Liberation or Delusion? Can someone make a spiritual assessment?

[Endangered-EGO]

I don't know how I should put that, how I should describe my experience.

It's been 3 days since I am "trapped" in the 4th jhana, and I feel like before that every type of human suffering annihilated my ego. I feel like I've snapped, and realise that there's no I that can get liberated, because the "I" got pushed into submission. I cannot self-assess what's going on, because the question is just a question, and it changes nothing to the state I am in. Idk if that makes sense. I cannot ask that question, but maybe I'm deluded and only believe that.

My perception changed a little bit. And I see things I didn't see before. I saw a random person's face and I clearly could feel the beauty in that. As if I was programed to love faces.

I think I'm aware of the absence of existence of a fraction of a second that happens regularly through out the day, especially while reading. As if some frames of a movie were cut out.

I don't know if I snapped, If have some neurological problems, if that's a spiritual lobotomy or whatever. But I know for sure there's no way "back", well I believe there's no way back.

I have weird thoughts, like I stood in front of the mirror and thought: "Oh I am Adam, the first man on earth" and then laughed, this sounds like I'm insane. And I perceived (only thoughts) my Body from behind me while being in front of the fridge.

I don't know if I have a sense of self except self-referential thoughts, and that weird energy/pressure/contraction in the Body and head.

[RobertZ]

Sorry, I can't make an assessment and I don't know what a jhana is.

However, some clinical work talks about "spiritual emergencies" or "spiritual emergences." These experiences are often misdiagnosed as mental disorders, and suppressed. For example, there was one experiment in an acute psychiatric hospital, on a couple dozen psychiatric patients (or so): one group was treated as normal (drugs and therapy suppressed their unusual symptoms), and the other group was allowed to fully express their unusual behaviour [i.e., whether a spiritual emergency or an acute mental disorder like psychosis or disassociation). They were allowed to fully exhibit their strange behaviour in a safe and supportive environment. The group who was allowed to "go through" their mental process without suppression fared better. This study suggested that allowing a psychic emergency to proceed through its natural course may lead to better psychological outcomes.

I am not suggesting that you ignore the possibility that you might have a health issue--like a stroke or something. Definitely, you would want to treat issue like a stroke ASAP; and if dysfunctional symptoms persist--definitely, seek professional assistance.

Spiritual exercises can also cause unusual experiences--and unusual experiences do not always indicate a health problem. Allowing acute emergencies to run their course may be more beneficial than suppress the symptoms. The mind is a self-healing entity. Sometimes, the mind exhibits unusual symptoms as part of its self-healing process.

So, I would rule out dangerous health conditions and address dysfunctional issues that persist. If you have a safe place to "go through" a spiritual emergence, then that process might also benefit you. 

Sorry, I don't have a diagnosis. All the best!

[Endangered-EGO]

@RobertZ Hey, thank you!

It was a really weird experience. I wasn't grounded for a few days, I believe that was the effect of intense meditation and purification. Felt like my mind needed to pull itself back together. I am now in a grounded state.

I am aware of spiritual emergencies, and how bad it can get for some people. Fortunately except mild anxiety, nothing too bad has happened yet.

I needed to let the pressure of the dukkha nanas out, and I might have gone a little too fast. Everything is good now, I'm healthier than before!
If things had gotten too bad, I would have gone to the hospital, get some benzos and nurses carrying me to bed hehe.

A Jhana is a state of concentration.

[Nos7algiK]

I can't really speak for most of what you said. But, I've also had the profound realization that I was Adam. On top of that who I thought was my twin flame at the time many years ago was Eve. 

I strongly believed this. Believed it so much that the realization of it was almost traumatizing that I forgot it in the first place.

Though I don't want to say this thought was "truth" specially many years later. If I was to guess "Adam" may be a primordial reference to our Divine Masculine energy.

I wouldn't try to think yourself deluded, but I wouldn't take what's happening you as truth. But, rather a thing that is happening to you now that you should have faith in. But, it's very possible what is perceived now can change in the future.

Edited September 20, 2021 by Nos7algiK

[Endangered-EGO]

29 minutes ago, Nos7algiK said:

Though I don't want to say this thought was "truth" specially many years later. If I was to guess "Adam" may be a primordial reference to our Divine Masculine energy.

Yes that's it I stood in front of the mirror and I have Body hair. Funny what crazy shit the mind comes up with haha.

[Nos7algiK]

40 minutes ago, Endangered-EGO said:

Yes that's it I stood in front of the mirror and I have Body hair. Funny what crazy shit the mind comes up with haha.

Indeed lol.

[VeganAwake]

There will always seem to be a character that prefers coffee over tea, will turn its head if its name is called, and jump out of the way of a moving train.... nothing can ever touch that so-called character.

Awakening is recognizing these responses within the body/mind do not equal an individual.... 

There is an apparent conditioned body, but there is No One inside of it. Its emptiness or energy believing it's an important separate individual.

Awakening is freedom from the very individual that thinks it needs to get free.

They're already isn't an individual it just seems like there is.

❤ ❤ ❤