Consequences of a unregulated dating market (hypergamy)

[Preety_India]

@Karmadhi a lot of guys also need to integrate the feminine. 

A man too hung up on his masculinity is boring to a female because she can't relate to him 

 

 

[Roy]

This again lol?

[Karmadhi]

@Preety_India Guys need to develop their fun and playfulness, idk if that is a feminine thing or a masculine thing. However this idea that "just be yourself" bullshit that emerald says is quite missleading for a lot of guys. Grow yourself by socializing and doing it consciously would be a much better way of going around it. 

To be honest i found the most successful guys with girls to be quite masculine without a lot of feminine integration. They were usually super confident, ruthless, funny, detached and assertive towards their agenda. This is what i have seen to work with my friends at least. 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

To be honest i found the most successful guys with girls to be quite masculine without a lot of feminine integration. They were usually super confident, ruthless, funny, detached and assertive towards their agenda. This is what i have seen to work with my friends at least. 

This part only applies to immature women who take men at face value. It's good for sex. But not for an organic relationship. 

It gives a good ego boost to men. But it doesn't teach men to be wholesome. 

If a man wants true fulfillment, stop looking for validation from women, integrate the feminine to access your deeper manhood and become and live the life of a wholesome man. 

Don't pander to societal expectation of masculinity. It is very misleading and a huge trap for men. 

 

[Nos7algiK]

20 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

The perception of women in some of these threads is ridiculous. 

Stop putting women on a pedestal and then bringing them down. 

Some of these guys act like women are holy goddesses going around crushing men at every corner. 

Women are just like men, as humanly as men. 

We are just like you. If you want a decent relationship, we want a decent relationship too. 

You try to make us look like some mysterious puzzle that needs to be cracked after attending hours of Rsd. 

No. We're no mystery. 

The only reason I would reject a guy is if he doesn't resonate with me. It's that simple. 

You make being with a woman so so extra complicated. 

It's your mind making up theories and assuming things that aren't true in the female perspective. 

Do you even speak to women as much as you read about them? 

Go approach women.. Get friendly. Stop nonsense limiting beliefs that only look for confirmation bias and extension of victimhood. 

Set your mind free and approach rather than complain about female nature. 

The amount of effort you put in remaining in your biases and stuck in philosophy, if you put even 10 % in actually making a woman feel good, you'll definitely land a girlfriend in no time 

We aren't so complicated as we are made out to be. 

 

On 9/16/2021 at 4:50 PM, Emerald said:

 

Everything you are saying could be easily fixed if these men with those types of views just attempted to befriend women in a plutonic way. Not talk to women in the attempt to gain something. Not talk to them while playing some mental gymnastics of attraction that will only fail. But have sincere intimate relationships with women to help understand them better.

Women are extremely similar to men once all the ego bs is out of the way. There is nothing special about women, at least in comparison to men.

Women's true desire is the same for almost everyone on the planet. That is to be undertook, respircated, acknowledge, loved, listened to, and bring out their best. All of this is extremely simple to do with almost any sane person just by being truly opening to listening to what others want. People will literally tell you exactly what they want if the time and effort is put in.

It honestly shocks me to how many men on this forum have these warped biased views on women considering this is an actualization forum. Pick up is not a realistic situation in order to truly get to know women either. People are highly deceiving themselves if they believe that is a real perception of women though I suppose I can help with someone's social confidence. 

Don't get why so many men are so afraid of their feminine side either. This is 2021 where that side of the self structure is praised like crazy these days. We no longer live in the toxic macho man age and people who act that way are getting called out more and more as time passes.

[Preety_India]

Just now, Nos7algiK said:

Everything you are saying could be easily fixed if these men with those types of views just attempted to befriend women in a plutonic way. Not talk to women in the attempt to gain something. Not talk to them while playing some mental gymnastics of attraction that will only fail. But have sincere intimate relationships with women to help understand them better.

Women are extremely similar to men once all the ego bs is out of the way. There is nothing special about women, at least in comparison to men.

