Avoidance, escapism in Life

[asha176]

I have to push myself alot to get into doing, for every single thing.  My default response to everything is avoidance, escapism. All the day to day life activities I want to avoid. I have even changed careers , pursuing career aligned to my passions but even that I have force myself.I don't know what life really is.  Is this just bad habits/laziness or something else ?
Any solutions for it ?

[vizual]

Yeah the solution is awareness. Through awareness and consciousness you will notice that your bad habits of avoidance and escapism are hurting you. "Objectively" it seems innocent, but through awareness you will notice that you are hurting yourself in the moment by not being conscious in the moment. Laziness is really just a lack of awareness. Notice that there is a difference between an hour of conscious meditation and an hour of lying on the couch watching netflix. You expand roughly the same amount of calories in both activities but they affect you differently in the moment - and over time. A conscious person is aware that lying on the couch just being a vegetable is toxic behavior. An unconscious person sees no difference between an hour of meditating and an hour of lounging on the couch.

 

[Flowerfaeiry]

@asha176 what is it that's causing you to escape? Fear of something? Maybe there's a painful feeling you are trying to avoid? 

[Roy]

12 hours ago, asha176 said:

I don't know what life really is

It's what you make it . Don't let it pass you by, trying to find where the "answer" is written down.

12 hours ago, asha176 said:

I have to push myself alot to get into doing, for every single thing.

How much less would you have to push yourself, if you reoriented all the "things" in your life to be on a hill that is going downwards?

Do you believe that's possible? And if so what things do you think you could change today, to do what I described?

[Gianna]

Maybe your body is trying to tell you that you need a long break. A break from "have to" mentality. We don't "have to" do anything. We work to get money. But if you save money and go somewhere where you can spend that money on not having to work, this kind of a break for your mind and body and soul may come back to you. Invest in yourself, and yourself will let you invest in other things as a reward. 

[Ethan1]

Sounds like burn out or low motivation or disconnected inner parts.. 

 

Avoidance and escapism is mostly connected to dissociation. Distractions and dissociation is mostly connected to pain. We escape to avoid pain and feel pleasure. 

 

Focus on self-care & self-nurturance.. If you spend time escaping its usually related to self-avoidance and self-indulgence. Taking breaks and moving at a slower pace helps. Focusing on mindfulness. Listening to your body. Listening to your needs. Recognize the patterns and determine what the negative habits are giving.

Determine in what ways you self-punish or self-neglect. If you keep on "forcing yourself" to do things you dislike or like then that's a form of self-punishment. Forcing isn't being compassionate. 

Self-care is key. Self-compassion is key too. 

[hamedsf]

simply answer this question:

what's my hugest desire currently? 

if you found the answer to this question, then prioritize that desire along with other stuff in order.

[asha176]

On 21/9/2021 at 10:56 AM, Ethan1 said:

Sounds like burn out or low motivation or disconnected inner parts.. 

 

Avoidance and escapism is mostly connected to dissociation. Distractions and dissociation is mostly connected to pain. We escape to avoid pain and feel pleasure. 

 

Focus on self-care & self-nurturance.. If you spend time escaping its usually related to self-avoidance and self-indulgence. Taking breaks and moving at a slower pace helps. Focusing on mindfulness. Listening to your body. Listening to your needs. Recognize the patterns and determine what the negative habits are giving.

Determine in what ways you self-punish or self-neglect. If you keep on "forcing yourself" to do things you dislike or like then that's a form of self-punishment. Forcing isn't being compassionate. 

Self-care is key. Self-compassion is key too. 

On 21/9/2021 at 10:56 AM, Ethan1 said:

Sounds like burn out or low motivation or disconnected inner parts.. 

 

Avoidance and escapism is mostly connected to dissociation. Distractions and dissociation is mostly connected to pain. We escape to avoid pain and feel pleasure. 

 

Focus on self-care & self-nurturance.. If you spend time escaping its usually related to self-avoidance and self-indulgence. Taking breaks and moving at a slower pace helps. Focusing on mindfulness. Listening to your body. Listening to your needs. Recognize the patterns and determine what the negative habits are giving.

Determine in what ways you self-punish or self-neglect. If you keep on "forcing yourself" to do things you dislike or like then that's a form of self-punishment. Forcing isn't being compassionate. 

Self-care is key. Self-compassion is key too. 

Alot of this pushing also emerges out of low energy .

How to get over low energy, low motivation ?

