God realization on LSD trip, but it was very horrific experience of my life.

[Inder]

Hello everyone, I would like to share my experience of what I have been through on my recent LSD trip a few days ago. I think a lot of people who follow actualized.org, don't really know what they are getting into it, they just like the idea of GOD, enlightenment, and spirituality. I'm not saying anything wrong with it, it can definitely improve people's life. But anyway let's get back to the story, on 2nd September I have had a massive panic attack from vaping weed, this panic attack was horrible beyond anything I have ever experienced, it felt like my heart is going to explode and have a heart attack, and my heart beat was like 1000 miles/per second, but somehow I endure that night, thinking in my mind that it should pass away next day after the effects of weed goes away, but next day I'm having the similar symptoms, I become very afraid from this panic attack,

thinking what if it happens again, thinking in my mind I'm going to have a heart attack and will die, I was experiencing the same symptoms for couple of days, on 4th September during the evening, by that point I already stop vaping weed after the panic attack, I was not able to sleep since the panic attack, thinking if I go to bed I will never able to wake up again, every night was a pain, massive fear of death, but on 4th September, in evening I have had a massive panic attack again this time then I called ambulance to check whether I'm having a heart attack, ambulance came in they check my ECG, oxygen level and heart rate, after all the checks, they said everything is fine, you just having a panic attack induce by the weed, after knowing that I felt so much relief that I'm not going to die,

on that night I was able to sleep little better,  then on 6th of September during evening again I have had a panic attack, it was pretty worse, again I called ambulance, they check everything, everything was fine, so ambulance guy give me some psychological training to decrease my fear, give me assurity that everything is fine, you just having a panic attack, I tell him I take LSD and weed sometimes, he said I have taken both of this, it just fear/anxiety issue, nothing physical issue, that was good to know, but this experience made me fearful of panic attack in future, so next couple of days, I'm afraid of going out, everyday and every moment felt scary,

on 15th September during evening I decide to take LSD to heal me from this panic attack and anxiety issues I'm having, as soon as I put LSD tab under my tongue within 20min LSD start to coming on, I intuitively knew that this LSD trip is going to very challenging, and I somewhat willing to face death, and willing to die, so within 30min of LSD, my heart was pumping reallllllllllllllly hard that I'm going to die soon, it’s like panic attack on steroids, extremely painful and life threatening, it was sooooooo harrrrrrd to surrender to this experience, it felt impossible to surrender to death, but slowly slowly I was deepening my surrendering practice, at one point I knew I'm going to die, can't escape it, I was experiencing massive pain in center and right side of chest as the panic attack was getting worse and worse,

then there was point when I just have to surrender to death, because I was not able to take pain anymore, that point when I surrender to death, It felt like my entire body was exploded and divided everywhere, after that moment, I sat on bed, as I was sitting on my bed, I just cried so much my jaw dropped on the bed in Namaste or prayer position, and I'm keeping saying oh my GOD, Oh my GOD, Oh my GOD, and my hand were in prayer position like I'm praying to the GOD, and keep saying oh my GOD oh my GOD,  that’s when I realized I'm already dead, just didn't knew it before, realized Death is GOD, and realized that I'm hallucinating my bed, my room, my body and everything in the room, that experience was very profound, but after realizing GOD I was experience massive pain in my chest during the entire trip, I though the pain should go away after the trip finish, even after 12 hours of LSD trip pain was still getting worse and worse, I'm continually to surrender to this pain, this pain was absolute torture,  I tried to endure this pain for 24 hours(including 12 hours trip time) and keep on surrendering to it, but after 24 hours of massive pain and no sleep, I couldn't handle it anymore so I called my house mate to take me to the emergency room around 8pm, so I went to Emergency room,

they did my ECG, blood test, chest X-ray, and give me pain killer and blood thinner medicine, even after laying down on the bed in emergency room, my chest was still hurting really bad, but after few hours they check all my reports, and doctor said me everything is fine, my heart is fine, my lungs are fine, no COVID, no blood clots in my lung, basically everything was fine from medical perspective, so she said now you going to be discharged from hospital, she just prescribed me some pain killer medicine to buy next morning, I was discharged from the hospital within 5 hours, around 1 am midnight, then I call Uber to home, went home and sleep, it was good to know that I wasn't having any physical issue, that was a relief, that was the night I sleep after many days, on next day chest pain was decreased massively, now I’m feeling much better, chest pain has decreased and healed massively, but I'm still on rest, within couple of days I should get back to normal.

Lucky I'm alive on a human level, I feel more appreciative of life, now I'm just happy with at least I can breathe, talk, and walk. This is a truly horrific experience of my life and at the same time most profound life-changing experience, I realized Death is God, when you die you don't go anywhere, you will just be here where you are, just identification with your human body dies that's all, and at the same time I fall in love with the reality of human existence, death is also good, human life is also good, but both have their own unique values.

