Source Of Consciousness

[Raptorsin7]

I've been inquiring into the source of consciousness and have some questions.

When I become conscious of myself being conscious I can feel an energetic shift start to happen, but I'm constantly getting distracted and stop paying attention to just myself being conscious.

I think this is the highest meditative practice but I can't really maintain attention on just myself being conscious for long enough to know if this enough to take me all the way. I'm constantly getting distracted, and even though i set an intention to just rest in that space of knowing myself as consciousness I just can't maintain it.

Should I just keep returning my attention to consciousness? Any thoughts?

[Terell Kirby]

Sounds like there may still be a bit of resistance during your meditation. Allow yourself to be distracted by letting your thoughts run wild. Eventually if you meditate long enough, those distractions will dissipate..but you cannot force it.

Ground yourself in the practice. And be sure you are consistent.

[Raptorsin7]

@Terell Kirby So allow everything while simultaneously keeping consciousness at the center of attention?

Was there a point where meditating on consciousness led to breakthroughs?

I've only had mystical experiences with psychs, but in hindsite they always came from some kind of prolonged attention on my own consciousness 

[roopepa]

Why do you think you get distracted?

I mean, why does that happen?

Edited September 10, 2021 by roopepa

[Raptorsin7]

@roopepa It might be because there are certain uncomfortable feelings/emotions that come up. 

When put my attention on being conscious, It seems like I can rest here indefinitely but I can also feel some discomfort coming up.

The thing is, I've had moments in meditation where it felt like I was on the verge of a mystical experience if I just follow my present momentum, but I always end up distracted and bamboozling myself.

[Terell Kirby]

1 hour ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Terell Kirby So allow everything while simultaneously keeping consciousness at the center of attention?

Was there a point where meditating on consciousness led to breakthroughs?

I've only had mystical experiences with psychs, but in hindsite they always came from some kind of prolonged attention on my own consciousness 

Simply put, you are always conscious..whether you are stuck in what we call “monkey mind” or not. The point is not to silence the mind, but just be conscious of its a activity without judgement.

These are great questions you are asking.

Edited September 10, 2021 by Terell Kirby

[Moksha]

Traditionally, meditation includes a meditation object, such as the breath or the inner body. The intent is to focus your attention on the meditation object as the primary objective, while allowing external or internal sensations to come and go, without identifying with them. The more you practice attending to the meditation object, the easier it is to ignore everything else and simply be.

When your intent is single-pointed, simply being present is its own reward. It is a joyful and healing state of being.

If you meditate earnestly, through spiritual disciplines you can make an island for yourself that no flood can overwhelm.

- Dhammapada 2:25

[roopepa]

1 hour ago, Raptorsin7 said:

It might be because there are certain uncomfortable feelings/emotions that come up. 

Hmm.

Why are you doing inquiry/meditation in the first place?

It's only natural to "get distracted" if you are not really inspired to do what you are doing. Perhaps what you really want to do is something else, and this "sitting down, trying to get somewhere" just feels kinda irritating and uninspiring.

[Raptorsin7]

1 minute ago, roopepa said:

Hmm.

Why are you doing inquiry/meditation in the first place?

It's only natural to "get distracted" if you are not really inspired to do what you are doing. Perhaps what you really want to do is something else, and this "sitting down, trying to get somewhere" just feels kinda irritating and uninspiring.

I want emotional and psychological breakthroughs.

I've already had the kinds of breakthroughs that I want, but I'm trying to understand how they came about. 

I view what i'm doing now as an investment. I'm almost certain that if I stay on this path I will get what I want, I just want get clear on the specifics of what I can do to speed up the process

 

 

[Moksha]

Just now, Raptorsin7 said:

I want emotional and psychological breakthroughs.

Are you looking for mystical experiences, or the pure state of being where you are no longer controlled by your thoughts and emotions? Do you see the difference?

[Raptorsin7]

@Moksha I want the pure state of being that facilitates those breakthroughs. The breakthroughs etc are just a byproduct. 

I do see the difference. 

There are very specific sources of suffering for me that i've managed to transcend so in some sense I am seeking specific states I guess, but ultimately I know that pure being/consciousness is the source of all these mystical experiences.

 

[Moksha]

@Raptorsin7 Seeing the difference is a good first step. Sometimes people chase after mystical experiences, as if they will heal their suffering. Siddhis and spiritual insights are more of a distraction than a cure. These experiences heal nothing, because they are still bound to the dream of the little self, and reinforce the idea that there is something to be healed.

