How to break the cycle of inability?

[Zedman]

Decade of self development, almost a year of spirituality. Still no results. I am in a state of degeneracy(for a lack of a better word) and it blocks my attempts of self improvement.

Big thanks to Leo for spirituality. Now at least I am not depressed about it.

I have compressed this issue like this:

Self improvement requires action but action requires some level of self development.

I feel that I have gotten very good at introspection and I know how and why, but I still can do nothing about it. Every attempt is like hitting a wall with a pea. Feels like there is another being doing what it wants. The same when i started my journey.

Am I doing something wrong or is it mental condition? During psychodelic meditations I saw that trying to be in charge of subconscious mind is like walking through a wall. That suggests I can do nothing about it and should just surrender to my body.  After all maybe god wants to just chill and drink beer every day this time around and it is my ego that wants something more.

[Rigel]

Don't you have a dream? Why are you self improving? Theres no reason to change anything about yourself if you don't want to do so.

Write what you want down maybe. Just so that you are sure about it. 

Self-improvement is action. If you did 10years of mental masturbation instead of actions then that's where the problem is. Its like reading about tennis for 10years and then being surprised that you can’t play tennis. 

 

[Gesundheit2]

1. Detox from everything. Stop consuming content, or really anything else for that matter. Sit in meditation for as long as it requires, ideally go on a solo retreat.
2. Desire will start arising in your body.
3. Cultivate the desire, it will then turn into energy, and the energy will turn into drive/purpose.
4. Repeat, until momentum has been built.
5. Things will start flowing from that point on.

[peanutspathtotruth]

What @Gesundheit2 said - sitting as long as you can in meditation really is the most effective way, at least it has been for me in similar situations.

Also, if you don't already, I recommend semen retention. It will build up energy for sure, using the appropriate techniques and understanding, this can be transmuted and transformed into action.

[4201]

13 hours ago, Zedman said:

That suggests I can do nothing about it and should just surrender to my body.  After all maybe god wants to just chill and drink beer every day this time around and it is my ego that wants something more.

Unless you surrender to the body (and feel) you don't know what it wants. You assume the body would just want to drink beer all day and do nothing special but that's an idea your ego have. We could call this a fear, a worry, a concern but it certainly isn't a feeling.

In fact if you were to surrender to the body, you would also surrender this idea of a "you being unable" which would set you free entirely. But as long as you are stuck believing in this idea and trying to "do something about it" you'll hold back from letting it go which is the only way out.

How do you get out of a cycle? Certainly not by continuing to go. No cycle break because you cycle it too much. If you recognize that it is a cycle there is no point pushing harder, you gotta stop and then you once you are out you can push in the direction you actually want.

 

[Zedman]

@Rigel  I started this journey because of a dream but I think you hit the spot with mental masturbation part. But what if its the only thing I have control of?

@Gesundheit2 I am not able to just detox. Or at least it seems that way. I want to but the body just snaps every time.

The same with other actions. They require will that I am not in control of. When I ask how to stop degradation your advice sounds like ''duh just stop degradation''. Brings me back to mental disorder theory.

@lxlichael This is something similar to what I am developing. Except I don't have such vivid visual imagination.

So now you see a better picture. If i can rephrase my question it would be this:

When you are out of will. When ego has you by the balls. How do you get the ball rolling? How do you start the fire? All I have is belief that I should do it. All I have is theoretical foundation and higher values that I consider True in a stubborn and bitter manner . And even then I feel its being undermined during prolonged egoic phases. And then when I do get the ball rolling how to not snap? It just takes over without asking. It just turns ''me'' off. 

Thanks everyone for bringing ideas. This may help a lot of people. Testing some stuff right now will keep you posted.

[Gesundheit2]

@Zedman Well, there's no other way. So, you're probably just gonna have to make your peace with that situation.

[Zedman]

@Gesundheit2  This supports my other theory. Surrendering Ego means not giving up degeneracy. It means giving up desire to give up degeneracy.

Who knows this meme will understand:

 

[RobertZ]

You mentioned a decade of self-improvement, and that fact may be relevant.

For me, when I became unable to get stuff done, I thought, “My problem is probably a substantial disorder of my thoughts, perception, or emotions that is hindering my ability to function, make good decisions, or meet the ordinary demands of life.”

After a good-go with a psychologist, I experimented with psychiatric drugs (under a physician). Those drugs helped bandaid my symptoms, and helped heal my nervous system, I think.* The drugs didn’t resolve my symptoms, however. Per my original plan, I came off the drugs after 9 months.  

Finally, I spent almost one year (one hour a day) researching hormones.

After this significant research, I got on with a physician who was experienced in hormone optimization. My inability to get tasks done resolved.

Again, you mentioned a decade of self-improvement—so I assume you may be at least 30-years-old. I note that many people begin to experience adverse environmental effects on their hormonal systems by the age of 30 (and significant changes/deficits begin despite environmental factors at around the age of 40).

 ——
* New research suggests that the beneficial effects of many popular anti-depression / anti anxiety meds work more by the mechanism of increasing neuro-plasticity than by controlling the uptake of neurotransmitters (despite their initial classifications).

Edited September 17, 2021 by RobertZ