PMO Addiction

[Someone here]

Just stop. 

[SaltyMeatballs]

When you get the craving set a timer for 5min and do nothing. Observe your thoughts and bodily sensations. When the timer is over allow yourself to PMO, but observe how you do it scrupulously.

 

[Roy]

@Rinne What if we came up with a plan to ween you off an control your addiction. Let's say for Week 1 you can orgasm every day of the week, then for every following week you take a session off. And you HAVE to limit yourself to 1 session per day, as in don't use multiple sessions for the week at once. So;

Week 1 - 7 Sessions

Week 2 - 6 Sessions

Week 3 - 5 Sessions

Week 4 - 4 Sessions

Week 5 - 3 Sessions

Week 6 - 2 Sessions

Week 7 - 1 Session

Week 8 - Zero Sessions

Do you think this is attainable, that over two months you could slowly learn the power to control your addiction? To either get rid of it completely or at the least bring it to desirable/more healthy levels?

I think you could do it  just mark it on the calendar over the next few months. Stick to it, but observe how you feel about it. Pay attention to your cravings, but allow them to happen within the limits set. Watch how over time you slowly gain a sense of autonomy and get your mental strength back.

[Rinne]

3 hours ago, Someone here said:

Just stop. 

bruh stop trolling

[Rinne]

57 minutes ago, SaltyMeatballs said:

When you get the craving set a timer for 5min and do nothing. Observe your thoughts and bodily sensations. When the timer is over allow yourself to PMO, but observe how you do it scrupulously.

 

yeah i was thinking of coming up with a plan involving doing something like that. 

3 minutes ago, Roy said:

@Rinne What if we came up with a plan to ween you off an control your addiction. Let's say for Week 1 you can orgasm every day of the week, then for every following week you take a session off. And you HAVE to limit yourself to 1 session per day, as in don't use multiple sessions for the week at once. So;

Week 1 - 7 Sessions

Week 2 - 6 Sessions

Week 3 - 5 Sessions

Week 4 - 4 Sessions

Week 5 - 3 Sessions

Week 6 - 2 Sessions

Week 7 - 1 Session

Week 8 - Zero Sessions

Do you think this is attainable, that over two months you could slowly learn the power to control your addiction? To either get rid of it completely or at the least bring it to desirable/more healthy levels?

I think you could do it  just mark it on the calendar over the next few months. Stick to it, but observe how you feel about it. Pay attention to your cravings, but allow them to happen within the limits set. Watch how over time you slowly gain a sense of autonomy and get your mental strength back.

Yeah i think i can do something like that. Thanks i appreciate this advice

[Roy]

13 minutes ago, Rinne said:

Yeah i think i can do something like that. Thanks i appreciate this advice

No worries! Give it a shot and let me know how it works. Feel free to PM me if you like I'm an open book.

[Raze]

You could try some of Shinzen Young's products, he had a dvd called overcoming compulsive behavior, and also these https://www.shinzen.org/?s=compulsive&post_type=product

[peanutspathtotruth]

@Rinne I'm sorry for the mostly bullshit/self-serving/utterly uninformed replies you get here. I'm normally not that harsh but I have dealt with this beast for a long time and after experimenting and observing a lot, I'd say that I understand it quite well. Don't get lost in that sea of mere opinions without ground. 

First of all: it's an addiction. You don't treat an addiction like "well maybe it's your judgment, maybe just don't do it that often" etc. This is all bullshit - you need to get away from that habit and allow your brain to unwire all these strong neurological patterns as quickly as possible. "Just stop" really is the most direct and unpleasant way. This takes a lot of time and it's fucking hard, that's just the nature of an addiction - and this addiction, not only to porn but to orgasm, is a fucking strong one. 

So there are multiple things required for you stopping:

You need to want to stop. You need to see, by consciously engaging in the addiction, that it is fucking up your brain. Do you see the lethargy, the fucked up hormone system, the distorted view of yourself and women and all the other effects? They are undeniable, every addict has these to some degree. People who deny that just aren't honest, serve an agenda of not wanting to stop, are ignorant, deluding themselves, or they truly have no contrasting experience of being sober of this addiction. If you doubt it, stop the addiction and see for yourself. So when you clearly see how you're holding yourself in this trap, at some point there is a true will that just wants to stop. Cultivate that, without it you're not gonna make it. This might be the most important step.

