Healing + Self-Image = Missing Key Point in Healing

[Superfluo]

Hi!

Recently I've realized this thing that I'm going to explain, and I think it could be a very empowering and recontextualizing perspective for people who are healing and are working every day on their wounds and traumas.

In the past years I've been healing quite a lot, but every time I stop and think how far I've gone, I don't feel (feel, not think) like I've made that much progress, even though I may have done things I always aspired to do in the past.

For example, years ago I would have never thought of becoming a guy brave enough to cold approach women: I felt like that was not me and never would be, and I didn't realize how much I could heal and how many chains I could break. And now I feel like approaching women is doable, not a situation to make me crumble internally.

However, even though I have the courage to do that, I still perceive myself as "not brave enough": even though I may approach a woman and not be so tense as I used to be, I don't perceive myself to have a high self-esteem in this area.

Why?

Because I don't perceive myself as "brave enough". It's a self-image problem. How I see myself doesn't reflect the improvements I achieved.

Have you ever heard of the self-help metaphor of the chained elephant? In circuses elephants are chained when they're baby, and they can't break the chains. So they learn that chains are unbreakable. When they grow up they have the strength to break the chains, but they have learned they can't. So they don't try.

The situation I'm trying to explain here is much like setting the grown elephant free. The elephant may be technically free, but they still think of themselves as unable to break chains.

The solution to this self-image problem is to stop and then contemplate what your new behaviour means. You stop and say to yourself: "Whoa, I did that thing I was always scared to do. This means I'm no longer like before, but I'm _______" so deeply that your view of yourself changes (basic self-help stuff).

 

Now, not everybody will be in this situation. You could be healing using subconscious reprogramming techniques or directly self-image exercises. So this perspective is geared towards people that chose a psychotherapeutic or energetic or bodily approach to healing.

 

TL;DR: if you made progress externally during healing journey but you don't feel like you've changed internally, change how you see yourself (self-image).

 

Hope this helped!

 

[Thought Art]

Leo has a good video on Real Vs Fake Growth. This reminds me of psychocybernetics.

[Superfluo]

@Thought Art Yeah, I saw that video, I don't remember if Leo said something similar. Also yes, when I wrote the insight I was thinking about psychocybernetics too!

[Superfluo]

@Breakingthewall Wise words... Yes, that's crucial

[Breakingthewall]

I deleted because I thought it was a nonsense...each person's experience is very different. however, courage is very important and it is something that can be cultivated. fears are completely overcome, the metaphor of the elephant is good.