How to move my interest from girls to LP

[StarStruck]

I'm doing much better with dating but I'm still nowhere I want to be: chatting up girls is a walk in the park, getting numbers is easy too, but I have to work on my text game and my personality because most of the time they don't want to meet up. 

Anyway, so I want to park my dating endeavors and focus on IT (which is my LP) and self improvement. It is very hard though. I'm actually doing good with self improvement (reading spirituality books, going to therapy, and journaling) but with my LP I have a harder time. 

The main cause of this behavior is that what I really want is a gf. This sounds kind of pathetic and I know I should focus on my LP (which will make me more magnetic and make it easier for a girl to get interested in me)  so I can think long term and justify it to myself why I should focus on my LP but I can't get my ass moving. 

[ndm678]

Is there a reason you can't do both?

[Windappreciator]

By having such a profile picture as @ndm678 has

[ndm678]

@Windappreciator ??

[Hello from Russia]

Sounds like you need to satisfy your inner horny dog as part of your LP path

[hamedsf]

Yep, there's a contradiction here.

you need to calm down the inner wild needs in order to pursue your higher goals.

allocate 60% of time for your goals and 40% of it for getting a gf as of now. 

if you got your needs met, you could allocate 85% of time for actualizing goal.

[flowboy]

I would focus on at least getting laid a couple times, get that out of the way. And find hobbies and bring a circle of friends together.

I've seen sexless guys post on here who only do their LP without any girls in their life, and they often turn very rigid and bitter, saying that they "choose to" be without sex, and that women are a distraction, and that shit. Huge unaddressed shadow.

It's normal that you can't get your ass moving if you don't have satisfying relationships with friends and women.

Just take one look at Maslow's pyramid.

Edited September 8, 2021 by flowboy

[flowboy]

 

On 05/09/2021 at 5:26 PM, StarStruck said:

getting numbers is easy too, but I have to work on my text game and my personality because most of the time they don't want to meet up. 

This has been your sticking point for half a year now, at least.

You need feedback from real life people who know you and have met you.

No forum person can diagnose what's going on, but if you are constantly getting numbers and nothing after that, you are doing something wrong that none of us can see clearly.

Have you asked any of the girls for feedback?

If not, I'd do that.

You should be calling them up and asking them why they changed their mind, and what impression you made.

Then writing that down and compiling the data.

Also get advice from people who know you personally.

If possible, go out with someone else, and have them come with you and witness you approach girls.

You need real life feedback on your behavior and how you come across.

I'd offer to do it myself, but I live in NL.

[Terell Kirby]

On 9/5/2021 at 11:26 AM, StarStruck said:

The main cause of this behavior is that what I really want is a gf. 

You should not deny your desire for a gf. There's nothing that says you can't pursue an LP and a relationship / great sex life at the same time.,

Even if you're full scale on your LP, you will still be unfulfilled in this area.

Edited September 8, 2021 by Terell Kirby

[Etherial Cat]

On 05/09/2021 at 5:26 PM, StarStruck said:

I'm doing much better with dating but I'm still nowhere I want to be: chatting up girls is a walk in the park, getting numbers is easy too, but I have to work on my text game and my personality because most of the time they don't want to meet up. 

Anyway, so I want to park my dating endeavors and focus on IT (which is my LP) and self improvement. It is very hard though. I'm actually doing good with self improvement (reading spirituality books, going to therapy, and journaling) but with my LP I have a harder time. 

The main cause of this behavior is that what I really want is a gf. This sounds kind of pathetic and I know I should focus on my LP (which will make me more magnetic and make it easier for a girl to get interested in me)  so I can think long term and justify it to myself why I should focus on my LP but I can't get my ass moving. 

If I were you, I'd consider finding some sources of feminine energy both within myself and in the outside world. At least, until you manage to finally get a girlfriend.

I think it's quite possible that you are literally starving for it and this is what creates a lot of your suffering.  The obsession you've got with girls is actually a deep inner need for the reintegration of your own feminine side.

So adding some ressources on the Divine Feminine to your spirituality list and looking into its principles could be of great use for you. And you could make 2 shots with 1 stone because I already told you that your main problem is that you are projecting your inner relationship to women outside.

 

Edited September 8, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[Tudo]

47 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

If I were you, I'd consider finding some sources of feminine energy both within myself and in the outside world. At least, until you manage to finally get a girlfriend.

