Source Of Consciousness

[mandyjw]

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@mandyjw Okay I just listened to a video like that and I felt a wave of good feeling. But after it's over I don't feel good, i go back to baseline. And if I keep listening to the same video it doesn't feel good after a while.

Ok, so what you're doing is you're checking on yourself too often. You're like a kid who makes popsicles. He pours orange juice into the popsicle mold and carefully places them in the shelf on the freezer door. He reeeeeally wants a popsicle. He twiddles his thumbs, sighs, waits 5 minutes and then he can't take it anymore. He runs to the freezer, throws the door open the unfrozen popsicles spill out all over the floor.

Back to step one. 

This checking on myself, "do I feel good, no I feel like shit, god DAMN!" is not, NOT, NOT awareness of how I feel. It's not feeling. It's thinking about how I feel. You are coopting awareness with this checking.

The popsicles will freeze, let them be. You won't truly forget them, but focus on something else that feels good in the meantime. 

What's so bad about feeling baseline anyway? What does feeling itself say about that? Not your thoughts about it. Why are you giving more weight to the feeling after you stopped watching the video than the wave of good feeling, right now? Why? Hmm..?

 

 

[Raptorsin7]

8 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Ok, so what you're doing is you're checking on yourself too often. You're like a kid who makes popsicles. He pours orange juice into the popsicle mold and carefully places them in the shelf on the freezer door. He reeeeeally wants a popsicle. He twiddles his thumbs, sighs, waits 5 minutes and then he can't take it anymore. He runs to the freezer, throws the door open the unfrozen popsicles spill out all over the floor.

Back to step one. 

This checking on myself, "do I feel good, no I feel like shit, god DAMN!" is not, NOT, NOT awareness of how I feel. It's not feeling. It's thinking about how I feel. You are coopting awareness with this checking.

The popsicles will freeze, let them be. You won't truly forget them, but focus on something else that feels good in the meantime. 

What's so bad about feeling baseline anyway? What does feeling itself say about that? Not your thoughts about it. Why are you giving more weight to the feeling after you stopped watching the video than the wave of good feeling, right now? Why? Hmm..?

 

 

So what should i do?

[mandyjw]

@Raptorsin7 More fun videos. More walking in nature. More fun conversations with people you like. More appreciating how the sky looks. More appreciating anything, anywhere. More exploring stuff like Wim Hoff cold water or breathwork, only if you're inspired to it. More doing what you enjoy. More noticing when you're feeling great. There's no instructions on how to. You get to create it, it's that damn good! Tap into inspiration and go. 

You didn't want a how to manual! You wanted this to be a unique journey, just for YOU. And so it is. 

[Raptorsin7]

@mandyjw Do you have anything add relating to what I said about meditating on being conscious?

 

[Raptorsin7]

@mandyjw How certain are you that what you're saying is actually good advice, vs you have to find a more effective way to help people?

[gettoefl]

enlightenment is, indistractability (h/t leigh brasington)

[mandyjw]

10 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@mandyjw Do you have anything add relating to what I said about meditating on being conscious?

Can you do this and think about it? Can you make yourself do this? How is it possible to not do this?

8 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@mandyjw How certain are you that what you're saying is actually good advice, vs you have to find a more effective way to help people?

I'm not. The only credibility I care about is in how it feels. It's totally mad, batshit crazy. Makes no sense for no one. 

1 hour ago, gettoefl said:

enlightenment is, indistractability (h/t leigh brasington)

 

[mandyjw]

@Raptorsin7 Have you ever made the connection with resonating with and loving a subject and how well you remember it? The love for it holds your interest without effort. If it's something someone is making you learn or something you're making yourself learn to get something else it's a different story. Nothing compares with the unbroken intensity with which we focus on something than when we love it. 

Source, Awareness is unconditional Love, and so maybe you can see the connection here I'm trying to get you to make. 

[peanutspathtotruth]

@Raptorsin7 You seem to want Truth, and I would say that in itself is great. Wherever your desire comes from on the psychological plane - that will have to be surrendered at some point anyway, so don't worry too much about that. 

When it comes to meditation, you know it's just the nature of the mind to go extra crazy when you just sit there in silence. It takes time. Just sit, don't expect anything, but also don't let go of the deep love you have for wanting truth to come through clearly, to see itself through you (yes of course it's you anyway, if that's true you'll see it anyway). That's it.