I know this is a long post, but these details can't be shorted, in terms of following LEO I have been following LEO on Actualized.org for many years, I wasn't really desperate for Awakening/God-realization, I just enjoy listening to LEO because my intuition was saying to follow him, I didn't choose this path by my own, it just my intuition has lead me to this path, I was just enjoying practicing mindfulness, self-inquiry, meditation, do nothing technique, letting go technique, surrendering technique, and psychedelics. Wasn't really interested in awakening just want to be happy and peaceful by doing this practice, and I have been doing this practice from many years, but I didn't know that this path is leading me to death and ultimately realizing GOD.

Leo I would love to hear from you about my experience. @Leo Gura

[Leo Gura]

Well, I told ya. You're God.

You thought I was joking?

[Vido]

9 hours ago, Inder said:

Hello everyone, I would like to share my experience of what I have been through on my recent LSD trip a few days ago. I think a lot of people who follow actualized.org, don't really know what they are getting into it, they just like the idea of GOD, enlightenment, and spirituality. I'm not saying anything wrong with it, it can definitely improve people's life. But anyway let's get back to the story, on 2nd September I have had a massive panic attack from vaping weed, this panic attack was horrible beyond anything I have ever experienced, it felt like my heart is going to explode and have a heart attack, and my heart beat was like 1000 miles/per second, but somehow I endure that night, thinking in my mind that it should pass away next day after the effects of weed goes away, but next day I'm having the similar symptoms, I become very afraid from this panic attack,

thinking what if it happens again, thinking in my mind I'm going to have a heart attack and will die, I was experiencing the same symptoms for couple of days, on 4th September during the evening, by that point I already stop vaping weed after the panic attack, I was not able to sleep since the panic attack, thinking if I go to bed I will never able to wake up again, every night was a pain, massive fear of death, but on 4th September, in evening I have had a massive panic attack again this time then I called ambulance to check whether I'm having a heart attack, ambulance came in they check my ECG, oxygen level and heart rate, after all the checks, they said everything is fine, you just having a panic attack induce by the weed, after knowing that I felt so much relief that I'm not going to die,

on that night I was able to sleep little better,  then on 6th of September during evening again I have had a panic attack, it was pretty worse, again I called ambulance, they check everything, everything was fine, so ambulance guy give me some psychological training to decrease my fear, give me assurity that everything is fine, you just having a panic attack, I tell him I take LSD and weed sometimes, he said I have taken both of this, it just fear/anxiety issue, nothing physical issue, that was good to know, but this experience made me fearful of panic attack in future, so next couple of days, I'm afraid of going out, everyday and every moment felt scary,

on 15th September during evening I decide to take LSD to heal me from this panic attack and anxiety issues I'm having, as soon as I put LSD tab under my tongue within 20min LSD start to coming on, I intuitively knew that this LSD trip is going to very challenging, and I somewhat willing to face death, and willing to die, so within 30min of LSD, my heart was pumping reallllllllllllllly hard that I'm going to die soon, it’s like panic attack on steroids, extremely painful and life threatening, it was sooooooo harrrrrrd to surrender to this experience, it felt impossible to surrender to death, but slowly slowly I was deepening my surrendering practice, at one point I knew I'm going to die, can't escape it, I was experiencing massive pain in center and right side of chest as the panic attack was getting worse and worse,

then there was point when I just have to surrender to death, because I was not able to take pain anymore, that point when I surrender to death, It felt like my entire body was exploded and divided everywhere, after that moment, I sat on bed, as I was sitting on my bed, I just cried so much my jaw dropped on the bed in Namaste or prayer position, and I'm keeping saying oh my GOD, Oh my GOD, Oh my GOD, and my hand were in prayer position like I'm praying to the GOD, and keep saying oh my GOD oh my GOD,  that’s when I realized I'm already dead, just didn't knew it before, realized Death is GOD, and realized that I'm hallucinating my bed, my room, my body and everything in the room, that experience was very profound, but after realizing GOD I was experience massive pain in my chest during the entire trip, I though the pain should go away after the trip finish, even after 12 hours of LSD trip pain was still getting worse and worse, I'm continually to surrender to this pain, this pain was absolute torture,  I tried to endure this pain for 24 hours(including 12 hours trip time) and keep on surrendering to it, but after 24 hours of massive pain and no sleep, I couldn't handle it anymore so I called my house mate to take me to the emergency room around 8pm, so I went to Emergency room,

they did my ECG, blood test, chest X-ray, and give me pain killer and blood thinner medicine, even after laying down on the bed in emergency room, my chest was still hurting really bad, but after few hours they check all my reports, and doctor said me everything is fine, my heart is fine, my lungs are fine, no COVID, no blood clots in my lung, basically everything was fine from medical perspective, so she said now you going to be discharged from hospital, she just prescribed me some pain killer medicine to buy next morning, I was discharged from the hospital within 5 hours, around 1 am midnight, then I call Uber to home, went home and sleep, it was good to know that I wasn't having any physical issue, that was a relief, that was the night I sleep after many days, on next day chest pain was decreased massively, now I’m feeling much better, chest pain has decreased and healed massively, but I'm still on rest, within couple of days I should get back to normal.

