How to overcome bad emotions when seeing people your age getting married?

[somegirl]

So girl number 3 that I know of, who is my age (early 20's) got engaged today. I thought that is too early but apparently everyone who gets into relationship gets engaged and married, one even has a kid (got it when she was 21). And each one of these relationships lasted 1 year before they got engaged.

Do you think it's wise thing to do? What's your opinion on early marriages? And how to overcome a feelings of inferiority and feelings like you're "behind them" in that aspect of life?

[Federico del pueblo]

Quote

And how to overcome a feelings of inferiority and feelings like you're "behind them" in that aspect of life?

By realizing that these feelings are a complete delusion of the ego mind, some kind of negative meaning making, based on your social conditioning ("find a good man and marry him"), all of which has nothing to do with reality. In your life you are always free to create your own meaning and don't have to go with what society thinks.

You are always good enough and your worth has nothing to do with whether you are married or not, or whether you have a cool or not so cool boyfriend. You must escape group think.

I, for example, don't want to marry at all and it doesn't bother me at all that my friends are married or have kids, because I have a different value system.

I also don't necessarily think that it's wise to marry so young, as young people are not very mature yet and if they haven't known each other for a lot of time it's kind of naive to commit to such a serious thing (divorce rate is fairly high too).

 

[gettoefl]

12 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

By realizing that these feelings are a complete delusion of the ego mind, some kind of negative meaning making, based on your social conditioning ("find a good man and marry him"), all of which has nothing to do with reality. In your life you are always free to create your own meaning and don't have to go with what society thinks.

You are always good enough and your worth has nothing to do with whether you are married or not, or whether you have a cool or not so cool boyfriend. You must escape group think.

I, for example, don't want to marry at all and it doesn't bother me at all that my friends are married or have kids, because I have a different value system.

I also don't necessarily think that it's wise to marry so young, as young people are not very mature yet and if they haven't known each other for a lot of time it's kind of naive to commit to such a serious thing (divorce rate is fairly high too).

 

this is wise words

[Leo Gura]

Rest assured that those marriages will soon turn boring, sour, and dysfunctional.

You aren't missing much. Those people aren't happy. They're mostly living an illusion.

[Preety_India]

Prejudice against marriage. 

Classic fox and the grapes. 

When you can't get the grapes, the grapes must be sour. 

As usual classic ego defense. 

 

[gettoefl]

46 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Prejudice against marriage. 

Classic fox and the grapes. 

When you can't get the grapes, the grapes must be sour. 

As usual classic ego defense. 

 

why let the state tell you how to run your life

why not perhaps sit down and write your own vows rules commitments obligations and put them into some binding agreement both sign up to

which is perhaps renewed and entered into freshly and willingly every 5 or 10 years

why be dictated to and have society give their tried and tested and failed model of togetherness

why not think outside of the box and break the chains that this antiquated institution has imposed

just some food for thought ...

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

why let the state tell you how to run your life

why not perhaps sit down and write your own vows rules commitments obligations and put them into some binding agreement both sign up to

which is perhaps renewed and entered into freshly and willingly every 5 or 10 years

why be dictated to and have society give their tried and tested and failed model of togetherness

why not think outside of the box and break the chains that this antiquated institution has imposed

just some food for thought ...

That's a joke. You think society will ever run like this 

You're probably thinking society is made of saints. 

You might wanna add more to it - remove prisons and punishment. 

[gettoefl]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

That's a joke. You think society will ever run like this 

You're probably thinking society is made of saints. 

You might wanna add more to it - remove prisons and punishment. 

society is foe not friend

choose your side thoughtfully

if you're awake you are highly capable of running your own affairs

your life is play and parties and picnics

[Etherial Cat]

Being married, engaged or having kids has nothing to do with happiness or being further in life as you are. It's just a life situation.

When you are in your early 20s there is still a lot of room self-discovery and growth, which in my opinion make it not the idea moment to get married. There is a lot of chance that you'll outgrow your relationship at some point and figure out your partner and yourself aren't that compatible.

 

[Gesundheit2]

The moments we spend thinking negatively about stuff that don't affect us are wasted moments and rather better be spent on creating our positive experiences.

