saved due to hard work between high school classes) but I was peaceful enough that my Dad would complimented how I never get angry - My mental ward friend (I became his friend from work to strart a youtube channel and clothing company back in 2015, but his drug habits were subtle eventually far more dominant) ... 

I did have a serious weed addiction which I finally conquered, and resisted the heavier substances as ways for escaping problems I didn't know how to overcome alone,

Yeah, in lectures, or books, or even business aspect of my life sex crops up and I question if I'm missing out, and question what it means to work/play, and you judging myself to be lazy just because I smoked weed (while others drink alcohol) aggitated me to a degree,

Anyways, I'm hearing what other have to say, and especially reconnecting to Leo's content the past week and discovering this forum where I can communicate with like minded people doesn't feel so hollow as watching Alan Watts, Teal Swan, Ram Dass, Ekhart, even online alcholics anonymous content just in case (I don't drink but women I think do? See I don't know), I can read about it and work, but there's never been real substance to the unmet need, and finally I can communicate it with folks that may listen, and its cool because Leo replied  which is something new, again, a forum to interact with someone I really do appreciate listening to and think is fantastic for making such deep conversations about topics not many people may agree with, I don't know its fantastic,

Edited September 21, 2021 by Yeah Yeah

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, Yeah Yeah said:

Yeah, in lectures, or books, or even business aspect of my life sex crops up and I question if I'm missing out, and question what it means to work/play, and you judging myself to be lazy just because I smoked weed (while others drink alcohol) aggitated me to a degree,

It wasn't your fault. It's completely okay that you felt judged and agitated, it was an obvious response to a trigger 

It was my fault that I didn't understand your situation correctly. 

You response was perfectly normal given the fact that you felt judged by me. And I admit my mistake.