Women's true desire is the same for almost everyone on the planet. That is to be undertook, respircated, acknowledge, loved, listened to, and bring out their best. All of this is extremely simple to do with almost any sane person just by being truly opening to listening to what others want. People will literally tell you exactly what they want if the time and effort is put in.

It honestly shocks me to how many men on this forum have these warped biased views on women considering this is an actualization forum. Pick up is not a realistic situation in order to truly get to know women either. People are highly deceiving themselves if they believe that is a real perception of women though I suppose I can help with someone's social confidence. 

Don't get why so many men are so afraid of their feminine side either. This is 2021 where that side of the self structure is praised like crazy these days. We no longer live in the toxic macho man age and people who act that way are getting called out more and more as time passes.

100 %

My whole point basically. 

 

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Tudo said:

So why do most average men get so few matches on tinder for example? ( Some almost close to none)

 

Because that’s online dating and isn’t reflective of real-world dynamics.

Women are very intuitive and online dating is basically just visual. So, women aren’t getting the full depth and breadth of experience that they need to know if a guy is attractive to them or not.

[Karmadhi]

@Preety_India

19 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

This part only applies to immature women who take men at face value. It's good for sex. But not for an organic relationship.

Yes but most women at my age (22 and younger) are immature, i cannot expect a super wise woman at that age, i have to cater to my demographic. If i was dealing with 30 year old females i would have a much easier time because they are more mature and wise.

Regarding relationships it is not really that difficult tbh, you can be nice to them and love them once they fall in love with you. The assertivness and ruthlessness is just on the beginning, after you get close you can be nice and shit. Although being too clingy is a huge issue is see guys make and ends up with them getting dumped in a 3 year relationship where they did so much for the girl. Quite sad but understandable.

For us guys getting the sex is the most difficult thing of the process which is why most guys are so obsessed with it, the intimacy and relationship stuff comes more naturally and is not that important to us. You mostly see guys complaining about not getting laid, not complaining about their partner not being intimate with them. It is not a coincidence.

Edited September 18, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Emerald]

35 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

 Going out and talking to girls is a must but if you do not know what you re doing, nothing will happen.  There is a reason people study this shit, because it creates results. I noticed in myself as soon as i started to make the conversations with people i met more playful and humour focused rather than serious deep focused in general their reactions were better. What comes naturally to me is to be serious, make intellectual conversations and deep stuff, most people do not respond well to that. They respond with a friendzone at the best. Being fun and playful is quite important and a lot of guys need to develop that part of their personality which could be repressed for a lot of different reasons. I had to develop that part of myself and the results were quite shocking. People tend to just like mindless dumb bullshit stuff, especially girls. Just be fun and playful and they will love you. Flirting is also a must and i still suck at it, something which also does not come naturally to some guys at all. You make it as most guys are charming charismatic people when they are not. Talking to girls if you suck at it in itself will not be enough, you have to grow and develop yourself too. Which is done by practice ofc.

 

You will need to learn how to socialize normally if that’s something that you struggle with.

But men don’t need to be Rico Suave with their words to get women. Normal will do just fine.

[Tudo]

6 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Because that’s online dating and isn’t reflective of real-world dynamics.

Women are very intuitive and online dating is basically just visual. So, women aren’t getting the full depth and breadth of experience that they need to know if a guy is attractive to them or not.

Makes sense

 

 

[Emerald]

22 minutes ago, Nos7algiK said:

Everything you are saying could be easily fixed if these men with those types of views just attempted to befriend women in a plutonic way. Not talk to women in the attempt to gain something. Not talk to them while playing some mental gymnastics of attraction that will only fail. But have sincere intimate relationships with women to help understand them better.

Women are extremely similar to men once all the ego bs is out of the way. There is nothing special about women, at least in comparison to men.

Women's true desire is the same for almost everyone on the planet. That is to be undertook, respircated, acknowledge, loved, listened to, and bring out their best. All of this is extremely simple to do with almost any sane person just by being truly opening to listening to what others want. People will literally tell you exactly what they want if the time and effort is put in.

