Feeling stuck in spiritual path

[Kksd74628]

Intro:
I have been watching Leo´s most profound videos that he has on his channel for at least 4 months daily and in best case scenario I have watched more than one long video per day. I would say I logically understand this whole concept based also on information from Sadhguru, Alan Watts and Mooji. I have been meditating at least 1 hour a day for that period of time and some days I have done 4 hours switching between different binaural beats, chakra opening meditation music, guided meditations about no self and lot of more. I have tried different kind of breathworks like Wim Hof method and Shamanic breathing by Leo Gura. I have tried Mooji's way of watching the watcher and I have logically found that what most people call "I" is empty thing and some call it no self and others Real self. Also I have cleaned dairy, wheat and sugar desserts (soda, candies etc.) from my diet and that have helped make my body more "airy" and "weightless". I have been talking these concepts with my friends and we have had lot of deep conversations. Also I just started to go meditate in group one time a week with experienced yoga teacher.

Main question:
By reading "Intro" it feels like I am happily into Spiritual work which I am, but the thing is that it feels like it would be time to level up this whole game somehow. I feel like I have tried all these basic things and I haven't got anything "actual mystical experience like no self" from it. I would be open to psychedelics, but it haven't been possibility for me sadly. So I feel stuck, because as I speak these concepts with my friends I feel like I shouldn't talk these concepts unless I have something actual so I wouldn't become only logical thinker of it which kind of takes this whole spirituality as a belief from others teachers. How I can get through that barrier so I can start have actual things for myself?

Answers I am not searching:

• "you have to be patient" -> I understand that I have been doing that whole thing minimal time, but also keep in mind that I have been my whole "life" ultimately philosophical to the point my friends get mad at me for being weird. Also I have been arguing political topics long time so I would say that I have pretty solid mind capacity to understand and work things that I am interested. Also I have lot of "drive" and motivation so I won't stop things until I have completed them so patient is not my problem here.
   
• "you have to enjoy journey, because that's all this is about" -> Yeah I understand that and I am having lot of fun doing these meditation practices and watching Leo's videos. Also I enjoy "life" as it is and I love helping other people with their problems so that's not the case either. And actually I wait whole "actual mystical experience of any kind" only so I can be more authentic and loving to help people.
   

 

• "you have no control of it and things happen when they are meant to" -> Yeah... like fishing is about waiting till fish comes, but by your knowledge of where to fish and experience of knowing what thing to use helps make process of getting fish infinitely easier I would say.

If you patiently read whole topic till this sentence you are most likely to understand that I don't search for easy non-brainer answer that anyone who thinks for 1 sec understands

Things I am searching instead:
 

• New practices for no self and other mystical experiences like God awakening etc.
• Youtube channels especially for meditation, nonduality and spirituality.
• Profound meditation tips 
• Sharing similar situations
• Friendships to share insights with
• Any good answer that is not non-brainer

Lastly:
I know that there are lot of people having exact same feeling that I have and that's also one reason I made this whole topic. If you are moderator or anyone with any authority I would tamely ask you to consider to lift this topic, because I would say that it would be extremely important and useful for lot of users in this forum. Thanks in advance already <3

My own quote for beautiful "souls" like "you" - "Trust the Universe and peace arrives. Fear tomorrow and your ego will keep suffering throughout its existence."

[Seraphim]

I recommend spiritual transmissions/shaktipat, especially if you can sense the energy, some people can. If you can't, then you can do things to improve your intuition and ability to sense energies, there are many courses and teachings online, some are for free. You can test this by watching a youtube video where a spiritual teacher sends shaktipat, so you don't have to spend any money on it, I recommend Siddhanta Yoga on youtube, her videos usually have a strong energy and her teachings are amazing.

Other than that, I also recommend improving your intuition and following it, because it will guide you in the right direction. Don't underestimate it.

[The0Self]

I'm hesitant to advise on this, but intuitively, I'd have to say you're still not "all-in." A way to rectify this, it seems, is simply to get really good at meditation (to the point of manifesting bliss on demand, which interestingly is almost a direct result of calming the attention's tendency to wander or even waver), and then read Rob Burbea's Seeing That Frees.

Edited September 7, 2021 by The0Self

[Kksd74628]

@Seraphim I will give a try to shaktipat and Siddhanta Yoga. Thanks for an advice a head.