Secondly, and I know people will object, look into semen retention, research it and let it inform you. You can start with Mantak Chia's "Tao Yoga of Love". All these people here defending masturbation come from a different perspective, and I respect that. But semen retention truly is not only an advanced spiritual practice but what I think is much more natural than most want to believe. It's radical and no one likes to stop ejaculating and take this as the way to live life. The reason is, because it feels good, that's it. All else is justification strategy. If you're not even giving this a serious try for a few months at least, you're selling yourself short of what you can be. Prana / Shakti / Life energy is real. It's so fucking real. And it is lost through ejaculating, that is absolutely clear when you dare to be conscious and honest enough. And if you cultivate this energy, if you transmute it, circulate it, use it - this is the energetical side of enlightenment work. Your meditations will transform radically, your daily energy and creativity will go through the roof, your kundalini energy might tickle your spine or even awaken. This is the energy we want on this path. It's a conductor of consciousness, it is grace, love manifested. 

Be sure to understand, if you're open to this possibility and if you want that, that it takes time and effort. It's sooo hard. But it's worth the hard times manifold. You gotta learn how to work with your energy. You gotta learn how to deal with the latent addiction and its urges. It is all learned behavior and you have the power to unwrite it. If you want any support and more information, hit me up whenever you like. I made it 100+ days recently and am currently at about 5 weeks with more determination than ever, and I've never felt better. Again, it is unmistakably clear that Shakti is growing, and it's changing my whole spiritual endeavor. I wish you the strength to experience this yourself. All the best to you ♥️

[Nahm]

@Rinne

The key is feeling the relief of the slow change in your orientation, in your aligning. Not expecting one big change from one big thing to occur on one day. Not expecting ‘results’, but recognizing that it feels good to you to focus more & more on what you want, more (more than pmo).  It’s a momentum thing. Presently, you’re experiencing the accumulation of many years of momentum. The momentum that got you there, wherever or whatever that is, is the very same momentum that will get you where you now more so desire to be. 

So know what that is which you are now more desiring. Creating a dreamboard makes that pretty easy because it’s right in front of you, can’t miss it or forget. 

Then the change over… now you have you ‘why’, or, that which you want more which is the reason there seems to be a problem with how you’re spending your time in the first place. It’s only relative. If there wasn’t experience you wanted more, if that desire hadn’t arose within you, it wouldn’t be possible to desire change. 

Slow changeover… when you are experiencing the thick of the situation, which would be seeing what’s on your board, and knowing you want that more… but yet being drawn to porn & masturbating… remember the slowness of the changeover, and feel the peace & relief in not expecting great change all at once. 

When that momentous impulse for immediate short term gratification arises… at first just spend literally 5 minutes before going to the screen… on what you want more. Your mind will be more settled, knowing you’re about to experience the short term pleasure in just five minutes. Then next time make it ten minutes, then fifteen, and so on. You’ll find yourself realizing there was never, and is not right now, a ‘problem’. That that was the previous perspective. Life will get more exciting as what you write on your board really actually does start ‘showing up’, and your focus will naturally (slowly over time) shift toward that. 

Internalizing, or self judgement probably plays a role in the inner world in this regard too. When you experience such thoughts, which are basically about feeling bad for the pmo, take pause and ‘reach for’ a slightly better feeling thought. You might say an overall shift is coming, from loving yourself, to Loving Yourself. If you choose now to focus on a good feeling thought, then it’s already underway. 

[blessedlion1993]

guys i'm going to  go out on a limb here and say that porn is absolute shit. it's completely toxic and ruins your life. i wish someone had told me this when i was 15 because porn literally rewires your brain and fucks up your sexuality. ever notice how it's never enough and you always need more, more, more, and how after a video your just sitting there with your fucking laptop and phone and cum on your stomach like a fucking loser? 

Im sorry but porn is for fucking losers!

Kings and real men dont need porn because they get real human sex, and all the dopamine, oxytocin and love that comes from real sex. Also, when you jack off and cum you lose your most vital energy, your semen. Don't believe me? Go check out reddit/semenretention. 

I'm telling you guys, and i know this may fall on deaf ears. But head my advice. PORN IS RUINING YOUR LIFE AND YOUR MIND I HAVE STUDIED AND EXPERIEMNTED WITH THIS FOR YEARS NOW AND FINALLY BROKE FREE OF THE SPELL OF PORN AND MASTURBATION IT IS NOT NATURAL AND IT IS A FUCKING LOSERS GAME

[peanutspathtotruth]

@Knowledge Hoarder Yes, and I would say it's not even about "controlling" the sexual energy, but much more about re-learning how to deal with it. Because in a way, we need to learn to surrender to that energy without using sexual activity as a means to escape it. We learned to rub it off whenever the energy gets intense, and now we think we HAVE to release this energy. No, what if we just allow it to be there and bathe in it? At some point though, we have to circulate it, otherwise it gets stuck in the head or the sexual center and this can become dangerous. Maybe this inability to circulate and surrender was the reason we handled the energy in this easy screen-based way in the first place? Anyway, I didn't mean to attack your opinion in that first post, just wanting to pierce through to the seriousness of the issue ?? And of course, judgment DOES play a role, but it's not the first and only thing to look at. 