One thing I highly recommend comes from Almaas, it's his version of the practice of Inquiry. Let's say you have a headache and that distracts you. In meditation, you most likely pull your awareness away from that headache. Sometimes, we ignore specific painful feelings, and this takes a lot of energy. So in inquiry, you just penetrate whatever feeling is distracting you deeply - you allow it, and you lovingly invite it to be there, to unfold itself, to show itself. Done with enough focus, you will understand why you ran away from said distraction, and your mind will calm, it will be resolved. I often have to allow this form of inquiry before I can just rest in pure awareness. It's like there is an urgent issue and you ignore it saying "I just wanna chill man". No, look at the issue first (but don't DO anything about it), let it resolve as far as it wants, and then drop it again. This is real shadow work, and it's necessary. 

[Emir]

I suggest you to stop calling it distraction or anything. You are not focusing on the awareness itself. What you call distraction is a part of awareness, the awareness of the external (which you see as true awareness, thoughtless state) and the awareness of one’s own reactions to the external, and to be aware of the movement of this awareness is this movement of the outer and the inner, there is no division between the outer and the inner, awareness and distraction.

If you think they are divided, then there will be a constant struggle to focus your energy, to the visuals to the sounds and so on, so there is a resistance, a struggle, trying to focus on a particular point. This is concentration. In concentration there is always the one who tries to concentrate, and in that concentration there is an effort and control, and that creates division and conflict.

The thought, "i must be attentive all the time" is not the way to go.

You are trapping yourself into the duality by dividing them and trying to avoid the other, instead of just watching it. There is no one to be distracted. Be aware of the WHOLE FIELD, not just a part of it. Accept the movement.

 

 

[peanutspathtotruth]

@Emir Excellent point!! 

[Raptorsin7]

8 hours ago, mandyjw said:

@Raptorsin7 Have you ever made the connection with resonating with and loving a subject and how well you remember it? The love for it holds your interest without effort. If it's something someone is making you learn or something you're making yourself learn to get something else it's a different story. Nothing compares with the unbroken intensity with which we focus on something than when we love it. 

Source, Awareness is unconditional Love, and so maybe you can see the connection here I'm trying to get you to make. 

Recently I had an experience in meditation where I thought I understood love in a meaningful way. It feels like I can love at any moment, and I feel a bit of grief/tears when I do it. But it doesn't lead anywhere. It's like a tiny flame, but I can't get a giant fire going.

But in general no I don't remember the last time I had a deep love for something. 

[Raptorsin7]

2 hours ago, peanutspathtotruth said:

@Raptorsin7 You seem to want Truth, and I would say that in itself is great. Wherever your desire comes from on the psychological plane - that will have to be surrendered at some point anyway, so don't worry too much about that. 

When it comes to meditation, you know it's just the nature of the mind to go extra crazy when you just sit there in silence. It takes time. Just sit, don't expect anything, but also don't let go of the deep love you have for wanting truth to come through clearly, to see itself through you (yes of course it's you anyway, if that's true you'll see it anyway). That's it.

One thing I highly recommend comes from Almaas, it's his version of the practice of Inquiry. Let's say you have a headache and that distracts you. In meditation, you most likely pull your awareness away from that headache. Sometimes, we ignore specific painful feelings, and this takes a lot of energy. So in inquiry, you just penetrate whatever feeling is distracting you deeply - you allow it, and you lovingly invite it to be there, to unfold itself, to show itself. Done with enough focus, you will understand why you ran away from said distraction, and your mind will calm, it will be resolved. I often have to allow this form of inquiry before I can just rest in pure awareness. It's like there is an urgent issue and you ignore it saying "I just wanna chill man". No, look at the issue first (but don't DO anything about it), let it resolve as far as it wants, and then drop it again. This is real shadow work, and it's necessary. 

That's an interesting point. 

I definitely notice a general feeling of discomfort when I sit to meditate. And it's kind of haphazard when I can sort of overcome that general feeling in my meditation sessions. Maybe I'll try just loving the feeling of discomfort for a few minutes and see how I feel after that.

What would be the difference between just being aware, and accepting whatever discomfort feelings are there first?

Do you have any thoughts on sitting meditation vs laying down? I've only been dong laying down for the past few months, but I maybe sitting on a cushion will have better benefits for where i'm at

[Raptorsin7]

2 hours ago, Emir said:

I suggest you to stop calling it distraction or anything. You are not focusing on the awareness itself. What you call distraction is a part of awareness, the awareness of the external (which you see as true awareness, thoughtless state) and the awareness of one’s own reactions to the external, and to be aware of the movement of this awareness is this movement of the outer and the inner, there is no division between the outer and the inner, awareness and distraction.

