Anybody dealing with shame as a part of social anxiety?

[PurpleTree]

Or has anybody overcome it?

 

I've had that since very young and it's a very stubborn and sticky feeling which gets triggered pretty easily.

It's often a feeling of not being wanted to be in a certain place or with certain people this creates shame.

But it could also be triggered just walking through the city and be "seen" maybe a part of me is afraid that people could see something in me that they don't like but i'm not even sure what it is.

Then sometimes i use a mantra like "god wants you to be here" etc. and sometimes it helps and sometimes not.

Edited September 14, 2021 by PurpleTree

[Javfly33]

Yeah me too its very rare nowdays But sometimes there are situations which triggers It and It really sucks...It makes you feel terrible and like you Will never trascend this feeling/thing/vibration/energy

[PurpleTree]

33 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Yeah me too its very rare nowdays But sometimes there are situations which triggers It and It really sucks...It makes you feel terrible and like you Will never trascend this feeling/thing/vibration/energy

well i envy you a bit

did anything specific help you overcome it or just time and a culmination of things

[Javfly33]

12 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

well i envy you a bit

did anything specific help you overcome it or just time and a culmination of things

Did a shit ton of small doses of acid during the time of 1 year or so, with purpose of healing social anxiety/self esteem/etc. Also i had to start a new job which forced me to be confident/lead, develop masculine/self love energy.etc its really a culmination of things yeah.

Now i have put psychs a little bit and Im just trying to heal It with pick Up and being more leadership at work. 

Edited September 14, 2021 by Javfly33

[PurpleTree]

6 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Did a shit ton of small doses of acid during the time of 1 year or so, with purpose of healing social anxiety/self esteem/etc. Also i had to start a new job which forced me to be confident/lead, develop masculine/self love energy.etc its really a culmination of things yeah.

Now i have put psychs a little bit and Im just trying to heal It with pick Up and being more leadership at work. 

what do you consider a small dose. also how did you work on the purpose of healing sad etc. while on a small dose, did you just meditate and think about it, listen to youtube meditations, contemplate etc. or did you force yourself into social situations etc. while on a small dose?

[mandyjw]

Yeah.  Living in a rural area and having shy, reclusive parents sort of set me up on the wrong foot and I didn't make an effort to balance it out until later in life. Feeling like I didn't have a right to be there or exist, feeling it was my fault if I inconvenienced someone just by being there. Avoiding social or driving situations where I would be part of a line or hold people up. I've still never used an ATM machine, been to a real concert or done a lot of basic stuff like that. 

There have certainly been times that I have reeeeally reeeeally felt worthy of being right where I was. If I'm inspired and doing what I want to be doing, I don't feel this way at all, so realizing that and tapping into that helps. Other times, it's letting go of the thoughts blaming myself for what others are feeling. Rather than putting my own feeling first, I accept my own THOUGHT or what I think they might be feeling. Doing this is really just my own thought trying to get a jump on an insult that it thinks it wouldn't be able to take if it came. Makes about as much sense as hitting your thumb with a hammer before going out and using it to build with, so that if you accidently do, it won't be as much of a shock.  

There's an intelligent way to inoculate yourself against insult, self inquiry, contemplation, meditation, etc. And then there's that. I've found meditation, journaling and listening to lots of Abraham Hicks recordings to be very helpful with this kinda thing. 

Edited September 15, 2021 by mandyjw

[Javfly33]

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

what do you consider a small dose. also how did you work on the purpose of healing sad etc. while on a small dose, did you just meditate and think about it, listen to youtube meditations, contemplate etc. or did you force yourself into social situations etc. while on a small dose?

I did 32.5mg each week for a whole year, taking some breaks here and there because sometimes It was imposible to intégrate and for the ego to digest the changes in so little time.

I would take the book of nathaniel branden 6pilars of self esteem, and maybe do the completion sentences, other time i would go to watch porn to engage in a fetish its related with shame, and also contemplate, another i forced myself to socialize st the end of the peak and inquiry/feel fully ...etc 

Just basically anything you can think that can trigger your anxiety/shame, etc, go towards It on a low dose. Do and repeat for over a year. Integrate before Next dose.

Take It like a BUDS Navy seals challenge. It Will feel painful as fuck in the beggining until you become to gain the fruits of the grueling, scary, and hard emotional work that this entails.