[asha176]

On 21/9/2021 at 8:01 AM, Roy said:

reoriented all the "things" in your life to be on a hill that is going downwards?

I didn't get this . What does it means ?

[asha176]

On 21/9/2021 at 6:13 AM, vizual said:

Yeah the solution is awareness. Through awareness and consciousness you will notice that your bad habits of avoidance and escapism are hurting you. "Objectively" it seems innocent, but through awareness you will notice that you are hurting yourself in the moment by not being conscious in the moment. Laziness is really just a lack of awareness. Notice that there is a difference between an hour of conscious meditation and an hour of lying on the couch watching netflix. You expand roughly the same amount of calories in both activities but they affect you differently in the moment - and over time. A conscious person is aware that lying on the couch just being a vegetable is toxic behavior. An unconscious person sees no difference between an hour of meditating and an hour of lounging on the couch.

 

 

On 21/9/2021 at 7:03 AM, Flowerfaeiry said:

@asha176 what is it that's causing you to escape? Fear of something? Maybe there's a painful feeling you are trying to avoid? 

Actually it is my mind that fools me into believing that this moment is not where I should be or need to be.

But over time, I have realised that all Life lies in this moment . Everything else is just fantasy.

[Roy]

10 hours ago, asha176 said:

I didn't get this . What does it means ?

It means to sit down and strategically change as many things as possible in your life, to what you want to do most, or at least more than others. So life is easier, and like going "downhill".

[hyruga]

Pray to God and ask God for guidance.

[Gesundheit2]

You probably just need to detox and keep trying. Don't be too hard on yourself. Give your body some rest from stimulants every once in a while.

[Ethan1]

Not saying to force yourself. I'm mostly saying to self-generate energy. 

 

Listen to motivational music. Get inspired. 

It's like you can set the mood and get in the zone. 

Create desire. I mean, it's like people go to get a back massage.

If the place looks like a 711 gas station it's kinda hard to feel inspired or motivated. 

They set the mood. Candles, soft music, peaceful art. 

Probably aren't listening to death metal while getting a massage. Maybe at the gym to get in the zone there. I'd probably be really tense with hard core music for a massage. 

If you room looks boring. Get some cool plants or wall art. Clean up the room. Take baby steps to get motivated. Create an organized system. Throw out junk. Create lists. Order. Organize. Turn the process into something fun. Like gamify it. Reward yourself. 

 

When I was young, neighbor would pay me a penny per weed I picked in his yard. I had a blast. Counted tons of weeds. Sounds silly but he turned it into a game.

Add some fast pace music and some fog machines + flashing lights +some marketing. Whole neighborhood will be spotless of weeds for a few miles for less than $20 probably 

 

I'm talking about perception baby. Turn those lemons into some lemonade. Change the perception.

 

If the setting of the room looks dull and boring. You're probably gonna feel...

Happy? Bored? Sad? Angry? Depressed? 

 

Why do some libraries look a certain way while grocery stories look another way. While banks look another way. Whole gyms look another way.. 

Heck van life used to be what people that were broke down by the lake wanted to creep on people. Or painters. Now everyone's doing it and prices on vans are stupid high. 

Changing the music can change the perception. Peaceful music can create a peaceful vibe. 

Plenty of music out there to get motivated for different situations. 

Connect what you're doing to music. Build pleasure with it. 

 

If I was going to create a party to create desire and interest then theirs certain things I should do. 

If I want to get inspired for working out. Buy some bad ass shoes and put them by the door. Make going to the gym fun. Make it exciting. Something to remind that hey I got this to do this. Recontextualize the meaning. If you make it mean, it's hard work, it will be hard work. Change the associations. 

 

Don't over do it. Create intention of seeking motivation. Inspiration. Excitement. Desire. Vision. Dream. Whatever works for you. 

Even this guy can create interest from a group of cows. He literally played some music then built an army to invade his town. He was like the drummer boy for a caliverly. The cows were inspired by him. 

 

 

Edited October 14, 2021 by Ethan1

[SQAAD]

When your life is shitty and you have tons of problems it is easy to want to avoid all of that shit. I can relate. My life is far from perfect and i face many challenges. Life is not easy for the majority of people. That's the bottom line.

But i am always positive and hopeful that things can get better. Focus on creating a better life. As your life becomes richer you'll want to avoid it less and less. It's not a quick fix solution. I can totally relate with this issue. This is why sleep is my favorite thing ever. I fucking love sleep. Its the best escape for me.