My trip on 6 grams of woodlovers: Leo is this what you mean by the pinnacle?

[electroBeam]

I haven't visited here much, but Leo was talking about something about crossing and taking everyone with him (which I already knew because when I was more active on here he talked about that)

So I feel like sharing my experience on 6 grams of woodlovers called Psilocybe subaeruginosa, in Australia these are known as very dark versions of golden teachers. I'm especially sensitive to psychedelics (suprisingly hahaha, I use to think the opposite) so a dose tends to be 1.5-2x stronger.

I am curious if @Leo Gura is talking about this experience, and if he isn't then WTF is he talking about. I'd be curious to know where this experience sits on the cone. I don't know how you go deeper then this, but if you can great.

So heres my trip:

So I had 2-3 trips of these subs beforehand, if you take psyches properly, they get more intense the more you take them, thats because they start getting really serious with you.

So this was my 3rd or 4th trip with them and I took 6 grams dried.

This experience happened after having "permanent" sober awakenings like no self realization and all the other stuff. So its beyond just being in a state of oneness.

So I took the subs at 9am (I picked them from the ground so was a bit worried about eating posionous ones, but thats part of the fun, if you aren't willing to permanently physically die for truth then it aint for you IMO, sorry, will have that stance till the day i really do die hahahaha), and felt really shit as you do on big doses of mushrooms, felt like i was about to physically die and go to the hospital because ive just eaten some poisonous ones, felt horrible for letting my family down because they told me psyches were bad and they were right in the end, blabalbalbalba

I had visions of being in the hospital for a period of time that felt like years but it would of been only 20 minutes, my flatmate looked worried and she monitored me for nausea symptoms, then left and went to the shops. I saw machine elves but they dissolved pretty quickly.

Unexplainable hell endured, I went through every possible fear I could imagine. Everything from going to jail from taking this shit to never falling in love to regretting things, to letting my family down, contemplated the possibility of being "stuck" in an eternal hell of nothingness devoid of love forever, even contemplated the possibility that love was made up, which is possible on these high doses even if love is the greatest truth of all, its possible to enter those states its absolutely amazing.

Then I checked the time and it was 3pm and I was like yes its nearly over. I stayed in my room because I have anxiety of talking to people on trips because i secretly feel bad for taking them, like I'm willing to physically die for the truth, but my family and everyone in hell, and that feels a bit shitty to me, but i have to do it anyway so i try and keep away from people while tripping, also dont wanna get locked up.

Then I was like, wait what was i even going through, I totally forgot, wait what even is a poisonous mushroom, totally couldnt comprehend it, was so confused. Then I was like what in the actual fuck is "death", what the fuck was i worried about, I can't even remember.

What day is it today? Checked the day and it was "suuuundayyy" what in the fuck is that.

then i checked the time and it was 10am, and I was like, wait did I make that entire trip up in my head and it never happened.

So then I waited for my flatmate to come home, but she didn't. So I mustered up the courage to walk outside my room, and she wasn't there (she's my ex, and we have a deep platonic connection) and not only that, but all of her photos on the wall were gone.

I went wait this is really weird, she's not hanging on the wall, I looked at my phone and she was there in what'sapp but I totally forgot who she was. And I had this sense that I completely made her up.

I thought about my mum, and I thought wait did I make her completely up too.

I looked around the room, it was 10am (I had memories of it being 3pm and coming out of the trip)... and it was 10am and stuck at 10am. I was walking around my apartment, looking at everything, and the 10am didn't change.

And not only that, but I totally became conscious that the entire past didn't happen, and that I didn't actually take any mushrooms. (No joke i really didn't), and I thought, wait if i didn't take any mushrooms, of fuck no that means im high forever, I've got this massive body load and im in this state forever.

I had this sense that I was in my room, walking out of my room on repeat. As soon as I walked out of my room, I opened my eyes and i was in my room again, and walked out of it again. And every time, the mushrooms were telling me, there's nothing to fear, no one exists.

I tried making the 10am clock go forward, and everytime i tried i just couldn't do it. And I remember thing, omg i can't move it forward because ive completely forgotten death, and i know something which prevents me from moving the clock forward and for my flatmate to be real. Oh no what have i done ive just broken consciousness.