Lucky I'm alive on a human level, I feel more appreciative of life, now I'm just happy with at least I can breathe, talk, and walk. This is a truly horrific experience of my life and at the same time most profound life-changing experience, I realized Death is God, when you die you don't go anywhere, you will just be here where you are, just identification with your human body dies that's all, and at the same time I fall in love with the reality of human existence, death is also good, human life is also good, but both have their own unique values.

I know this is a long post, but these details can't be shorted, in terms of following LEO I have been following LEO on Actualized.org for many years, I wasn't really desperate for Awakening/God-realization, I just enjoy listening to LEO because my intuition was saying to follow him, I didn't choose this path by my own, it just my intuition has lead me to this path, I was just enjoying practicing mindfulness, self-inquiry, meditation, do nothing technique, letting go technique, surrendering technique, and psychedelics. Wasn't really interested in awakening just want to be happy and peaceful by doing this practice, and I have been doing this practice from many years, but I didn't know that this path is leading me to death and ultimately realizing GOD.

Leo I would love to hear from you about my experience. @Leo Gura

Whoa! interesting. When you use the word surrender, what do you mean exactly? what are you surrendering?

[tlowedajuicemayne]

@Inder So I want to empathize with you here. Great Trip report btw. After I had my God realization experience on LSD I exited the experience and I had the intuition that life was about to get way harder than ever before. I had months of chest pain following this experience. Along with depression, anxiety and GERD. Still goes on to this day actually. Went to the doctors, all came back clear. Not sure what to make of it honestly.

[Inder]

@tlowedajuicemayne I know it must be hard for you, it's an difficult experience to go through, I can only share what I have realized for myself, hope it can help you in some way, for me I was in depression for past 2 years, loss all interest in life, lose interest in career, money, friendship, dating etc all cool human stuff, nothing appeals to me, life became completely meaningless, I felt whats the point of living anymore, but the recent experience that I have had with LSD and GOD realization, it changed me forever, fear of panic attack almost gone, it also feel like depression is also gone, it feels like I'm just be happy with existing itself, existence itself feels beautiful, It feels like I don't need to chase anything to be satisfied, just existing itself is plenty sweet.

[tlowedajuicemayne]

@Inder if you are still experiencing these symptoms, you are probably experiencing costochondritis. Look it up. Its harmless, but it mimics heart attacks, also causes shortness of breath and dizziness too so yeah...this is what i discovered I had going on with me. It happens when you have an experience which causes the tiny muscles that attack to your sternum to inflame. It happens during really intense psychedelic experiences as well as other drug induced experiences. So yeah, that's probably what you had going on and still have going on. 

[Vincent S]

On 2021-09-12 at 8:48 AM, Inder said:

I just enjoy listening to LEO because my intuition was saying to follow him, I didn't choose this path by my own, it just my intuition has lead me to this path, I was just enjoying practicing mindfulness, self-inquiry, meditation, do nothing technique, letting go technique, surrendering technique, and psychedelics. Wasn't really interested in awakening just want to be happy and peaceful by doing this practice, and I have been doing this practice from many years, but I didn't know that this path is leading me to death and ultimately realizing GOD.

Leo Is You and Your Intuition

Great read, thanks!
I had a simmilar experience with weed.
After using many different psychedelics, I had my first real ego death on weed.
Funny enough

[Gabith]

Thank You

[Egzoset]

It seems practically every month, somehow, the rest of planet earth should feel neccessarily guilty...

 

Is it so hard to behave like a responsible adult??

[Inder]

@tlowedajuicemayne Yeh I think you are right, just need time to heal, no psychedelic for long time, until fully heal this chest pain. Hope you are doing well, and healed your chest pain.

[Tyler Durden]

@Inder Interesting experience. Can you just explain a little bit more about death? So the identification with body stops but what happens with your conciousness? Does it float around in the room like an OBE or the whole room disappears and you just remain as pure conciousness inside complete darkness?

[Nadosa]

You can look if you have any beliefs and concepts around your experience of pain. Let them run through you. The suffering will decrease.