Fear of intimacy

[B_HAZ]

I realized that I have fear of intimacy but I've been deceiving myself the whole time I've been avoiding entering a relationships either because I make excuses \prioritising other things in my life or I get attracted to unavailable men ..I have certain needs that I was suppressing\dismissing and I feel unfulfilled on this aspect of my life how can I meet those needs without waiting for a partner to meet them for me? 

Advice 

[Nahm]

@B_HAZ

By noticing nothing actually happens when your ‘needs’ aren’t fulfilled, you’re free of them (the beliefs), thus realizing they’re wants, not actually needs. If you need intimacy, you hold yourself captive to neediness. If you express your wants, you infuse desire into your life and what you want shows up. 

You can introspect and write on paper whatever thoughts or emotions arise, as to when you first ‘learned’ to desire a man which is not available to you. It is likely someone key in your childhood did not make themself available to you, and you’re subconsciously seeking to ‘fix’ that - so you can feel better. One way to let that go is to understand the position they were in, and how they thought, and why they were the way they were… to the extent you realize you would have been exactly the same way if you were in their shoes. When you then feel this understanding & compassion, there is that ‘better’ feeling that was desired in the first place. It is then realized it was there all along, just a bit veiled by the need beliefs. 

[zazen]

Intimacy - in to me see. We all want to be seen by another because we haven't seen into ourselves yet. It can be tricky and elusive because we are the closest thing to ourself, and the other just helps to bring out aspects of ourself we didn't know we had. People can act as mirrors and show us to ourselves, and if we don't love ourselves we hide away from such mirrors or introspection. 

A meditation practice will be very grounding and aid in feeling complete, and in feeling 'seen' because that is exactly what you do in meditation, you become witness to yourself, to life pulsing in you and thus you no longer feel alienated. 

Then you can share that completeness with another person rather than look to them for that completeness. It is a beautiful experience to share your celebration with another human, than to be with another person as a coping mechanism. 

[Vzdoh]

Intimacy is our fundamental need as humans. 

I agree with @Nahm that you need to realise first that all your needs apart from very few, you can meet yourself. Better yet, when you change the spin and your attitude changes to your needs becoming your wants only, something you deeply desire, but not require for your life. 

And second, its important to develop a deeply intimate relationship with yourself first, before you can become intimate with the other. 

Namaste