But then it got worse, because its not that i broke consciousness, its that consciousness was always like this, and my entire life, literally all of it, was constructed by me walking into my room and getting lost in a thought story... fucken hell all of my family, friends, spiritual path, infinite love enlightenment, jeeeeeeeeze that was all a thought story that i got lost in(for a few minutes hahaha).

I went please no, please not this can't be real, i miss my life, i miss my friends, i miss my journey. And there was no controller so even if i tried i couldn't because consciousness was completely in control.

I oscillated in an eternal loop between trying to manifest all of my friends and especially my flatmate, then realizing i couldn't because i wasn't in control and I knew that there's no death. So i tried, realized i couldn't, tried again, realized i couldn't, on and on and on.

Then i realized (and this fucken hurt) that all my goals were impossible to achieve, because i couldn't understand any of my goals. Its impossible to understand your goals, because "singularity" and that you just pretend to understand your goals because thats the only way to make duality happen.

I realized that i couldn't pinpoint what exactly I liked about sex, its just movements, but what is it about those movements that I like, I couldn't figure it out. Then i had to realize that there's nothing in sex, at all. That fucken hurt.

And same with enlightenment and everything else.

Then finally i accepted it, "alright, I'm god, that entire life was simply a few minutes of me in my room getting lost in a thought story, and none of it is real, ok i gotta man up, take responsibility for my consciousness and make something of this"

So I got rice from my fridge, and threw it all over the floor. Next i put a massive dent in my wall, not like anyone's gonna notice, because all there is, is me.

Next i went onto my balcony, and looked at the world like it was inception(the movie) my hair was blowing in the wind like leonardo dicaprio, I clinged onto the balcony fence hard like a monkey and wondered "what would happen if I jumped off, should I try? This is afterall my world, I can do whatever the fuck i want, and no one is around to stop me" I got the rest of my subs chewed em, and spat them all over the fence of my balcony. Chuckling to myself "hahahah what an illusion, that these things make you high, im high all the time and those subs(mushrooms) do nothing"

Then last minute "nah wont jump off the balcony, that's boring"

I felt suffering for not having a flatmate and for realizing my crush was imaginary. I saw how she was empty, hollow, literally like a rock. She was still, not there, her personality wasn't there, made it entirely up. I EVEN MADE UP THAT IM STRUGGLING WITH WOMEN, OH ITS WORSE THEN STRUGGLING, THEY ARENT EVEN FUCKEN THERE. HOW CAN I GET BETTER WITH WOMEN IF THEY ARENT EVEN THERE, FUCK THE STRUGGLING IS DISTRACTING ME FROM THE FACT THAT ILL NEVER ACHIEVE GETTING A WOMEN BECAUSE SHE AINT THERE. FUCK.

As god, you gotta man up and take responsibility for it, who else will do it hahahahaahhahahahahahhaha.

I messaged her and admitted that i liked her, because she aint real anyway.

So I thought, well as im god i have to create a crush, so i went to my phone, and looked at her profile and all of her messages, as a way of my creating her. Then I checked all of my flatmate's messages, as a way of recreating her.

And I wondered to myself, how the fuck am i ever gonna come back from this, i know too much hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahha

(very crazy madness laugh wahahahahahahahahahahheheheehehhohohohohoho)

yeah of course, its impossible to come back from this stupid.

And then it dawned on me, its time to live a life where i know that im god and everything is made up. Enough thought stories in my room, dreaming up all that crap, time to just live knowing that they are completely hollow and made by me.

I even thought about my gay friend, and I literally took on his voice and acted like him, embodied him, because i made him up so i could, he's asian, and i looked in the mirror, and i was acting exactly like an asian gay dude OF COURSE IM GOD I CAN DO THAT.

So as i was recreating everything (while stepping in all the brown rice on the ground) i tried to put my hand through the wall, and i couldn't, i thought why the fuck can't i, this is stupid im god i can do anything.

Then i started contemplating, well wait what if my belief of what god is, is wrong.

Then i got this grand sense of a super computer, and that consciousness was a super computer.