[peanutspathtotruth]

3 hours ago, blessedlion1993 said:

Im sorry but porn is for fucking losers!

This is the toxic mindset of semen retention. No, it's not for losers, and you're not a loser if you masturbate to porn. You're an addict who got into this to deal with pain or intense emotions. You're a child that needs love and compassion for why it's doing what it does, not more judgment. Your mindset will crack, it's not sustainable. Only love can heal you. 

[SaltyMeatballs]

4 hours ago, blessedlion1993 said:

guys i'm going to  go out on a limb here and say that porn is absolute shit. it's completely toxic and ruins your life. i wish someone had told me this when i was 15 because porn literally rewires your brain and fucks up your sexuality. ever notice how it's never enough and you always need more, more, more, and how after a video your just sitting there with your fucking laptop and phone and cum on your stomach like a fucking loser? 

Im sorry but porn is for fucking losers!

Kings and real men dont need porn because they get real human sex, and all the dopamine, oxytocin and love that comes from real sex. Also, when you jack off and cum you lose your most vital energy, your semen. Don't believe me? Go check out reddit/semenretention. 

I'm telling you guys, and i know this may fall on deaf ears. But head my advice. PORN IS RUINING YOUR LIFE AND YOUR MIND I HAVE STUDIED AND EXPERIEMNTED WITH THIS FOR YEARS NOW AND FINALLY BROKE FREE OF THE SPELL OF PORN AND MASTURBATION IT IS NOT NATURAL AND IT IS A FUCKING LOSERS GAME

You'll never quit porn with this mindset. I know because I used to think the same way and it only backfired on me. Sure, it might work for a while but it won't cure the addiction.

[LfcCharlie4]

Honestly, I tried so many things and always ended up in the same place until finally blocking it on all devices and starting to do the inner work as to why I was addicted, its not an easy process & I'm in the middle of it right now. P.S. couldn't agree more how destructive Porn is, but I know that's a touchy subject here. 

But, for me at least, it was destructive and I'm so glad I'm out of the cycle now. In terms of benefits my relationship has never been better, energy never higher & sex life so much better. Your girlfriend (or future one) will thank you for it I promise. Also frees up so much time / energy. Instead of watching Porn actually learn about Sexuality haha. 

Block ALL Porn Sites, like actually get an internet blocker on PC / Phone so you cannot access it, ideally use something like Covanent Eyes and get an accountability partner (or coach etc) so you have someone to stay accountable to. 

Same goes for twitter, Insta etc, UNFOLLOW all accounts related to Porn, Only Fans etc etc. Block, Mute and employ the sensitive content filter on Twitter, maybe even delete it for a while. 

The best system I've heard of is the 4Rs- Remove your attention from trigger, reach out to someone, redirect attention- pick anything exercise, journal etc, Reflect each and every time. 

 

Also, writing down all the Pros (yeah, there is some) and Cons of your Porn use, is it getting you closer to the life you want to live? 

Then, a lot of the work involves deep introspection & actually improving your real life, like any addiction, and this, imo, is best done working with someone, but of course, not everyone can afford that. So, at least get a journal and do these things- 

Write down your usual rationalizations 'everyone watches it' 'only one more time' and write out why each and everyone is absolute bullshit. 

Go over the emotions you usually feel when your using / triggered in the moment, then go over why Porn / some quick fix is not the solution at all. 

This whole process involves deep work & Self-Development. I honestly believe a lot more people are addicted than they realize, of course some can use, but I just ask why? Would you not rather try and find real intimacy & connection in real life? 

If you wanna talk to someone, feel free to message me mate. 

From there, its all about life building habits- Relationships, Hobbies, healthy habits, exercise, healthy eating etc. Just building your life & ties in really well with LOA / Conscious Creation / Spirituality. 

I'll go out on a limb and say most people's ideal life situation doesn't involve pixels on a screen as their form of sexual stimulation, but involves a romantic partner & deep connection. 

 

P.S. Once you've unhooked yourself, I highly recommend Charles Black / Don Of Desire for sexuality teachings & if you have issues like PE he has a great course on that. Its crazy how many men in their 20s think PE / ED is low key normal because they've been fried by porn. Hint its not healthy to last a few minutes / not be able to get it up in your 20s, not always but Porn is usually at least part of this issue. 

