An Offer? A Complaint? Whatever- I Need This, So Umma Gonna Ask ;op

[jennywise]

OK so, I've listened to ALOT of Leo's video's now & I'm starting to get frustrated & overwhelmed, because I am apparently severe damaged goods in need of a maHAYjor overhaul. I.E. Leo, ALL- like AALLLLLALLALL your shit applies to me- up one neurotic side & down the fucking other. There's too much- it's all important & I have not a CLUE where to begin.  Please do not give me some namby pamby BS about just start wherever & as long as you take action things will eventually get better- NO! Sorry, I'm getting too old too fast for that; My dreams are WAY too big to not at least try to go about accomplishing them in the most efficient way possible. I need a map, so I guess this is me pullin' over to ask for directions bc I'd rather plant my ass on the comfy unawakened grass, than spin my wheels. So, all I really need, sweetheaded Leo is for you to tell me - me, personally, what order to watch your videos in!- I should say, "do" the videos though, bc I've listened to alot of them & alot of them have prescribed work- not too much,  just 20mins or so here & there, 20 mins meditation, 25 mins worth of affirmations, I gotta look myself in the mirror & repeat "I Love You & I accept you exactly as you are." 25 times for the next 30 days- (my husband already think I've lost my fucking mind.) I bought this huge fucking whiteboard to start doing some goal setting & it's a clusterfrk mess, cuz like I said, ALL your shit applies to me  & Well, honey child, momma just don't have that many spare hours in my day! I have to work on one or two things at a time & I've listened to enough of them to know I have to do work in SEveral areas & the practical manifestations of that "Work" would most definitely co-incide, if not blow eachother the fuck up, BUT- I do NOT need coaching, well maybe I do, but I flat cant afford it regardless, besides, the videos & their prescribed work are gold. I can follow directions, & I'm up to the task.  I don't need hand holding, & I don't have the $ for the course. BUT what I was HOPING, Leo, darling, oops sorry, after watching so many of your videos I feel like I know you, I was hoping that for a discounted, like WAY below what I know your time is worth, (like maybe, like $50?) I could kind of get a discounted version of personal coaching which amounts to you reading my like 5 pages of my story, my predicaments, my purpose, ma sitcheeashawn, lol- just like a  wee mini-bio complete with why I feel compelled to follow your advice in the first place; and, all you have to provide me with after a very careful and thorough reading & a deeply meditative thoughtful process-  is a list of #'s of your videos in the order you surmise I should work them.  So what dya say, Leo? Pretty please with new whiteboard markers on top? That's all, folks! 

OK after reading through this, I guess I'd probably want a brief written explanation for the order, not JUST a list of #'s lol- sorry  -Jenny

 

Edited December 9, 2016 by jennywise

[Leo Gura]

@jennywise So in other words you wanna outsource and abdicate the most important thing you've got -- your executive and strategic capacity -- to someone other than yourself?

How am I supposed to know what your life requires?

You know why CEOs get paid the big bucks? Because they exercise the single most important capacity a human being has: executive strategic judgment.

If you want the most direct path to the highest human fulfillment possible, sit down and relentlessly wonder: "WHAT AM I?" Until you become fully enlightened, realizing that reality is Absolutely Infinity.

If I was coaching you, I would just sit there and ask you, "What do you want?" over and over again. YOU would have to supply all the answers.

[cirkussmile]

Start meditating and forget about doing anything fast. You're not going anywhere <3

[ajasatya]

@jennywise oh wow, i could almost feel your anxiety while reading your text.

i've been where you are so i'm going to say what i did and why.

i noticed that i had been building my own cage somehow. i couldn't see it. it just felt extremely claustrophobic.

i had had tough moments before and everytime they came i tried to meditate but it didn't go quite well. but this time it was different... the suffering i was going through was too heavy for me. i couldn't handle it so i gave up completely on the ideas i had about life and myself. i finally admitted that i was very ignorant and started to invest time on a journey to comprehend the source of my suffering.

i started to study the life of siddhartha gautama (some dude who had this same issue a few years ago), the four noble truths and zen. i joined a meditation group and that was it. i remember going to the zendo (meditation hall) just to cry and cry for the first 3 weeks. but the zen method healed me and i turned my life into a zen practice. it works.

Edited December 9, 2016 by ajasatya

[Guest username]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

 

If you want the most direct path to the highest human fulfillment possible, sit down and relentlessly wonder: "WHAT AM I?" Until you become fully enlightened, realizing that reality is Absolutely Infinity.

 

Is Self Enquiry more direct than Strong Determination Sitting?

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

.If I was coaching you, I would just sit there and ask you, "What do you want?" over and over again. YOU would have to supply all the answers.

Lol, the Notebook.

[Arman]

hot dang you got an interesting writing style

don't be dismayed by not getting what you're asking here. anyone with true self awareness and love isn't going to give you what you're asking, because they wouldn't dare rob you of your own power and reinforce the beliefs that are hurting you 

what are you trying to do, exactly? your aim and frame are driving you bonkers. 
forget the time limits, forget where you think you're supposed to be vs where you are

first decide where you are is not so bad - practice gratitude

then get excited about  the fact that you are on this path at all - that's some serious grace.

then you know that you're always improving. whatever practices you're doing, whatever map you're following or however confused you are, you know you are on the path and life is guiding you towards where you're supposed to be. you say, where I am is great, but I'm going to see just how awesome things can get. there will be some down periods but those help you even more than the good times

don't compare yourself to some transcendental object, or some ideal. it's illusory dude, you're fine. with all your dysfunction and neurosis you're just fine. 

tend to your own heart more so you know you're actually very safe where you are. knowing that you are perfectly on the path and only being led to the greatest version of yourself: only one task remains, and that is to relax and tend to how you feel in the moment. to bring ease, relaxation and gratitude to your body. this will help to unwind your overstimulated energetic system/nervous system which is coming through in your post. 

ps. the 'I love you's to yourself are a good practice. the crazier your husband thinks you are, the better you're doing... probably. 

Edited December 10, 2016 by Arman