Then this super computer started creating my flatmate's aura, my crush's aura. Then it started creating the aura or subtle body of my body, and i was just going woooooow wooooooow woooooow wooooow

I was there watching it create the auras/subtle bodies of everything, just watching it in shock, time was moving forward because of this aura

I was there going wooow wooow wooow sitting on the couch and as i was doing that my flatmate walked in and went "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE!!!! YOU PUT A HOLE IN THE WALL, OMG YOU RIPPED UP MY BOOK, OMG"

and i was like, wait, but you're imaginary, you don't exist

she still screaming " I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THIS"

in my head im thinking "mushrooms, this aint fair, i cant believe you did this to me"

But the bigger question i was thinking, how the actual fuck did i come back from an experience like that. That blew my mind. And nothing was the same after that trip, it was a humongous awakening, far bigger then whatever you've read about.

 

The interesting thing is, I have so much balls, that I decided to try that stunt again, in a months time, this time with 3-4 grams of subs, but lemon teked. And let me tell you, I went to the same solopsis place of omg im all alone and my life is just my in my room doing a thought story, but i remembered, this happened before, it'll happen again, you'll come back, and lo and behold, here i am typing.

What happened in that second trip was a trillion times deeper then what you've read above. It makes what ive written above seem like 5 seconds of meditation

I can't explain all of it, but some bits of it were:

1. I started actually having delirium level hallucinations, like datura. I saw my parents come into my apartment, and after the trip they actually didnt, it was impossible to tell that it was a hallucination. Like datura. It happened in several occasions including i was watching a yoga video to ground myself, and another teacher came in and interrupted the lesson, after the trip i replayed the video and none of that happened.

2. I saw myself from a 3rd person perspective, and was controlling my body from a 3rd person perspective. I was literally stuck in time again, this this time it was a lot harder to make the clock move forward. Had to do a lot of stunts to get there, the mushrooms really challenged me. I had to watch myself walk backwards to make the time rewind backwards so that i could make it go forward again.

3. half of my phone chopped off as i was looking at the time, like a video game having rendering issues, half the phone was gone and i saw all the components inside it, after the trip there was no cracks to my phone.

4. I got stuck in an alternative universe for a while, when the trip ended the first time, my dad was dead, and died ages ago, that freaked me the fuck out, somehow i got back to this universe where my dad wasn't dead.

and much much more.... after that trip i realized that consciousness goes deeper and deeper and there's no end.

So Leo, this isn't the pinnacle? This isn't beyond the pinnacle?

[Leo Gura]

Like I keep saying, reality is your imagination.

You are imagining that's the pinnacle  And so it is, until you imagine a higher pinnacle.

Be careful. Lower your doses or one day you might jump off that balcony and kill yourself. This ain't a joke. You are overdoing it.

[electroBeam]

7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Like I keep saying, reality is your imagination.

You are imagining that's the pinnacle  And so it is, until you imagine a higher pinnacle.

Be careful. Lower your doses or one day you might jump off that balcony and kill yourself. This ain't a joke. You are overdoing it.

I of course did lower my dose after those 2 trips, not just because i can jump off a balcony (honestly not feeling too negative about that occurring) but because ive become a bit trip battle weary. anyway, i took only 1 gram of mushrooms after those 2 trips, and they were nearly as deep, so ive fucked my tolerance hahahah.

And yes of course that trip did teach me i can fall off a balcony from tripping. I'm still glad i did those 2 higher doses though, dont regret it, what i saw was something barely any of my imaginary people will ever see, because they are either too scared, or actually did fall of a balcony, so im so grateful and lucky that i got to experience it.

And going through those 2 trips have helped me with further trips, im now never gonna jump off a balcony (unless its salvia) because i know im gonna come back hahaha.

The thing is, i really did think i crossed that threshold, and decided to do all that shit because i thought i did, but i came back and coming back burned me because i put a hole through the wall. So now when i hear you say, you're gonna take everyone with you, in my head im thinking, be careful thinking that, because you might prepare to never come back, and be burned to find out that you did hahahahahaha.

 

 

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

im now never gonna jump off a balcony

Dude, be fucking careful. You are being too cocky. We already had one guy here jump off. Don't be stupid.