If you think they are divided, then there will be a constant struggle to focus your energy, to the visuals to the sounds and so on, so there is a resistance, a struggle, trying to focus on a particular point. This is concentration. In concentration there is always the one who tries to concentrate, and in that concentration there is an effort and control, and that creates division and conflict.

The thought, "i must be attentive all the time" is not the way to go.

You are trapping yourself into the duality by dividing them and trying to avoid the other, instead of just watching it. There is no one to be distracted. Be aware of the WHOLE FIELD, not just a part of it. Accept the movement.

 

 

I guess I'm confused as to when I am actually resting as pure awareness, as opposed to being stuck in a loop of thinking i'm meditating but I'm just stuck in a loop of thoughts and suffering.

It's starting to become clear that being conscious is the key to the path and making progress. Like right now I am conscious, and intellectually I see the significance, but at the same time... Right now I am aware but it doesn't do anything. What am I missing?

Part of me thinks that if I just keep on this current trajectory then being conscious will start to become more and more profound. But at the same time, I've had moments in meditation where I thought I was a day away from finishing this entire seeking process, but I'm still pretty much stuck, and it's been almost a year of this mindset now

 

[peanutspathtotruth]

10 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

What would be the difference between just being aware, and accepting whatever discomfort feelings are there first?

In the manner I meant it, the difference would be the following: in inquiry, you start with whatever is present in your experience, and you cultivate a love and curiosity for its nature. Without force, you inquire, you allow yourself to dive deep into whatever feeling or sensation seems to be primary (as in: in the foreground, has the most pull on your awareness). So you really investigate, with a slight effort of concentration, but no manipulation of your experience, into the core of what is. Done long enough, it will unfold and reveal its nature, which IS ultimately the ultimate. So it's just another angle from which to arrive here, and the practice naturally turns into pure being. 

Starting with just being aware, you don't do anything. You just are, and you don't even slightly move your awareness here or there.  It's possible that this might lead you to a natural curiosity about the above nature: "hmm why does my awareness seem to avoid this painful feeling all the time? What IS it"? Or self inquiry is naturally occurring. The key is non-manipulation even in inquiry. Just a focused observation. 

In this manner, you can allow the meditation to organically morph between just being and inquiry. And/or you set a specific time for each of these phases. I like the organic approach more, because it feels more naturally unfolding. 

10 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Do you have any thoughts on sitting meditation vs laying down? 

I do both in the same session because I can't sit too long, but recently I have been trying to sit as much as possible. Energetically and in regards to clarity, it's just more appropriate for meditation. Lying down is fine, but very prone to haziness. 

[Nahm]

On 9/10/2021 at 4:37 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

I've been inquiring into the source of consciousness and have some questions.

When I become conscious of myself being conscious I can feel an energetic shift start to happen,

but

I'm constantly getting distracted and stop paying attention to just myself being conscious.

I think this is the highest meditative practice but I can't really maintain attention on just myself being conscious for long enough to know if this enough to take me all the way. I'm constantly getting distracted, and even though i set an intention to just rest in that space of knowing myself as consciousness I just can't maintain it.

Should I just keep returning my attention to consciousness? Any thoughts?

Meditative mind …. then that but … then self referential thoughts arise (a thought which the content seems to be about yourself but isn’t). 

Notice how quickly & sneakily thought ‘pulls you in’ to a story about a you in time. The more awareness is aware of this ‘story telling’ ‘ ‘monkey mind’, the less it’s believed / the more meditative mind ‘is experienced’ so to speak / by no one. 

There are apparent thoughts “about” a thinker of thoughts, about “the one who is thinking”, but there is no thinker. 

There is no “myself being conscious”, no “me which is constantly getting distracted”, no “me which can’t maintain attention”, no “me which goes all the way”, no “me which could or couldn’t maintain an it”, no “you which rests as pure awareness”, no “you which is stuck”, no “you for which it’s been a year”. There are these apparent thoughts… there is not that “other me” which the thought appear to be about. The awareness sought in thought content… is actually the awareness which is already aware of the thoughts. 

Look at your hand, that’s awareness. That’s what’s sought. Look at the chair. That’s awareness. Look at the sky, that’s awareness. The looking ‘itself’, is awareness. Awareness can’t be found, because all there is, is awareness. Or as Rumi says a bit more poetically, ‘what you seek is seeking you’ (not two). 

Keep it so incredibly simple… express & share how you feel, what you think about anything (so to speak), etc… but choose to stop talking about yourself. Thoughts about this alleged separate self will cease and ‘awakening’ will follow.