I think it's quite possible that you are literally starving for it and this is what creates a lot of your suffering.  The obsession you've got with girls is actually a deep inner need for the reintegration of your own feminine side.

So adding some ressources on the Divine Feminine to your spirituality list and looking into its principles could be of great use for you. And you could make 2 shots with 1 stone because I already told you that your main problem is that you are projecting your inner relationship to women outside.

Yeah, makes sense.  It's time to start being a good man to your inner woman first.

Edited September 8, 2021 by Tudo

[StarStruck]

On 08/09/2021 at 3:34 PM, flowboy said:

 

This has been your sticking point for half a year now, at least.

You need feedback from real life people who know you and have met you.

No forum person can diagnose what's going on, but if you are constantly getting numbers and nothing after that, you are doing something wrong that none of us can see clearly.

Have you asked any of the girls for feedback?

If not, I'd do that.

You should be calling them up and asking them why they changed their mind, and what impression you made.

Then writing that down and compiling the data.

Also get advice from people who know you personally.

If possible, go out with someone else, and have them come with you and witness you approach girls.

You need real life feedback on your behavior and how you come across.

I'd offer to do it myself, but I live in NL.

Sorry I forgot about this thread. I live in the Netherlands too. And I did ask girls what the problem is. Most girls don't tell me but the ones who I get close with and trust me do give me valuable information: the vibe is off is a big one, they say they aren't sure about my intentions (only one girl said this) and I'm kind of "offline" sometimes if that makes sense. 

Edited September 28, 2021 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

On 08/09/2021 at 6:40 PM, Etherial Cat said:

If I were you, I'd consider finding some sources of feminine energy both within myself and in the outside world. At least, until you manage to finally get a girlfriend.

I think it's quite possible that you are literally starving for it and this is what creates a lot of your suffering.  The obsession you've got with girls is actually a deep inner need for the reintegration of your own feminine side.

So adding some ressources on the Divine Feminine to your spirituality list and looking into its principles could be of great use for you. And you could make 2 shots with 1 stone because I already told you that your main problem is that you are projecting your inner relationship to women outside.

 

Integrating my anima has been a great but it is not a magic pill. 

Last girl I was dating was blowing up my phone and treating me like I was her therapist telling me all of her problems. I was accepted that because I was nice. 

Afterwards she told me she didn't feel the vibe although I met her emotional needs. I think I was also a little boring at sometimes but still. 

[Jacob Morres]

@StarStruck i think it's a balance of both but i actually think masculinity has more ROI

femininity is cruical as well. i think it's dependent more on the person too and what they need and also their personality type 

i spent a while integrating my feminity and it needs to be coupled with masculinity 

Edited September 28, 2021 by Jacob Morres

[Etherial Cat]

7 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Integrating my anima has been a great but it is not a magic pill. 

Last girl I was dating was blowing up my phone and treating me like I was her therapist telling me all of her problems. I was accepted that because I was nice. 

Afterwards she told me she didn't feel the vibe although I met her emotional needs. I think I was also a little boring at sometimes but still. 

Nobody said it would be a magic pill, though.

For sure, boundaries is always a tough thing to set up. Girls do that a lot (using people to talk about their problems).

If it isn't reasonable, just cut it off and tell her she should seek extra help because it's out of your reach.

[flowboy]

On 28/09/2021 at 10:45 AM, StarStruck said:

And I did ask girls what the problem is. Most girls don't tell me but the ones who I get close with and trust me do give me valuable information: the vibe is off is a big one, they say they aren't sure about my intentions (only one girl said this) and I'm kind of "offline" sometimes if that makes sense. 

Okay, that's good work. I know this is hard.

Now all you gotta do is a differential diagnosis.

Vibe off

Potential causes:

• Hidden agenda
  (e.g. not focusing on genuine enjoyment of the interaction, but on getting the number/getting the lay/getting the approval boost)
• Unprocessed emotional trauma coming up
  (e.g. having a boiling rage beneath the surface, because of women mistreating you in the past, this used to be me)
• Mistrust of women in general, being projected on the one you're talking to
• Faking a vibe that is not really there
  (such as fake confidence, fake masculinity, fake liking yourself, fake finding yourself interesting)
• Shiftiness and hiding parts of yourself
  (the typical indicator for this one is if you're standing there with the feeling that you're putting on a show, and you hope she won't ask about X, or find out about Y)

These are all things people pick up on. They are all taken from my collection of problems I've had personally. I'm sure there's more. Perhaps you can find out for yourself what you are feeling in those moments, and pick the explanation that makes the most sense?