Edited September 14, 2021 by LfcCharlie4

[blessedlion1993]

@LfcCharlie4Solid post mate. It truly takes drastic measures to quit.

 

@peanutspathtotruthI see what you are saying, but i tried loving compassion, it didn't kick the habit. The only thing that stopped me was to see, clear as day, that porn is for losers, i dont know any other way to say it. And from there my healing was in "no, i'm not a fucking loser like this, I am a LION and i love myself so much that i will not go back to that poison, even if doing so requires calling myself a loser for watching it" 

 

[peanutspathtotruth]

@blessedlion1993 Sounds pretty twisted to me to be honest. Why do you have to call yourself anything that you aren't? LOOK at why you're in the boat. "I tried loving compassion" - well, what does that mean? 

This is a difficult, deep psychological process that takes time, consciousness and a true desire to heal. You need to see the truth and the truth is not that you're a loser. We always want to grab quick answers to everything. Maybe start being fine with not knowing why you're in addiction. And go from there. 

Again, even if you think it helps now, it will backfire. Any judgment or good vs bad separation does.

[blessedlion1993]

@peanutspathtotruthI have to thank you for your perspective, because there is truth in what you're saying. Actually i just spent an hour meditating on this and found that a lot of the porn addiction is linked to insecurity. 

However, in another twisted way, I believe the porn causes this insecurity. It's almost like the porn causes Trauma when over viewed as a young developing man, I can't speak on what it does to women. Read "Your brain on Porn".

So it's not always the case that one is deeply wounded and that is why they view and are addicted to all this porn, it can just be that the porn is designed to hit a primal root in the psyche which forms an addiction. Because it is so intriguing, exciting, and pleasure filled. This causes a trauma in and of itself for a young mind. That is why you see so many amazing benefits reporting when guys just quit, and sometimes to get that motivation, we need to see or say things like porn is for losers. Because in the long-run, if you stay on porn, you will become a loser, I don't know any other way to word it. It's not calling myself of other guys losers for watching it, i am just saying watching porn will make you and is for losers. Similar to how alcholism will ruin your life, relationships, career, and make you a loser, call it tough love.

But still, thank you for your perspective because it revealed some shadow stuff for me

[peanutspathtotruth]

2 hours ago, blessedlion1993 said:

@peanutspathtotruthI have to thank you for your perspective, because there is truth in what you're saying. Actually i just spent an hour meditating on this and found that a lot of the porn addiction is linked to insecurity. 

Amazing! That's a healthy and mature way to take this in, I'm glad I could help  

2 hours ago, blessedlion1993 said:

However, in another twisted way, I believe the porn causes this insecurity. It's almost like the porn causes Trauma when over viewed as a young developing man, I can't speak on what it does to women. Read "Your brain on Porn".

And I think you're right, I agree. I've read the book and researched thoroughly so my rational mind had no excuse left

I actually think these two perspectives can be synthesized - because addiction is a cyclic form of reinforcing pain and suppression thereof. Painful feelings might not be the reason you pick up an addictive behavior, but they certainly are a major reason for the inability to quit when it is clear that this behavior is destroying you. For me, it's been like 15 years - without my inability to deal with pain, shame and guilt, I would have stopped wayyy earlier with this habit. And getting exposed to porn definitely reinforces that pain and, yes, creates even new problematic neurotic symptoms.

2 hours ago, blessedlion1993 said:

It's not calling myself of other guys losers for watching it, i am just saying watching porn will make you and is for losers. Similar to how alcholism will ruin your life, relationships, career, and make you a loser, call it tough love.

I think I get what you're saying - but why put in the word 'loser' which carries a lot of value judgment, when you could just say "damn, this addiction is unhealthy and makes me feel miserable all the time, and I don't want to live this way"? I'm doubling down on my position, even though you might agree, to make it a bit more clear and nuanced why I think it's an unhealthy habit we have of demonizing anything or anyone (mostly ourselves). Because the moment you relapse, what do you think this will do to you? You will automatically fall into this belief system you built up for yourself and you put yourself in the box 'loser'. Instead, you could think about yourself like this: 

"Despite my knowledge that this is unhealthy, I still did it. Why exactly did I do it? What made me overthrow my dedication not to indulge? How do I feel right now, and why? What happens if I try to understand that part of myself that wants to indulge in the behavior? What does it actually want? What does it think it helps itself or myself with by indulging in the addiction? How can I lovingly help this part to see that it is confused and misguided about its strategy to help me?"