@The0Self I ordered the book and I will try to meditate even more than I already have. By sidenote I say that I have reached state where I can be without thoughts at all thanks to meditation.

[The0Self]

@Kksd74628 Sounds great! Good luck brother. 

[VeganAwake]

Surprisingly what's longed for has nothing to do with finding the correct technique, pointer or stumbling across the right information.

Look for who is seeking.

[The0Self]

1 hour ago, VeganAwake said:

Surprisingly what's longed for has nothing to do with finding the correct technique, pointer or stumbling across the right information.

Yes.

1 hour ago, VeganAwake said:

Look for who is seeking.

Self inquiry ?

But that would still be me thinking that something needs to happen for me to fall away. A loop/contraction. Nothing ever needed to happen for me to fall away, because I was never there.

[Kksd74628]

@VeganAwakeYeah "I" have tried self-inquiry and "I" have had super stupid insight that what "I" am seeking for already "I" am.

In both sides of question "who am I" or "what am I" is same thing and logically "I" understood that whatever "I" experience happens to "me" and therefore can't be "me" and also whatever is not happening to "me" in present moment is not "Actual" for me right now. Therefore "I" can't find "myself", but only be it silently, but it feels like this won't lead much anywhere since it's rational knowledge.

And "I" also made up new self-inquiry game that is so easy anyone can do it. It's like playing hide and seek forcing the guy you seek for to step out.

Ask in "your" mind "who am I" and answer to it by saying "me". So if "you" think it logically who says "me" in hide and seek. Some random stone or tree? Nope. Whatever says "me" is it. So what am "I" is basicly just word "me" and story that "I" am something rather emptiness or everything. But again "I" just got information "I" already had and have to start again what?. It's like asking what 1+1 is and "I" already know it is 2, but in self-inquiry "I" ask it again and again and always when "I" think "I" found answer "I" realize yeah, but nothing changes since "I" knew it already.

[nistake]

Here's a question for you to contemplate:

What if my current experience right here, right now is already a mystical experience?

[Kksd74628]

@nistakeI have came into conclusion that "dream at night" and "dream at day" are just sequences of same "movie" or "game" however one wants to think it. I will try to to contemplate "your" question next time "I" contemplate things seriously. "I" have understood also that all "senses" that "I" "sense" are something that can't be "touched". "I" mean that everything in present moment is like transparent hologram and believing there is something "behind" it seems to me nonsense. Also "I" have "seen" that things are in 2d so if "I" watch "my" hand it is in same level of the "background", but getting "myself" to this same level so there wouldn´t be anything front of it is hard, because "I" don't exactly know how to change that.

Also when "I" stared "my" hand for long enough "I" "sensed" that my hand was watching me and it was "alive". For some reason it appeared little spooky, but same time calming in "my" body. Also 2 times in bathroom "mirror image" stared back to me and "I" don't mean in logical sense. "I" mean it felt "alive" and somehow it felt like "I" was in other side of mirror also

[nistake]

@Kksd74628 I read a book about enlightenment a while ago and there's a neat little quote in it:

Quote

You don't want to accept the ordinary. It's like: "This can't be it. Is this all there is to it?" That's what keeps you from recognising what it is - the expectation that it is not this, but it's over there somewhere, it's going to get better, brighter - whatever the expectations are, whatever you have been conjuring up in your mind.

I mean, you're doing just fine. You're on the right track, so keep contemplating/meditating. Thinking is necessary to a certain degree, that's for sure, but don't fall into the trap of excessive mental gymnastics

[Spaceofawareness]

@Kksd74628 I would recommend that, if you have had some shift in identity already, such that you realise yourself to be consciousness, or awareness, or the sense “I am”, then you need be leaning towards non dual realisation, and collapsing that separation between the one who thinks they are and what they perceive as objects of awareness.

 

if you haven’t quite gotten to that initial shift, of resting in that sense of awareness, or “I Am”, keep trying the self inquiry, but don’t do it actively. Don’t literally sit there and talk in your head. If there are still thoughts running through your head and you can’t just thoughtlessly sit with the question of who am I, maybe try more mindfulness practices. Observing the breath is great, do it as often as possible, throughout the day. Also observe when you walk, notice the steps. Notice any physical bodily movement if you can, stay as present as you can with the body.

if you keep up this observation, you will likely notice a shift in the sense of identity, from the body, to observing the body. This can then be further refined to observing thoughts, etc. Eventually it will solidify into purely the sense of awareness, or “I Am”.