Freedom from suffering has nothing to do with experiences, and everything to do with simply being present. The Self, which is who you actually are, is hidden inside and waiting to be realized. Instead of seeking specific states, find the Self within.

[mandyjw]

8 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I view what i'm doing now as an investment. I'm almost certain that if I stay on this path I will get what I want, I just want get clear on the specifics of what I can do to speed up the process

It's not a transaction. I give up now, I get later.

You could say that in the sense that is IS transactional, I find a piece of driftwood, am inspired by the shape of it, spend my time painting something I love on it as per my vision and inspiration, and enjoy it for years to come. Win, win, win, win. There's an investment bringing the idea to fruition, but the entire process is enjoyable. 

You're going about enlightenment with the desperation of someone in prison, trying desperately to make some sort of deal to get out. Just realize, you're not in prison, you're already on the beach. Relax. When something really inspires of strikes you ride that wave. It comes in the smallest most insignificant ways at first, like driftwood. You might call it distraction. There's no distractions that feel good, you the journey of your highest dreams, feeling good. When we start to realize and appreciate those little things, it snowballs, grows and grows and grows and blows your f-ing mind. Turns out significant and insignificant was just some sort of mind made BS anyway. 

 

[Raptorsin7]

21 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

It's not a transaction. I give up now, I get later.

You could say that in the sense that is IS transactional, I find a piece of driftwood, am inspired by the shape of it, spend my time painting something I love on it as per my vision and inspiration, and enjoy it for years to come. Win, win, win, win. There's an investment bringing the idea to fruition, but the entire process is enjoyable. 

You're going about enlightenment with the desperation of someone in prison, trying desperately to make some sort of deal to get out. Just realize, you're not in prison, you're already on the beach. Relax. When something really inspires of strikes you ride that wave. It comes in the smallest most insignificant ways at first, like driftwood. You might call it distraction. There's no distractions that feel good, you the journey of your highest dreams, feeling good. When we start to realize and appreciate those little things, it snowballs, grows and grows and grows and blows your f-ing mind. Turns out significant and insignificant was just some sort of mind made BS anyway. 

 

This just doesn't resonate. 

This strikes me as preaching to the choir. If you said those peak Lsd trip then maybe it would resonate.

But from where I'm at this is not helpful

[The0Self]

"God, all this time you were pretending to be me conscious of you? Wow!"

[mandyjw]

@Raptorsin7 Where you're at is saying, "this isn't good enough, this isn't good enough" so this isn't good enough. Ever been to the peak of a very tall mountain? It's pretty fucking miserable up there. Cold, windy, no oxygen. The best part is looking out over from above at everywhere you were. It's spectacular because it's a unique vantage point. You don't have to be at the peak to change your vantage point. 

[Raptorsin7]

@mandyjw So right now I am conscious, but I feel sense a of dissatisfaction with experience. A slight headache, fatigue, low energy etc. Not blissful, not peaceful etc.

What do you recommend I do?

 

[roopepa]

2 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I want emotional and psychological breakthroughs.

And why you want that? I bet, when you really look into it, all you really want is to feel good right now.

Here's a radical idea (or not radical at all): don't do any spiritual practice if you don't really want to do it. If you don't feel like meditating, don't. If you don't feel like reading that book, watching that video, thinking a thought... simply don't. Just do what actually feels good. Something that won't make you worry about getting distracted.

I did that. And suddenly, I've been meditating almost every day. And it's been fucking awesome.

What do you think you're gonna do after you get those breakthroughs you are doing all this hard work for? Are you still gonna keep doing what doesn't feel good? Or are you going to do what you really want to do and feel amazing?

This is the breakthrough. This is the magic.

Edited September 11, 2021 by roopepa

[mandyjw]

Just now, Raptorsin7 said:

@mandyjw So right now I am conscious, but I feel sense a of dissatisfaction with experience. A slight headache, fatigue, low energy etc. Not blissful, not peaceful etc.

What do you recommend I do?

Find something satisfying to focus on and therefore stop focusing on the dissatisfaction. It doesn't have to be something big, pick something small. Find a favorite web comic, watch some hilarious YouTube video you haven't seen in 5 years, listen to a song you love, etc. 

[Raptorsin7]

@mandyjw Okay I just listened to a video like that and I felt a wave of good feeling. But after it's over I don't feel good, i go back to baseline. And if I keep listening to the same video it doesn't feel good after a while.