 

[TheAlchemist]

Just one more thing to consider for the toolbox, really good things have been mentioned already:

Try to identify the most triggering moments from your past, those moments that caused you the most shame, and that still cause an emotional reaction in you. Write them down, visualize the hell out of them, as vividly as you can handle. The earlier the memory, the better. It can be really small things, something you might think isn't even worth considering. If you gave some kind of meaning to that event, like "I am a weak person" "I am a failure etc.", it will likely be strongly stuck in your psyche, and it will have been fed by confirmation bias over the years. So even a tiny event, or belief might have snowballed into this massive burden of shame you feel on your shoulders. 

And then. 

Take mdma (follow all safety protocols ofc) and as you start to feel more loving towards yourself, go deeply into the deepest, most painful and triggering moment you can remember. Visualize it in extreme detail, where you were, who was there, and most importantly what you felt and what you thought it meant. Drill deep into it, let the emotions come out, it could be rage, it could be laughter, crying, twitching like someone having a stroke. Or you might be totally calm as you process this event. Whatever it is, that's ok.

This is a highly intense, but effective process, mdma is used to treat ptsd patients who have such traumatic memories that they cannot go there at all. With the help of mdma, they can see and process the source of the trauma for the first time, without feeling totally overwhelmed by the emotions attached to it. They are healed within a few sessions, and there's no reason why this could not work for more minor forms of trauma or shame that you want to work through. If you don't have access to a psychologist, use a journal for preparation and integration. Might be useful to have a serious friend you can open up to, who would ideally also take mdma at the same time, but do what feels most natural to you. The most important thing is to focus seriously on the emotional work during those few hours.

Studying my own shame, I came to the conclusion that it was rooted in my lack of boundaries, my lack of a healthy identity. I was always a shy kid, and we moved around the world a lot. I never developed a healthy sense of identity and boundaries. There were some specific events that resulted from that, which resulted in me carrying toxic shame everywhere I went. I have worked through maybe 80-90% of that and it no longer runs my life.

Also, with spiritual work there is a danger, if you don't have a healthy sense of boundaries and identity to begin with, and you carry toxic shame within, starting to dissolve the boundaries might cause more problems. I think it's useful to first build up a healthy sense of identity, a sense of what your values are and who you are etc., and only then deconstruct it. 

Remember, it is possible to overcome toxic shame and to love yourself again, deeper than ever before. It will take work and lots of commitment though, but making that commitment to help yourself will already make you feel better. Good luck! <3

Edited September 15, 2021 by TheAlchemist

[Nahm]

18 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

Or has anybody overcome it?

Can you overcome your perspective? Or is overcome a perspective, like shame?

 

[Thought Art]

Working through truck loads of shame ahah

Book called "Healing the Shame that Binds you" 

and more. Though that book is a tough read tbh. 

I am getting better. Maybe will make post later once I've made more sustained progress.

Edited September 17, 2021 by Thought Art

[PurpleTree]

10 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Working through truck loads of shame ahah

Book called "Healing the Shame that Binds you" 

and more. Though that book is a tough read tbh. 

I am getting better. Maybe will make post later once I've made more sustained progress.

a tough read because it's triggering shame etc. 

or because it's complicated to read?

On 15.9.2021 at 5:18 PM, Nahm said:

Can you overcome your perspective? Or is overcome a perspective, like shame?

 

well i'm not sure how to answer that

Edited September 17, 2021 by PurpleTree

[PurpleTree]

On 15.9.2021 at 2:04 AM, Javfly33 said:

I did 32.5mg each week for a whole year, taking some breaks here and there because sometimes It was imposible to intégrate and for the ego to digest the changes in so little time.

I would take the book of nathaniel branden 6pilars of self esteem, and maybe do the completion sentences, other time i would go to watch porn to engage in a fetish its related with shame, and also contemplate, another i forced myself to socialize st the end of the peak and inquiry/feel fully ...etc 

Just basically anything you can think that can trigger your anxiety/shame, etc, go towards It on a low dose. Do and repeat for over a year. Integrate before Next dose.

Take It like a BUDS Navy seals challenge. It Will feel painful as fuck in the beggining until you become to gain the fruits of the grueling, scary, and hard emotional work that this entails.

 

microdosing has often/sometimes caused anxiety in a friend of me and also made it almost impossible to sleep for him that night, so i'm not sure if it's the right way, he could try it again though.

 

Edited September 17, 2021 by PurpleTree

[Nahm]

@PurpleTree

If you were trying to overcome your hands, probably not gonna happen. But perspectives can be changed. Unless one focuses on the same perspective, in an attempt to overcome it. 

[Thought Art]

@PurpleTree Yeah the book will make you really look at your shame. I would read it in combination with something lighter, but related.