It is already clear from your loss of self-control and punching holes in the wall that you are in dangerous territory and you should not be trusted.

Do not trip in a way where you cannot control your body from being destructive.

[electroBeam]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

We already had one guy here jump off. Don't be stupid.

I'm not gonna be around here much so y'all don't have to worry, im on a different path now. Your reputation aint on the line.

 

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You are being too cocky.

We'll have to agree to disagree.

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It is already clear from your loss of self-control and punching holes in the wall that you are in dangerous territory and you should not be trusted.

That was on a very big dose, and the 8 trips i did after that (yes those 2 trips happened ages ago) were no where near as dangerous.

You aren't gonna discover the truth by being safe. You have to go on the edge. Sorry, that's the way it works.

I didn't go too far, i was right on the edge, too far would of been jumping off the balcony. That trip was perfect. It maximized the risk vs reward perfectly, right before jumping off the balcony, excellent.

And those trips have of course helped me massively in my life, so by not doing it, you're missing out.

This forum here is a bit nooby, so im on a path now where i mingle with shamans who do extreme stuff, i guess it doesn't suit the newbie culture here.
So i get that i cant really speak about that stuff on here, its too esoteric for y'all. you aint open minded enough for it. And some of the stuff that i do with my yoga insitution, again, it would seem too dangerous to you and you wouldnt allow that on here.

and that's ok, because i wont be around much anyway.

What i did wasn't stupid or reckless, i was very risk aware when i did it. You can lower your dose all you want, but unfortunately you gotta be extreme sometimes to see truths. You can spend a million years doing low doses of whatever, a guy who did 10x the dose as you will know things that you will never know. If you are interested in truth you gotta do it unfortunately.

That's my stance, i get its not welcome here though, so i'll leave it as that.

[JuliusCaesar]

Leo isn't trying to pussyfoot around. He's just trying to help you to preserve your "physical existence" in this world so you can live another day to trip again.

[Mada_]

2 minutes ago, JuliusCaesar said:

Leo isn't trying to pussyfoot around. He's just trying to help you to preserve your "physical existence" in this world so you can live another day to trip again.

How are you going to trip with a broken neck?

[JuliusCaesar]

10 minutes ago, Mada_ said:

How are you going to trip with a broken neck?

Hence the warnings.

[Mada_]

12 minutes ago, JuliusCaesar said:

Hence the warnings.

My apologies, I misread your post as "Leo is trying to pussyfoot around..." haha. 

[Leo Gura]

@electroBeam You don't need to do physically dangerous doses to awaken.

[electroBeam]

12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@electroBeam You don't need to do physically dangerous doses to awaken.

Awakening is dangerous whether thats through high doses, low doses, yoga or meditation.  "overdoing it", "stupid" and "dangerous" are self defense mechanisms that are being used to stop from crossing the threshold. If one ever lets go of those mechanisms, you will cross that threshold. No matter how much preparation or wisdom you have, when you're in that state that you go beyond the threshold, its physically dangerous. Everything stopping it from being physically dangerous is wiped away, necessarily. This isn't a choice, this is a necessary feature. I wish it wasn't this way, but I've seen it is. I'm not under the influence of self deception, this is of course the way it is. The biggest awakening is being shot in the heart, how is that not physically dangerous. Its not wrong to be ok with physical danger, or at least to recognize its limitations.

What you fear from the outcome of physical danger is manifestation of devilry, its not caused by the physical danger itself. And that's why i know ill never jump off a balcony so long as I'm committed to the path of God. If you're genuine, you wont go through an adverse event. That's the bottom line, whether you do high doses or crazy things or not. If its for a genuine cause, its not going to happen.

I do not agree or adhere to this need to cling to safety. I agree and adhere to saintly/genuineness vs devilry and lies and deception, but not safe vs dangerous, that dichotomy does not get you deep in this work. "Danger" will limit you at some point. The mind thinks anything godly is dangerous.

And im fine to leave this place if that's not acceptable. But to be honest I think what you're preaching is a bit of the side of the devil. God definitely does not agree with you on this point, and told me that when I did cross that threshold.