Can you see how there is no judgment or name calling whatsoever, and that there is love and compassion for yourself, as well as curiosity? You're not a loser in life who needs to get out of being a loser. You THINK you are a loser if you do xyz, and we need to get out of that mindset. Then, we see more clearly. We can see that we simply mistook pleasure for love (and/or other dynamics) and that this is not working. The mind truly stops anything toxic if it REALLY sees that the behavior is indeed damaging itself.

Edited September 14, 2021 by peanutspathtotruth

[blessedlion1993]

@peanutspathtotruthI appreciate your honesty and point of view

"Painful feelings might not be the reason you pick up an addictive behavior, but they certainly are a major reason for the inability to quit when it is clear that this behavior is destroying you."

Bingo, couldn't agree more. It's like a sticky tape trap or something.

 

12 minutes ago, peanutspathtotruth said:

Amazing! That's a healthy and mature way to take this in, I'm glad I could help  

And I think you're right, I agree. I've read the book and researched thoroughly so my rational mind had no excuse left

I actually think these two perspectives can be synthesized - because addiction is a cyclic form of reinforcing pain and suppression thereof. Painful feelings might not be the reason you pick up an addictive behavior, but they certainly are a major reason for the inability to quit when it is clear that this behavior is destroying you. For me, it's been like 15 years - without my inability to deal with pain, shame and guilt, I would have stopped wayyy earlier with this habit. And getting exposed to porn definitely reinforces that pain and, yes, creates even new problematic neurotic symptoms.

I think I get what you're saying - but why put in the word 'loser' which carries a lot of value judgment, when you could just say "damn, this addiction is unhealthy and makes me feel miserable all the time, and I don't want to live this way"? I'm doubling down on my position, even though you might agree, to make it a bit more clear and nuanced why I think it's an unhealthy habit we have of demonizing anything or anyone (mostly ourselves). Because the moment you relapse, what do you think this will do to you? You will automatically fall into this belief system you built up for yourself and you put yourself in the box 'loser'. Instead, you could think about yourself like this: 

"Despite my knowledge that this is unhealthy, I still did it. Why exactly did I do it? What made me overthrow my dedication not to indulge? How do I feel right now, and why? What happens if I try to understand that part of myself that wants to indulge in the behavior? What does it actually want? What does it think it helps itself or myself with by indulging in the addiction? How can I lovingly help this part to see that it is confused and misguided about its strategy to help me?"

Can you see how there is no judgment or name calling whatsoever, and that there is love and compassion for yourself, as well as curiosity? You're not a loser in life who needs to get out of being a loser. You THINK you are a loser if you do xyz, and we need to get out of that mindset. Then, we see more clearly. We can see that we simply mistook pleasure for love (and/or other dynamics) and that this is not working. The mind truly stops anything toxic if it REALLY sees that the behavior is indeed damaging itself.

I think we are pointing at the same solution but in different ways. I see what you are saying in the sense of not shaming or hating the part of self that is addicted to and keeps going back to porn, because ultimately it thinks it is helping and doing something good. The dopamine and reward system has placed porn as GOOD GOOD GOOD deep into the subconscious. Once we realize we are addicted it's a long way out because of this and all the chemicals that get released during porn usage.

When i say "loser" i can see how it hits people the wrong way, but it's coming from love. This type of talk is what got me to quit and get my life together, later on, i dropped it.
 

Maybe it's just a teaching style, for me, the term "loser" carries that weight and negativity that i don't want in my life. I resonate with guys like Goggins and Rogan because they have this tough love kinda approach of "suck it up and do what you need to do, push through the pain" , no doubt there might be some toxicity there but it works, and to get started sometimes that is needed. I don't take that philosophy for life in general but to get a workout done? To get up early? To stop porn? it carries caliber. And if my saying that can get some of these young guys and myself to stop the bad habits sooner, then it's worth it. That shock factor of " fuck...do i want to be 55, single, fat, and still watching porn every night" can scare anyone to quit, especially if they can't muster the self-compassion to take your approach at the time.

However, in the larger scheme, I totally agree that we shouldn't demonize or hate that part of ourselves, and ultimately no-one is a real loser, just hurt or healing...

It's kind of contradictory, and this discussion with you has helped me refine the approach and understand it better. So thanks for that, I hope my take can make some sense. Ultimately, you are right in this discussion, the true healing comes from loving that part of the self and understanding it. But sometimes we need a loud insulting wake up call to just get out of a hole. I like to have a bit of tough love on myself in a way a loving grandfather would say "you knew better than that, and you are better than this"


"I think it's an unhealthy habit we have of demonizing anything or anyone (mostly ourselves)"

I agree, and again, this is insightful to some of my own habits.

[blessedlion1993]

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Edited September 14, 2021 by blessedlion1993
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