Then, just rest there for as long as you wish. From there, start delving into nondual realisation.

[Kksd74628]

@nistakeYeah "I" have came into same conclusion that time is "your" best employee in spiritual path, but "I" am just searching some extra boost so "I" would be more on the "edge". I guess it's just time for "me" to find something different to do while "I" continue having my old meditation habits.

 

[Kksd74628]

@Spaceofawareness "I" am one who is aware of body, thoughts and mind. When "I" do self inquiry "I" have never found anything except "experience" that mystical "I" is aware of. To be honest "I" am not even sure that there is "I am", because "I" don't feel it anymore after "I" recognised it being only "thought". While "I" write this it feels kind of automatical process since there is no "I". So "I" am in weird place where "I" don't indentify "myself" as body, but neither as an Universe. It feels like the Observer of what happens right now is something beyond "me", but still the one who is writing now does not think it being that "me". So what am "I" then and am "I" really anywhere. Where is the "watcher" of this present moment? "I" know logically that the "perception" happens right at where it is and it does not come from anywhere and goes anywhere. It feels like "I" am missing something really simple right now. 

Simple way of saying what "I" mean now is that it feels like if we would take every sensation away from this moment nothing would be left, but they say that there would be still consciousness that is same thing as nothing. 

[JosephKnecht]

14 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

• New practices for no self and other mystical experiences like God awakening etc.
• Youtube channels especially for meditation, nonduality and spirituality.
• Profound meditation tips 
• Sharing similar situations
• Friendships to share insights with
• Any good answer that is not non-brainer

You need to be able to gain insights for yourself. The insights that Leo and other teachers are giving you will not get you where you ultimately want to go. 

Start a contemplation practice where you try to figure out things for yourself. Read zen koan books. 

14 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

How I can get through that barrier so I can start have actual things for myself?

You must think for yourself. I will give you an easy example which is somewhat of Zen koan.

Which word is spelled incorrectly in every dictionary? 

Try to think about the answer to this question for yourself. You are the one that needs to solve the puzzle. 

If you can't solve it.. watch the beginning of this video..

You see, one of the guys is looking at the meaning of the word, while the other looks only at the word. One of them has the insight, the other one doesn't. 

You need to be able to bring insights into your sight.  

Edited September 8, 2021 by JosephKnecht

[Kksd74628]

@JosephKnechtWhat is useful is that "I" like the feeling of mystery when contemplating about anything and it does not even need to be spiritual thing. It feels like "I" am super smart detective.

"I" love music and "I" also make it by myself, but still best vibe that there is, is that mysterious vibe where "you" see that something is off, but still "you" aren't sure what it really is.

"I" will leave 2 ambient tracks for "you" if "you" would like same thing as "I" do.
 

 

Also if someone does come up with more these kind of "timeless" and "mysterious" kind of tracks "I" am more that happy to be helped also on that.

[Nahm]

38 minutes ago, Kksd74628 said:

@Spaceofawareness 

"I" am one who is aware of body, thoughts and mind. When "I" do self inquiry "I" have never found anything except "experience" that mystical "I" is aware of.

Body & mind are thoughts.

Only ‘rule’ of self inquiry is no thought is the ‘answer’.

[Kksd74628]

@NahmYeah when "you" don't "see" "your" body then if "you" think about it, it becomes only thought, but by body "I" meant same thing as television and tree when they are absorbed. And during meditation "I" am just silent and "nothing" happens. Like Leo said hand is actual, but after "you" put it behind "your" back then if "you" see image of it then it is only thought, because it is not actual thing in this present moment.

[Nahm]

@Kksd74628

You can put your hand right in front of your face, and slap yourself with it. 

Hand is still a thought. 

[VeganAwake]

8 hours ago, The0Self said:

But that would still be me thinking that something needs to happen for me to fall away. A loop/contraction. Nothing ever needed to happen for me to fall away, because I was never there.

Yes,

Is recognizing a mirage in the desert isn't real, a happening?

It seems like someone's witnessing a seeing through the illusory self construct, but the witness is the illusion. No one sees through it, but its seen through nevertheless.

❤