From there, you can solve it by doing some type of emotional work, depending on what it is. I'm sure @Emerald can recommend something.

Offline

Potential causes:

• No genuine interest in the person you are talking to
• No genuine enjoyment of the activity that you're doing
• Rather being somewhere else
• Brain fog
• Depression
• Anxiety attacks
• Having thoughts or feelings that you are not willing to share, or don't know how to express
• Filtering your words, being busy finding something good to say
• Having an agenda and thinking about the outcome

Again, I'm sure there's more, I would recommend forming a hypothesis and going from there to a fix.

[LordFall]

Why not both? I heavily believe in integrating both your business and your dating life. Why create content around your business? Go out and join circles in your city related to your passion(IT?) and become part of that scene.

This will put you in the social hierarchy of people(and women) that are into the same things you are. And from there start creating audio and visual content based on this(podcasts, youtube, TikTok's, reels, etc) which will eventually raise your status and value in that community even more which will make you very appealing to the women in that niche. 

We live in the best time EVER for both game and business. If your idea of Game in 2021 is walking in the mall and asking random girls for their phone numbers, you're missing out on a lot. 

[StarStruck]

On 30-9-2021 at 6:33 PM, flowboy said:

Okay, that's good work. I know this is hard.

Now all you gotta do is a differential diagnosis.

Vibe off

Potential causes:

• Hidden agenda
  (e.g. not focusing on genuine enjoyment of the interaction, but on getting the number/getting the lay/getting the approval boost)
• Unprocessed emotional trauma coming up
  (e.g. having a boiling rage beneath the surface, because of women mistreating you in the past, this used to be me)
• Mistrust of women in general, being projected on the one you're talking to
• Faking a vibe that is not really there
  (such as fake confidence, fake masculinity, fake liking yourself, fake finding yourself interesting)
• Shiftiness and hiding parts of yourself
  (the typical indicator for this one is if you're standing there with the feeling that you're putting on a show, and you hope she won't ask about X, or find out about Y)

These are all things people pick up on. They are all taken from my collection of problems I've had personally. I'm sure there's more. Perhaps you can find out for yourself what you are feeling in those moments, and pick the explanation that makes the most sense?

From there, you can solve it by doing some type of emotional work, depending on what it is. I'm sure @Emerald can recommend something.

Offline

Potential causes:

• No genuine interest in the person you are talking to
• No genuine enjoyment of the activity that you're doing
• Rather being somewhere else
• Brain fog
• Depression
• Anxiety attacks
• Having thoughts or feelings that you are not willing to share, or don't know how to express
• Filtering your words, being busy finding something good to say
• Having an agenda and thinking about the outcome

Again, I'm sure there's more, I would recommend forming a hypothesis and going from there to a fix.

Those are good points and I think there is a central issue and the thing you summed up are hitting the problem from different angles.

So since couple of days I was in close communication with her (that is why I wasn't here) and I thought everything was going great. I made her laugh through text. She wanted to meet up but we couldn't because of planning. She started talking about sex (asked me if I was good in sex) and I thought everything was going great until I ignored her for half a day.

She told me I was boring (probably hissy fit for not responding quick enough) and I kind of got reactive and defensive; long story short I blew it and she blocked me.

I'm trying not to take it personal and just try to learn the lessons. She made couple of good points and the main point she had was that I'm boring. Yesterday I was out for a drink and people and especially girls don't like boring guys/closed off guys/non-authentic guys.

Not sure how to work on this. I'm doing RSD at home by Owen and that is a program focused on exactly the problems I'm having. Unfortunately there is no quick solution to this problem as far as I know.

[Nahm]

How to move my interest from girls to LP

Make a dreamboard and write her into your reality, along side everything else you like, love, want, desire to experience. Your LP will come from you and she will come to you. 

“Let there be no doubt about it… This will be my testimony”. - Peter Gabrielle 

[Bob Seeker]

Do you actually want to see any of those girls again. If you’re not even authentic about wanting to hit on them and are just doing it for personal development, it might be harder to produce an attractive vibe from them.

if u actually don’t care about getting laid from strangers and just want a gf, you should try to meet a girl who you would actually like to see again, and the vibe may be more natural and she’ll prob like you.