Ignore what you find disturbing. Your time is invaluable, and your moments are irreplaceable.

Edited September 6, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[Tudo]

6 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

The moments we spend thinking negatively about stuff that don't affect us are wasted moments and rather better spent on creating our positive experiences.

Ignore what you find disturbing. Your time is invaluable, and your moments are irreplaceable.

Nice.

[Stovo]

Marriage doesn't equal happiness. 

I met a girl on the weekend and we spoke about marriage, she had an interesting perspective. She said that the only purpose of marriage is to sign a legal document which outlines the consequences of breaking up. 

Therefore, marriage is just the first step to divorce. 

[Emir]

do not identify yourself with the emotion and the concepts that comes with it. just watch the emotion and let it run through. you don't even have to call it "an emotion", or say "i'm feeling bad". just be with the feeling without labeling anything within you and around you.

Edited September 6, 2021 by Emir

[gettoefl]

marry in haste repent at leisure, as the saying goes

companionship partnership friendship are of course important and can be found in that one special person without the need for matrimonial shackles

marry in some shape or form after staying with them for at least a decade i say, provided you are both sure you are willing to stick with the other until their last breath

and yes i have been on both sides of this fence, marriage was certainly - unmistakably - the worst of times

but certainly - always to be missed and never a second  regretted - the best of times

Edited September 6, 2021 by gettoefl

[mamad]

4 hours ago, Stovo said:

Marriage doesn't equal happiness. 

I met a girl on the weekend and we spoke about marriage, she had an interesting perspective. She said that the only purpose of marriage is to sign a legal document which outlines the consequences of breaking up. 

Therefore, marriage is just the first step to divorce. 

such a wise girl

marry her

[Average Investor]

Most people in this age group are lacking a lot of experience. I had a few girlfriends and even a multi year relationship going into my twenties. I would be totally miserable had I got married to any of them. Not to mention I never studied or really thought heavily on it. I just went and did it with varying results. 

There is a lot of pressure from stage blue to get married and have kids. I notice even just how my relative talk to me that they would want me to do that. 

Maybe I would be open to it at some point, but I feel absolutely no rush. In fact I think the slower the better. You are way too young to know who you would want to spend your life with in your early twenties IMO.

The people that I know that have had kids or married in their early twenties and late teens have turned out into complete disasters within even a year. Something to keep in mind is that most people don't really develop themselves much though either. So if you were both stage green and up the odds would be much higher for a successful relationship. 

[Stovo]

4 hours ago, mamad said:

such a wise girl

marry her

[Nobody_Here]

11 hours ago, Stovo said:

Marriage doesn't equal happiness. 

I met a girl on the weekend and we spoke about marriage, she had an interesting perspective. She said that the only purpose of marriage is to sign a legal document which outlines the consequences of breaking up. 

Therefore, marriage is just the first step to divorce. 

That was great. It gives me an interesting perspective because my parents have been married a very long time and still going strong. I come from a family whose marriages tend to last.

That said, I have never married because I have found it difficult to find other people with that same mentality -- a partnership that lasts.

The best thing about never being married is that I have never been divorced, either.

[Nobody_Here]

12 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

There is a lot of chance that you'll outgrow your relationship at some point and figure out your partner and yourself aren't that compatible.

This has happened to me; fortunately, I wasn't married to the person. But if you do a lot of personal development, you run this risk.

11 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

The moments we spend thinking negatively about stuff that don't affect us are wasted moments and rather better be spent on creating our positive experiences.

Ignore what you find disturbing. Your time is invaluable, and your moments are irreplaceable.

I like this a lot. FOMO is a waste of time.

[Byun Sean]

Once we have survival needs, comforts, and conveniences taken care of,

 

married or not the quality of ones consciousness determines the quality of life.

 

People and external circumstances should all be designed to maximize one's growth in consciousness to live the best life possible.

 

So the question is not married or not married. The question is spiritual work or not spiritual work and what structure supports spiritual work and what 

does not.

 

A relationship can definitely support one's growth in consciousness. But it can also be used as a distraction to avoid doing the work. It's all 

situation dependent since everyone's different.