What To Do When Someone You Like Wants To Be With Someone Else?

[Mary]

So this guy befriended me about 5 months ago and we've chatted a lot since then and we've also gone out a handful of times. 3 months ago, when I told him, what does he think about something more serious, he told me that he's got a lot on his plate right now and he is not ready to start a relationship. So since then our relationship had lots of ups and downs. But We've managed to make it work. We have a lot in common, we really understand each other and we really have fun together. I like him a lot. But just yesterday, he told me that there is a girl that he is kinda getting interested in and wants to talk to her. And if things go smooth with this girl, he wants to try this relationship. He asked me if we'd still be friends after he finds himself a girlfriend. I told him sure. But what should I do? Do you think it would be a good idea if I tell him about my feelings and ask him to spend more time with me and see if he wants our relationship to be more serious like boyfriend/girlfriend? What do you suggest guys, I really need your opinion?

 

And you know I have a lot of concerns. If he rejects me and wants to end his friendship with me completely, I'd be devastated cause I really like him. On the other hand, I know if he becomes friends with this girl, I also can't handle that situation. He would also hang out with her and would have little time for me. I don't know if I should tell him how I'm feeling or just see how his relationship with that girl works. Cause you know if it doesn't work, he'd still be able to hang out a lot with me and I think it'd be fine to me. You know what I had in mind? I thought we'd hang for a couple months more and gradually we'd just increase our time together and then he, himself would wanna be friends with me but looks like that's not gonna happen.

[jse]

Let him find his way, Mary... as painful as it may feel now.  Any emotional pressure on him could backfire and drive him completely away for good.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” - Alexander Graham Bell

[kyle barnett]

Hey just ask yourself. Are you good enough for him yourself?I feel you may be a bit worried she is better than you. Realize you are just as good for him as she is to him. Ugh, whether he wants her or you is a different story. I personally feel you need to put everything out on the table. Tell him exactly how you feel. The problem here is the fact that you are worried he'l leave you. That is attachment. You need to be independent of him and completely fine on your own. That may even be what that other girl has for him that you lack. I know it's hard, but it isn't an excuse if you look deeper. If he ends up leaving you for that girl, take the scars, take it as a learning experience and see what you can do to better yourself. 

 

I understand that break ups and having someone you like leave you for someone is else is extremely painful, but that pain isn't going to bring you down if you surrender to it. Don't be afraid of that outcome. Do not hesitate to leave him or even cut him out of your life. You can be his friend if he gets with that chick but it may not be good for you, if you still lust for him. 

 

Look, if you can just love and accept yourself more, and learn to embrace being single, things will be amazing. You will be so proud of yourself and will totally be okay without him. Im sure you got tonnes of reasons to love yourself, the fact that you are on this path to self actualization is already an amazing feature about you, not many people are willing to even grow at all. As you get further down this path, you become more fulfilled on your own without attachments to guys. 

 

the thing is our ego feels more content with someone, but when you embrace the negative emotions of lonliness etc. it just expands your ego and your desperation fades. I hope I could help, this is just my advice, I am no expert

[clytaemnestra]

On 12/9/2016 at 2:56 PM, jse said:

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

I second this. Do you want someone who will appreciate you or someone who doesn't see your values? Trying to tie down someone, you won't get anything. The world is full of men and women, yes it sucks, yes it hurts, but it will pass. You will eventually find someone who with you can make it work. How much you appreciate yourself, that much you'll be appreciated by others. Yes, it's easier to say, than to do, but time heels all wounds, give time, time.