It honestly shocks me to how many men on this forum have these warped biased views on women considering this is an actualization forum. Pick up is not a realistic situation in order to truly get to know women either. People are highly deceiving themselves if they believe that is a real perception of women though I suppose I can help with someone's social confidence. 

Don't get why so many men are so afraid of their feminine side either. This is 2021 where that side of the self structure is praised like crazy these days. We no longer live in the toxic macho man age and people who act that way are getting called out more and more as time passes.

Yes, exactly.

Most men’s issues come from the distorted way they view women.

It makes us seem like a bunch of scary aliens to them. So of course they act like spazzes around women.

[hyruga]

Reminds me of a dating app  I used. A pretty girl 10 years my junior was messaging me. I was thinking of how to reply when I accidentally pressed "Sorry I am not interested" button. Then, the chat disappeared and I cannot message the person again. lol

Edited September 18, 2021 by hyruga

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Tudo said:

Even though @Emerald knows what she is talking about most of the time, she is a little biased and out of touch about what average men really have to face when dating.

Listen, I am quite familiar with what men face in dating because it isn’t a secret. It’s VERY well complained about… especially on here.

And the number one thing that will help is for a man to dispossess himself of these distorted ideas about women.

It will make the process of meeting women so much less scary once he actually sees the reality and not this alien projection.

[Nos7algiK]

@Emerald Though distorted, I can still somewhat sympathize with them. I was extremely asocial and insecure until my late teens / early twenties. Though I never really held these red pill ideas we keep seeing on the forum. There was still a distortion.

Thankfully that changed by experiencing healthy plutonic relationships with women and I realized all my false ideas on women were self induced due to lack of experience.

Also making sure not to fall into the trap of the "friend zone" do many men harbor hatred for since my only intention was to be friends and no more. Having genuine friends of the opposite sex is invaluable, specially when the self structure is still solidifying.

Edited September 18, 2021 by Nos7algiK

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@Preety_India

Yes but most women at my age (22 and younger) are immature, i cannot expect a super wise woman at that age, i have to cater to my demographic. If i was dealing with 30 year old females i would have a much easier time because they are more mature and wise.

 

This has hardly anything to do with age. More to do with emotional maturity from person to person. Find women in your age group who are more emotionally matured if emotionally maturity is what you are looking for.

As regards to women in their 30s,even they can be emotionally immature if that's how they choose to be. 

A choice in a man is not dependent on age but what a woman wants. Even a 40 year old woman might want a macho masculine guy. 

And a 20 year old woman can prefer a guy who is emotionally resonant. 

Look for the right woman who aligns with your emotionality 

If you are looking in the wrong places and expecting women to behave nice in those wrong places, you won't get the outcome you are looking for. 

You're creating a classic paradox and expecting a miracle out of it 

 

6 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Regarding relationships it is not really that difficult tbh, you can be nice to them and love them once they fall in love with you. The assertivness and ruthlessness is just on the beginning, after you get close you can be nice and shit. Although being too clingy is a huge issue is see guys make and ends up with them getting dumped in a 3 year relationship where they did so much for the girl. Quite sad but understandable.

Again you're looking for women who will dump you 

You're pegging yourself low. 

If I looked for men who would eventually dump me, I am the only one to be blamed 

 

6 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

For us guys getting the sex is the most difficult thing of the process which is why most guys are so obsessed with it, the intimacy and relationship stuff comes more naturally and is not that important to us.

You're wrong here 

This is because you aren't developed enough. If you develop your inner core, you will begin to crave intimacy and connection just as women do 

To think that a man doesn't crave emotional connection is dumb toxic masculinity. 

Most men simply follow the stereotype created by Toxic Masculinity and never question it. 

6 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

 

You mostly see guys complaining about not getting laid, not complaining about their partner not being intimate with them. It is not a coincidence.

