Song of the day

[Gianna]

 

[RickyFitts]

@Gianna 

[Gianna]

So lately I've been feeling a lot of surface symptoms like anger, sadness, etc. But I have not been able to get down to the root of my vulnerability/fears. This song has been popping up for me a ton recently, specifically the lines: 

Even if it isn't real 
I wanna hear it. 
Pour my heart out on the floor
and now it's leaking
...
I don't care if it was all pretend 
I wanna feel it. 

I couldn't understand what these lyrics were pointing to although they were repeating over and over in my mind when I was trying to be still. But today– after waking up from an intense dream that stirred up a lot of deep emotions– I finally hear them. I finally see them. I finally get it. I should've known it was my inner child (deep seeded/stored emotions) wanting to be released. It's hard because you can understand root feelings and fears on an intellectual level but they cannot break open your heart and enlighten you unless they are felt. I don't know why my body won't let me feel these vulnerabilities and fears. Obviously it is an act of deception. Yet I am also showing myself the way through music. I am both torturing and enlightening myself. Music is such a great release for feelings, understanding, and clarity. Although I think this song is kind of annoying, it really explains how these emotions that are alive and well within me are feeling: 

 

[RickyFitts]

2 hours ago, Gianna said:

 I don't know why my body won't let me feel these vulnerabilities and fears.

Just floating a theory here so don't take my word for it, but maybe it's because your feelings weren't validated by your care-givers when you were a child, and consequently you unconsciously learnt to bottle them up instead - you came to believe that it wasn't all right to feel these feelings, and you acted accordingly to repress them. This is where learning to self-parent is so important I think, we have to give ourselves the loving attention that we didn't get from our care-givers when we were young.

(I love you, my darling soul sister )

[Gianna]

2 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

weren't validated by your care-givers

wow this is exactly right. when I ask myself what I need all I can come up with is validation. maybe I should go to therapy just to be validated haha. but I think learning to re-parent yourself is such a genius suggestion. Thanks ricky! <3 Love you too soul brother 

[Gianna]

another song to myself today. hehehe

 

[RickyFitts]

How could you listen to that and not smile?  

Edited September 27, 2021 by RickyFitts

[Gianna]

Settle off into open waters

All alone, you’re the only author 

Take apart everything they taught ya’ 

And go live like there’s no one other than you 

[Gianna]

If you never know truth, 

then you never know love ???

Edited January 2, 2022 by Gianna

[RickyFitts]

13 hours ago, Gianna said:

If you never know truth, 

then you never know love ???

 

[Gianna]

@RickyFitts <3 <3 <3 

[Gianna]

 

 

[Gianna]

 

The sun is out and I couldn't be happier. It's starting to get warmer and I can feel the joy it brings me. The beach feels extra special today. I can feel the sun hugging me and the sand all around me. The ocean and the air are cleansing me as I breathe it in and out. I imagine becoming as allowing as the water, surrendering to its level of surrender. I love the birds and the rocks and the dogs and the kids and the palm trees. And watching people in enjoyment. I love watching people enjoy life instead of working through it. I see a girl in her bikini, reading. Her skin is bronzing. I'm so mad I'm not in one. I want to layout with all of my skin showing, soaking in the sun, and listening to the empty sounds of waves and seagulls. I can't wait until it's warm enough to jump in the water and let it throw me around. For now, I'll just walk down the coast until San Clemente turns into San Onofre. It's one of my favorite coastal points. It's the best place to watch the surfers. I love watching the surfers move in joy and skill. I love watching them stretch before they go in and I also love watching them ride and turn and weave through the waves. It's watching a human and the ocean play with each other. Like watching the kids and the birds chasing each other around, back and forth. Diverse interaction– between nature, animals, and all types of humans– fills me with joy. But the ocean is what brings me the most joy. She's so loving and giving. Unconditionally present and authentic. I can't ever imagine being without her.  
I want you by my side, 
so I never feel alone again. ? 

[Gianna]

 ?????

[Gianna]

 

Why is rap so healing for my pms. haha. 

Edited January 22, 2022 by Gianna

[Gianna]

 

[Gianna]

 ???

[Gianna]

@Tristan12 This song is tagged on YouTube as #healingmusic, hehehe. 

[Tristan12]

@Gianna oh lol that's cool, by the way A L E X is Alicks' alt account

[Gianna]

@Tristan12 oh man, that makes sense.