Well obviously It's not. When were men told that they can express their emotions freely and openly? Answer is never. It's like a dog endlessly chasing its tail. 

If you were taught to be intimate you would have no problem in feeling and experiencing intimacy with a woman, in turn you would also look for more fulfilling relationships. 

You create a toxic loop and get stuck in it. 

 

[Tudo]

7 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Listen, I am quite familiar with what men face in dating because it isn’t a secret. It’s VERY well complained about… especially on here.

And the number one thing that will help is for a man to dispossess himself of these distorted ideas about women.

It will make the process of meeting women so much less scary once he actually sees the reality and not this alien projection.

Yeah

[Emerald]

5 minutes ago, Nos7algiK said:

@Emerald Though distorted, I can still somewhat sympathize with them. I was extremely asocial and insecure until my late teens / early twenties.

Thankfully that changed by experiencing healthy plutonic relationships with women and I realized all my false ideas on women were self induced due to lack of experience.

Also making sure not to fall into the trap of the "friend zone" do many men harbor hatred for since my only intention was to be friends and no more. Having genuine friends of the opposite sex is invaluable, specially when the self structure is still solidifying.

I can see how someone can end up in that perspective. And I can have some degree of sympathy.

That said, as a woman, it is very frustrating and sometimes traumatic to be on the receiving end of all of it. There’s just literally millions of guys who are all subscribing to these false ideas about womanhood and ending up bitter and misogynistic as a result.

So I’m not very gentle about confronting these guys with their illusions. 

They need to snap the fuck out of it before they end up creating some dystopian handmaiden’s tale of a situation to solve the problems with women that only exist in their own heads.

[Nos7algiK]

2 minutes ago, Emerald said:

So I’m not very gentle about confronting these guys with their illusions. 

There is the stigma though. The very hand that is attempting to help them is the very hand they will always see as distorted.

I agree with what you are doing and I respect it as well. But, there are some pretty thick blinders on men who think this way because even when the very thing that they wish to understand better and be with expresses who they are and their needs. That's the moment they decide to reject the advice and pretend like women don't know what they are talking about when they are literally talking about themselves and their personal experiences. 

It's both ludicrous and profound at the same time. A bit scary as well to see where thinking like that could lead someone eventually. Not saying people such as that will eventually hurt someone, but it will defiantly lead to a damn miserable life as a prisoner of their own warped mind.

[soos_mite_ah]

32 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Because that’s online dating and isn’t reflective of real-world dynamics.

Women are very intuitive and online dating is basically just visual. So, women aren’t getting the full depth and breadth of experience that they need to know if a guy is attractive to them or not.

I second this 

Online dating can be pretty annoying and by design it's extremely superficial. It isn't meant to give you lasting results or any connection that is sustainable. It isn't women. Men have their own thing going on in the dating apps Our superficiality comes from a sense of selectivity on the apps while the superficiality of men often comes with terrible conversations and just wanting to get laid. This doesn't always reflect what real world dynamics are like because the environment irl is different. Like Emerald said, women are less likely to be superficial irl because you get more depth and more information on a person and what they are like. 

Also, with online dating, you're encountering total strangers with little background context or shared experiences/ settings. That can make conversations harder and make ghosting more likely since there isn't that accountability or means of connecting there. 

[Karmadhi]

@Preety_India Actually personally i care about intimacy and love a lot more than sex. Cuddling and shit to me is crutial and the emotional connection etc. Sex is also important ofc but it is not the end all be all. I was writting about how most guys see it, not how i personally see it. Love and connection are what i seek the most, not basic sex. But i do not expect most guys to think like me.

However to get love and connection you need the girl attracted to you, a thing most guys (including myself) struggle with. Which is why they focus on it a lot. As a female you do that just by existing (your looks) and therefore you focus on stuff like love and intimacy. Us guys do not have such luxury. Maybe top 10 percent super handsome ones can get girls attracted to them just by their looks but most guys cannot. They need to do it with their personality which is why PUA shit exists in the first place.

Edited September 18, 2021 by Karmadhi